A freelance book reviewer who likes to highlight the relationship issues via article writing from the inspired books.
Have you heard about the term matchmaking and the concept of soul mate? Yes, of course you have! The terms seem interlinked with the bond of marriage. It is often said “Marriages are settled in heaven but are celebrated on earth.” Again a very strong belief people inclined to believe in, including me. Recently, I have read and watched stuff about this whole matchmaking, soul mate and marriage. What I have observed is that it does not seem that simple now a days. Why? Because we have been modernized and so is the concept of marriage & relationships.
Relationships & The Concept of "Soulmate"
Let us take a look at the olden times, the people tend to meet up, either by chance or via parents and used to get engaged and then happily married for the rest of their lives. It sounds so simple right! But here today people can not get married or even married to the wrong partner. So, how and what can be the cause to that? The answer is simple we are all seeking the soulmates first and the person later. This idea of soulmate has led to many wrong directions due to the lack of the basic ingredient of involving the family at the right time or looking at the chosen partner with the realistic eye. Confused? Let me tell you a scenario;
"Miss A met a guy named D by chance. They chatted and spent some time at a restaurant. They listened and shared about their previous relationships or even some bad acquaintances."
Boom! The next thing they thought about was settling down with that very person. At least, females do think about tying the knot with that person even after the very first successful date. When enquired the reason behind this decision. It happens to be the straight forward;
"Chatting with that guy gives me butterflies and because he seems funny and pleasant etc, etc."
What is missing here? The actual digging up the past of that Mr Charming. Or to get to know him more.
Miss A's False Perceptions about Mr Charming
She thinks him to be full of life and even if the guy has revealed a problematic past relationship still the woman seems interested to take that big leap forward. Now, the real twist occurs after several meet ups or even after 2 months, when she brings in the topic of tying up the knot or signing in the marriage bond. The Mr. Charming starts coming up with excuses like;
"Having pressure of his work, need to spend some time looking after his family or even looking for a better deeper understanding and bla bla bla."
He is looking for the exit sign. He is running away from the possibility of building a long and lasting relationship. Unfortunately the lady still considers him as a mature guy who seems concerned to build up his career falls prey to this commonly misled excuse by such men.
The Reality Bites in Such Relationships
In reality, the real men never ever come up with such excuses when it comes up to dating with someone they liked. All he cares about at that moment is not to complicate this sacred bond of marriage upon such materialistic stuff. It is a matter of common observation in my opinion that as soon as any guy gives excuses to carry on the relationship needs to be exited from your life. Such kind of men never settle actually because they even themselves do not know what they are looking for in the partner. Moreover, they have no idea of tying a knot at that moment and mostly never will in the future. I feel this category of men needs to be made aware of to the women via my post. It seems to be the 70-80% of the reason for many over aged women for being single in their life. Ladies are easily befooled by such men in the sacred name of a serious relationship this way.
"Live-In" Ruins The Relationships Sometimes
The new concept of "live-in" has also given rise to this category of men. They seem to seek pleasure they sought after via live in and then leave unannounced mostly. The problem arises for the woman who is stuck for months or even years after she dated him. She seems extremely devastated and ends up in really worst scenarios afterwards. They realized it too late that they have fallen prey to a category of men who are habitual to jump up from one relationship to the other. This seems to be their life style since long. They never actually have matured or grown up mentally to get serious in carrying on their responsibility in life. They never want to in reality.
The "Nomad" Lover
I have come across a very interesting term used for such kind of men by the author Mor M Cohen in her book entitles “The 4 Foundations of Love”. She is an NLP practitioner who is helping out women to overcome relationship crisis for many years. She has used the name “The Nomads” for the above mentioned category of men. In her book she gives very simple instructions about how to recognize “The Nomads” even at your first date. Here are a few of them:
1 “The Nomad” knows exactly and in details who is the perfect woman for him, and spoils her. It is just the opposite of the last one he was dating with. Don’t fall in this trap! He could tell you that she was not “smart” enough or she wasn’t clean enough. However, it is only his exit card and the same thing he might say to do with you.”
2 He hasn’t been in a committed relationship that had lasted more than six months in the last five years, and if he was it only because he wanted to prove to himself, he could or he got befitted to it, and as Cohen put it – “ his past is also his future.”
She talks and warns about "Nomads" in these words:
"The Nomad believes in refraining from commitment, he might reveal some of his beliefs as general facts about the world or through a story concerning a third party. You should be aware of their words choice and the beliefs the nomad accidentally exposes."
Seeking Advice From an Expert Can be Helpful
At the end I would like to advise the women in their 30s to be very careful of this Nomad group of lovers or partners. They are always trapping the women in the age group of 30s. Remember the points I have highlighted above to recognize "The Nomads"
"This type will usually juggle several relationships, or suddenly fall in love with someone else."
I would recommend this book "Four Foundations of Love" to be read as a useful and a very helpful self-guide to the women in order to spot 'the Nomads' right on their first date. Further, it is always good to consult a sincere friend, a relative and even experts in pursuing healthy relationships.
With this I shall rest this case of matchmaking, soulmate and marriage to be seriously supervised by the expert therapists, genuine matchmakers and even the parents. The women should seek help and guidance of the skillful therapist before proceeding in to the relationship rather than after being dumped and dusted by such playful Nomad lovers in life.
“As charming as you may be, even you cannot change the Nomad.”
-Mor M Cohen “The Four Foundations of Love”
So just scream "Next" and move away from "The Nomad." Your ideal partner is surely waiting out there somewhere.
Quit Staying in A Relationship with the Nomads
My Other Article on Relationships Advice
- Why He/ She Is Not Into You?
How does "that into you" turns out "not that into you"? It is the most prevailing question in dating these days. The reasons are simple yet mind boggling to the present generation.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2020 Tajwer Shakir
Tajwer Shakir (author) on November 02, 2020:
Brenda Thanks for sharing your thoughts here! :) I thoroughly agree with you that such bad experiences take away the trust from the women to consider remarriage. They completely lose faith in their own selves after such a drastic 1st marriage experience. That's why I have mentioned this is one of the reasons that women stay single for the rest of their life because of bad men in their life :(
Thanks a lot for appreciating my hub :) you have made my day! Gracious!
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on November 02, 2020:
Your words touch upon some valid points.
There are some men who have no desire to wed and if that's what you are looking for then you should run for the hills.
But there are a few out there who have loved and been burned badly.
Thus making them now scared to try again because they lost their "ass" so to speak in a previous marriage.