Skip to main content

Lifestyle Choices: How To Deal With Constant Negativity

Positive activities net positive results.

Positive activities net positive results.

The most positive person I know.

The most positive person I know.

I drink from the positive today and flush the negative in my life.

I drink from the positive today and flush the negative in my life.

I made a commitment to myself back in November, 2006. Fresh out of an alcohol treatment center and determined to change my life for the better, I actually made several commitments rather than just one. All of those commitments, however, had one thing in common: building a better life for myself, one based on love, compassion, empathy and happiness.

During the years when I was an active alcoholic and even when I wasn’t drinking but was a dry drunk, my life was littered with unhappiness and unhappy people. You see, alcoholism breeds unhappiness and discontent, so day after day, month after month, year after year I would wallow in a self-constructed world of unhappiness, one that was self-perpetuating and perfectly crafted to guarantee many more years of unhappiness.

When I made the commitment to sobriety it became very apparent that I needed to change practically everything about me and my environment and that meant the people in my environment if they were part of the problem rather than a part of the solution.

Make no mistake about it: this was a conscious decision that I made and I set about implementing my decision with a singular purpose. Tunnel vision would aptly describe how I went about this new lifestyle but please remember that to fall back to the old ways most certainly meant death for me.

So what did this new lifestyle look like?


My new mantra, life is good, had no room for self-constructed unhappiness, nor did it have room for the continual negativity from others. I began the business of weeding out the negativity and negative people and replacing it all with positive influences and positive people. Simple in the stating of purpose but not nearly as easy in the implementation; you see, eliminating people from my life is not something I enjoy doing, even when I consider them to be toxic. Let me give you an example.


Mary is one of my recent rejections. I met her a little over three years ago and formed a friendship and a bond. We had many similarities, both wanted sobriety and a bond formed. We shared with each other, laughed and cried with each other and built from the ground up what I believed was going to be a life-long friendship.

I tried to help Mary whenever she needed it because that’s what friends do, right? I listened to her seemingly endless supply of problems, helped whenever I could in any way that I could and genuinely tried my best to be the type of friend I had always wanted to be but was unable to be because of alcohol.

As the friendship grew I began to notice that when I would see Mary my mood changed; I could be having the greatest day and then a dark cloud would fall over me when Mary called or visited. I tried to ignore it in the name of friendship but eventually it became impossible to deny the fact that Mary was toxic and was taking no steps towards changing herself or her situation.

Finally, a year ago, I called Mary and explained that I would always care for her as a person but I was unable to remain an active friend and yes, I told her why. You see my happiness, upon which my sobriety depends, was much too important to me to risk on someone who was not willing to change.

I no longer see Mary or talk to her; her negative energy needed to leave my life.


Richard gained sobriety just about the time I did after a brief relapse in 2002; he subsequently relapsed just about the time I did in 2005 and again sobered up in 2006. We had been good friends, both working to change our lives and we spent many an hour together watching ball games and fighting the good fight.

Scroll to Continue

After the last relapse in 2006 I vowed to practice the program of Alcoholics Anonymous which meant to practice the steps and traditions and change my life. Rich did not! Subsequently, while my life changed as did my outlook on life, Rich is now just a sober drunk with all of the old tendencies and negative thinking.

Rich and I are no longer friends. I will not surround myself with negative people spouting negativity. Life is much too short for me to return to that kind of life.


One of the first things my sponsor did for me in 2006 was give me a passage to read from the AA approved book “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.” At the end of Chapter One there is a line that talks about hitting bottom….and here I am going to paraphrase….and our willingness to listen as only the dying will have. That line perfectly describes my feelings towards negativity. For my survival I need to construct a positive world to live in and once constructed surround myself with positive people.

This is a difficult decision but one I take quite seriously because we are talking about my survival. I will not include in my world negative people. It is my belief that negative people attract other negative people so those I choose to eliminate from my life will have no problem finding someone else to be negative with. You see, my first responsibility is to me and my happiness, and I take that responsibility as though my life depended upon it...because it does.


If I receive poor customer service at a store, what I consider to be negativity, I will not shop at that store again. If I have a customer who is negative I severe business connections with that person. If I have acquaintances who are a negative influence I cut ties with them.

Today life is good. I treat others in a positive manner and expect the same in return; if it is not given then so be it; have a nice life and don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out of my life. These actions of mine may seem harsh to some and that is perfectly fine with me. I do not make any attempt to tell others how to live their lives and I expect the same in return. I know what works for me and that is all that is important.

One of the most positive things I have ever done in my life was begin a relationship with Bev. She is the most positive human being I have ever met and I plan on keeping her in my life until I breathe my last breath. I hope all of you have a Bev in your life so that you can smile at life’s little pleasures and have a partner with whom you can dance in the rain.

There is an old accounting term that perfectly describes the person I do not want in my life. The acronym is GIGO and it stands for Garbage In Garbage Out. In other words, if all you think about is negativity then all you will produce in your actions and words is negativity. I think I will coin my own acronym, one that will shine a light to guide my path for years to come. I will call it PIPO!

Positive In Positive Out! Have a wonderful life, all of you, and above all else, do all things with love.

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

To order my new Lifestyle Choices book on Kindle go to:


Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on July 06, 2012:

Again, Stephanie, thank you! You mean my acronym actually comes up when you search for it? That is way too cool! I just made that up and it's catching there is a positive legacy.

Stephanie Henkel from USA on July 06, 2012:

This hub just radiates positive energy! I love your new acronym, PIPO! I finally decided to do a search to find the meaning after seeing you and others use it, and I was not surprised to find it's meaning. :)

Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to eliminate negative influences from your life, particularly when the negativity comes from long-time friends. But I agree that our self preservation depends on keeping a positive outlook. This is such a worthwhile read, well written and inspiring! Voted up and tweeted!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on May 05, 2012:

Amy, my pleasure! Take care and I'm here if you need an ear.

Amy Becherer from St. Louis, MO on May 05, 2012:

Thank you, Bill. Yes, I am an optimist and will continue to press on. Thank you for your understanding and good wishes.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on May 05, 2012:

Amy, I do hear you. I would never say some trite, mundane thing like hang in there, things will get better, because quite frankly when things are as bad as they are for you right now those words sound hollow and meaningless.

I only know what I was taught and that's to keep moving forward and sooner or later things will change. I will not give up; I am wired to persevere and I have the feeling you are too. If you should ever need to vent I'll be more than happy to listen.

Take care and may you find happiness soon!


Amy Becherer from St. Louis, MO on May 05, 2012:

My life has taken a path in the opposite direction. I started out completely happy, and felt blessed and lucky for the most part. When some difficulty darkened my doorstep, I blew past it, minimized and didn't worry. Things had a way of working out.

I divorced my spouse in 2010 and two weeks later, was laid off due to the economy. I spun into the grieving process, feeling panic, followed by anger, denial, blame, shame and utter loss of confidence. Occasionally, an interview would reignite hope, only to be dashed and now expected. It is very difficult to live on hope and happiness is hard to find when your options are limited. I am now researching and planning on moving into HUD housing. Without unemployment and a dwindling IRA account, despite my continuing efforts to become part of the workforce, age and lack of health insurance, going without medical and dental care, has dimmed my former perpetual smile. I now understand the despondence of the homeless I used to help in small ways when I was working. Platitudes are useless when poverty doesn't allow necessary medications to fully participate in life. And, selfish as it sounds, the fact that there are those "worse off" doesn't solve the daily issues faced with no resources to resolve. There are life lessons that destroy people in the process. I am still clinging to hope. I just found out that my beloved Scottish Terrier, my companion and best buddy is sick.

Your piece inspires hope. Despite your struggle, you managed to attain a new mindset, realize and make the necessary changes to save your life, and come out the other side, happy, confident and at peace. Thank you.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on April 14, 2012:

Yes, Esme, Yes! Today you have a choice...and tomorrow...and the next day...and pretty soon it will be natural and you will wake smiling and won't that be a miracle?


Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on April 14, 2012:

Esme, it is always about willingness. I have no idea what led you to the place where you find yourself with negativity as your companion but I know it can change. You simply have to make it happen and I hope sincerely that you do that so you can experience the positive energy that comes from happiness.

Thank you and my best to you and yours.


Esme again on April 14, 2012:

Gosh I'm 59 just lost a wonderful man because of my constant negativity, its my addiction, my addiction is hating myself and seeking help on the internet all the time, its all I've done for years, it has brain washed me, no authentic free thinking person here which made me all the more negative. God knows how I am going to change this but I am going to give it a try, but I've been doing it a lifetime. But as I said we have choices, from today I have a choice.

Esme on April 14, 2012:

Gosh this is enlightening, I've been negative for years I am like poison, like a scorpion, I have lost friends jobs, family, stay positive all of you. I used to be so positive then I turned in on myself, now whow I have a choice to go back to positivity. I have never changed. GO GO GO for positivity, I have choices. We have choices

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on April 06, 2012:

Purple Perl, thank you so much! I lived far too long in negativity and now it is my choice to live a happy and positive life. I wish you well in your life and happiness always.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on April 06, 2012:

Sanne, thank you for those very kind words! I greatly appreciate them and if you are right, that my words may help others, then I am most satisfied with my work. Blessings to you my friend!

Esther Shamsunder from Bangalore,India on April 06, 2012:

Excellent, you radiate positivity! Life is full of challenges and choices. Choosing to stay positive makes life more meaningful. Thanks for sharing your thoughts,and congrats on your win.

SanneL from Sweden on April 05, 2012:

Bill, you are truly an inspirational man! I applaud your bravery and positive mental outlook on life. Sharing your experiences openly so that others can seek help and courage from your words, are the most unselfish and caring act anyone can do. You should feel so proud. You are simply beautiful!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 29, 2012:

Caroline, you are very welcome and thank you so much for visiting again. I love to see people come back after reading one of my hubs and to hear their similar stories. It's nice to have you in my corner and I'll be over to visit you shortly.

Caroline Marie on March 29, 2012:

Wonderful and inspiring hub Billy. I have known people in AA before they recovered and it was a hard road for them. I could also relate with the negative people and taking them out of your life. I had to do that to make myself happy. Thank you for sharing your story. Voted up!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 27, 2012:

Law, thank you; I appreciate your kind words and look forward to reading more of your work! My best to you and yours.

Liza Treadwell Esq aka Liza Lugo JD from New York, NY on March 27, 2012:

Congratulations, billybuc, for winning a contest prize on this hub! Proud of ya! Good work :-)

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 23, 2012:

Happy, if you keep this up you will soon be in my hugs that thank special followers. :) I truly do appreciate you always stopping by and your insightful comments. Have a wonderful weekend!

Gail Sobotkin from South Carolina on March 23, 2012:

So glad that your new attitude and certainty about the kind of people that you need to have in your life has brought you Bev- a life partner with whom you can dance in the rain, smile at life's little pleasures with and multiply the positive aspects of life instead of being mired in the negative.

Anyone can be down or need a little assistance sometimes, but when it becomes an ongoing pattern then we do need to severely limit or eliminate contact with them in order to remain emotionally healthy ourselves.

Voted up, useful and interesting.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 20, 2012:

Ruby, my pleasure! I'm always happy when I have pleased someone from Washington. :) May you have a peaceful and love-filled day!

Maree Michael Martin from Northwest Washington on an Island on March 19, 2012:

PIPO! That is perfect, I love it. Positive In, Positive Out, nice. Way to go winning the contest too! Your truthful honesty is refreshing. Am loving your hubs, thanks so much for telling it like it is.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 17, 2012:

Judi, if my hubs do that for you then I am a happy man! Thank you and may you have a weekend filled with PIPO! :)

Judi Brown from UK on March 17, 2012:

Bill, your hubs always leave me uplifted, thank you. I shall be remembering PIPO!

Voted up, of course!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 15, 2012:

ImKarn, thank you so much! Your words honor and humble me and they are very much appreciated. Experiences like mine need to be shared and not hidden; otherwise, what purpose did they have? If one person can learn from my journey then it was all worth it. Thank you again!

Karen Silverman on March 15, 2012:

You are a brave, brave man, Billy - and even more so for baring your soul so eloquently for all to see! in my opinion - you are the true definition of 'Man'(woman)kind: Someone who falls...someone who learns...someone who makes the hard choices..You have every right to be proud of your achievements, and have been down enough to appreciate the long but rewarding climb up! Most fall back into addiction because of their inability or unwillingness to change...everything! Congratulations, Billy! You have my deepest respect!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 14, 2012:

Neeles, you are so right about that! I don't have quit in me and I doubt you do either my friend. I wish you well on your journey.

neeleshkulkarni from new delhi on March 14, 2012:

i am there Bill just need to keep at it and have almost won.

it however is a continuous fight and we shall fight on.The You's and I's of this world don't lose easy.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 14, 2012:

Mcals71, thank you and I will visit your blog shortly to read your words. I appreciate you dropping by.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 14, 2012:

Sunita, thank you. Now I see you have a hub on education which always interests me so I shall visit shortly.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 14, 2012:

Flora, what you just described in your personal tale is negativity to the extreme and I am happy that you recognized it in time to take care of you. Wonderful story and I thank you for sharing it.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 14, 2012:

Neeles my friend, I have missed you. I hope you are well and of course I wish you luck but more importantly I wish you the willingness to do whatever it takes to beat back the monster that resides inside of you. Thank you sir and come back again so we can chat more.

mcals71 on March 14, 2012:

Two big thumbs up, billybuc. Well done! Negativity is the result of negative thinking, which in turn begets negative behavior, and it is at the root of all our suffering. I dwell on the question of positive and negative thinking as related to human suffering in my blog:

Sunita-Sharma from Los Angeles,California,US on March 14, 2012:

Awesome hub! I think we all feel & face Negativity in life! Unfortunately, many people can't cope up with it!Your hub is a great help to over come negativity! Voted up!

FloraBreenRobison on March 14, 2012:

Congratulations on winning the daily contest with this hub and thanks for sharing such a personal part of your life with us. I had to cut out certain family members out of my life because they were toxic. It took a long time for me to accomplish because in order to do this, it meant that I had to avoid seeing these people's children too, and not have a relationship with them. This took a few years, because I am a firm believer that we should not be punished for what our parents have done. But because I am unable to drive due to my disability slowing my reflexes (I don't think you would want me on the road on the freeway), I have no way of seeing the children without seeing the parents. Eventually, I decided that listening to them scream, swear and shout at each other and at me while I visit with the children just couldn't go on. I would see my family as a big group every Sunday and round about Thursday I would start to feel like I had a heavy rock in my stomach. I couldn't enjoy Saturdays even though it was a day off. I wouldn't sleep at all that night, then not feel like eating the whole Sunday. I would grit my teeth the whole visit and then be tense and fidget the rest of the night. I'd finally calm down by Tuesday. Then the whole process would start again Thursday night.

neeleshkulkarni from new delhi on March 13, 2012:

takes courage to say what you say and do what you did Bill.even weeding out the negative takes courage because we are always taught to value our own needs the last.

i am an addict too and am in continuous fight with a net and porn addiction which is mostly under control but yet at times rears its ugly head badly.Wish me luck so that i can beat it too just as decisively as you have beaten yours.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

B. Leekley, I certainly hope you do write those hubs and I'll be happy to read them. In the meantime I may look up those books you mentioned. Thank you for sharing your experience so others can learn and as always, thank you for visiting my hub.

Brian Leekley from Bainbridge Island, Washington, USA on March 13, 2012:

billybuc, I'm with you in the pursuit of positivity and letting go of negativity. I made the decision in the early 1970s when I was in my early 30s to get free of self-destructive behavior and a head full of negativity. I learned and practiced (and still practice) Transcendental Meditation. It is a physiological technique that very gently, gradually, and effectively releases pent-up stresses, making it increasingly easier to let go of negativity. Within a few months friends were commenting that I did not get frustrated and "start climbing the walls" so readily as I had. In less than a year I was able to give up my 2.5 to 3 packs of cigarettes per day addiction. But TM can only wash off the ship of life's barnacles and crud. It can't steer the ship. For that one needs ideals, a mission, a reason to be, a life-guiding philosophy. I'm still constructing that and seeking guidance in doing so. I was helped a lot in choosing between positive and negative attitudes by the book EDGAR CAYCE ON ATTITUDES AND EMOTIONS. I've gained insights from the book WHAT'S YOUR SABOTAGE by Alyce Cornyn-Selby. I've gravitated to positive people, and they've been an inspiration. I'm glad you, too, are in pursuit of being a positive person having a positive life. I hope and expect that I'll be writing hubs on these matters.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Kelley, thank you so much and you are welcome. My hope is that each of my hubs will reach one person...really reach them...and instigate a positive change. If I can pull that off I will be a successful writer..and human!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Ruchira, I like it! NOPI...and you can type it with one hand which is very nice. :) I wish you peace and joy as well and thank you my friend.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Louise, thank you. I do realize that it takes courage to make a clean break from negative people but for me it was that or not survive. That was a pretty clear choice for me.

kelleyward on March 13, 2012:

This is an important hub! I think positivity is so important and negativity can be very harmful. Thanks for sharing!

Ruchira from United States on March 13, 2012:

HI Bill,

Negativity not only halts our growth but also destroys our health. So, IF I may add a new acronym to your wonderful hub...NOPI

Negativity OUT Positivity IN

Good message indeed..Bill

Wishing you peace and joy, my friend.

I am glad you could kick alcoholism away..cheers!

Louise from Calgary, AB, Canada on March 13, 2012:

Hi billybuc, your positive mental attitude is simply inspirational. Ridding ourselves of negativity and becoming surrounded with positive minded individuals is certainly desirable but in reality not many people have the courage to do this. I wholeheartedly commend you for changing your life for the better! Voted up and awesome.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012: are oh so right about us making the changes; we can't wait for negative people to make the changes because it may not happen. I can only look out for myself in that regard. Thank you my dear for stopping by again.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

PIPO indeed, Linda! Thank you and I'm more than happy about your good news as well.

b. Malin on March 13, 2012:

I'm not saying you can get rid of Negativity all the time...sometimes it's justified. But as a steady diet, it can drag you down. This was such an Excellent Hub on the Subject of Negativity, Billybuc. The Friends you described, I can relate to the types, and some friends like them around me for a few years, until I said ENOUGH...Only we can make those changes. And Thanks so much for the Bobby McFerrin Video, "Don't Worry, Be Happy".

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on March 13, 2012:

PIPO ... Congrats on your contest win today with this hub!! Well earned!!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Rosika, welcome to my site and thank you for the great comment. I appreciate every single one of my followers.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Uninvited, I made the decision about a month ago to delete those on Facebook who have a penchant for the negative. I now enjoy turning to Facebook daily and seeing positive messages. Thank you for visiting my site and leaving a meaningful comment.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Vicki, if you were a man I would say "YOU DA MAN!" And mean it!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Always, I'm always happy to see you visit so thank you! There is not a day that goes by that I do not thank God for Bev.

rosika on March 13, 2012:

inspiring hub....Surrounding oneself with the positive people does wonders by changing one's perspective completely!..Voted up!

Susan Keeping from Kitchener, Ontario on March 13, 2012:

I do it by trying to ignore certain online forums :) I'm weaning myself off reading the comments under any Facebook posts from news papers...

Some people just seem to feel the need to constantly be negative. I don't really have friends that are overly negative thankfully.

Victoria Lynn from Arkansas, USA on March 13, 2012:

Aw, thanks, Bill. Then we were a perfect fit for this question and answer! Glad to be a part of it! :-)

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on March 13, 2012:

Thank's for sharing. I finally learned to rid my life of negative people. I am much happier. Great that you found Bev. Cheers my friend..

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Vicki, I can't think of anyone I would rather win with. You are inspiring the way you have handled the bad news about your job. You are the epitome of what this article was about. Thank you my dear!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Teaches, thank you very much! I simply have no time in my life for negativity; way too much of that when I was busy drinking myself to an early grave. Now it is all about loving life and those around me and if someone wants to rain on my parade then I'll move the parade away from them.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Steph, you are so nice to me. Thank you and I am glad you made the decision to move for the well-being of your family. It is very difficult to do these things but they are necessary to take care of us!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Sam, thank you, and I wish they could have read it too; I appreciate you sharing that story with us.

Victoria Lynn from Arkansas, USA on March 13, 2012:

Wonderful, Bill, I have actually been taking stock of "toxic" friendships in my life. I found your story inspiring. Fighting negativity takes real steps. Hey, guess what? We won in the Q & A contest with my question and your answer here! Thanks for writing such an excellent response! What a team!

Dianna Mendez on March 13, 2012:

PIPO is the word for a lifetime and one that I will use to analyze relationships. As I read your story, I remembered past friendships and coworkers that had a negative influence in my life. They drained my energy and it was unworthy of cementing bonds. As you did, I moved. I am glad you found someone to complete you in such positive ways. Voted up and interesting.

Stephanie Marshall from Bend, Oregon on March 13, 2012:

Hi Billy, your personal story is helpful and inspiring. It can definitely be difficult to eliminate negative people from your life when you are a "fixer," like I am. My immediate family (family of origin) is filled with negative, critical people. We made the decision to move 6 hours away to protect ourselves and our kids in 2006. It was one of the best, but most difficult things I've ever done. I was accused of being selfish, unfeeling, and worse. Yet, I know can handle (for the most part) shorter visits without being constantly subjected to the negativity. Rated up across the board - as usual. Best, Steph

sam209 on March 13, 2012:

There's some friends I had that passed away due to negative surroundings, and I wished they would've gotten an opportunity to read this hub! This is great!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Annart, there is no doubt it is difficult, but for me it is, indeed, a matter of self-preservation. I am done living in the darkness; if others want to join me in the light then they are welcome. I appreciate you as always and I wish you sunshine every day of your life. Thank you!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Gypsy, so am am I. She has brought sunshine into my life every day for four years now and I am blessed. Thank you so much for you POSITIVE energy!

Ann Carr from SW England on March 13, 2012:

I agree - PIPO for ever! It is difficult to be up-beat when someone else isn't; it's also difficult to 'eliminate' such people from your life. I suppose when you've done your best to try to get others to be more positive and it doesn't work, then it's time to give up and move on. I've done that just a few times, but always felt guilty; now I'll regard it more as self-preservation! Thanks for that. Very thought-provoking and a difficult one. Anyway, off to sort supper, so cheers, bon appetit and PIPO! Voted up, awesome & useful.

Gypsy48 on March 13, 2012:

Great read billybuc. Negative people can zap the life out of you if you let them. So glad you have Bev in your life.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Pannonica, I have faced that situation and it was extremely hard to do..I told that family member that they were toxic in my life and if they chose to be negative and toxic then I would be glad to talk to them when they turned positive. I'm sorry but that's the choice I made. Family or no family, negativity will not be a part of my everyday existence. I love my family and friends but they know there are limits even for family.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Well, Eddy, I had tears in my eyes after reading your comment. For one, because you married an abusive alcoholic and it just reminds me of the damage we as alcoholics do during our lives. I was never abusive in that sense but I was abusive emotionally because I simply checked out and was not available as a husband should be. I take full responsibility for that marriage failing. Now it is up to me to shove all that into the past and move on with my life. I still have some years left and they are going to count damn it! I spent thirty years wallowing in negativity and I will not allow it into my life again.

I am a good person Eddy; I just got lost and it took me some time to find my way back to the light. Thank you for your very kind words. I treasure you and love that I have a friend across the pond.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Kayha, you are so right! It is your life and it is your right and it is your duty to do what is best for you. Thank you for stopping by and sharing that comment.

Pannonica on March 13, 2012:

Thank you another great hub billybuc, I have a question though what on earth can you do when the negativity comes from a close family member? I try to stay positive but I can't remove this person from my life. I close the door/end phone call, scream and then just try to think good thoughts. Sorry to go on, loved hub keep them coming.

Eiddwen from Wales on March 13, 2012:

Well my dear friend billybuc this one has my biggest up up and away ever!!

I love your GIGO ;you are indeed a true winner.

I am going to tell you why I admire you so;I was married to an abusive alcoholic twice my age for 26 years;I married him when I was just 17 years old.

An escape route from a painful childhood ???Some escape !!!!

Anyway he was an alcoholic of the worst kind;never thinking he had a problem;trampling over anyone and everything who stood in his path.

He was a big bloke and would come in falling all over the place when at his worst;however he was a nastier piece of work when sober;today as far as I know he is bedridden and his cronies take him his supplies.

He took our younger son drinking with him and sadly he is a carbon copy of his father.

I never drank much at all when I knew my first child was on his way.

And my children remember happy birthdays ;Christmases with a houseful of pressies and taking part in all local pastimes;sports and all else.

Today I don't touch a drop of drink;the thought has turned on me;but i dragged myself out of the pit I was with him;I have met my Dai just like you have met your Bev!!

in you i hear a good person who admitted his downfall and had the strength and courage to turn your whole life around.

I admire you greatly and may there be great success for you from this day on.

I'm sure you will agree with me that the world now is maybe not perfect but pretty near that.

Yes there are tragedies and not nice memories ; but we stand strong and tall and move forward with happy hearts.

A wonderful day for you and Bev.

Onwards and upwards we go.


kayha on March 13, 2012:

Very inspirational.

I believe that life is what we make of it. If we want to get rid of the negativity, we need to take a step - no matter how hard it may be. We only got one life and it is not worth it to spend it with sadness and sorrow.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Mark, it makes a huge difference. I am surrounded by positive, loving people and that makes my days a real pleasure. Thank you my friend for being so faithful. I need to drop by and see what you are up to.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Xavier, as always I thank you very much! I will keep doing my thing and you do yours and we will see how much good we can do today! I think it will be quite a bit! Peace my friend!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Onlooker, that is sweet of you to say. My strength as you call it is just living a long lifetime and understanding what is truly important. If people don't want to ride on my happy train then they don't have to. :) Thank you for your kind words.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Rasta, I like the overpowering thing you do. Stay happy and let the others wallow in their own negativity. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Ardie, Bev has so much positive energy that negative people don't stand a chance against her. I'm glad you have your own Bev; that kind of support and love is priceless. Thank you friend!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Vinaya, what good is experience if not to use it to help others? I concur completely with your comment about the rotten apple; there are none left in my life and that's just fine by me. Thank you sir!

Curiad on March 13, 2012:

Great message Bill,getting those negative people out of one's life can be hard but I am finding too that it makes a big difference!

Voted Up!

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Linda LOL...I have had GIGO stuck in my brain for decades; the other one just came to me like so much other nonsense that pops into my brain. Thank you for your support.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Eolikes I am so glad you liked it. Thank you for stopping by again to read my stuff! I love return customers. :)

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Tammy, you are a huge reason why I stayed with HubPages early on, so your kind words make me feel good. My convictions are strong because I have reached a point in my life where I am not concerned with what people think about me; there is great freedom in that. Thank you for everything and you will always have a supporter in me.

Bill Holland (author) from Olympia, WA on March 13, 2012:

Savanah, welcome back! Spending time with family is infinitely more important than reading my stuff. A child crawling is a recipe for disaster and you should be keeping tabs on his so he doesn't knock over everything in sight. :) Thank you my dear for dropping by and I look forward to reading your hub on happiness.

Xavier Nathan from Isle of Man on March 13, 2012:

Another great hub and as synchronicity would have it I came across it just after I finished a hub called THIS RELATIONSHIP SALVAGABLE? by vrbmft. Keep up the good work Bill and thank you.

onlooker on March 13, 2012:

I admire your strength and your capability to let go of all that/those you don't need. Positive energy is something everyone should surround themselves with. Bev is lucky to have you too *) Thank you, Billybuc.

Marvin Parke from Jamaica on March 13, 2012:

Unfortunately, I have to deal with negative people daily. I have to be twice as positive and energetic. Negativity is infectious. You can either stay away or overpower it.

Sondra from Neverland on March 13, 2012:

Hi Bill, good for you to have the oomph to remove negative people from your life - it's a difficult thing to do but of such importance. You deserve a Bev (I have one of those of my own!) and I wish you the most happiness.

Vinaya Ghimire from Nepal on March 13, 2012:

Negativity is like rotten apple. The rotten apple not only kills itself the apple but also surrounding apples. Similarly, negative person poisons all the people close to him/her.

We must be happy with not the things we crave but with the things we have at our hands.

Your first hand experience is very inspiring.

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on March 13, 2012:

GIGO and PIPO. I can't decide which one I like better. Heck I'll take them both. Eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive is my mantra. Life goes on.

eolikes from Bangladesh on March 13, 2012:

simply awesome

Tammy from North Carolina on March 13, 2012:

Your strong convictions are refreshing. It is difficult to get away from negativity at times but if you don't it will make you burn out. Negative people are like gangrene. They will make you die a slow death. Even if you love them, you must "cut them off" or the poison will spread. Very well written as always. You are an inspiration!

savanahl on March 13, 2012:

Hi billybuc. Sorry I've been absent. I've been taking it easy with my husband and kids.

I'm actually writing an article right now. (not sure when I'll post it though. My son just started crawling and he's taking up all my time right now) The article is on happiness and the one thing I talk about is surrounding ourselves with positive people, but what you talk about here is the flip side of the coin, which is equally as important. Cutting out the negative is just as crucial as adding the positive. I really enjoyed reading this. It gives me great insight. Thank you for sharing. Voted up and useful.

Related Articles