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Killing the Myths About Men
A man can't love one woman. Men are afraid to commit. All men cheat. Men don't want to get married. Men don't like to communicate......There are so many myths about men that I could go on and on. But in reality these myths couldn't be further from the truth.
I will attempt to give you a inside look at "men", disprove some of the myths, give you a complete understanding of why men are so "complicatedly simple". Don't worry fellas, I have another article coming soon about women, their secret society, code and friends.
Men have a "two-instruction" guide that is programmed in all of them. Instruction #1: Keep everything simple. Instruction #2: If anything in your life gets complicated, refer to instruction #1.
Yes, men are simple/visual/physical creatures. They are low-maintenance, They like to see, they like to feel. But don't take that the wrong way, men want a relationship, men know how to love, they know how to communicate and men do know how to commit. The only thing is that a man does not want to feel pressured into any of these situations, especially marriage. They like to believe they are in control, even when they are not. (Hint #1 for women)
Men in the Beginning
Men are conquerors. Men like to believe that they have completed a top mission no matter what it is. So yes, this includes relationships. They will conquer and simplify any and every thing in their life. The whole dating and romancing thing was to difficult for the caveman, so he simplified it. When he saw a woman that he liked, he would just club her over the head and drag her back to his cave.
For a man it is simple, you are his girlfriend. Nothing else has to be said. Although the woman may take it to another "level", for a man that is it. That means when he introduces you to his friends, you may just be introduced as "your name". Don't be offended, that is just him being a man. You are with him, so believe me when I say, " the fellas already know what's up".
When the Dating Starts
When a man and a woman start dating, there is a period of adjustment for both. First, they disappear from their little circle of friends. Doing lunch together and rushing home to get ready and meet somewhere for dinner. Watching movies together and just hanging out. This can go on for a couple of months. But for the man, two weeks of that is too long. While you two were cuddling, he was wondering what his homeboys were up to. It's Monday night, the fellas are gathering at their favorite bar to watch a game. He really wants to be there, but he doesn't know how you will react. Instead he sits there in torture watching wedding shows and reality TV. Even if you are watching the game with him, it's not the same as him watching the games with the fellas.
See, men start sacrificing early in the relationship. I know you are saying, " that is so simple, men think it's a sacrifice to give up watching a game with his friends. " ( Remember Instruction #1 - Keep it Simple.) If you would have just really paid attention to him, you would have known that.
(Here is where men get "complicatedly" simple.) Let's say that one of his friends calls and ask if he is coming out to watch the game with the fellas. He'll answer and say " No, not tonight man, I'm chillin' with my baby." First, he will keep saying his friends name to make sure you know he is talking to his best friend. Then you will say what was (whoever) talking about. He will smile and say, " Oh, the fellas are getting together like we usually do to have a beer or two and look at the game." You will tell him go ahead and go, he will say that's ok, he'd rather chill with you. (Yeah, a hidden message, sounds familiar ladies.)
Although you and he had that night planned, he figured you knew that he hung out with the guys on Monday nights. Before you guys got real serious, that is what he normally did. This is part of learning everything about your man, the same way that you want him to know you.
Have you noticed (women), that when you start dating a man and one day your girls call and want to go out, he is so quick to say yeah. That is because he expects the same thing when his fellas call. Although you told him to go ahead, he knows that you will have a different attitude when he gets back.
One of the biggest mistakes that men and women make when they meet someone new is they stop doing what they use to do. ( women I will get to you later) Men stop going to the bar to have a drink with their close friends. Something that they did every Monday for years. He doesn't play ball on every other Saturday morning anymore. That is something that she should know as soon as you two start dating. But a man is so caught up in making his "woman" happy, that he forgets about himself. A woman should let him know that she understands that he has some things that he do on a regular bases with his friends. Just like women need a day to do their thing, men also need a day to be themselves, hang out with the fellas just be a man.
More Than Just Friends
When it becomes more than just friends, the man doesn't know. After friends, it is dating, women transition to this real smooth. For a man, the problem usually is that it was never really discussed. Men think simple, so being friends and dating are the same thing. (He was already committed)
What Men Are Looking For
Men are looking for a woman who is attractive to them.
A man is looking for someone he can call on, trust in and love. Yes women, men want to love. So when he met you he had already gone thru the process of considering if he likes you. They say that women love harder than men, but men will fall for a woman faster than a woman will fall for a man. I know it sounds crazy, but it is true. Men are attracted to what they like visually. To a woman this may seem so childish or simple, but it is true. Each man has his own taste, but understand that when he decided he liked you, 95% of the of the attraction was visual. But usually, it is that other 5% ( attitude ) that changes a man feelings for a woman.
A man will go all out to be with a woman, to have her in his life. When he didn't go fishing or wash his car or to the bar or to his friends house to watch the fight, he was sacrificing. Simple to you, but the ultimate sacrifices to him. But your attitude (the other 5%) will not let him know that you see him sacrificing anything. So now he feels you take him for granted. Men always want to see their women happy, so he won't even let you know. Instead he will make that ultimate mistake of hiding his true feelings.
Even when you gave him the little blow-off attitude when he first approached you, he still pursued you. Not only because men feel they have to accomplish all missions, but because a physical attraction, for a man, is very strong. He will learn to deal with all your emotions. (sacrificing his beliefs to be with the woman he is attracted to) And it is no secret that women are very emotional creatures.
A Man and His Emotions
Men are emotional too. Men cry. Men get hurt. But a man will hide all of that, especially to remain strong in front of a woman. Understand this is something that has been instilled in a man since he was very small. Suck it up, man up, men don't cry, stop crying and be tough, be a man, stop acting like a baby, grow up.....these are some of the things that men hear as a child. So from an early age, men are taught to control their emotions, hide your pain, to never let anyone know you are hurt.
So ladies, when it seems like he doesn't care, it's not that. It is probably that he doesn't know how to show his sorrowful emotion because he has been taught to repress those emotions.(what I have just told you is probably the best info you will ever get about a man) It is not that he doesn't care, he just doesn't know how to show it. He really wants to tell you to suck it up, but he knows that is not the right thing to do. So he hugs you and pats you on your back and tells you that everything will be alright.
How Men Communicate
For a woman, a conversation with a man can be very frustrating. First of all, men don't like long drawn out conversations. When a woman says she wants to talk, a man thinks to himself, "Oh my God, here we go." A man will give a one word answer to a two-part question. Simple. To a man, that is all that was required. A man feels pressured to not say anything that will start an argument, or something that may offend his woman. Even if that means "hiding" his emotions.
A woman will say whatever comes to mind, nomatter the consequences. Even if she knows it will hurt him.
Men ask simple questions, men give simple answers. Even when it comes to affairs of the heart. A man tries to avoid arguments with the woman in his life for two reasons. First, he doesn't want to say anything that will hurt her or cause her to fly off the handle. Secondly, men are not equipped to win an argument with a woman. Yes, you read that right, men are not equipped to win an argument with a woman. See the key to that statement is that a man has a need to feel that he won, but a woman has the power to prove that she is right. Win or be right? Is it worth the argument?
Even if he feels he won the argument, he lost the fight. He lost because now she is not talking to him and he is probably sleeping on the couch. So a man learns quickly, stay out of arguments with her and just agree. But this tactic backfires because it only inferriates women more.
Just A Man
A man can only be one thing, a man. Some of his faults is how you and he became a couple. He is a visual creature, he is a physical creature.
* He looks at other women
* He tells his friends that you have a friend that is fine
* Men want a woman and a freak
* Sex is a high priority for men
Every man has looked at his girlfriend's/wife's friend. You know the one that always has on something see thru, tight, short or all three. Yes, we think that girl down the street is sexy. It is not meant as disrespect to his love, he is just being a man. That doesn't mean he is trying to sleep with someone else.
What happens is that when you two met, you were "loving" him almost every day. But once you knew you had him, you quit doing the little things. From showing up in just high-heels and a coat to calling him and saying you wish you could be with him right now. And if he mentions it, you fly off the handle and ask him is that all he wants. A man is not going to ask you for much, but those things that made you two go in hibernation are things that he expect to keep happening.
Men don't like some of your friends just like you don't like some of his friends. The difference is he won't mention it, until you mention that you don't like one of his friends. He won't say anything because he is trying to avoid confrontation, he is trying to control his emotions and he doesn't want you to say anything about his friends.
Sometimes a man wants you to take charge in the bedroom. Ok, I know some will say that's not true, but it is. A man wants to feel "wanted" to. He doesn't always want to be the one to initiate it. 50/50, on everything. For the majority of men, that is a turn-on for their woman to take charge.
Men are truly far from what the myths would have you believe. They are loving, caring, committed and they do know how to communicate. They do want to marry and settle down. If a man is physically attracted to a woman and she blows him off, it becomes a mission to win her heart. (and women take advantage of that ) Really because a man has a need to accomplish and conquer. At the same time he wants to show that he does care. I know that seems complicated, but really it is simple, to a man. A man that has been taught to surpress his emotions of pain, sorrow and caring. He has been told to not cry, be strong, don't let anyone know that you are hurt.....
So, he does cry, he does care, he does commit, he can love one woman and he can communicate. As a woman you ask, "Well, why can't he show it?" He can, but remember he is only a man, "Complicatedly" Simple.
* I know I didn't touch on all the subjects about men, but I tried to give some of the key points that most men complain about in relationships. But women if you take this and apply it to all the other aspects of your relationship, I am willing to bet things will go better in it. If you don't remember anything else from this article, remember this: Let your man be a man. Let him feel like it was his idea or decision. Even when it's not. Make him feel wanted and appreciated. Make him feel important. MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE A MAN!
acanderson24 (author) on March 30, 2015:
Luceyd....I welcome your opinion. But obviously you read this article with a closed mind. Sure I exaggerated the numbers. But there was a point to it. Visual is not always physical....it can be what I see in you. Wasn't an attack on men...nothing is perfect. Like you said, if there was an exact science or formula....but there isn't one...which means that nothing written can be perfect or exactly right....not even your comment that love and attraction are subtle, inexplicable and elusive. Because I believe love is just a chance. No guarantee. Just chance. But again that's my opinion. You made a good point. But just like the article, it's just an opinion. Thank you for your feed back.
Luceyd on April 25, 2014:
This is an outdated, sexist article befitting of the 1950s. Nowadays women love sex and want their men to look good, too. To say for either gender that looks is 95% of why a person is with another is ridiculous. While our culture celebrates the superficial there are intelligent people out there who know there is more to life, and look for true compatibility beyond the physical when selecting a mate. All your article does is insult man, to think he is no better than an animal having to succumb to his most base instincts. Attraction and love are subtle, inexplicable and elusive... if there was an exact science or formula for it, we'd all be doing it, but I can guarantee you that reducing men to simple, animalistic, superficial creatures only perpetuates the myths you wish to dispel.
Pamela on June 22, 2013:
Simply fantastic!! Good luck;-)
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acanderson24 (author) on July 31, 2011:
This article was really written out of fun...but, there are a lot of truths in it...@KLWILLIAMS think about everything you just said. That was all simple. If you naked you having sex, if you are clothed you are going out..how more simple can that get for a man...lol
KLWILLIAMS75 on January 09, 2010:
Man I have to disagree with the entire article. The only simple thing about men is They know when the woman answers the door in jeans and a shirt nothing is going on but a movie or some board games, if she open the door look like she is going out, he is taking her to the movies, if she comes to the door with boy shorts and a t-shirt or a house dress fitting every curve he then know it is on tonight lol, other then that men or all games and it is up to women to stay one step ahead.
Cindy Crawford on January 05, 2010:
Yeah some of it seemed like B.S., I mean can all mean really be so simple? I don't think so, they have to be a little deeper than that, but whatever you know all. I mean some of it was pretty helpful
deestew from Kentucky on December 01, 2009:
This was an excellent article. Good luck in your writing endeavors.
christalluna1124 from Dallas Texas on November 27, 2009:
Excellent article. very informative, explains alot of behaviors that turn off women. Very emotional, very deep.
Lifes Joke on November 17, 2009:
This girl tells me i act like a man wtf...lol...but i think this article is very insightful and well written...i look forward to reading your article on women...