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My date from Hell

This is my 50th Hub and I'd like to mark it with this topic. Funny, yet a learning experience!

Types of dating

If you’ve ever been single and had well meaning friends then you’ve been on a date or two in your life.  Some are nice, some are memorable, some are down right boring and maybe you’ve had one or two that fit into the category as a ‘date from hell’. 

After my separation from my first husband I felt the need to get back in the saddle again, in the dating world.  I even went so far as to put an ad in the ‘singles’ section of my local paper.  I got a few dates and they all seemed to go well, nothing out of the ordinary but no love matches either.  I really wasn’t looking for a love match just some companionship and a few dates.  A dear friend heard of my single status and decided she had ’just the guy’ for me to meet.  She described him as having a great personality, he was a little on the heavy side, not too tall, really sweet and very much single.  Sounds like a dream date right?  Who wouldn’t want to meet such a guy, I sure did.  Now I was experiencing a blind date.

Getting to know someone

He called me first so I could get to know him on the phone a little bit, that was nice.  He explained he was on the heavy side, well I was a little heavy as well, so that was no issue with me.  He explained he was on the short side because he had scoliosis, that wasn’t a problem either, I don’t judge people by their disabilities.  He then explained we would be double dating because he didn’t have his license.  Ok, no problem, I can handle a double date, to me it was a little safer than single dating anyway, right?

His brother was a cab driver, which explained how my dear friend knew him, she was a cabbie dispatcher.  Our date was set, we were to go out Saturday evening for dinner and a movie, that sounded like a good time to me.  I got a baby sitter for my son, got dressed in my pretty clothes, my make-up and hair done.  I was ready to go!

Another date gone wrong

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The arrival

At the appointed time a car arrived in my driveway, well “lookie there” I thought we are going in a cab, isn’t that something?  Oh well, not everyone can have their own vehicle.  My date got out of back and came up to the door.  He was a lot on the heavy side and a lot on the short side about 3 inches shorter than I was.  But he was kinda cute, so I could handle it, it wasn‘t like we were off to get married.  He walked me to the door and opened the back door for me and we got in.  His brother was driving and his sister in law was in the front, both were extremely large people and the entire front seat was filled.  Now being from a large family I am not one to judge size of anyone, but the way they were cuddling it was difficult to see where one began and the other ended.  ‘Huh‘, I thought, I wonder how he is gonna drive with all that smooching and what-not going on.

My date was trying to draw me into conversation, but it was difficult for me to concentrate on what he was saying, as my attention kept being turned to what was going on in the front seat.   I’m all for showing affection mind you, but I didn’t know these people.  She was doing a lot of giggling, while kissing him all over his face and rubbing his hair.  Every so often I heard a little slap with the admonition of ’not right now’.  My fascination combined with a little disgust at their antics made my date think I was getting in the ‘mood’, I felt his hand cover mind then entwine with my own fingers.  I think I was in the beginning stages of shock.

The Dinner

I was told that we were going to ‘Bonanza’, I thought how nice, I hadn’t been there in a long time.  Then I was informed that it was ’all you can eat Taco night’ at the Bonanza.  Huh.  Well, it was a free dinner for me, I was all dressed up and in the car.  I might as well have a good time.

We arrived at the restaurant and as all got out I noticed the car lift up about 5 inches.  Wow, I guess they were big people.   He weighed around the 500 lb mark and she was rapidly closing in on 400 lbs.  We bypassed all of the booths and headed straight to the nearest table closest to the Taco bar.  Well this would make it easier to get to the food I guess.  My date was a perfect gentleman, he held out my chair for me to sit down.  I certainly couldn’t fault him for his manners.

The feasting began.  I went and got my plate of food, I made a burrito, there were lots of goodies to put on it.  I went to sit down, my date came back to the table next.  On his plate he had 2 burritos.  His brother and sister in law came a little later, instead of a normal round plate they had platters, which I had noticed but bypassed.  Each platter was loaded up with food, no particular order to their food, it was difficult to tell what they were eating.  No big deal right, they were big eaters, get all the food you want in one trip that’s my motto.  That wasn’t quite the case here.  After I had eaten my burrito I really was full, it had been a good size burrito and I was happy.  The brother and sister in law weren’t finished, she went back and filled her platter 1 more time, he went back 2 more times.  I wondered where on earth they put all that food, but then I looked at their size and figured in order to maintain that size of a body, it has to be fed.

By now people were beginning to stare, I shrugged it off as best as I could.  It wasn’t my business if they wanted to eat like that.  Next came dessert, my date walked me over to the dessert bar where there were goodies of all kinds.  Ice cream, cake, cheesecake, brownies, puddings, bread pudding, cookies and lots of different kinds of sprinkles to put on the ice cream.  I got a bowl of ice cream, and feeling a little guilty, I put on some chocolate syrup.  If you’re gonna go whole hog you might as well have syrup!   I wasn’t really on any diet of sort, but I was trying to watch what I ate, after all I was single and wanted to look my best. 

My Host and hostess decided that a little ol’ bowl wasn’t enough for them, they each got a platter from the taco bar to use.   They came back with the platters filled with all that the bar had to offer and topping the entire platter was chocolate syrup.  There was no arraignment to the food, it was glopped and piled on top of each other, it was difficult to discern what was what.  It looked like someone had scraped a bunch of food from plates onto one and topped it all with syrup.  Honestly I was astounded, and by this time there were not only stares from the other patrons but murmurs as well.  My host and hostess also witnessed these stares and murmurs and began to get loud, voicing their opinion and making loud smacking sounds with their mouths as they ate.   Things like “Well, if they don’t want people to eat all they can eat, they shouldn’t offer it”, and “If they don’t like it, tough shit” were some of the comments coming out of the mouths of my companions.  I really wished by this time I had brought my own car, I wanted to leave.

The 'Movie'

Finally it was time to leave, they had their fill of food.  I could only hope that in the theatre they wouldn’t be quite so loud.  When we got into the car I was informed that we weren’t going to an actual movie theatre, we were going back to their place to watch a movie.  Well things were looking up for me, at least I wasn’t going to be subjected to misbehavior in front of others.  My reddened cheeks would have some cooling down time and my embarrassment would go away.

We arrived at their home, a modest single wide mobile home.  I lived with my parents at this time, so at least they had a place to call their own!   I entered the door, it was fairly clean, at least I wouldn’t worry about getting dirty when sitting.  There was a couch and reclining chair to choose from.  Before I could even make up my mind where I was going to sit my hand was quickly grasped and I was led to the couch.  Drinks were offered I chose a soft drink with no alcohol, I felt I needed to keep my head straight. 

My host sat down in the chair, his wife looked over the movies and decided to pop one in the VCR, I was not aware of the title.  She sat on his lap as the movie began playing.  I was rather stunned that a chair of that size could hold all that weight without collapsing, but hey it was their furniture they could do with it what they wished.  The movie began playing, I had to catch my breath as my cheeks began to flame once again.  It was a porno!  My date then began to get amorous and thought I should be feeling the same way as he was.  He had been so nice before, but now it was as though he had become an Octopus being all arms and lips.

I looked over and things were getting pretty hot and heavy between the other two and my date must have thought I was getting turned on.  They got up and took it into the bedroom, thank God.  At least maybe I could relax a bit now, I thought wrong.  I tried to talk to my date and he thought ‘less talking more kissing‘.   I kept trying to fight him off with the admonition that I wasn’t that kind of girl.  He thought since I had been previously married I would be needing that sort of attention.  I’d had about as much fun as I could handle. 

I stood up and told my date I needed to go home.  He was stunned, he said he thought I would be staying the night.  WHAT???  Where did that come from?  I thought back on our conversation over the phone and during our date trying to discover where he got that impression.  I couldn’t find any reason he would think I would be up to spending the night with a complete stranger.

I began to get loud, so my host would finish up his business and take me home.  I used every excuse I could think of to get him going and out of the bedroom.  I had to get home, my sitter would be expecting me soon.  I had to get up early to go to church.  If my son woke up and didn’t find me there he would cry.  I felt myself beginning to panic.  I was in a home that I had no idea where it was.  I hadn’t paid attention to where we were going during the drive, I didn’t have my car so I couldn’t leave.  There was no one I could call to come get me, even if I did know where I was.

My host seemed to see my panic after coming out of the bedroom with the ‘love o’ his life‘.  He told my date, “We’d better get her home, looks like you’re not getting any tonight”.  Good assumption buddy.  My date tried insisting that I ride in the back with him, I got in the front anyway.   I was fairly silent on the way home, I didn’t feel there was anything left to say.  My date walked me up to the door and tried getting me to give him a kiss goodnight.  I offered my hand for a handshake and said "Goodnight". 

My friend

The next day I called my dear friend and asked her “What the Hell were you thinking, sending me on a nightmare like that?”   After I told her what had happened, she couldn’t apologize enough, she had no idea things could go so bad.

Blind dates?  Not all their cracked up to be, they may be a LOT MORE that you bargain for!

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Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on March 03, 2011:

Well this was a long time ago, I've learned my lesson... #1 drive myself - #2 have a cell phone.

Thanks for stopping by!

ckelly06 on March 03, 2011:

Wow that sounds horrible, better luck next time!

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on September 09, 2010:

Scroll to Continue

Thanks for reading! Yeah, it's funny now that it's over. I really thought my friend would have known better.. LOL Guess we all were surprised.

Thanks for commenting!

Sunny Robinson from Tennessee on September 09, 2010:

OMG! That's terrible! I'm glad I've never been set up on a blind date. Then again, I had a hard and fast rule about that. It had to be someone who I've met face to face in a group of safe people because it would terrify me otherwise.

This was a hilarious read, though. A good caution against blind dating! I'm glad you got the heck outta there!

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on September 05, 2010:

It was definitely not a fun night...It was seriously creepy!!

Lori J Latimer from Central Oregon on September 05, 2010:

I felt myself begin to panic as I read your "trapped" situation. I am glad you got out of there without being the next course!

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on September 05, 2010:

It would have been nice if I could have found a way out.. I was SOOO trapped...

Thanks for reading and commenting!

Bridgette Crowe from Morrow La on September 05, 2010:

Had a date like that once, it lasted about twenty minuetes.

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on September 04, 2010:

I'm glad you enjoyed it, the visuals are permanently burned into my brain!! LOL

I'll have to read your online dating Hub!

Wendi M on September 04, 2010:

I'm so sorry you had to go through that experience, but the visuals in my head were hilarious....reminded me of my "online Dating" hub.

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on August 31, 2010:

funny you should mention that, I did agree to meet someone once, when he got there I pretended I wasn't the person who he was looking for. oops...LOL

Thanks for reading!

qeyler on August 31, 2010:

You are better than me. I had the phone thing, to get to know the guy. Fine. We would meet in a lobby, fine. When I saw him, he was (sorry) ugly can't done.

I turned, ran out of the lobby, down the road...I ran for about a block before I stopped.

I never spoke to my 'fixer-upper' again.

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on August 31, 2010:

Lorlie6 - I'm glad you laughed!! Tell me truly - did you snort when you got to the word 'porno'? My daughter's b/f (he's 19) sat at my computer to read my work, and I could tell where he was by the 'snort'... Glad he didn't have a nose full!!

Eiddwen - I'm glad you enjoyed it, I did have fun writing it! My hubby thinks it's one of my better stories of the happenings in my life. When I can make him laugh out loud, I know I'm doing something!

Thank you both for reading and commenting!

Eiddwen from Wales on August 31, 2010:

Same as lorlie6 I was laughing nearly all the way through but at the same time sympathised with you too!! At least it's given you a brilliant hub, well done!

Laurel Rogers from Bishop, Ca on August 30, 2010:

I am SO sorry, but I was laughing all through your hub, Sweetsusieg! Laughing with you, not at you! God, what a horrible experience.

As drbj said, next time, bring your own car!

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on August 30, 2010:

LOL - Yeah Dave, at the time I wanted to be!!

Dave Mathews from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA on August 30, 2010:

It sounds like you would have been better off if you were actually blind, on this blind date.

Brother Dave.

Loveslove from England on August 30, 2010:

Manners maketh man ...obviously they didnt know what that means !!

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on August 30, 2010:

Oh I was!! Believe me I was, particularly with them acting like pigs in a restaurant!! That was mean wasn't it? Pigs have more class!!

Loveslove from England on August 30, 2010:

I would have been mortified in that situation ...!!

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on August 30, 2010:

Oh heck no... Of all the dates I've had only 1 was what I would consider boring.. LOL Most were off the wall, when I'm around something strange always seems to happen.

If you and I were to go on a date - could you imagine the DISASTER?? LOL hehehe - at least we'd have something to write about!!

Merlin Fraser from Cotswold Hills on August 30, 2010:

And there was me thinking Dates from Hell only happen to me .....!

Great story and thanks for sharing, when does your friend get out of traction ?

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on August 30, 2010:

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. The re-telling of it... well it's just plain funny now. No getting around it.

I guess I'm called sweetsusieg for a reason... I'm sweet in all situations... Ugh.. LOL

Cindy Lawson from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on August 30, 2010:

Brilliant and hilarious, I truly sympathised with your predicament, but it sure makes good reading afterwards. So pleased you did write it so all of us could share it.

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on August 30, 2010:

LOL, yes it is funny NOW... I was just grateful that I didn't have to be seen in public with these people. It never occurred to me that they would put on a porno for a first time visit!!

Thanks for reading and commenting!

SteveoMc from Pacific NorthWest on August 30, 2010:

This is one of those hubs that you have to read every word. Hysterical situation, even if you were scared. You should have realized what was coming when you discovered that the movie part of the date was at their home. LOL

Wonderful story.

Sweetsusieg (author) from Michigan on August 29, 2010:

Oh my yes, I know that should I ever be subjected to a blind date again... It will be under my terms!! And yes, it did make good fodder for writing! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

drbj and sherry from south Florida on August 29, 2010:

Well, the good news, susie, is that your hellish blind date provided the material for a very funny and read-it-all-the-way-to-the-bitter-end hub.

Guess you found out first-hand the aggravating adventure of accepting a blind date. Tip: If there's a next time, drive your own car.

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