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Questions to ask Yourselves Whether You Have Matured in a Relationship

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Building Lasting Relationship

Relationships are likable to be slippery sometimes when someone becomes serious about it. Our foundation of satisfying and stable relationships tends to reflect our previous exposure to the bond that we had with our parents. The more loving experience we had with our parents and the more we observe a loving relationship between our parents, the more we come to a type of relationship that is workable when it is about time for us to enter into serious relationship.

Here are some questions that are helpful to ask ourselves whenever we are recalling a past experience related to our relationship.

The questions are actually a modification of the work of Dr. Grant Martin.

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1. Does the incident make you more skillful in living your life?

2. Does the experience help you be closer to other people?

3. Does it help you acquire more values that encourage and help others develop also?

4. Does it enable you to be more effective in your work?

5. Does it encourage you to love meaningfully?

6. Does is bring you to a closer relationship with God?

7. Does it permit you to value more the world around you?

8. Does it make you grow, change, and extend your abilities more?

9. Does it help you experience more joy and pleasure?

10. Does it allow you to make choices?

11. Does it allow you to control when you start and stop what you are doing?



raciniwa (author) from Talisay City, Cebu on November 11, 2011:

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thank you Denise for the kind words...i can't really say that i've grown to be mature yet i'm learning...and yes, i now can say i've levelled up...of course there are difficult times yet with the guidance of the Ultimate Being and through meditations i have been able to pull it through...

and thank you for sharing your experience here...i'm using some of my works for an extension of my class to help my students also...this would be a great help to them...

Denise Handlon from North Carolina on November 10, 2011:

I loved this hub, raciniwa, as well as the comments that followed. I too came from an unsteady foundation. Although I had what was termed 'great parents' their relationship was one with lots of fighting, disagreement, and 'control' issues. Like you, I did not choose wisely the first time-but everything is for a reason. I ended up with two beautiful daughters.

The second time I did choose better, but although my husband and I loved each other dearly we each still had issues: he was a gambler and I was co-dependent.

I really enjoyed the wise words, the video (although a bit long) and the book selection.

As for you-not only have you obviously grown from your experience but have become a wonderful teacher sharing what you have learned along the way. Bravo for you!

raciniwa (author) from Talisay City, Cebu on October 22, 2011: the saying goes: you cannot give what you don't loving yourself first reflects your love for others...yes, as time moves are you...good luck...have a great time...thanks for dropping by...

danasol on October 22, 2011:

I admit that I'm not mature enough that I failed my relationship with my husband...everything stated above are great part true,but those experiences made me stronger and it teaches me how to make things right...when I encounter the same situation again...Internalize to Realize... but as of now..I can say that I have to value myself first so that I can easily appreciate everything around..

raciniwa (author) from Talisay City, Cebu on October 17, 2011:


thanks always for being the wind beneath my're one of the people who inspire me to strive for more...


Eiddwen from Wales on October 17, 2011:

Thank you so much for sharing this one.

I agree with always exploring in that while it is difficult to break away from a disfunctional family it is most definitely possible.

I loved this one racicwa and here's to so many more to share on here.

Take care and have a great day.


raciniwa (author) from Talisay City, Cebu on October 17, 2011:

always exploring...thank you for the nice thoughts...and yes, going beyond what you see from day to day is a difficult task...let alone choosing what is right for you so as to have no regrets in the end...

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on October 16, 2011:

It's difficult for a person to break the chain from a dysfunctional family, but it can be done. Great informative Hub. Thank you..

raciniwa (author) from Talisay City, Cebu on October 16, 2011:

thank you Sire Jaypee for the wonderful comment...and for visiting the page as well...

raciniwa (author) from Talisay City, Cebu on October 16, 2011:

oh, that must be a tough decision for you...yet experience is a great teacher...they're not lessons if we don't learn from it...

jaypeeUFFCO on October 16, 2011:

wow! awesome page sis Raci! ^_^ keep writing! ^_^

Cindy Murdoch from Texas on October 15, 2011:

I did not have a good example. My parents were divorced. My mother abandoned me. My father was an alcoholic. So I wanted to make it work. Most of the proposals were from unsuitable suitors.

raciniwa (author) from Talisay City, Cebu on October 15, 2011:

oh, wow...that must have been great...when I was young, i was so idealistic about marriage and romance...yeah, i admit it has sprung from romantic novels i read...yet, it didn't prepare me from the harshness of life...i grew up having no strong foundation about marriage and relationship...thus the wrong choice of partner...he was abusive and had a quick temper that would flare up when i sought the answer myself...thank you once again for sharing insights...

Cindy Murdoch from Texas on October 15, 2011:

I listened fortunately. I had choices to make. Many marriage proposals to choose from once upon a time but I decided to choose wisely. I chose a good man that I have been married to for 31 years.

raciniwa (author) from Talisay City, Cebu on October 15, 2011:

@Noel...a good healthy relationship must have a strong need a benchmark to hold this...thanks for dropping by...

Noel on October 15, 2011:

It does reflect to everyone who have really attained maturity in relationship. Love does not strain.

raciniwa (author) from Talisay City, Cebu on October 15, 2011:

yes, because the only person who can discern between right and and what is not right is you yourself alone...just listen to our inner voice and everything will be alright...thanks for coming along homestead...

Cindy Murdoch from Texas on October 15, 2011:

I am so glad that the relationship I have with my husband is not like any I saw growing up. At a very young age I decided when I got married I was going to show people how it was supposed to be, not how I saw it happening all around me. I don't think I saw a healthy realtionship the whole time I was growing up. But fortunately I saw it for what it was.

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