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Love Is a Thing of the Past and Hopeless Romantics Are Black Cats in a Coal Cellar

Maps is 31 year old Commercial specialist by profession. He negotiates for a living. He's a Sagittarius so he's honorable, truthful & blunt.

Its night time, you’re at your favourite hangout spot with the besties screaming in enjoyment at the top of your voice, with alcohol the mighty catalyst seeping from your pores, already elevating you to a height of excitement that resonates with finding suitable mates. Well-deserved after a long day listening to senior stiffs ramble on about company objectives, targets and work performance. The music is playing, granted it’s a little loud but not so loud that that you have to shout when having a conversation. laughing at the top of your voice now as you flirt with a potential mate, saying “No man, you’re so crazy”, “oh my God that’s so Wild how can you say that?”, “you are definitely a bad influence to me”... ring a bell?


You’ve been talking for 2 hours now about interests, family, life, hopes, dreams and of course about copulation whilst modestly flaunting your prowess in relation to matters of the flesh. A number of things can happen after this encounter. You could stagger your way home tripping and falling along the way, and have earth shattering coitus so hypnotic and riveting that it makes God jealous that he/she does not have a penis or a vagina. Or you could collect contact details and get to know each other more in the weeks to come over text, calls, lunches, dinners and movies dates. All whilst respecting boundaries with the ever so famous “90 day rule”. Preserving your momentary chastity, followed by intense fornication 3 months later.


Truth is regardless of which option you choose above there is a 90% chance of it ending in tears. Love is not your friend. Not in this day and age anyway. Love Life in the present time is not a movie like the notebook or a gripping Daniel Steele novel. It’s more like sprinting in a 100meter hurdle race but you keep having false starts, however you only realize this and get called back after you jump the first hurdle. And truth is you might never reach the finish line. Crazy right? In 2021 you can look for love in all the right places and find attractive human beings with seemingly sincere faces that seem courteous, preach loyalty, appear kind and seem to want everything you want in life. Strangely you will still end up walking in on your attractive human-being being put into pretzel positions by another human being.

We live in the age of abundance, modern savages and self-serving sexual gratification. By savage I don’t mean pre-historic Homo sapiens but rather modern Rhianna fanatics (Hi Riri... love your music). We reside in the “LOL” and “LMAO” age where we no longer use English to woo each other but rather show our carnal competency in courting through a captioned form of playful humorous animations called “memes”. Monogamy, loyalty and pair intimacy are no more. Holding hands in public and deep spiritual bonding is extinct. People only want to be shagged and no one wants to be loved. People don’t want to kiss for hours instead they want to gag and choke. People don’t want one way connections they want multiple intersections. In this attempt to experience as much physical pleasure as humanly possible in the now, people have created an environment where feeling something emotionally is taboo. The previously taboo became the standard and the previous standard became the taboo. You’ve heard it countless times, “don’t catch feelings”, as if feelings are a pair keys being thrown in your direction and you actually have a choice. Sex has been super sensationalized by the social media boom. Peaches and eggplants are the order of the day. Grey sweats, male member prints and bodies in lingerie are one click away on Instagram. Silhouette challenges are all the craze followed by meetings in the proverbial “DMs” to arrange what common folk refer to as “sex appointments”. Once again intersections and not connections.


Where does this leave the 10%? Where does this leave the minority? Where does this leave the hopeless romantic? Where does this leave love?
It leaves love as a hidden rarity that some may never experience even in a lifetime of intersections, even if one was truly seeking connections.

So on the rare occasion that you do find love, on the rare occasion that you do experience the “chaos of the stars”, however broken and shattered you may be from the standard, piece yourself together quick and put hands on that rare taboo. Hold on tight as if your life depended on it and don’t let go.

Because love is a thing of the past, and finding it in 2021 is spotting a black cat in a coal cellar.

© 2021 Maps Maphumulo


Maps Maphumulo (author) on March 04, 2021:

Hi Devika Primić from Croatia,

Love is a beautiful thing, its magic, its a dance in the rain, its a shooting star, its sunshine on your face on a cold morning, its healing, its a feeling that carries you through anything knowing that as long as i have that person things are going to be alright.

like any dance “it takes two to tango”... i agree with you both people have to be actively working on the love daily. Its not easy but its worth it and its very rewarding.

Thank you so much for your comment and view Devika its much appreciated and valued!

Maps Maphumulo (author) on March 04, 2021:

Hi Dashing Scorpio, from Chicago. Thank you so much for your comment and interest in this topic, i am very excited to engage with you on this.

First and foremost i will address the marriage discussion... if you look at the US Census Bureau marriage age data you will notice that the median age people got married at in the 70’s was around 21.6 years of age for women, and 23.4 years of age for males. In 2018 these figures rose to 27.8 years of age for women and 29.8 for men. This shows that there is evidence to support that over time, the time taken to find a suitable mate has definitely increased. Supporting the discussion in the article with regards to the increasing rarity of finding love over time if we relate love to marriage as per your analysis, which once again is greatly appreciated. I love to have engaging conversations with intelligent people. So once again we are failing more than we were half a century ago in terms of the “failing our way to success” relationship analogy.

Furthermore i agree with you 100% dating is a numbers game... good things take time agreed, however these good things are taking more time than they used to. Hence once again that the rarity of love in relation to marriage (as per your comment) as time passes, has increased.

Have a super day!

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on March 04, 2021:

Maps Maphumulo I think that love is special so when you have love with someone they too ought to be special. Other than that, love won't be the same . Love is something that is shared between two people who feel mutually for each and needs to be worked on every day. When you allow other issues to come in between the love you destroy your relationship.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on March 04, 2021:

In the U.S. over 2.3 million weddings take place each year.

Even people who have been divorced get remarried.

Clearly finding love is not all that "rare".

However when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th time up at bat. If this were not the case we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

During our youth we allowed "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices.

Most of us had yet to figure out who (we) are let alone knew what traits we wanted and needed in a mate for life!

It's almost the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

Our relationships during our teens and 20s usually end up being "practice relationships". Rarely does anyone find their "soulmate" at age 17 or 21 and spend the next 60-70 years living happily ever after! We're just too naïve and immature to know it at the time.

With each failed relationship, heartache, and betrayal we are presented with an opportunity to either craft or refine our mate selection process and "must haves list" for choosing our next mate.

"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is." - Henry Cloud

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