I attend the University of The Living. All my education comes from first-hand experience's life throws my way.
1. Are you married, in a committed relationship, interested in someone, or religiously forbidden to have premarital sex?
Today's society does not see marriage the way it seemed to be a hundred years ago. But it is the same. It is a sacred commitment between two people. The act itself will never change. How each person treats it, is what the problem is. And this should be a question you ask yourself before heading out to play in the woods. If you love the person you are with, you need to focus on that love life. Not going crazy over a few hours of pleasure that could have you losing it all. The same applies to the rest of the question, including being in a committed relationship with God. Such as a priest, nun, monk, etc.
2. Do you have an STD such as HIV, AIDS, Herpes, Warts, etc.?
Spreading this around is unacceptable. These STD's already have a steadily increasing number in the world of sexual enjoyment. And if this is something you have, or think you might, then the partner involved you are thinking about DESERVES the right to be told. If they change their mind, that is that right, as well. With that said, you need to take care of you. What if you have one of these issues, and it flares up afterward?
3. Will you use protection?
Some do not care. They think since they are clean, all with be okay. What if you are having a random fling from someone you just met tonight, neither of you know each other, and you have to think that if they are so readily available for a good time, do you honestly think this is their first time? And are they thinking the same as you? For all safety measures, protection is best and even then, it's not foolproof.
4. What if the condom breaks?
Name brand and how it's never happened to you before does not matter. It can still happen. What then?
5. How well do you know this person?
This goes back to #3. A random person can bring you anything in the heat of the moment. Even a friend of twenty years can be carrying something Ajax is not able to wash off. Knowing someone does not seem to matter. In today's day and age, everyone needs to apply for a weekly physical. With a medical form as proof.
6. What type of reputation does this person have?
This plays a part in your life. Being with someone for a moment, can greatly impact your life. Not even all men are patted on the back for taking on the local junky who does this as a lifestyle to support habits. And you girls, you know how it is harder on us. Everyone's reputation is indeed a great concern to question.
7. Is this worth $100? (The cost of a hotel room)
That is if you do not go cheesy and use the backseat and maybe you can find a room for $55 but even then, is this two-hour adventure worth wasting your hard-earned money? Do you not have something else to buy for your car or home? Perhaps food?
8. How will I feel after?
If you are easily connected to people, you really need to stop here and do serious soul searching. To walk in, go at it, and leave with a guilty conscience, is a huge undertaking. What if you see it in their eyes that they are feeling bad?
9. How will they feel after?
As people, we are unique characters. We all proclaim we can do this and that. Walk away without looking back. The matter at hand is that most women feel scorned or used if the person they are with does not show interest in them anymore.
I know a once young man who had a one time fling with a young lady who proclaimed that is all she wanted. Turned out, she lied. She became obsessed and destroyed his truck to the metal with a set of keys.
10. What if they want more than you can give them, afterward?
This goes back to #9. Not even sure if this question should be here. Almost like a repeat. Due to the circumstances of what if, it is probably best I leave it be. This is about thinking it over before jumping. Twice, if need be. So, it stays.
11. What do you do if it's starting but you find myself suddenly not interested?
Having no clue about a one night stand, this would end up being my luck if I attempted one. How would we all handle this? Personally, I would be stuck between a rock and a hard spot (no pun intended) but would stop it. No one should ever have to share their body if at any point their mood changes. Question is, this one-nighter, will they be as accepting? Lots of worms can fall out of this can.
12. Is this with a friend and if so, is it worth the chance?
The all too commonly heard do not mess it up friendship talk. Look, no friendship is worth losing. Good friends are rare. Why would you throw that away for? Some of us learn the hard way when making a bad decision but this one, having never touched it, can see how it could be even worse.
13. Do you work, go to church, or to school with this person?
Awkward!!!! Especially if you apply rather or not the person is married to someone you work with. Maybe your parents know their parents, and everyone joins for a Sunday dinner at the local restaurant for small chat. Wow! Now to worry if others can see what both of your faces are saying.
14. Is this person know to have an active sex life around town?
I admit. This is a wee bit redundant with this question. It can not be argued on how this question fits three others. Due to sexually transmitted diseases, it should be asked at least fourteen more times. It should be the top of the line question you ask yourself. For real. Is your body worth hurting?
15. Are they good friends with my siblings?
There is something about sleeping with your sibling's best friend. Not only do most relationships in this area end, but it also kills the mutual friendship your brother/sister has with your one-night lover. While you may not have a broken heart about it once done, your sibling could end up not trusting you. The damage i can feel this could cause is significant.
16. Are they married?
This question is not for you only. Being as big of a question when asking if you are married, this one also goes with the risk of being caught and losing everything. Not only for you, but also them. Along with an outraged spouse from their end, chasing you down the road on foot to kick your butt.
17. Do you acknowledge them if you see them in public?
At this point, things are feeling a bit repetitive. Yet at each question, a new scenario is created. Like, for instance, what if this was not discussed and you both attend the same college together? Do you walk past each other as strangers, yet still catching a glimpse? Or maybe you turn and go the opposite direction? If this was not discussed, and they are headed to you with a huge smile, as you are holding hands with your partner, do not even attempt to run. You are busted! Might want to get to addressing this before that happens.
18. How will you feel about yourself later in life?
At the moment, you may not have any regrets. What though, if in ten years, you look back at the "mistakes" you made and place this one in that category? Maybe by now, you have heard how the person is in jail for killing their lover over jealousy, or they are now on crack due to being alone. Yes, this is a bit extreme as examples but this is an extreme decision. You must ask yourself how will you feel.
19. If asked had you ever had a one-time affair, do you tell the truth or lie?
Not talking about with a group of your same-sex friends. I am talking the partner you want to spend the rest of your life with. Do you actually come out, tell the truth, and hope it just goes away? It sounds to me like a #18 issue at this point. But if you know if you tell the truth, it will be used over your head, you have even bigger issues at bay.
20. What if you want to see them again, but they do not want to?
Truly you did not think you escaped the jaws of real emotions, now did you?
It seems no matter how strong we think we are when it comes to the intimate side of life, a crush, or infatuation, no one is exempt from feelings. And if you think it could happen, you know, falling for them ... rethink what you are about to put yourself through.
If someone asked had you ever had a one night stand, would you be honest?
Julie (author) from United States of America on October 19, 2019:
DashingScorpio ... Your opinions are very appreciated. :)
Being a woman who has never entertained the thought of a one night stand, except while writing this blog, these are the questions I would ask that would keep me from finding justification to move forward. As it may not be in my single-minded desire to engage in a one-nighter, it carried me through a mental journey of understanding on why others may.
AIDS became a News word when I was in upper high school. While that may have not been birthed during your time of adventures, other cooties were floating. And this is why I am a party pooper with no entertaining stories of days gone by. This is why the partner of my possible one night stand would leave before anything began. I would need the last 4 of his social, a DVR print out, and a middle name as to conduct a truthfinder. Can you say spinster with cats? LOL
TY for chiming in. I appreciate your thoughts. :)
dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 19, 2019:
Vey interesting topic!
There are a variety of different types of "one-night- stands".
Speaking as a former veteran of one night stands all of the one's I had were with (strangers) I met in nightclubs during my single days.
Generally speaking these were people I never ever saw again.
There was no HIV back in those days and the sexual liberation movement had really taken off with the disco and nightclub scene.
I would suspect even today most one night stands are with strangers and not people one works with, has a friendship with, or is likely to see. It's just two strangers who decided to hookup for one night. That's a one stand in the truest sense.
A lot of one night stands take place while people are traveling on vacation or for business. Not all one stands are "intentional" either. Sometimes people exchange contact information and one of them decides to "ghost" or (avoid connecting) with the other.
It only takes (one person) to decide if it's a one night stand.
You can't make someone establish an ongoing relationship afterwards.
This is especially true if the sex was not "great". Not many people are in a hurry to get "seconds" from someone who was just so-so in bed.
Most one night stands also take place between single or (free) people who can take someone home or go to the other person's place without having to invest money in a hotel or climb in the backseat of a car.
As for those who are married or in a "committed relationship" cheating is and always will be a "selfish act". Cheaters are not programed to think about potential consequences. They usually act on spontaneous impulse when opportunities present themselves.
When a person makes up their mind they WANT to do something instead of "asking questions" to give pause they usually look for ways to JUSTIFY why they are "entitled" to move forward with their desires.
Last but not least most cheaters don't expect to get caught!
One man's opinion! :)