An activity between Consenting Adults
There are many pros and cons to sex before marriage. As individuals we all have our own cultural and social believes that we must uphold. This article is more of overall advice with no religious, cultural or social standard. Sex before marriage is a sticky subject (no pun intended) and I will do my best to help the reader sort through the mess that today's society has created.
Sex, in general, should be a very private and special moment, no matter who we are or from where we come from. Sex should also be an activity between CONSENTING ADULTS. I highlight those two words because of anything other than consenting can be considered rape, child sex abuse or anything else that can harm another person. I also state adults because of the risks both mentally and physically that are associated with sex. It should also be noted that the writer is not here to judge what type of sex those involved are having. Every human being has a right to practice sex in whichever manner they desire.
There are many cons to sex before marriage. The following are just some examples of these so-called cons.
The first one is the whole "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". This was an old passage for the young ladies that taught them that most guys wouldn't marry the girls that would give it up before marriage. This not necessarily true in society in general, however, the stigma for women is still there in society's mind. As a guy, this writer can say that many of the girls that gave it up to me on the first date were never kept for too long and many more became what we call "booty calls". I am not proud today about these actions but I was also younger and dumber when these actions occurred. Guys, shouldn't feel privileged. This passage also applies to them. Many guys have had their heart broken by their first sexual partner. No one is safe from having their heart broken once or twice in their life.
The next con, of course, diseases. STDs (Sexually Transmitted Disease) can range from AIDS to genital warts with some of them carrying a death sentence. "In the United States: According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), there are between 800,000 and 900,000 people living with HIV. Through December 2000, a total of 774,467 cases of AIDS have been reported to the CDC; of this number, 448,060 persons (representing 58% of cases) have died." (www.AIDS.org) AIDS or HIV can be contracted in many ways. Nonetheless, sexual activity is the best-known manner to get it. During sex of any kind, this disease can be transmitted through blood (from the tiny abrasions that occur during sex), semen, and vaginal secretions. This is not the only disease but it is the deadliest disease associated with sexual activity. No matter what if one is going to have sex please practice safe sex.
Did I Just Contract HIV? Symptoms of Primary HIV Infection
The last but not the least con is unwanted pregnancies. Many couples today forget that with great sex comes great responsibility (just trying to lighten the mood). "Approximately one-third of the 6.4 million pregnancies in 2001 (the most recent year for which adequate data are available) in the United States were unwanted." (http://www.thenationalcampaign.org/resources/pdf/FactSheet-Overview.pdf) That is approximately 2.13 million pregnancies in which most end up in abortions. Abortions are a very sensitive subject and even if we support it, the mental anguish and guilt associated with it can lead major mental health issues for the women that must go through the process. Most of these unwanted pregnancies are found in teenage and unwed women who were not educated or did not practice safe sex. An unwanted pregnancy can and has destroyed many families and couples. This is not a scenario that many people want to find themselves in this situation and it should be taken into account when planning to have sex prior to marriage.
Now is time to provide the beautiful pros for premarital sex. The first is my version of "you can't buy a car without test driving it first." What is meant buy this is that marriage should be viewed as a commitment that a person makes for life. It is not another form of dating. Many in olden times had to uphold a standard and so they married before having sex. It turns out that many of those folk were unhappy with their sex live and this led many to divorce or have affairs. Sexual satisfaction is just as important as financial security in a marriage. To be sure that the marriage will have a chance at longevity a person should probably participate in some safe sex prior to marriage.
There a many people that will state that according to the Bible or in Gods eyes sex before marriage is unholy or even sinful. However, "There is no prohibition found anywhere in the Bible concerning sex between two unmarried adults while there are ample passages that presuppose it and imply that it is perfectly fine with God." (T.Simmons on www.ExChristian.com)
Another pro for sex before marriage is the intimacy that it leads to before marriage. Many couples who get married before having sex have no inkling of what satisfies their partner in bed. The first experience with a new partner no matter how experienced a person is, is always the most uncomfortable. Now, let's imagine this first time is a persons honeymoon. This can lead many to feel uneasy and inadequate on what is supposed to be the most beautiful night of their lives. Why not get the jitters out of the way prior to this night and enjoy the honeymoon.
There are many other pros and cons for sex before marriage but the list is way too long to be able to write it all in this essay. The best way to make the move to this milestone in life is to stay informed and educated on the matter. No one person should ever do this on a pulse because this is where sex can lead to disaster. A person should be old enough and smart enough to decide for themselves what path they decide to take. No one should interfere or push a person to make a hasty or irrational decision. We must remember that ultimately we are the only ones responsible for our own bodies. So please be smart and if you want to have sex, be responsible and practice safe sex. Remember, the decision is always ours to make so no matter what I or others say, make your decision on the matter. After all it is your body to hold dearly.
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Iris-chan on August 14, 2014:
i'm reading this to have an insights about other peoples opinions when it comes to this kind of topic, and I believe that it's up to the person who will do it ( before or after marriage ) it's their decision, they just have to be responsible to their actions :) I thank the writer for his sharing of experiences and words.
I believe in Marriage before sex though :)
But i respects other decision, its theirs not mine.. so we just have to accept it :)
Hailey on June 17, 2013:
Whether to have sex before marriage or not is a deeply personal decision, but I think there is nothing wrong in it, if you had sex before got married.
Ellona from Chicago on January 04, 2013:
I think sex before marriage is nowadays very common and at least 90% of boys and girls like sex before marriage. I think it is a must process being young and unmarried. We must have some ideas/experiences before marriage. Everything has got two sides, either head or tell. So, sex before marriage is a personal view of any person.
Rene Fornaris (author) from Miami on November 13, 2012:
Joshua, Wow I could not have found a greater defender. I am just glad I have you on my side. I do not care what anyone's believes are nor do I discriminate against them. I love everyone. I also want to add that before there was civilization there was sex. I pretty sure "Adam and Eve" never really got married. Some say "it is a sin in the eyes of God". I say I am married in the eyes of our Lord, I just don't need a paper from anyone to tell me.
Joshua on September 12, 2012:
First of all, I'd like to thank the author or this post for presenting a neutral view on the subject. Letting the reader decide for him/herself what they will believe based on society or cultural basis.
I will note that many comments are correct about the use of the Bible in this essay being a misinterpreted or secular. However, as a Christian, I'm tired of seeing fellow "Christians" indulge in such hypocrisy and bigotry. As Christians, we are not called to be the judges of other people's life decisions. Need I remind any of you of King David? Murderer, adulterer, fornicator and yet still the "apple of God's eye".
I'm going to be honest here, I am a Christian and I have had pre-marital sex. It's only been with one girl and we're still together. We love each other so incredibly much and we've grown much closer through oir experiences with each other sexually. I don't plan on ever having sex with anyome else and neither does she, because we are planning on getting married soon. She is my first sexual partner and she will be my last. Yes, I indulged in something that most likely, in relation to my spiritual beliefs, should have been something we wauted for. However, we don't regret a thing and we're perfectly happy with the love and connection we share.
I think it really depends on the characters and personalities of the people involved. I think that pre-marital sex generally should not be encouraged due to the problems it can cause further in relationships. However, if the cpuple is mature enough and fully understand the consequrnces of their actions, then have at it. I don't regret not waiting in the least and I don't believe I ever will. She's the love of my life and we have a very strong relationship.
One should not follow the Bible legalistically. You must br convinced in your own mind of what you believe. If you are not fully convinced, then you follow the Bible in vain. You must believe in and be convicted of it, or you're simply spouting repetitious rubbish which, to non-believers, becomes irksome.
I can easily see why non-Christians find us so annoying. We easily pass judgement without first examining our own flaws. Quick to project our beliefs universally onto them as if it actually held the same meaning to them. It's irritating and counterproductive, to say the least.
nicole on June 19, 2012:
There's nothing wrong with premarital sex, as long as you're safe with it and not too young...Which brings me to Abigail & Sharni666. You two are truly YOUNG AND DUMB! Let's see what things are like for you in 5 years. Reality is going to hit you so hard, and you won't know what the hell to do.
Sharni666 on June 12, 2012:
Well Abigail i see we are on the same path here! But i havent yet had my baby, i am 15 and am 7 months pregnant with a beautiful little girl. my boyfriend and i met at a party last November, and had sex like fifty times unprotected because we wanted to bothe be parents! i Love him so much!
Abigail on June 12, 2012:
Well my view on this opinion is that it is a whole load of bullshit! what if you have found your one true love at a young age like i did. i am 16 and have a beautiful 8 month old son Called Franklin. My boyfriend Shane is a great father and loves his son dearly. We are in love and have sex nearly every night and have been since i was 14 (when we starte dating), and it has made our relationship a lot more stronger and being a young mum is sooo much fun!
Iintertrans from New Delhi on June 12, 2012:
you are cool, brave and hot.Keep going
Neutral+confused on June 10, 2012:
I am a late teen, entering adult hood and have recently had questions of this myself. No I have not found the right person, nor intend to have sex right now, and I am trying to be a good christian and only have sex with the right man as it is done later in life or marriage. But at the same time I feel pressured about it, I mean I know its a sin but what if you find yourself questioning the bible? What if you feel as though your so confined by religion and other morals that are bound and "lodged down your throats" that you feel you will fall into sin simply because your sexual needs and intimacies are just not being met? How else can you limit or better restraint sexual desires without sinning in a way that conforms both your inner needs and desires and does not break or bend the ideas, morals, and ethics that religion places on you? Please respond and I truly take comments and opinions into account so I won't critisize, but I don't like angry judgments of others or accusations so please don't try to do so. If you quote the bible do so with research and take it well into context, and do not simply preach without reason.
Suzie on May 31, 2012:
'My people perish because of lack of knowledge' - its clear here why God said this.
Lady r on May 28, 2012:
Hey hey ! Do what ur mine tol u 2 do. But remember God in heaven seen u. So avoit what is sin agains God.
Nathaniel on May 24, 2012:
Good Enough, its well presented. More grease to your elbow.
Tiff on May 16, 2012:
Sick of all these ignorant Christian comments.
"OMG In the Bible (there is no proof the bible is correct), God says that it's wrong! So that means it is! Like, ignore all logic and reasoning - if God says so, it is."
truth on May 13, 2012:
I will pray for you all who are blinded by sin. God still loves you just ask Jesus into your heart and he will forgive you. God Bless you all
Rational on May 02, 2012:
wow, a lot of godbots commenting here. you sure did piss them off pretty well. the author's pretty much correct if you morons had any knowledge on christian history
ejpcool95 on April 30, 2012:
Alexx on April 27, 2012:
I'm doing my research paper on Pre-marital sex and I thought it was pretty legit that we used the exact same cons. I'm still a virgin and a strong believer in God but in my opinion, I think sex is just a beautiful thing. It should be shared with the person you KNOW for a fact you will spend the rest of your life with. But that's just me. I've struggled with the urge to have sex but then again what 17 year old hasn't? For me, I'm just scared. I think if two people are absolutely ready (and the guy isn't forcing the girl into it) then go for it. who's to judge what two people do with their lives?
Noble on April 27, 2012:
Am realiy upliftd wit ur massage Hub,i pray dat i wil continued to stick to my decison "on no sex before marriage". Thank u Hub.
Sam on April 21, 2012:
What's your intention ?guiding or misleading.GOD has not allowed pre-marital sex i wonder which bible is that you've got the qoute from.
Ken Browne on April 09, 2012:
This is a balanced and neutral essay. I have enjoyed every bit of it because of its neutrality. The pros are good to consider since the ascendancy of divorce is due to the pros discussed.
jennifer on April 01, 2012:
how can i have sex with someone outside please tell me
blade on March 28, 2012:
Monique, awesome story. I am a guy and I believe in waiting too, and I can't wait to have what you have someday soon. In taking a premarital class we had to read a book called the 5 Love Languages. It teaches you about communicating with your other. Despite being "inexperienced", I have no doubt I can grow into a man who will please his wife. And I have no doubt that my future wife will please me.
krishna on March 21, 2012:
My dear friend,
It seems that you thnk human life is meant for enjoying sex life only,but it is contradictory how much sex can you have just 2 or 3 times a day
Caleb on March 01, 2012:
I also want you to know that if you are going to ask me how the bible is proven then I would like to refer you to a book called "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel.
I saw it on amazon for $.01 and $3.99 shipping, so only $4. :) Good luck to all those searching.
Caleb on March 01, 2012:
Matthew 5:28 "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
I saw that Landa wanted quotes from the bible saying that out of marriage sex was wrong. This is one that I found. This says if you even look at a woman in lust you're sinning; you're committing adultery. If you look at the definition of lust it says "very strong sexual desire" according to Google's definition. This means that if you even want to have sex with someone, and you're not married, it's adultery.
I went and read the T. Simmons article you mentioned. It was a very interesting read and it confused me because he seemed right. But I got to the end and he didn't have much to say about lust. Lusting after someone is adultery. It almost makes it seem like God already knows who we're going to marry and that having sex before that is actually just like cheating on your future husband/wife.
If you believe the bible (which I don't know why you wouldn't, it's provable) then this is something you should listen to or at least look into.
I wish I could have sex but God does not leave loopholes to his commandments. Plus that would be very selfish of me to hurt my future wife that way. I can't wait to meet her, we have a lot of catching up to do..
chick 187 on November 08, 2011:
Thank you Monique. :)
Monique on October 25, 2011:
I find these comments interesting. I'm saddened to hear about Jennifer's story. That her parents got divorced because they waited and they were unhappy. That's heartbreaking. However, I would bet that the problem was far more than the fact that they waited. I'm sure it was more complicated than that. My heart goes out to that family for all of their hardship.
On another note though, my husband and I were both virgins when we married and when I read the second half of this article I personally couldn't disagree more with RLANDA from my personal experience. I understand everyone's story is different. But for us, waiting was one of the best decisions we ever made. Our wedding night and honey moon were NOT awkward or uncomfortable in the least. They were INCREDIBLE and beautiful! Our marriage is stronger because we waited. Saving sex for marriage really built a foundation of trust and safety and respect for us. It also eliminated a lot of insecurity for me personally. I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about him comparing me to someone else and he doesn't have to worry about me comparing him to someone else. We don't have to worry about sharing diseases, and we don't have to worry about any emotional ties that link us to the past. (All of which brings more satisfaction in the bedroom). We find great joy in saying, "Baby, you're my one and only." We saw our bodies as the ultimate wedding gift to each other.
You mentioned that couples who wait have no incling on how to satisfy each other. To that, I say, that's what communication is for. Sex is natural, it's not rocket science. If you're in tune with each other and talk about it, it is very satisfying. Part of the beauty and fun of it all is to learn an explore each others preferences. Our sex life has been awesome since the day we said "I do." I can't emphasis enough how much we satisfy each other!!
I'm so thankful that my husband didn't view me as a car (an object), but as the woman that I am, one who was worth the wait. ;)
I have many, many friends who spent a lot of time enjoying premarital sex. If you would have asked them at the time they would have said they were ALL for it! But later in life, they seriously regretted it. Even RLANA stated that he is not proud today of his past actions. Also, many of them have experienced heartache and unsatisfaction in their marital sex lives because of their past experiences (many of which brought emotional and physical baggage into their marriage bed). I've had people tell me in tears that it ruined their marriage. Again, I know everyone's story is different. I'm just sharing a different side. (also, all this is not to say that someone who has had premarital sex is doomed to an unsatisfying marriage. I really believe in redemption and second chances too!)
All this to say, I have no regrets on waiting and neither does my husband. I figured some might be interested in this side of the story... someone sharing from experience.
Jennifer on October 06, 2011:
To people being overly critical of the pros, my parents waited for marriage and were unhappy with their personal lives because of it. They felt they were trapped and didn't know enough about the other person even though they dated for SO LONG. They got divorced and I don't know if any of us will ever recover. Just keep stuff like that in mind, it does happen.
theo on September 04, 2011:
i like this... this is healthy stuff. the bottom line is, god loves us. he will forgive us of all our sins (fornication or adultery for that matter) IF we are willing to repent for it. thumbs up for all of you guys. to the writer and the readers aswell coz the comments were as interesting as the hub it self. peace y'all ahaha
Rene Fornaris (author) from Miami on August 09, 2011:
I have had time to relax. I would like to state that I have no problem with people having their opinion and I stick by mine. I just want to thank all that wrote to the post (pro and con). What has bothered me is that everyone has quoted the Bible. I am not going to offend here but tell the truth. You can research this if you like. The Bible was edited (or written in the form that he wanted) by King James. I think that all the intelligent people will agree. Hence the name KING JAMES BIBLE. Well, did you know that King James was pedophile? That he would take little boys and do with them as he wished? Research it, I'm not lying. Now, the other issue is that I would like one quote form the bible that states that pre-marital sex is a sin. I am not talking about insinuated, I am talking about it being written in black and white. The Bible is always open to interpretation, just like any other great book. I am a firm believer in God and Jesus, but people we must think for ourselves. If one person here today was there with Jesus and can prove half the crap that I hear he is opposed to I would love to meet them. Jesus was a man that believed that no one person is ever right. I agree. What I wrote was my opinion and I am not forcing anyone else to read this material. Also, I listed many cons but the righteous never went that far. As for JOEBLOW, I could care less. I have noticed that those that point fingers always have three pointing back at them. Just so you all know I am a guy not a women so please stop being ignorant and claiming me as a she. Finally I would like to add that this was written by a man that was sexually molested by his Uncle's wife who acted righteous in front of everyone else. She died of AIDS years later because she became a crackhead. Thsi will be my last comment on this article but I would love to hear from everyone still. One Love.
Rene Fornaris (author) from Miami on May 26, 2011:
Oh no the world is ending as for the new Christian movement. I will rot in hell. Oh my. First of all to be honest to all you judging Christians that I did not try to offend, let me state that CHRIST was all against judging others. MORONS.
MAbZ on March 19, 2011:
the article presented a balanced pros and cons of having premarital sex.. It allowed the audience to decide for themselves whether or not he she is prepared for it.. I am one of those who haven't really tried one.. Honestly this is some sort of an EYE OPENER for me.. IT ALLOWED PEOPLE TO GIVE THEIR VIEWS ABOUT SEX AND THE READERS WILL HAVE A BETTER GRASP ON THE SUBJECT MATTER .it helped me decipher were I am AT IN TERMS OF HAVING OR NOT HAVING SEX before marriage..
HOWEVER I'd LIKE TO AGREE with JOEBLOW..
the bible never encourages anyone to have sex before marriage.. just a little polishing will make it perfect.. but don't worry about it.. the supposed error encourages more discussion so it could have been written incorrectly for a good reason..
but anyhow it is still an educational material.. thanks and keep it coming.. : )
ROBERT on February 06, 2011:
ITS REALLY NICE TO HAVE AN ARGUMENT REGARDING RELATIONSHIP.
THE HUB IS VERY RELIABLE TO THE PRESENT STAGE OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL.
Sweetgurl14 on January 26, 2011:
I totally agree with "jowblow"
the bible says no to sex before marriage and we all should live by that, there should be no other 'religions', god is the only one.
And that's that.
If you don't like it.. Then have fun in he'll land ;)
Some Girl on January 24, 2011:
I agree with this article whole-heartedly! I actually JUST lost my virginity 3 days ago. I am Catholic and I praise God everyday and every night! So, having said this, of course I battled it out with my conscience about giving myself to someone who has my heart yet has been with 3 other gals. To most people, this would bother them to the point of maybe breaking up with a person because they can't handle that fact. Well, for some reason, it has never ever bothered me. I have prayed and prayed to God about whether I should give myself to my boyfriend of 1 year. I see this situation as "meant to be." Sure, ya, it's pretty cliche, but I truly believe it.
I was SO afraid that I would be emotionally scarred and such, but I feel so incredibly happy! I have decided that I will NOT regret my decision ever in my life, regardless of the situation. I also understand that I cannot tell the future. Even if I do not end up being with this person for the rest of my life, I am content with my decision as a Catholic freshman in college.
Most people may judge me, call me "immature", and claim that I'll regret it later, but I refuse to let it get to me. As odd as this may sound, I feel like God is okay with my decision. I am as happy as could be and my mood has been beyond elated ever since that night.
Anyways, this was an amazing hub and I probably couldn't have said it any better myself. Bravo! :)
yankeeintexas from Lubbock, Texas on December 28, 2010:
The only problem that I see with sex before marriage, and the Bible, is that in the culture that the Bible reflects most marriages were prearranged (no dating)! Then the bride, and groom, usually did not meet till the wedding day. So, the question is how do we handle sex before marriage in our culture today?
anonymous on December 17, 2010:
I'm not a car; a commodity to be bought and sold, worn down and thrown out.
aman on November 16, 2010:
anonymous on November 14, 2010:
after reading this, i decide to do it with my gf cuz she was asking for it for a month. now i beleive it was totally worth it! BTW use condoms! and hove fun with life!
Jordannn on October 28, 2010:
You completely destroyed your ethos with the comment to JoeBlow
Anonymous 1 on October 25, 2010:
For what it's worth, I think the negative effects of premarital sex were not given enough speculation.
While JoeBlow is correct in his citation of the bible, it was presented in a rude and spiteful way. It was not a post in love.
Lakisha on September 15, 2010:
And its also funny how when a Christian wants to defend their beliefs then they get attacked. But when every other religion promotes their faith noone has a problem with it. Its also odd because Rlanda even subconsciously acknowledged that there is truth to the Bible. That why she chose to quote it to try to back up her faulty premise. Why didnt she quote the Koran or any other religious book?? The subject of Christianity wasnt brought up on this blog until she started quoting the Bible which is deemed as a Christian Book. Dont start messing around with the Bible and not expect for Christians to correct you on it. Next time Quote the Koran to back you up. See how much slander a Muslim would get for correcting you. probably none. Because innately you all know that there is truth in the Bible- whether you want to believe that you believe that or not. And its really not Christians in themselves that you are rejecting. We catch no offense in what you say to us. Your not rejecting or fighting aainst us. You are rejecting God and His Word. So go ahead and cuss me out after this and get mad and talk to me about how much Christians think they know it all and that our way is the only right way. Thats not what we say thats what the Bible says. And yes we do believe it is infallible inerrant and Gods Word is for us even today. Didnt mean to preach but dont mess with Gods Word (The Christian Religious Book as you deem it) to back up your sin and expect no one to challenge you about it. Get mad. Who cares. Take that up with God. Not us.
Lakisha on September 15, 2010:
Rlanda. WHy did you get mad at Joblow? All he did was tell you what the Bible said. If you are going to try to use God's Word to back up your opinion then quote it right. The Bible does not agree with sex before marriage. The fact that you got all upset about lets us know that in your conscience you already know its wrong. Dont try to pick and choose the verses you like to make what you believe sound acceptable. If you want to quote the Bible, do your research right. And stop getting so angry. Sounds like you can't take correction too well.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on August 14, 2010:
I wouldn't even buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first! LOL! When it comes to religion I've learned that "Christians" tend to pick their own sins. I've known some who have sex before marriage, pro-life (citing Thy shall not kill) but then they are pro- death penalty. Those who are quick to cite Aids and various other STDs as reasons for not having premarital sex (in my opinion if these diseases did not exist they would still be against it!) I'd to know how many of them would actually switch to being Pro premaital sex if there were no diseases. Not many I would imagine.
Everyone is entitled to making their own life style choices. None is better than the other.
Fortunately with over 6 Billion people on the planet there is someone for everyone. Like attracts like!
Emmy Moloto on July 12, 2010:
mine oh my, the comments are even more interesting, big ups to the writer, good hub!
Ali on July 10, 2010:
Mel mel, you are a typical, ignorant Christian. Thank you for that wonderful and insightful comment.
NATHAN on July 02, 2010:
I think this was an educative material. SEX before marriage should be discouraged at all costs. It is not good at all dear dear friends.
harveyshawn on June 29, 2010:
Not to far "right" not to far "left" right in the "middle"... Bravo!
mel mel on May 17, 2010:
My, my how do we get offended when biblical truths are pointed out. Mr Landa, your assertions are off base and secular to say the least. You are not to be expected to know the mysteries of God unless you serve him whole-heartedly. Sex within the confines of marraige is the only way that God approves of. He designed it to be pleasurable, but He made it so that it would be shared by a husband and wife only. If this angers you, so be it...but You, sir will have to give an account to Him one day yourself
sandieganliz on May 04, 2010:
Great hub, but idealistic to me...unless you can get this out to the teenagers first!
Funny, it's similiar to what I just wrote:
snow_white88 on March 11, 2010:
Jessica on February 26, 2010:
I made a promise to myself a long time ago that i will waite untill marraige to have sex. The people that don't always say stuff like you have to "test drive your vehicle". Well if you really want to there r other ways of exploring there body and seeing whether you are sexually compatible. You don't need to have intercourse to know if you are or not...Helll you can even talk about what you would like to do to each other when the time finally comes. If the guy really respects you and loves you he WILL waite. My guy is not a virgin and i am, so i know it's hard for him, but he is waiting. He's only done one position (missionary) so we would still be able to explore those other positions together ;). Virgin=someone who has had intercourse. I think it is extremly hard to waite when i believe like 98% of the world chooses not to...I really think there just choosing the easier way. It's easy to go with the crowd and have sex, sticking with your promise to yourself and god to waite, being a clear minority, people always saying your crazy or questioning you, now that's hard, but i really truly believe it is worth it in the end. You know without a doubt in your mind that you are ready and truly love and want to spend the rest of your life with that person, NO REGRETS! No possible comparisons of past ex's. I'm not saying that to be a virgin you have to not do anything , you can have fun still as long as you don't have any intercourse, save that for later. Plus it leaves you with something new to do once you are married, leaves less of a chance to be bored of the same sexual routine.
Ben on January 08, 2010:
To those who say there are no benefits of premarital sex. I think it is completely up to the individual to decide. Personally, I think there are benefits. I think sex brings you closer to the person you are with, lowers barriers, makes you more comfortable with your partner. And I think it also makes you more comfortable with yourself. Well, that's the case for me anyway.
sexvex on December 12, 2009:
Talking about sex before marriage, it has no benefits at all. Further, if someone wants to enjoy his/hers marriage life, it is better not to experience it before marriage.
Sa Toya from England on December 05, 2009:
Wow I enjoyed this hub-I'm a virgin and I've been struggling with this issue myself- it makes me just no want to get close to anyone just in case I do and then my conscience wrecks the hell out of me. However my opinions changed as matured and went to university and lived away from home for almost 4 years.
I believe in God and am very understanding of other religions when it comes to sex I believe that decision is based on the individual but that person should be truly ready and not doing it just because.
That's my opinion anyway- when I lose mine I want to have no regrets about it and have no plans waiting till I get
Btw concerning your last comment I think that was really big of you truly putting yourself out there like that- life experiences warrant valid opinions I think and your hub was a good read. I hope I can churn out a good hub myself sometime.
Rene Fornaris (author) from Miami on December 04, 2009:
Thank you all once again. I am truly blessed with all the fan mail I have received from all of you. I never thought this would bring in so many comments but they are all appreciated. Many believe that I have no idea what I am writing but I am a 39 year old male with many harsh life experiences. One was that I was molested by an aunt at the age of 10 only to find out she had AIDS. Fortunately, for me I did not get the disease. We all have our opinions and experiences. I later in life became a male telegram stripper and had many experiences with all different types of women. This only led to believe what I wrote in my column. Many of these women were about to get married but still wanted to have their fun, so I would ask them what the rush was and they would answer one of the following: Parents, Age, Peers, or Religious beliefs. Wow, but adultery is not an issue.
Shane Almgren from Nashville on December 04, 2009:
Great hub, but I felt like you didn't give the Pros their fair shake. You listed 3 Cons but only 1 Pro. (I'd be happy to supply you with a few dozen Pros if you need them for a follow up article ;-) ) I think sex is something each individual needs to make their own mind up about, rather than consulting a Bronze age book written by some nomadic, tent-dwelling goat-herders. They couldn't get the slavery thing right, so what makes us suppose they nailed the sex issue? (no pun intended)
mroricle1973 from Virginia Beach on October 02, 2009:
Excellent hub. I have had sex before my marriage and I don't regret it. The Bible does actually say that if a man and a woman engages in sex before they are married then the man is suppose to marry her. It also says that if one burns with lust and is not able to keep sel control he or she should marry and not sin. I am not saying that to be theholy one at all. I for one would be the biggest hypocrite to say such things.... I don't judge people t all. Everyone should have their own convictions.
With all that said, I would like to say once more.. this is a great hub
Rene Fornaris (author) from Miami on August 24, 2009:
Thank you all who truly read the hub. I am always up for someone opinion. I will soon start writing again.
Zombie Chick from Dead Land, California on August 23, 2009:
Excellent hub. Its great you showed many perspectives on the topic : the pros and cons. Good job =]
jelousofthe1 on August 03, 2009:
...like this one...up for this
Rene Fornaris (author) from Miami on August 03, 2009:
Listen D--bass if we wanted to listen to a preacher we would go to a church. As for your Bible here is a clue idiot it was written by a man that didn't get any. By the way "guy who also gets none" I am a guy who has gotten and still gets plenty outside of marriage and to give you a heart attack I have a beautiful baby boy out of wedlock. Oh my, maybe I won't get into heaven which by the way is described in many ways by many different religions. That is the problem with organized religions or should I say legal cults. They try to push their believes down other peoples throats. Well if you do not like to read these things stay off the internet moron because it is full of it. Maybe you, Palin and the Bushes should go and start a war against someone who does not have your believes. Just do me and the Darwin theory a favor do not have sex and please by all means do not reproduce any off springs. Society would be one percent better without any more idiots like you around to infect the gene pool. Welcome to America where we have the right to believe what we want. As for credibility here is one I have had enough sex to know what I write and if you can see and read there are other experts talking on this column, also. I do not mean to offend any other religious people just the ones who think that there opinion is the best because a book says so. I believe in God and many other spiritual things but I will not accept some dork telling what to write and for who. It has always made me extremely angry when an assh--e gives his unwarranted opinion.JoeBlow here is another clue the Inquisition is through it ended many years ago like I wish your kind would have ended too.
JoeBlow on July 27, 2009:
Wow I guess they give anybody a column to write nowadays. What credibility does this chick have to know what's moral or immoral? Do a little bit of research if you're going to take the Bible out of context to benefit your own jaded views on sex.
Hebrews 13:4, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." It doesn't get much cleaer than that.
Marriage is the only place in the Bible where sexual intercourse is approved. There is no difference before, during or after marriage, sex outside of one's own marriage is condemned in the Bible. Such an act is either fornication (two unmarried adults) or adultery (a cheating married adult. And by the way there are no pros to sex before marriage. Anyone that had sex before marriage and is now married can tell you that first hand...as long as the person telling you isn't self delusional and can speak the truth. Cause the truth hurts - translation = have sex before marriage- have no sex in marriage.
kasanova on July 12, 2009:
RLANDA on March 30, 2009:
Thank you Muzamil
muzamil on March 18, 2009:
Rene Fornaris (author) from Miami on March 16, 2009:
Thank you Single Mama and Octanmens. I appreciate your comments.
Single Mama on March 14, 2009:
octanmens on March 14, 2009:
babarushe on January 17, 2009:
I think you looked at the pros more than the cons. The damaging effects of the cons are much more than the benefits of the pros especially in the part of the world I live.
I lost my sister in January 2008 in her bid to be test driven before marriage. What other loss could be heavier than that?. I don't subscribe to sex before marriage.
That's my opinion.
muna on December 24, 2008:
hallo i will ce oppan sex
noor tony on December 20, 2008:
wonderful hub ,go ahead
Amber90 on December 17, 2008:
You walked a fine line, but presented both sides very well. i enjoyed reading this simple and to the point on a not so simple subject.
Tony McGregor from South Africa on December 17, 2008:
Excellent, balanced Hub on as you say a "sticky subject"!
Adam B on December 16, 2008:
I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it first!