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Loving My Crossdressing Partner, Not Just "Dealing With" Him


…I sat on his bed and watched his shadow change as he became my new girlfriend...the first time I met her, she was shy and nervous, and I was anxious to take pictures to show off my beautiful girl--and my makeup skills ;) I was a bit nervous for her too, though. Afterwards, I wished I would have paid more attention to her—touched her, kissed her—instead of just being her photographer, but thankfully there were plenty more opportunities for fun after that… ;)

Since I was very young, even before I really understood my tendencies, I’ve had a strong connection to gender bending, androgyny and anything related. As I got older, I realized I was bisexual/queer and had an attraction to androgynous men, cross-dressers, and trans women. Now, since the universe has decided to bless me with exactly who I’ve been wishing for, I have to stop and think every once in a while of how amazingly grateful I am. I thought I would share some of my thoughts and feelings with you, and maybe it will be useful, interesting, or something you can connect with.

Part of what inspired me to share my story is a book I’ve been reading called “My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser” by Helen Boyd. I realized that so few girlfriends and wives of CDs share my same perspective. There are plenty of stories of women who suddenly found out about their partner’s crossdressing after years of marriage and were horrified. There are also those who found out, or were told early on in the relationship, and were more able to be accepting, but still did not feel quite the same as I do. I think a big part of my (seemingly rare feelings compared to other partners) is my bisexuality, and my specific attraction to those of unique gender identities and expressions. Since not all bisexual women feel the same about crossdressing as I do, I thought I should make that clear. I have realized recently that I do feel more fulfilled with my CD/Two Spirit partner than I probably would with a typical man or woman. I use the term Two Spirit for him as well because he truly connects with that concept of being two different gendered souls in one body. Being with him/her has helped me to learn about myself and how I really did need someone who has elements of both genders and embraces them both beautifully.

Another reason I decided to talk about my thoughts is because I don’t see enough support from CDs’ significant others. I mostly see CDs themselves talking about how they wish they could find women who accept them, and according to “My Husband Betty,” there are some forums where women complain about their husbands and even ban women who try to show any feelings of acceptance. I really wish there was more of a movement to promote acceptance of this group along with the more prevalent movements for the LGBT community.

No matter how small or hidden or looked down upon the movement may be, I would love to be a part of it. I would love to share my feelings if it could even help just a few people. I would love to talk about how I love and admire my partner’s feminine nature in so many indescribable ways, and how I love doing his makeup, dressing him up, and just enjoying spending time with ‘her.’ He makes me want to do everything from making love to his sexy female self and being fun and crazy and kinky, to writing old fashioned love poems about the simplest gestures that make her so beautiful to me. I want to be a part of celebrating something that shouldn’t be thought of as shameful. So, some people think it’s “perverse” because it might turn him on to dress up, but why can’t it be a sexual thing? Why does it become more “wrong” if it has to do with sex too and not only “getting in touch with his feminine side”?

Being gay, lesbian and bisexual has to do with sex too, but those communities are becoming more accepted and celebrated now, so why shouldn’t crossdressing follow along with that? I really do have hopes and dreams of showing the world how beautiful this can be. There are so many wonderful layers and facets far beyond what you see on Jerry Springer.

I may be crazy to think of changing the world, or even changing just a few minds, but I don’t care anymore about sounding crazy or being too controversial…nothing inspires you to want to change the world quite like being in love. <3


Kathleen D. on February 20, 2016:

I would never want to date a guy that crossdressed in public for all to see. I DO really like it when I can get a guy to wear a bra and panties under his guy clothes. I know that a guy is really into me if I he will wear a bra for me. It's great fun to go out to dinner or a movie with a guy knowing that he has that under his clothes. He will be a bit more o edge and will pay lots of attention to me, knowing that it's our romantic secret. I once got a guy to go to the movies with me wearing a bra and big breast forms under his shirt and heavy winter coat. We sat in the back row and I loved teasing him. It really can get a guy hot . I don't want an openly obvious crossdresser, but I do love it when a guy shows his dedication by wearing something under his clothes for me. It makes our relationship more romantic. I've never failed to get a boyfriend to wear at least a bra and panties for me even in conservative Davenport,Ia.

Kathleen D. on February 07, 2016:

I live in the Midwest (Davenport,Ia) , and I would never want to date a guy who openly dressed as a woman. My boyfriends have always worn panties for me, and sometimes even pantyhose, padded bras, and even girdles. None of them would ever want to be considered a crossdresser and all of them have been 100% heterosexual. They will wear a bra and panties for me discreetly as our bit of intimacy. I have never had a boyfriend refuse to do this for me over the years. I work as a bartender and I've seen glimpses of guys wearing panties, usually with their girlfriends nearby. Sometimes a guy bends over a bit and you can see the lace edge above his belt in back. If your guy really loves you, he will something special for you.

stockingdreaming on August 22, 2012:

This is certainly the relationship that all 'lost' CD-TV's are looking for. My wife is more 'butch' but I am adopting a NEW attitude. Just like the old addage "who wears the pants in this family"...........I am now the one who wears the panties in my family......and everything that will go with it! Mostly my passion to please and to be pleased and to be complete in our relationship.

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differentspirits (author) on August 21, 2012:

Tammy, that's wonderful! I'm so happy you have an understanding and loving partner too :) Likewhatiam, yes I agree! There are so many different shades of gender and we shouldn't have to put ourselves in boxes so we don't upset hateful people. You are unique and beautiful as you are.

likewhatiam on August 03, 2012:

I just wish we could all just be what we want and wear whatever we want without being branded or ridiculed by the neanderthals.

Tammy on August 03, 2012:

i have fininally meet th most amazinf woman who loves unconditionally and love both sides of me. I know sharing this with her has done nothing but strenghten our relationship and made our connection true n unique. My love for her is beyond words but know my heart has been given to her has me and th person i am

RobynTheBeautiful from Newcastle, New South Wales on June 27, 2012:

Fantastic, there should be more females like you.

ediann on June 27, 2012:

Dear differentspirit,

Thank you for reading my story and understanding my situation which certainly goes far deeper than crossdressing as I am female in my mind, body and soul and need to take proper action to change the physical to match the mental. I love my wife and son and will always stay by their side no matter what. Thank you for sharing your story too and for being so understanding. You and your husband/"girlfriend" have a special relationship!

differentspirits (author) on June 27, 2012:

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, honey! I really do wish there were more accepting partners and people in general. Your feminine side is wonderful and beautiful to me, and I'm so happy you can be open with me about yourself :)

AlexaCutie on June 26, 2012:

A truly inspiring story for those who find themselves in situations where their significant other is less than accepting. The world definitely has much to learn in acceptance of those who enjoy crossdressing. The world needs to see that there is more to it than just throwing on any article of clothing that is associated with the opposite sex. Some people are more comfortable in said clothes. It's not as "perverse" as some may see it. Some men are just more in touch with their feminine sides than most, and they enjoy expressing it. :)

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