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Men Are Clueless and Women Are Frustrated

Santiago Salinas is a student at The College of New Jersey pursuing a degree in Public Health, Psychology and Social Justice.

Dating a Woman is Not Rocket Science

The most common belief in society comes in the form of the saying, "Women are from Venus and men are from Mars", which enforces the belief that men and women are just too different to be able to have any kind of successful relationship. However, that is not the case at all. Understanding a woman is not as difficult as men think. The best way to understand what a woman needs in a relationship is by simply listening to her and effective communication. Seeing how this is so easy to be in a healthy and stable relationship with a woman, why is it that men seem to constantly fail at the most basic relationship tasks?

From perspectives of some of my close female friends, I can understand their frustrations when it comes to dating men. One of my friends, Julia, has had an on again, off again kind of relationship with a guy named Joe. The two met over the summer in college since they were both athletes and arrived first before anyone else. They spent a considerable amount of time together and they decided to see each other much more exclusively. It got to the point where the two of them had decided to only consider each other to be their "romantic" partners. This has been the case for them for their first semester, but after they had come back from break, the atmosphere between them had changed drastically.

Julia had reached out to many occasionally over break and explained that she feels that she is losing connection with Joe, mostly because of the distance and the scenarios that some of her friends would put into her head. One major concern that she had about Joe was if he would remain loyal to their commitment over the break. This concern led her to constantly be in her own mind and assume the worst was going to happen. While this may seem she is overreacting, it is very clear that this situation could have been avoided.

Joe demonstrates a common flaw among men, communication. Communication is the centralized thing when it comes to being in any relationship. Joe could have calmed Julia's nervous by keep in communication with her over the break. If he had done this then she would not have been hypnotized by these scenarios fro her friends in her hometown and by the other anxiety driven scenarios she conjured in her head while overthinking the situation. Men need to get better at communicating important things in a relationship and with themselves as well.

She's Not Demanding When She Asks for Acknowledgement

The one thing that drives men crazy about women is the attention that they need. However, they should not be giving grief because a woman asks for their attention. The stereotype that is perpetuated by men is that all women are demanding because they need attention 24/7. This statement, is so very wrong that it portrays women in a negative light. When a woman asks for attention it is not because she is demanding, it is because she has the right to it.

When you are having a conversation with one of your friends you would automatically give them your undivided attention when they are talking. It is a learned habit that becomes instinctual to you that you don't have to force yourself to stay awake to pay attention to when your friend is talking. So why should your girlfriend or wife be any different?

She is not One of Your Bros

It is never okay to treat your girlfriend like she is one of your guy friends. It is unacceptable and it makes her feel like you don't see her as a romantic partner. Men generally believe that by making their girlfriends feel like they are one of their friends is another reason why they are bad at dating.

One mistake that guys make comes before they started dating. My friend Maria and I were drinking coffee at the Dunkin Donuts near her high school when she starting telling about the guy she was interested in. She said to me that he cannot grasp the obvious fact that she is into him. He demonstrates this by telling her about one of his friends who is interested in her and asked if it would be okay if he put the two in contact with each other. When she told me this she looked visibly frustrated and she was also trying to logically think about how he is so blind to the fact that she clearly likes him. In this case, her romantic interest was treating her like one of his guy friends and she is not very happy about that.

A friendship and a relationship are two completely different things. When you talk to your friends, you are able to talk about anything such as love interests, what you did Friday night, and the hot weather on Channel 4. When you're with your girlfriend there are certain things that aren't a good idea to talk about. Some of these topics are common sense that no boyfriend in his right mind will bring up. One of these things is the woman he find attractive. Never talk about women with your girlfriend because it'll get her thinking you aren't as into her as she thought. Never treat your dates like hang outs with your friends because again, she will think that you are not as into her as she once thought.

The important thing to remember is that your girlfriend is not one of your guy friends.

Women Aren’t Difficult to Date, Men Are

On a Friday night, I found myself with nothing to do. Naturally I was heading to my school's library when I decided to pay my good friend, Brielle, visit. She and her friends were getting ready for a party being thrown by one of the fraternities at TCNJ when I heard some interesting conversation. One of her Brielle's friends, Ava, was having boy problems. This problem was that she was unable to decide what man she would want to go after. Ava is currently interested in two men, one who is attending the same school as her while the other she had known most of her life. The problem was it each of these men had something difficult about them. One man would always come running to Ava whenever his on again off again relationship would go low while the other man was teasing her and giving her hope as to what she wants. Because of this, Ava found it difficult to choose what man she would like to get serious with.

In high school, I would always hear the comments about how women were just too difficult to date because of their "mentality". The most common thing that men would complain about was that women were not able to make up their minds when it came to simple things such as deciding where they want to eat. However, I now learned that that reasoning was not always the case at all. From the mental instability Ava has demonstrated, it has been revealed that men are actually the ones who are difficult to date because of their own complications that they are unaware of. When men try to date women, they try to explain their girlfriend's outbursts by saying they are either needy or on their period. But what they fail to realize is that women are constantly frustrated with the games that some men play. In the case of Ava's struggle with men I couldn't help but wonder, are men so clueless that they cannot see the mental affects that their games have on women?


dashingscorpio from Chicago on February 17, 2020:

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If women are from Venus and men are from Mars it's because we as a society continue to indoctrinate children based upon their gender.

Little girls are given Ken & Barbie's Playhouse to decorate, Easy Bake Ovens, baby dolls and strollers, along with "Princess dresses" and tea sets to play with. In addition they are read fairytales about Price charming and knights in shinning armor coming to the rescue.

Romantic comedies &"chick flicks" also raise their expectations.

Most women have on some level been practicing to be wives and mothers from an early age. This explains why having the perfect wedding day is something they have been dreaming about for years.

Boys on the other hand are given toy guns, hot wheels cars, marbles, remote control planes/boats/cars, games to compete with. They don't spend their childhood pretending to be {fathers} or {husbands}. There is no such thing as a "Groomzilla"

Aside from the gender difference is a "timing" difference.

Guys don't start thinking about getting married until in their late 20s or early 30s. In fact most guys in their 20s are either living in dorm rooms or in their parent's basement. They want to focus on their career, play video games, watch sports, party with friends, & get laid!

The whole idea of settling down, getting married, signing a 30year mortgage, and having children is like watching their lives flash before their eyes! Most of their relationships are a matter of convenience.

Whenever two people don't want the same thing at the same time there are bound to be issues in a relationship.

Another example of gender difference is guys normally ask girls out whom they hope to have sex with at some point. Girls on the other hand may say "yes" to a date with guys they have NO romantic interest in! Maybe that's her favorite band or restaurant or she simply had no plans this weekend.

Naturally if the guy leans in to kiss her or attempts to make a move on her at the end of the night she's offended! The mistake here is guys believe girls say "yes" to dates for the same reasons that they ask them out! They "assumed" there was a physical attraction and some level of romantic interest on her part.

Since neither gender is ever upfront with each other both of them "pretend" like the guy had money burning a hole in his pocket and simply wanted to spend it on the first girl who said yes to a date!

She never questions why he chose to ask her out as opposed to the girl with a unibrow, crossed eyes, crater skin, bowlegs, stringing hair and buck teeth. It's not because she's "hot". LOL!

As for Joe and Julia they are too young and immature to understand how unrealistic it is to expect to make a relationship last 4-6 years during college including long-distance breaks.

It's even worse for high school sweethearts who go away to different universities. Young people love to be "free" and live in the moment.

They're not likely to want to pass up parties and other social activities just because they have girlfriend/boyfriend who is hundreds or thousands of miles away. They will justify having some fun!

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