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Proud to Be Married to the Girl Next Door

Kenneth Avery is a Southern humorist with well over a thousand fans. The charm and wit in his writing span a nearly a decade.


Writer's note: I chose to not use the name of my girl-next-door in this piece because of sometimes in our society, there are jerks, stalkers, and bottom fishers who love to hurt women. God help every woman in the U.S.A. (Thank you, Kenneth).

She's pretty, but not my girl next door.

She's pretty, but not my girl next door.

Back When I Was Young

I was more than willing (and able) to pursue most-any pretty girl whoever crossed my pathway. Some I got to talk with and some only ignored me. If you are a man who is reading this, then you will know how embarrassing it is for a pretty girl to ignore you. Not a nice feeling. But we preserved.

Then after so many turn-down's, put-down's, and being bashed in head, you sit back, study, and learn. You start inspecting your present situation with chasing girls. You even make a list of "pro's" and "con's" to help you determine if you are anywhere near becoming a good date for a gorgeous girl, then you realize the "con's" outweigh the "pro's." Now it's time for more inspecting your dating strategy.

There have been many lonesome nights, weekend's, and time spent of exploring the failures that I had caused and why, but I kept coming back to the original idea: pursue the girl who can be a notch better than you, and be smarter, and you ("I") will be much-happier.

I Tried-Out a Few Strategies

to find out where my girl-next-door was hiding. So I attended a few church services and Gospel singings looking for "that" perfect girl. Before you call me a jerk, I did not attend these church services and Gospel singings to "just" get a girl. God was my leader and I felt that He deserved my respect.

But then, (don't you just love it when a narrator in a romance film or stage play says those words?) I knew that God works in mysterious ways (a nod of appreciation to English poet, William Cooper), and so He did by telling my then-boss in 1975, the now-late Doyle Milligan, Hamilton, Al., who I worked for at Toll-Gate Garment Corp., to have me come in that Saturday and mow the grass along the factory's fence. Overtime!!! Yes! I needed the bucks because when you are a single guy who needs money to date girls, then I loved to be called in for more overtime.

I worked from 7 a.m., until noon when it was time for me to head home. I was tired, hungry, and just wanted to lay around at home and watch TV. Hold it! As I walked to the timeclock, I noticed two or three girls who had also reported for a half-day Saturday work, and I tell you . . .there she was! "The" girl next door just waiting for me. You think that I am kidding? God willing, this coming June, my wife and I will celebrate our 45th anniversary.

Innocent-looking is nice, but not my cup of tea.

Innocent-looking is nice, but not my cup of tea.

Just What is The Girl-Next-Door

you might be shocked at what I found out. I knew, and if you call me insane, go ahead, when I set my eyes on "My" girl-next-door, my eyes locked on her. Then, going with the OCD that I had at that time, I helped straighten her collar, she protested, what are you doing? With confidence I replied, helping fix your collar--a pretty girl should not go out in public like that. She looked stunned and I had set my feet to start running. Then she smiled and before she could get away, I asked her for her phone number, and talk about happy, she said, I will tell you my number if you can use it. Oh, I was ready to write her number. Where is it? I asked. In the phone book, said and bolted to her car going home.

Talk about hard to get. She was that. So, you guys, probably girls, have spent lots of time in pursuit with "that" special one and afterwards, you sit back and know that God is in control and said in Genesis, "it is not good that man should be alone," to that, amen.

I remember her name alright. Then I did get to my phone book and call all of the people with her last name. There were five people. I hit pay dirt on the fourth call. The elderly lady who answered her phone lived next door to my future wife and said that she loves to come and visit. By now, I was about to faint. So I humbly asked the woman if I knew (my future wife's) parents, then the phone went silent. I was in panic stage. The woman came back and said her parents name and then I went for it.

I remember calling my future wife and my hands shook like I was going to walk a tightrope across Niagara Falls. We got to know each other well enough that she trusted me and said we could go out that night and maybe see a film or eat. She said it didn't matter. She also confided in me that she had a bad date prior to me calling her and she didn't go into detail and I had to respect her.

What is My Girl Next Door?

⦁ well, then here goes the background of my wife. She knows how to listen and I don't. I jump to answer a question of we are in a group. Guess that I do not want others to think of me as a fool.

⦁ she loves me more than I can ever measure, but she knows how to talk to me and with "tough love" at that. I have learned a lot from her strictness.

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⦁ she is so pretty (Proverbs, chapter 31), that "her price is above rubies." She is that inside and out.

⦁ she has so many gifts that God gave her and these are: cooking better than Bobby Flay, everyone knows Flay because he is a master chef. My wife can take a little nothing and make a feast. I know. I've enjoyed the many feasts that she has made for over 45 years.

⦁ she also sings. She has the prettiest soprano voice that when she sings, I stop what I am doing to tell her just how good she is. In her modesty and humility, she always says, nawwwww. Thanks.

⦁ she was the ideal mom to our daughter (who is with The Lord now) and toward the end of our daughter's life, she passed along a lot of my wife's wisdom in helping raise her children. We see this each time that they come to visit.

⦁ she does not need me to buy her expensive gifts for Christmas, birthday or anniversary. We live on a fixed-income and she said once, you will be my gift year around. But guys, we know that if we were wealthy, and some of you are, wives and girlfriends love to be showered with fancy gifts.

⦁ when I played my guitar years ago, she would sit and sing with me. It's the things like this, the free, simple things that I remember.

Lastly, March 9, is her birthday and "I" just want to say, 'happy birthday,' to her even though I have chosen to not use her name in this hub." (K.A.)

This girl is beautiful, but she, or any of these girls dare compare with my girl-nxt-door.

This girl is beautiful, but she, or any of these girls dare compare with my girl-nxt-door.

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© 2021 Kenneth Avery


Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on March 13, 2021:

It sounds like you found the perfect partner in life. You are a lucky guy! Belated birthday wishes to your wife.

MG Singh emge from Singapore on March 12, 2021:

Enjoyed reading this article, liked it. Thanks

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