A Journey Through Sexuality
Being bisexual may not be what you think it is. I'm monogamous. I'm married to a man I've been with for 5+ years. And I'm bisexual. I have never had an STD and I've never had a threesome. I'm certainly not confused, fickle or "unsure" about my sexuality. Bisexuality feels as natural to me as breathing or eating. But it wasn't always that way. Looking back over my life I can see very clearly that I was always bisexual - what was difficult was getting past the social stigma that was coming from the straight and gay camps, my catholic upbringing and society in general.
For many people bisexuality brings to mind thoughts of immorality, rampant orgies, commitment phobia, sexually transmitted diseases, self indulgence, a complete lack of restraint, experimentation and sexual confusion. There may be elements of some of these features in the lives of bisexual people but they are also elements of many gay and heterosexual people's lives as well. Sometimes it feels as if society has dumped all these labels onto the bisexual community so that it can claim purity for itself.
Bisexuality in the News
Let's face it - the only times bisexuality is in the forefront is when some silly drunk celebrity gets photographed having a same sex snog or when you stick that porno in the DVD player so it's no wonder that society often sees bisexuality in this light. For those of us that identify as bisexual it is much more than random experimentation and promiscuous sexual gratification - it's just who we are.
It's hard to sit in somewhere in the middle of the gay/straight continum. We are often ridiculed by gays & lesbians for "sitting on the fence," or subjected to sugestive comments from heterosexual men who fantasise about threesomes. We get approached by bi-curious women who would like to "have a go". And family in particular would prefer you were gay - at least they can talk about that in public.
I'm a lesbian!
My journey started when I was around 14 with my first stirrings of sexual attraction. I'd had a few boyfriends and crushes on male teachers, but when i developed a crush on a female teacher I was thrown into a tailspin. How could this be? I didn't want to be gay. I didn't want to be damned to hell. I didn't want to be rejected by my family and friends. I liked being unique but I didn't want to be that different.
A depression fuelled by these concerns ensued that lasted around a year. With a bit of couselling and a few very nice girl on girl experiences I came out of it believing that I was a lesbian and I accepted that. I definitely didn't want to be bisexual - the ridicule that anyone brave enough to say they were on the gay scene received was certainly enough to put me off that idea! So for a while I was a committed lesbian - I even had a crew cut!
No wait - I'm straight!
That was until I fell in love with a young man about my age while I was at college. Ok, then - so the lesbianism was a phase ......phew .......I could breath a sigh of relief and just be "normal". I took great joy in my normality and there followed a few semi long term relationships with men.
Hold on - I AM a Lesbian!
It wasn't until I was around 21 that a woman captured my heart again. She was bisexual and alongside our relationship she was also having a relationship with a man. We agreed to an open relationship mainly to meet her needs - I didn't want anyone else but I did want to be openminded enough to allow her her freedom. In truth it nearly killed me emotionally. I found the sharing painful and my self esteem plummeted to an all time low. Clearly an open relationship was not for me - I wanted to be monogamous and I wanted my partner to be as well. I did my best with our arrangement for 2 years because I loved her deeply but in the end I was a wreck and we broke up.
Who the F*** am I?
For the next five years I was single and celibate. For some of that time I would have said I was a lesbian with an open mind about whether I would have any future sexual relationships with men, much to the dismay of my lesbian friends. Female friends would often want to "have a go" at a sexual encounter with me but I found it insulting. One such encounter that I did fall prey to after too much alcohol, ended with the lady in question saying that it was "one thing she could strike off her list of things to do by the time she was 40". That hurt! I felt used and I'd let myself down. That wasn't going to happen again!
During my 5 years in the wilderness I did a lot of soul searching and spent three years in therapy. Who was I? And what did I want?
I discovered that: I was not going to be buffered by the social pressures of having to choose whether to be straight or gay because I was obviously somewhere in between. I didn't mind which kind of reproductive organs someone had - it was the person inside that was important to me. I wanted a committed, long term, monogamous relationship with someone who could offer the same to me.
Actually I'm Bisexual!
In all it took me about fifteen years to fully accept the conclusion that I was bisexual. Bisexuality can be a challenging life to accept for oneself and I still find it challenging at times. We're often treated as if we are the dirty dregs in the sexual cesspool and people often react with suspicion and fear towards us in much the same way they used to treat gay people. The other reaction is that we are promiscuous and up for anything. Well for me that's not the case. I'm not dirty, I'm not promiscuous and I'm certainly nothing to be scared of! I'm just someone who had the courage to delve into myself and honestly and openly discover my sexual nature.
The path to finding my truth and accepting my bisexuality was a very long and winding one. It may have been easier if bisexuality was more understood and accepted by both the gay and straight communities - maybe then the journey wouldn't have been so long, but who knows? I'm just glad I got there in the end and can freely say, "I'm bisexual."
If you've found this article helpful remember to:
- Rate it up ↑↑
- Share it with your friends and family
- Leave a comment or question
Lipstick LadyLover on May 14, 2014:
Personally, I think it's ironic and funny as hell how you, as a bisexual, came-out as a lesbian for fear of bisexual outcast (not that fear is funny)
And I, being a lesbian, came-out as a bisexual for fear of gay-outcast!
Lol, well "Grass is always greener", I suppose...
Anya_Marcot on January 02, 2013:
Thank you so much for this. I resonate with so many of the things you said in this piece and feel the same exact way. Who I am will never change and those who love me accept it.
Tracy Collins on November 01, 2012:
Hi your blog helped me a little im still confused see i dont know what i am. I've been with a girl when i was about 13 it was my first experince of any kind... which was about 10 years ago. have since been with a guy and broke up with him because i realized i didn't like guys like that but not sure if this makes me bi or if im gay.... So im still kinda confused on wht i should call myself. I am thankful that you posted this
am just me on July 19, 2012:
=) 100% bi sexual i love women and men but cant one pick one
umm i what a men
umm i what a women
cant pick one to hard =0
AE Williams from Atlanta, GA on July 10, 2012:
Susana, I can totally relate to this. I'm just twenty-three and I'm still battling with my homosexuality. I get frustrated when others say "Oh you just haven't found the right girl" or "You might just be confused." Why can't people just accept what I've already told them? Why must I be second guessed or denied of my claim. So it's like... frustrating. I'm sure you've heard that before...
David on May 10, 2012:
Totally gross and sick stuff period.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on February 27, 2012:
Seems pretty obvious to me! You like both genders so....
love hot on February 24, 2012:
I still don't know what i am!!!!! i love making out with girls but i also love boys!!!!! what am i?? :'(
BellatrixLestrange on February 06, 2012:
thank you for writing this lovely article. More people need to understand bisexuality.
You're brave to try getting into more than one relationship at a time. Up to me, that would never pass to begin with just because I'm a really jealous type.
Steve, that sounds like me lol... I think a lot of us of our particular leanings prefer either the terms gay (not as in attracted only to the same sex, but more as in not straight) or pansexual.
Ri Masincupp from Huntingtown, Maryland on January 19, 2012:
This article is amazing. I feel like you wrote about me specifically. Thank you for publishing this.
clintonb from Adelaide, Australia on October 30, 2011:
This is one of the best hubs Ive read. Its not easy to write down such personal emotions.
Daffy Duck from Cornelius, Oregon on June 15, 2011:
What a great hub. Great point about some gays and straights also being confused about their sexuality.
I had no idea that bisexuals were looked at as being on the fence by gays.
People do need to look past the stigma attached to those who are different.
Scarlett Black from New York on June 12, 2011:
An excellent hub and a perfect subject matter. Bi-sexuality if the black sheep of the Gay community for the most part. I know it is not in everyones eyes. Gay women don't always feel comfortable and straight men find it erotic and want to watchyou have sex with another women. I, too, initially had a preconceived notion that bi-sexuals were sex hounds that would screw anyone because they were just over-sexed. Some are and I know them but now I know it is possible for a women to me attracted and form loving relationships with either a man or a women. The stero-type is just that a stero-tyoe based on a group of people. Thanks for the hub.
chamilj from Sri Lanka on April 22, 2011:
Excellent Hub on rarely discussed subject. Thanks for sharing! Voted up!
EmoRoxSox from U.S.A.! on April 21, 2011:
Susana Smith (author) from UK on April 19, 2011:
Falling in love with, and living with a woman as a couple, is not trying to get attention from men. In fact quite the opposite.
I Babysit Kids from your mom's ass on April 18, 2011:
Your life as a bisexual woman = trying to get attention from guys.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on March 11, 2011:
I know where you are coming from Steve. My own experience is that the people most accepting of me (as I am and not as they think I should be) are open minded straight people.
So you don't fit into a box? Horray for you I say!
Steve on March 11, 2011:
I am 44 and have struggled with these issues since teenage years. I need an emotional connection to be physical with a male or a woman. My head has analysed this endlessly wanting a black and white answer but one has not arrived to this point in my life. I have tried to immerse myself in a bisexual, gay or straight identity but everything feels like a fake conformity. I may meet a male or a female tomorrow where a connection takes place and my mind goes what the...?
Anna from Orange County, California on February 28, 2011:
Awesome hub! Society doesn't make it easy for people to come out either. I had the same problem with my family and the way I was brought up too. When I developed my first crush on a girl I cried because I didn't want to be damned :/ But then years later I said, "F*** you all"! haha great hub :)
Zanerus from United states on February 22, 2011:
Thank you for writing this, it has been an educational read. I greatly enjoyed every mintue of this, and hope it helps me in my own life.
Jasper420 on February 09, 2011:
well written agreed iam bisexual and iam not confused
Brian on February 03, 2011:
I have been married for 8 years and now getting a divorce. How do I tell my wife I am homosexual, she thinks i found another woman. Please help text me or call me anytime 989-737-0595.
truthhurts2011 on January 05, 2011:
It's still something im trying to figure out cause i want something outta both of them either way but it's hard cause ur pulled in half ripping at the seem's... beating urself up cause u know u can't control it...
AshleyRB from United States on December 27, 2010:
I completely understand you on this! I've had the same problem but with a different conclusion. I feel that I am attracted to personality, not gender. So all in all I don't feel the need to label my sexuality.
frenchjody on December 21, 2010:
I wish I could put everything I went through in the way you did. Crisp and to the point. I'm more of a story writer myself. I like the little details. The things that went through my head during the whole process of finding myself and accepting myself as what I am. I loved reading this. Very honest.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on November 29, 2010:
Hi Dawn - Yes I'd say I'm a 5. Right down the middle! For me attractiveness is very much about who that person is - their qualities, personality and attributes. It doesn't matter to me what kind of bits they have.
I look at sexuality in the same way as you do, on a scale. Most of us are somewhere between 2 - 9.
Dawn Michael from THOUSAND OAKS on November 26, 2010:
Hi Susana, I really enjoyed the article and in my way of thinking I would call you a 5. I write about this subject all of the time and being a marriage counselor/sexologist in my internship many years back I worked at the gay and lesbian clinic for a while and I came up with a theory of 1being homosexual and 10 being heterosexual and five being bisexual, and all in-between. Meaning that we are all just born on a continuum in our sexuality, and then the social aspect can come into play, especially if a person is a five. My best friend growing up I would say was a five she dated men loved men, but also dated woman and loved woman, naturally, that was just who she was. So I really think that even when we see a man for instance with very feminine traits and is homosexual he may be around a 1 or 2 on the continuum. Then there is the polar opposite. When someone is in the 4-6 range I do believe that social stands can have an impact on whom that they may chose to be with.
SEXYLADYDEE from Upstate NY on November 01, 2010:
Excellent hub and I look forward to reading more of your work. I have been on the same journey and my family believes that childhood sexual experiences of rape and incest have led to 3 of the women in my family defining themselves as gay or bi-sexual. In our community it is even less understood and totally not acceptable. I realize this is their way of making it okay for them. But I am at the point where I have had to make it okay for me. Good to see it written with such clarity. Dee
Summer Wolf from Cashmere, Washington on October 13, 2010:
I'd like to throw in my thanks for this hub topic. I'm new to the hubs so I'm still finding my way around and to come upon a hub on bisexuality is amazing. Not enough serious is given to this topic. I'll be following this topic. Thanks again.
faye on October 13, 2010:
gosh! i think i'm bi...
i had boyfriends before...
never a relationship with girls yet
now i'm more attracted to girls, but still i like boys :')
adeluca on August 31, 2010:
:) This article is fantastic and really does point out how uninformed people are about bisexuality. I never understood judging people harshly for being bisexual. When I was younger, I always thought that was the way to go, because you weren't limited to loving only one sex, since you could go with either one.
I'll have to refer people to this article if they're ever confused about their sexuality.
Helen Lewis from Florida on August 08, 2010:
Extremely honest and generous hub Susana; I always say that whatever shape or form love comes along and taps me on the shoulder - who am I to presume I know more than the greatest power on earth; LOVE IN ALL ITS GUISES. We should have no labels on ourselves or each other. Loving someone should be as natural as breathing, however and with whoever it is expressed and regardless of the gender. This is one of the reasons I love hubpages.. we just get to be ourselves without fear of judgement and labeling.
Cathy Nerujen from Edge of Reality and Known Space on August 06, 2010:
My girlfriend is bisexual and we are in a fantastic relationship. I have never been happier in all my life. Like you, I struggled with my identity, thinking I was mentally ill even, or whatever. I admire and respect you being so forthright and telling it here. Quite amazing and honest. Over here, there isn't that stigma against bisexual people (women in this case here).
Voting you up gladly.
dinkan53 from India on July 28, 2010:
Most people can bear adversity. But if you wish to know what he or she really is, give power. rather than seeking here and there for the unusual reasons, just show the courage to openly say what you really are and if somebody will help you in that, it is a great work. your hub really is appreciable and i think it will be great inspiration to a lot.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on July 24, 2010:
Thanks Steffy - yep from my experience, the gay camp can be decidedly prejudiced against bisexuals!
SteffyRose from Bristol on July 22, 2010:
I remember when I went through a stage of not knowing whether I preferred male or females, and I remember the stick I got from a few people in the gay community as well as my straight friends! They called me greedy! I wasn't greedy, I just simply didn't want to cancel out men until I truly understood who I was, because in that moment in time I believed that there was just as equal a chance of me being with a man as a woman, although I did tend to sway towards females!
Susana Smith (author) from UK on July 22, 2010:
Hey mulberry, I love that - "I'm straight I don't know why" - do you think you were born that way? lol
Christine Mulberry on July 21, 2010:
You're clearly at the point where we all need to be. I'm straight, have no idea why, but I'm happy. I assume it is the same for others. Trying to force yourself to be something else makes zero sense to me. (and I can imagine no reason why anyone should)
India Arnold from Northern, California on July 12, 2010:
I agree with TheHands. The stigma is just a false sense of what we think someone should or shouldn't be. I am always happy to hear when people really take the time to find themselves. You are beautiful and strong. One of my very best friends has come to the conclusion that she is bisexual. She is very funny and tells me all of the time it is simply the best of both worlds! Me, I am certainly a gay gal, but best of both worlds doesn't sound to bad...
octanmens on July 12, 2010:
Thanks for sharing this Susan.....
niladri1990 on June 27, 2010:
Excellent!!!! Every one ignore this topic. But this really the need of the hour. One must have enough guts to say what sexuality he or she is having?? Hats off to Susana s!
TheManWithNoPants from Tucson, Az. on June 17, 2010:
I'm the new kid on the block here, but I ran across this hub, and I'm impressed. Best hub I've read so far. I'm definitly a follower.
Jorge Vamos on May 30, 2010:
A good article that speaks to those of us who have been mislead by society's labels and boxes. I agree with you that there's a stigma associated with bisexuality that emanates from both sides of the fence, both straight and gay.
I know it's sort of cliché to say, but I think most of us are to some degree bisexual, even if most of us tend to specialize in one or the other (the one we have more of a preference for, usually), so it makes me wonder why the stigma exists at all. Why is society so hell-bent on making people pick one or the other?
Tenrai on May 19, 2010:
To Stop the confusion. Bi-sexual doesn't mean two partners. Bi-Sexual can have loving and committed relationships with one of either sex. I do believe that women hold very true to Bi-Sexual concept.
I've been married to a Bi-Sexual Female for more than 6 years. She been totally committed to our relationship. She had full relationship with women and men in the past. So, I see she fully understand what she wants and need in a relationship.
Alicia on May 19, 2010:
I think Livewithrichard is confused about bisexuality. I am bi and married and not having sex with man or woman except my husband. Just because u r bi doesn't mean you have to have sex with more than one mate at any given time, just means you are open to being in a relationship with either sex. IN other words, if my hubby and I divorced, I could get into another relationship with a guy or a girl...and be monogamous to boot...my hubby is all I need and I am happy.
Alicia on May 19, 2010:
I have been bisexual since I was a teenager -- I recently began animation a series that has bi-seuxal characters in it and used the symbols of the double crescent moon as a backdrop.
My character Sash is case in point--she is a complex perons who is attracted to both sides--when she and her arch frenemie have an affair it is meaningful--not torrid and without emotional reward.
I hope that my work will help folks understand the bi nature. Not all my characters are bi, but I do try to portray those that are in a way where folks think of them as complex individuals not over sexed confused souls...
Keep up the good work
aliceatrest from Blaine Washington on May 10, 2010:
Nice hub, thank you for sharing what I am also going through; I wish I had the conclusion to my experience as you have...all sorted and complete. I have not. I am still wondering, and after 6 years celibate (meaning men-free) have still not convinced myself I know what to do next.
I think I am in still in love with her. Maybe always will be and it is hard for me to let go of my feelings. Being with a man is easier, and in a small town it's more accepted, but...it's not what I want.
Bi-sexual is a definition of choice.
Confusion is not knowing where you belong.
I fall into the latter category.
Thanks for the insights and keep writing !
ZackW.Van from Wisconsin Area on May 03, 2010:
What a fantastic article! You sound a lot like my friend. She had the exact same problem and is still having trouble figureing it out. I'm going to refer her to this. I think It might help her out. Im a Gay Writer myself and Quite honestly I have read several of your articles and I love them. Keep up that great work.
Lynda Gary on May 01, 2010:
good article! I published an article on bisexuality, and it gets tons of views -- and NO comments. LOL Odd, huh?
Glad to see comments here.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on May 01, 2010:
Nope - no permission required! Only from ourselves - to be ourselves :)
Callum from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) on May 01, 2010:
This is a great article Susana, I agree our sexuality is a choice made for us by evolution and we don't need interference or permission to be who we are. I have a hub similar to this explaining the different types of sexuality in humans maybe you might wanna take a look? x
Susana Smith (author) from UK on May 01, 2010:
Hi sadler - Many thanks for your positive comments :) I agree that being jugemental is unhealthy - we all do it to some extent, just some more than others! How adults choose to express their sexuality with each other is not a matter for anyone else's interference.
saddlerider1 on April 30, 2010:
Suasan excellent education for those who are uncertain, afraid, lonely, hidden from their sexuality preferences.The time of hiding in the closet is gone forever. In today's society the word is out "anything goes" it's even approved and reinforced in schools. How times have changes,ha. I have many types of friends and most definitely some are gay. I love them as much as I love most members of my family. No human should judge what is right or wrong, it's left in the hands of ones creator. Being judgemental is unhealthy and I am for expression, just as long as you don't throw it another person face. I enjoyed this hub and how you shared it. A BIG UP from me.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on February 15, 2010:
I love that hypno - "Happy you, happy everyone" What is it in Italian? We travel to Italy a lot and have friends there - they would be most impressed if I came out with that!
Andrew from Italy on February 15, 2010:
Probably what happens, as usual in every respect, is that those who go over the line get attention while those who just live their life do not.
I agree with you, love is love, and what happens between consenting adults is their business, even if I think that for every sexuality keeping things private is a matter of respect. But for all the rest as we say here :"Happy you, happy everyone". :)
Susana Smith (author) from UK on February 14, 2010:
Cleanclover - thanks for that :)
Obscurely Diverse - I really don't know what the statistics are for bisexuality in women and men and even whether stats would be that reliable (because people may not be 100% honest). From my experience women do seem more open to experimenting with same sex relationships, but I don't know how reliable that is generally. Thanks for commenting :)
Susana Smith (author) from UK on February 14, 2010:
Hi Hypno - I forgot that you'd been here already too :) I personally don't believe that sexuality is a choice - every gay, straight or bisexual person I know or have known definitely feel that they were always the way they are ie: born that way. I think people can choose whether they act on their sexuality. For instance a person that has sexual feelings towards either sex, might choose to only have relationships with one gender, or a person, whatever their sexuality, can decide to be celibate.
My own experience is that gay people are no more angry, or more likely to take drugs than anyone else. Maybe things are different in Italy to the UK in that regard?
Love is love in my book - why should it bother anyone who I love?? :)
Obscurely Diverse from Tennessee, U.S., Earth, Milky Way via Cosmos on February 14, 2010:
This is a semi-related question:
Just curious, but don't you think the percentages are higher, when it comes to bi-sexuals, for women? I don't know the stats, but was wondering because I always thought that females, in general, have a higher tendency or inclination for same gender relations while still being attracted to the opposite sex.
Andrew from Italy on February 13, 2010:
And that's cool. :)
Cleanclover from Piece of land! on February 13, 2010:
I am straight
Andrew from Italy on February 13, 2010:
I forgot I've already read this hub. :)
There is a school of thought that while being bisexual is quite common at various degrees, or natural, being strictly homosexual is mostly a kind of conscious decision for different psychological reasons. I don't know if this is true, but it could also be. Maybe that's the reason why many homosexuals are pretty often angry and engage in on the edge behaviours? You know like drugs and so on? On an average I would say that bisexual people are simply happier and more satisfied with their life.
Provided that the rights of those involved are respected people should be "judged" only for their behaviours, not for their sexual life.
treasuresyw from Savannah, GA on January 12, 2010:
This hub was vary awesome indeed. You shed light that truly needs to extend the ends of the earth. But, truth be told, people will still be people. Some will understand and some never will.
I had a discussion with someone very close to me because it was said that she once had a pact with her stud friends that they would never date a female who has been with men(rather experimental or bi way of life). I asked her why. She said that it was because of an experience where her girlfriend cheated with a guy and got pregnant.
I told her plain and simple that it was an experience of cheating not of rather you should date another woman that's bi-sexual.
I think that the idea is that people do see sexuality as a "evil" thing that clouds our judgment. There is promiscuity all over rather straight, gay or bi-sexual.
Thanks for such a real view. Peace
Kyle on January 10, 2010:
I don't thnk that people should be labled based on what sex they like, it souls be that everyone is bi and no one cares bout it
Andrew from Italy on January 02, 2010:
Great hub Susana, I like reading true life hubs. The first thing is that each one of us should not be judged for his/her sexuality and/or religion, but for our behavior.
I guess that bisexual people is "hated" by gays because usually they are much happier and in peace with themselves. I mean usually bisexual people have pretty much "normal" lives, relationships and so on, while a lot of gay people, and I know some, have always to behave in a kind of shocking, full speed way. So to speak you can't say if someone is bisexual while it's usually quite easy to say if someone is gay. I can also be wrong though.
Anyhow very good hub.
Mauricio Rodriguez from Bogota DC, Colombia on December 18, 2009:
Honestly i have to say that is hard to deal with such nature instincts. It can become a battle with yourself every day.
And worst, other people can react due to your actions so you'll need to keep this fight inside.
Can help a little if friends love you the way you are and also your family. But most of all,
We need to love the way we are.
No one but ourselves can do it.
Mortgagestar1 from Weirton,West Virginia on December 01, 2009:
The pure honsty of this is riveting. gotta love experience women. They know who they are and expect others to be honest as well. Acceptance is a rarity these days.
Scarlett Black from New York on October 23, 2009:
Great Hub and what a journey. Thanks.
Neil Sperling from Port Dover Ontario Canada on October 10, 2009:
open minded - open hearted - and extremely well written.
Love - Light - Laughter!
Ivan the Terrible from Madrid on October 05, 2009:
Over all, love is a great power, a wonderful force. I have often said love is when an immovable force meets an irrestitable object.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on September 17, 2009:
Here's the link to AusBi's Blog on bisexuality http://sidebiside.blogspot.com/
Motherload - straight people don't have all this do they? I think the process of coming to terms with bisexuality is enriching though - it teaches us to delve into who we are and be as honest as possible when we question ourselves.
Cheeky Girl - thanks for your kind words and thoughtful comments :) It is such a painful lesson to learn - open relationships rarely work and for me, it just didn't ever suit my personality. I want my partner to be faithful to me!
Awsydney - yes it certainly is a hard road to travel. I wonder if your lesbian friend may decide she's bisexual at a later date?
awsydney from Sydney, Australia on September 16, 2009:
This is a great hub Susana. I personally know of some friends who are a little confused. One finally decided she is a lesbian after a few straight relationships. Hard work to go through all that.
Cassandra Mantis from UK and Nerujenia on September 16, 2009:
HY Susana S,
I am so moved by reading this hub. My girlfriend told me about it. I have a rule. As a bisexual woman - I only have one relationship at a time, never with both genders at the same time. Ilearned my lesson the hard way. And I was so in love with her. Alas. This is a brave and wonderful handling of a very misunderstood subject! You have inspired people here. Many Thanks! Blessings to you! I hope the future brings you better things!
Motherload on September 12, 2009:
Spoken truly. Its a confusing few years in the wilderness discovering who we are really. Straight people dont seem to have to go thru that. Well done, great Hub!
Susana Smith (author) from UK on September 09, 2009:
That would be great AusBi :) If you post your blog link I will also link to you! I'm glad you enjoyed the article....
AusBi on September 09, 2009:
A great piece that echoes the sentiments of so many of us. Thanks for sharing and putting your story out there so honestly and candidly. It will certainly help others.
If it's ok with you I'd like to link to your article from my bisexuality blog. The more people that read your post, the better!
Brandy on September 08, 2009:
I love it and i also have to say that i was found in this exact same sitation and I am now currently happy to be bisexual and no scared to tell anyone !!!!
Ivan the Terrible from Madrid on August 20, 2009:
More power to you, luv, and keep on keeping on! You have a wonderful view of life of which most people are envious. We are born as we are and we have to come to terms with that, and it's no other human being's place to judge or comment on it.
Sad to say that while most people have given up their idiotic jokes & attitudes about physically or mentally or emotionally disabled people, most people have not seen that Gay, Lesbian and Bi-Sexual people are also simply people just like us.
Clairissa Castro on August 18, 2009:
what a breath of fresh air!
Susana Smith (author) from UK on August 18, 2009:
Thanks for your comment MistHaven :)
MistHaven on August 17, 2009:
Very insightful Hub. It's true, you never really see any bisexual people depicted as anything but experimental or promiscuous.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on August 12, 2009:
Spaceinvader - I'm glad you don't feel alone - there are lots of us out there so there's no need to. I hope you get to where you want/need to be :)
Spaceinvader on August 11, 2009:
I am going through this at 33...Thank you for sharing:) I don't feel alone...
Susana Smith (author) from UK on August 03, 2009:
fenlander - Thanks for stopping by and having a read - glad you enjoyed it :)
Ghost - all I can say is that I'm glad I'm not a slave. S&M never did anything for me! She must have a really hard time of it to have such a complex sexuality....
fen lander from Whitstable on July 29, 2009:
interesting... a difficult one- I've never read or heard anything before re' this particular subject. Unique. I enjoyed it.
Ghost32 on July 11, 2009:
Susana, this is an EXCELLENT Hub. I do know about the pressures you describe--not for myself personally, but a very close friend is in a category even MORE "looked down upon" by other groups than the bisexual. Namely, she is a (uh-oh) transgender...who is shunned even by most other transgenders because she is also a committed (GASP!!) SLAVE!! Oh NO-O-O-O-O!!!!!
Susana Smith (author) from UK on July 02, 2009:
Thanks Soni and Dale for the compliments about my writing style. I'm new to this writing lark, though it's been something of a dream of mine to be a writer, I hadn't really started to do anything about it til I stumbled onto Hubpages. It's nice to get some feedback and hopefully I will learn more as I write more!
Dale Mazurek from Canada on July 02, 2009:
What a great hub. You first of all have great writing skills. Normally I would have passed right on a hub of this topic. Not because it doesn't interest me but because I really was ignorant to the fact of its acceptance.
Every word kept me wanting the next word. I stand by one of my forum posts about how much people can learn here at HubPages. Its far superior here than anywhere else.
Great work and kudos to you to have the guts to share your story.
Rajinder Soni from New Delhi, India on July 01, 2009:
I understand your story in a perfect manner Susana. You write really great.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on June 29, 2009:
I agree - it is amazing and quite hard to understand. I think more prejudice towards bisexuality comes from the gay community than the straight and rationally it's the place you'd think it was least likley to come from. Sadly it doesn't work that way. Maybe it challenges them in their "I'm 100% gay" thinking and that's uncomfortable for many.
Kelly W. Patterson from Las Vegas, NV. on June 29, 2009:
I've always been kinda amazed by the shortsightedness of the attitude of many gay people toward bisexuals. Mostly because a lot of the reasoning used to belittle or dismiss bisexuality is so similar to that used by straight people regarding gay people. You would think that people who spent their entire life being dismissed as confused or sexually perverse (or both) would be a little more accepting of other's sexuality, rather than attaching those same labels to it.
Susana Smith (author) from UK on June 28, 2009:
Michelle - I fully agree with you - i guess we just had a bigger pool to choose from! I'm interested to know if you still identify as bisexual after being in a long term heterosexual relationship?
Hawkesdream - Thank you for the praise it feels good!
Pearldiver - Wow, lovely comment! I'm blushing now......
Susana Smith (author) from UK on June 26, 2009:
What a lot of lovely comments to wake up to this morning!
Pete - I wish bisexuality was also better understood in society. I think the tide is turning - slowly. My 16 yr olds peer group are very accepting of one anothers different sexual preferences and the fluidity and changeability of them. That bodes well for the future!
Sunny - Yes, it comes from all sides at times. It was harder to cope with when i was unsure of who I was.
Daweii - I'm pleased to be your fan! I agree that there are lots of other truths that are hard to accept - like for instance how much I am like my parents, lol! Still working on that one!
Richard - Thanks for your thoughtful comments and questions. I'm monogamous in my marriage because I think that's the only way to have a truly intimate and satisfying relationship. Also, I'm not the kind of person that can cope with more than one relationship at once! I don't need to have both genders simultaneously. As Michelle says, I could as easily have been in a long term relationship with a woman - the type of body someone's packaged in doesn't matter to me. I guess the question is, "Am I still bisexual even though i'm in a commited heterosexual relationship?" To me the answer is yes, though some peple may disagree.
RedElf - Thanks for your comment. I'm nothing if not honest!
Rob Welsh from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time. on June 25, 2009:
Hi Susana... Good on you! I'm glad to be your fan as well.. There's a lot of 'Special' in your photo and in your heart written hub. Knowing 'who you are' without feeling any need to justify yourself to others makes you more so; from my perspective. We are all richer for your candor and your special Susana.. Thanks for being You.
Al Hawkes from Cornwall on June 25, 2009:
Congratulations on writing such a superb, heartfelt hub. Glad I am a fan , to have this opportunity is a rare insight. thankyou
Michellcat on June 25, 2009:
Well said. I completely relate, having gone through the same process myself. I've been faithful to one partner for 12 years now, (male,) but it could just as easily have been a woman, IF the right woman had come along. She didn't. He did. It's really that simple, and it's no different in the end from the choice heterosexuals make, to chose one person, out of all the potential partners in the world, to be monogamous with.
It's not that it "takes two sexes" to satisfy one's needs, it's just that we're attracted to more than one gender sometimes. It's a very confusing way to grow up, but once you're married, it's very simple.
RedElf from Canada on June 25, 2009:
Great hub! Honest and thoughtful. Thanks so much for sharing so openly on what many find a thorny topic. Proud to be your fan...:)
Richard Bivins from Charleston, SC on June 25, 2009:
Thanks for sharing this Susan, I have an aunt that shared a similar path as yours. I know it must have been difficult to come to terms about her sexuality, gay, staight, bi. I guess it's hard for some of us straight people to understand how a person can be in a committed relationship like a marriage and also be bi. You say it's not permiscuity but how do you differentiate between an emotional commitment with one partner and sex with another? I don't understand why it takes two genders to satisfy your needs. I'm not judging you and you are not "dirty." I'm just trying to understand because we obviously have a different idea of what makes a marriage. Again, no judgement and I wish you the best!
dawei888 on June 25, 2009:
Hi There Susana - First of all, thanks 4 joining my fan club. I just read through you hub. Your life experience read very similar to somebody very close to me in my family. I guess it takes years for us to finally accept certain truths about ourselves. but when we do we find out how nice it is knowing and accepting those truths. anyways, I'll share this with my family member as i think she'll appreciate it. cheers, dawei888
Sunny Robinson from Tennessee on June 25, 2009:
Wonderfully written! I often get annoyed at all the communities involved when it comes to bisexuality, even bisexuals themselves. Regardless of the label, anything involving sexuality is going to get a judgmental attitude from any party.
I enjoyed reading this piece, because the struggles are familiar and you wrote it with such blunt honesty.