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Loving the Once Abused Girl

Being in any kind of abusive relationship can cause PTSD. It can cause stress, anxiety, apprehension, and trust issues. After years of abuse, we forget what it’s like being in a real relationship. We forget that we are our own person and we have our own lives outside of making sure that we take care of our significant other. We forget to guard ourselves for our dignity and independence to take care of ourselves. We go through years of growing trust within ourselves after. It may take us some time before we get back into the flow of things, and even start a new relationship. But when we do, it’s a challenge not only for us but also for our new partner. There are few things to consider when loving the once abused girl. Consider options but realize that when a guarded girl shows you love, it’s the purest love of all.

We are fragile but stronger than a rock

After the first few months of my relationship with my boyfriend, we began to realize that my heart was like tofu. Even the littlest comment punctured my heart. I cried endlessly of how fearful I became of a reoccurring abuse. Remember that our hearts have been stepped on, and walked all over. It’s not like we don’t want honesty, though. Please be honest when we are acting out or acting in a difficult way, but value our extra soft tofu heart too. There will be a lot of crying, some resentment for a little, even times where we will ignore you just to have a little peace of mind to get out of our old ways for a second. We will come around. The tofu heart is only temporary. On the outside of that tofu heart, is a shield hard as a rock. We shield our little tofu heart so much that we resent ourselves from letting someone be aggressive with us again. Eventually, we will come around. We seek honesty in our new bound relationship so stay honest with us. No matter how ugly it may seem.


We are well guarded

We have guarded our hearts and our minds for a period of time. We have begun to trust ourselves again to not allow someone to take advantage of our body, mind, and spirit. Now we have opened our hearts a little to let someone in, to slowly care for that same heart that was once stepped on and slashed apart. Although, now we’ve guarded our heart so much that we’re so afraid to let someone in, to love us. To show us how love is really like. We’re afraid to see what happens when we open our hearts a little more. For a while, I guarded and well, I still guard my heart towards my boyfriend. It’s not like he’s going to hurt me and I may have said this once before and seen otherwise but, I’ve known him practically all my life. Even as long as I’ve known him, I still am afraid to let him in. He treats me like a Queen. He is there for me at every possible waking need. It takes time and patience. Loving a guarded girl is the purest love of them all. Because when she lets you in, it’s all from the rare of her own heart.

Be our advocate

Even though we seem like a tough cookie on the outside. The inside is another story. We may still have our moments from time to time. Remember that you aren’t just our boyfriend, there’s more to it than that. You opened your arms to a girl who just walked out of an abusive relationship, you knew what you were getting yourself into. You are now our best friend, our better half, the person we should confine to when we have no others there. Plus, that’s what relationships are about, communication. We will talk to you about our feelings and it is difficult to bring up our past and you hearing about it. But it will happen from time to time. There will be little things that trigger it, or if in my case, have a child with the abuser. Then you’ll hear it quite often. Be patient, all we are looking for is someone to cuddle us and tell us it’s OK. Listen to our perspective and help us get through this. We need someone other than our therapist to confide in. We sometimes need to see and hear it from your view to move on. Remind us to stay positive and motivated to keep moving forward in our lives. We will get through it.

We think differently than other girls

We spent some time to find ourselves for a minute. We are working our way to get back on our own two feet without the help of others. We’re working hard at learning ourselves and finding just who we actually are again. We once knew ourselves of a strong and independent woman. But now we see the world in a whole different perspective. We see that our heart, body, and mind is now the most important thing to our soul. We value ourselves more than we ever have. We have once sought out all the negative in our minds and against our bodies, because we were once neglected of how intelligent or how beautiful we were. We don’t mistreat others because of how we were once mistreated and hurt. We will distinguish everything because we never got to value our own opinion for so long. We value ourselves now and all were really looking for is for someone to value us the same way or even more.

We will have trust issues

It’s not the same kind of trust issues like being cheated on or flirting with other girls. We’re talking about trust issues altogether. At one point, we gave our trust to someone who degraded us as a human being. We trusted them to take care of our hearts and them in return stepped and ripped it apart with disrespect and hurt. This is why we guard ourselves so much in some parts. We now hold on to our trust more than anything. We keep it in a little secret pocket next to our heart that in one day someone will value our trust with honesty. It takes one day at a time to open that gate up. Honesty and respect will mean everything to us.

Our love is one of a kind. Be patient with us. It will take some time but time is everything when you have someone to help you get through it with you. It may sound like a complete udder mess, but you knew what you were getting into. This is a journey that can be built into a lifetime relationship. It just takes two loving people who care about the wounded mind and soul to get through it.

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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.


Natasha Wanderly form USA on November 16, 2019:

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