Kenneth Avery is a Southern humorist with well over a thousand fans. The charm and wit in his writing span a nearly a decade.
Let's Take a Good Look at Barb Wire
because there are so many "barb"-related prefixes, I cannot publish them all. You have barb wire fence; Barbie and Ken; (not really, but it was funny); Barb Wire, Pamela Sue Anderson, who was an undercover cop and the best, throw another shrimp on the Barbie. We all can relate to that one.
But and now I am guessing, that nothing can compare with the great American invention, barb wire, invented by Joseph Glidden in 1898. And in my rough opinion, he invented this "safeguard" due to his greed for his farmland. I will explain. Before barb wire, cattle owners allowed free passage through the massive, fertile land which caused farmers, Glidden included, to get to work and invent a firm barrier to prevent the cattle from trod-ding-down their crops.
As Glidden's invention caught on, more and more farmers and ranchers began stringing barb wire around their land so nothing or no one could disturb it. There are documented facts about blood shed and war when opposing groups fought to claim what was theirs. Finally, a state legislator somewhere passed a serious law of personal property and that was that.
If you are bored already, go up and reread my wording about Barbie and Ken.
To Me, This Hurts Me
so much to talk negatively about the all-American invention, barb wire. I feel as if I am defacing Mount Rushmore or plucking the feathers from a glorious bald eagle, our national bird, and I do mean that. I really feel awful. But does anyone out there care? Huh? I'd think that the farmers and ranchers in the mid-west would side with me, because most of us take a passive stance about barbed wire. If we leave it alone, it leaves us alone.
There has been times when my brother-in-law, Tim, and I were out playing (clean) pranks on this one Halloween eve, and to make a long story short, we were walking on the side of this gravel road when an automobile can barreling down on us without stopping or to brake to keep from hitting us.
If we don't get out of here, we are gonna die!, I screamed to Tim who was already running at full-speed down a hill to evade the speeding automobile. I tried to keep up with him, but I was much older than Tim. But not for long. I heard this strange, horrific sound of wires stretching which could have came from any of horror film master, Vincent Price. So I stopped to avoid death. Tim did not. He ran as fast as he could in the middle of three strands of barbed wire fence which took him almost five yards before it acted like a sling shot to send him flat on his back. I truly believe that I heard the evil laugh of the evil barb wire.
I learned from that accident that all barb wire hates children, adults, and animals.Seriously.
From That Moment Forward
I steered away from barb wire and barb wire fences. Another example of how evil Joseph Glidden, "the Father of Barb Wire's" invention (barb wire) was and still is, I was helping my dad one evening when we did share-cropping for a living. Dad was about to get into a pasture of cows that he landower told him to feed them, so naturally, he chose me to help.
Dad went through the barb wire fence with no problem. I didn't. There was a big problem and plenty of sweat. I slowly put my foot through the bottom strand and when I tried to lean down to pull myself over into the pasture, the middle strand slipped and hit me in my leg and back. I stopped to stop the intense pain. I give you my word that as I struggled to escape the jaws of the wire, I heard this evil demon chuckle at my defeat.
So you now see why I am not a friend of barb wire or never will be as long as I draw breath.
I want to close this section up by (sharing a few random, abstract thoughts about barb wire that I hope will help you to understand my plight.
The Barbed Wire, The Old Rusty Devil
has no soul. He loves evil, death, and pain. He is never intimidated by anything or anyone. He hangs stately on sticks of lumber and ogles everyone who passes by. I not only hate barb wire, but I loathe him with several gallons of fresh lava.
But even that will not make the attack on me. I want barb wire, the demon with no life or compassion in him to suffer hard and long while Tim and I along with countless victims of this dangerous devil want him to rust and rust in pain. I also want toddlers to walk up and break the barb wire fence's three strands of misery and laugh until they go fast asleep.
Barb wire has four sharp prongs made to stick intruders which do carry cuts and scars when they get attacked in the fence. They sigh. They cry. But barb wire just stand with that evil pride showing on his prongs. He does not care about anyone or anything but himself. Barb wire. You will never be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor. This, I know. Even this does not square the victims and me who have made us hurt although we were just to respectfully get past your fence and do some work.
Noooo. You had to show your behind and flare your sharp prongs and stick them like you do a porcupine. Matter of fact, I think more of a porcupine than I ever will you. Think of that. Thousand upon thousands of us standing in unity proclaiming that barb wire is no longer the leader of free men everywhere.
So long, barb wire. It has not been nice.
today deals with a sure-fire mystery as to who wrote the musical standard, "Don't Fence Me In," so in searches, I found that Bing Crosby (could have) written the song, but it was performed by Roy Rogers, "King of The Cowboys."
Hi, Yo! Yipp-eee! Ho!
I would have given this hub the headline, "No Country For Old Barb Wire," but that was way too close to the mega-hit, "No Country For Old Men," with Tommy Lee Jones.
February 17, 2021__________________________________________
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© 2021 Kenneth Avery
Sp Greaney from Ireland on February 19, 2021:
It's one off those fences you see bordering land here in most places. I think everyone who had ever visited a farm or worked on one has witnessed someone misfortune with this.
DW Davis from Eastern NC on February 18, 2021:
Barbed wire can be nasty stuff, but my worst fence encounter came in the Army when I was filling as a radioman on my CO's jeep one night during a field exercise and we ran into a bundle of razor wire that had fallen off a deuce-and-a-half. It was the middle of the night, and we were driving with blackout lights. Fortunately, all of us ducked and no one was seriously hurt. The windshield of the jeep (M-151) took the brunt. I wound up flat on the floor in the back. It took us over and hour to cut ourselves out of that mess.
Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on February 18, 2021:
Barbed wire evolved in some places to razor wire which looks even more deadly. Climbing over that would be extremely foolish, and of course, that is the intent of those who use it. Your subjects are unique!
Ravi Rajan from Mumbai on February 18, 2021:
Unusual topic. Yes while barb wire can never be deemed as friendly but is a necessary evil in certain parts of the world where it is required to keep out the bad guys( read terrorists) from entering the country. A thought-provoking piece, thanks for sharing.
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 18, 2021:
These barb wire is not safe to climb over and as a kid, I often got scratched trying get over. Never been able to get over without the help of another.