Myths about love: False facts about love in relationships and marriages
Myths about love: This post is a practical discussion about true love in romantic relationships and marriages. It talks about how one of the most beautiful feelings known to mankind is often misunderstood. False perceptions about first love, misconceptions about love and sex, baseless assumptions about true love, blaming love for mistakes men and women make in relationships – find out how some of the commonly accepted notions about love are actually far from the truth.
Love doesn't always have to be at first sight. It can strike after weeks, months or even years.
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1) True love has to be love at first sight
Popular culture leads guys and girls to believe true love is only when two people meet each other for the first time and sparks fly endlessly. On the contrary, love is a beautiful feeling which can also make itself known over time. Long time friends suddenly falling in love is a classic example of why this myth is totally false.
2) First love is the last: Love happens only once
One of the biggest myths about love is that it happens only once. It is true that first loves are hard to forget. In fact, the memory of a first love is irreplaceable. However, this does not mean that people don't fall in love again.
Very few people end up getting married to their first loves but those who don't, still manage to fall in love with someone else. This should be a strong reminder for every guy and girl out there nursing a broken heart for the first time. Life is beautiful and fickle – heal your wounds with time and let love find you again.
3) Romantic relationships can survive without sex
Many relationship experts, columns and blogs separate the concept of romance and sex. While that may somehow be explained in theory, it is not generally the case in real life.
Physical intimacy is an integral aspect of romance to the extent that it builds a solid foundation in the long term. This is not your average love versus lust discussion, but an acknowledgement that physical intimacy is an expression of love and vice versa.
4) Love is the same as jealousy or possessiveness
A common myth that most guys and girls have is that falling in love makes people jealous and possessive. Make it clear to yourself that love is not the reason why boyfriends and girlfriends become jealous.
The feelings of jealousy and possessiveness arise out of protectiveness, suspicion, lack of trust and other factors that affect all relationships, including friendships. Romantic relationships are not the only ones that face these quirky feelings.
With Facebook, Match.com, Instagram, Twitter, eHarmony, Pinterest and tens of more social networks and dating websites - don't dismiss the thought of finding love online.
5) True love can never be found online on dating websites
Traditionalists like to convince others that true love can never be found online on dating websites and social networks. Their arguments may have had a point in the nineties when chat rooms were filled with weirdos.
Times have changed and so have perceptions about relationships. Social networks and dating websites may still have their share of weirdos and heartbreakers, but there are a lot of nice men and women out there looking for genuine relationships.
From introverts to extroverts, from IT geeks to doctors and from twenty somethings to fifty somethings – you can bump into people from all walks of life online. All you have to do is be cautious while you flip through online dating profiles and do all your usual checks before you meet someone on a date.
6) Love makes you do crazy things
The image of men and women saying that love makes people do crazy things may have become iconic in movies and TV shows, but it is far from the truth. Blaming love for mistakes made in a relationship is a weak thing to do.
For example, suppose a girl falls in love and decides to get her boyfriend's name tattooed on her body. Their relationship breaks apart after six months. If she conveniently blames love for making her take the bad decision of getting his name tattooed, she is simply running away from her own mistake.
Like this example, people are responsible for their own decisions and mistakes. Love is not some kind of evil force that makes people do crazy things.
7) Life is worthless without the love of a relationship
Life is worthless without being in a relationship – this is a common perception of society as a whole. While it is valid on many levels, it should not make anyone feel sad about themselves when they are out of a relationship.
Falling in love isn't the only purpose of your life. Love is a meaningful connection that is made only with those with whom you can connect on a deep level. It is not something that can happen with anyone and everyone.
If you don't have a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife at the moment, don't feel sad for yourself. Instead, make your life worth living by pursuing your personal and career goals. For all you know, you will meet your true love while you are busy chasing your life's destiny.
All men may not be as expressive as the sweet guy in this photograph, but that shouldn't be mistaken as a lack of love.
8) Men don't feel love as strongly as women
It is grossly wrong to say that men don't feel love as strongly as women however it may be right to say that men don't express love in the same way that women do. There is a big difference between the two.
Whether it is about saying I Love You or stealing every possible moment to give each other cute hugs, it is a generally accepted notion that women are more vocal and proactive when it comes to expressing love. However this should not be mistaken for a lack of love from the men's corner.
Men like to show their love in different ways. For example, a husband's love and commitment for his wife may show in how he takes the time to meticulously plan out their financial goals as a couple. A boyfriend's love for his girlfriend may show in how he behaves in a protective way when he is around her.
9) It is too late for true love
Many men and women simply assume that just because they are past a certain age, true love will be impossible to find. This is a myth because true love is not perishable, it is not time bound and it can never have a use-by date.
True love is a magical connection that can happen to people in their teenage, twenties, thirties, forties and beyond. Even if you are a forty five year old divorcee, never give up hope on love. It can come at the least expected time and place.
10) All mistakes are forgiven in true love
Don't be under the impression that everything is forgiven in a relationship when there is true love. Regardless of how strong a bond you share with your partner, you are still responsible for your side of the deal.
This is the reason why relationships break up when a guy cheats on his girlfriend or when a woman does something that her man doesn't like. This should be a stern reminder to people who have been taking their beautiful relationships for granted.
Couples often make the mistake of chasing the picture perfect image of true love. Laughs and smiles often give way to fights and sorrows. But that shouldn't make love any weaker.
11) Love should be flawless: True love relationships should always be perfect
It is a myth that true love can only be achieved in the form of a relationship which is free of problems. Falling in love is not about embracing a relationship which is perfect. Rather, falling in love is all about embracing a relationship along with the beauty of its ups and downs.
True love is when the bond between two people is so strong that they are ready to hit any curve ball life has to throw at them, out of the park. True love is when two people will do anything it takes to be together, even if it means tackling jealousy, fights, arguments, financial troubles and many other everyday problems that all relationships face.
12) Couples who are in true love must have a good sex life
Physical intimacy is one of the core pillars of a committed relationship or marriage. Couples in a healthy relationship are expected to have a good sex life. However, this may not always be the case.
There could be extraordinary situations and circumstances which hamper a couple's sex life. From inhibition to self-confidence issues, there could be many problems creating a roadblock in this regard, but this doesn't mean that the love between the couple is weak.
13) There should never be dependency in love
It is wrong to say that love should ideally free of dependency. In fact, dependency is one of the reasons which make love so enjoyable. People who fall in love embrace the fact that they can both depend on one another to look out for each others' needs.
There is a fine line between loving dependency and neediness in a relationship. Things start getting ugly when this line is crossed and people start becoming clingy. But a sweet sense of dependency on its own is a harmless and beautiful aspect of love.
Gifting in relationships is a given. But don't be disappointed if your partner is not a natural at the art of gifting.
14) Lack of gifts show a lack of love
Gifting is generally considered as an expression of love. However many people fail to understand that gifting should not be a benchmark of love. It is a myth that when someone does not give gifts in a relationship, they don't love their partners enough.
Gifting is an art and many people are not naturals at it. The lack of this dimension in a person's personality should not be mistaken for a lack of love. For example, a guy who is really nice at heart may have never embraced gifting in his relationships. Just because he does not spoil his girlfriend with roses, chocolates or other gifts every now and then, doesn't make him any less of a loving boyfriend.
15) Love cannot happen without attraction
Just like how it is possible for two people to be attracted to each other without falling in love, it is also possible for them to fall in love without feeling a raw sense of attraction.
People often come closer to each other and fall in love when they realize that they are compatible, they have similar choices and they are just meant to be together. It is a myth that attraction on a physical level always needs to be there for people to fall in love.
16) Partners should tolerate all bad habits in the name of love
Love is all about making compromises however that shouldn't be a reason for people to tolerate their partners' bad habits. Whether it is about a girl being selfish in a relationship or a guy letting his habit of drinking too much affect his marriage – bad habits are meant to be fixed, not tolerated.
Compromise and tolerance in love stems from the idea of looking out for each other. However this is often taken for granted by many people who manage to convince their partners that tolerating bad habits is a part and parcel of falling in love with them.
Comments
Philip Cooper from Olney on November 08, 2013:
great hub....really enjoyed it...full of truths.
Suzette Walker from Taos, NM on November 06, 2013:
Wow ! Great article . Very astute and mature . You have covered it all and I concur on all your myths and points. I have never seen a better article written about love. What a great guide for anyone at any age.
