Cheaters and Lies
The one thing every cheater is good at is lying. They can lie their way out of anything and often if you don't find proof you could find yourself clueless. A cheater will lie to cover up his cheating, to start cheating and to excuse cheating.
Lies cheating men tell their mistresses:
Some mistresses are down right nasty - they know that you're married or have a family but are satisfied with being the "side dish" or "chic on the side". There are, however, some that are also lied to and 'played' by the married individual. Here are some lies often told to the mistresses to keep them as the form of entertainment on the side:
1. I love you
'I love you" is the easiset thing to say and yet the hardest to mean. Unfortunately once you know that your husband has been throwing the phrase around to get other people into bed it also becomes the hardest thing to believe ever again.
Many are too trusting of the phrase and it's understandable due to the fact that those who use it (cheating husbands included) are often highly believable when they do.
2. I'm going to leave her for you
Mistresses are often fooled into believing that a married man will leave their wives for them. Maybe it happens once in a blue moon / rarely but more often than not - IT"S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. There will always be another excuse, another date, another postponement of the deed while you keep entertaining this married man.
A married man is often content with the woman he married and satisfied as having her as his wife (keeping her known to his family, having his surname ., etc) while you play the role of the sideline entertainment. Chances are that isn't going to change. If he was really going to leave his wife for you he wouldn't be keeping you a secret but rather end things with his wife and start a proper relationship with you. If he doesn't value you enough to do that then he doesn't value you at all.
3. My wife and I are separated
Technically if a husband and wife are "separated" they are still married so this would still constitute having an affair with a married man and wouldn't be a justified lie told by him. If you're faced with this lie explain the fact that he is still married and that you'd rather not involve yourself unless you were sure they were divorced.
Lies cheating men tell their mistresses - Video
Most Common Lie Told By Cheaters
4. My wife and I aren't romantically involved
Similarly as above, if the marriage is as bad as he makes it out to be wouldn't it be a whole lot simpler to just get a divorce?
Ironically enough, this is the exact lie my ex-husband used while having an affair while we were married. It is also one of the most common lies used when cheating. I find it hard to comprehend how any woman would enter into a relationship with a married man who used this excuse. I guess the adulterous married men know which naive women to target.
5. My wife is cheating on me
Two wrongs don't make a right. If he feels that he can justify the fact that she's cheating on him by cheating on her then even if this were true, it clearly would mean that he's just using you to get back at his wife or even out the playing ground. This is a bad space to be in regardless.
Nobody wants to be a rebound or used as a tool to hurt someone else.
Am I the mistress?
If you suspect that your boyfriend may be married or that he is being untruthful regarding the status of his marriage, take the step to find out for sure before involving yourself in something like an affair which could end negatively for all involved.
If possible, make contact with his wife. If they really are "separated" or not "romantically involved" then she would have no issue confirming this. What is the worst that could happen? Either way she will thank you and respect you for checking with her.
Jade Monique Taylor Hiralal (author) from Johannesburg - South Africa on August 04, 2015:
Makes a world of sense! lol Sad but true.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on August 03, 2015:
I believe a lot of marriages stayed together because of finances especially back in the days when most women were stay at home mothers in the 1950s and earlier. Rich people who get divorced are usually still rich and therefore they have the same financial considerations.
Even now I bet there are many marriages today that are only one winning lotto ticket away from divorce! Lots of winners get divorce.
The only reason they haven't split up now is because they don't won't to downsize their living standards. It's been speculated that one of the reasons the divorce rates are higher is because more women have better careers and higher paying jobs.
The more options one has the less crap they will put up with!:)
Jade Monique Taylor Hiralal (author) from Johannesburg - South Africa on August 02, 2015:
@Dashing always a pleasure reading your comments! Thanks a mil :)
You're spot on with all you're saying. Yes sometimes the "lies" are true but in a lot of the cases they aren't. I agree entirely with your statement "His goal is to "complement" what it already has. He refuses to accept the 80/20 rule of: at best you're going to get 80% of what you want from your spouse. He's selfishly trying to get that other 20% by combining them!" This is so true! That's why I would view "I'm going to leave my wife for you" as one of the biggest lies. Keeping this in mind all the other lies listed are in most cases just that - LIES.
I also agree that 'my wife is cheating on me' may at times be true too! We agree on the fact that the mistress is being used as a tool and so whether this is true (and the mistress is a tool) or a lie (and an excuse to cheat while maintaining his marriage) the mistress is still getting the bad end of the stick.
I love your opening fact "According to statistics in the U.S. (women) initiate 66% or 2/3rds of all divorce filings. This seems to indicate most men aren't going to "willingly" run down to the courthouse to file for divorce, move out of their home into a 1 bedroom apartment, pay child support/possibly alimony, divide up friends & family as well as become a weekend dad...just because they are "unhappy" or their wife is not having sex with them. Divorce changes one's living standards." - That is DEFINITELY TRUE! Making the decision to get a divorce was a hard one for me because of that. I wish I had been better prepared in having the means to start over without dropping my standard of living - leaving my husband while being able to get my own place, etc. and just going on with my life. Unfortunately for me I was reliant on a joint income and getting a divorce meant losing our apartment and having to move back home to my parents with my son. I totally hate the loss of my independence! It meant the same for my ex-husband as well as he wasn’t able to keep the apartment on his own either. I would have gone for the "It's also not uncommon for couples to split up and initially still share the same house while one of them looks for another place." idea and actually considered it but my ex was way too immature for that and deadest on being in denial and selfish about the whole thing for that to ever work so I decided against it.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on July 31, 2015:
Voted up and interesting!
According to statistics in the U.S. (women) initiate 66% or 2/3rds of all divorce filings. This seems to indicate most men aren't going to "willingly" run down to the courthouse to file for divorce, move out of their home into a 1 bedroom apartment, pay child support/possibly alimony, divide up friends & family as well as become a weekend dad...just because they are "unhappy" or their wife is not having sex with them. Divorce changes one's living standards.
The goal of most cheaters is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side.
He is not looking to replace one relationship with another one!
His goal is to "complement" what it already has. He refuses to accept the 80/20 rule of: at best you're going to get 80% of what you want from your spouse. He's selfishly trying to get that other 20% by combining them!
The number one lie: "I love you" is often mistaken for "I'm (in love) with you." I love you means: (I care about you a lot and enjoy being with you.) "I'm (in love) with you" means: (I only want to be with you!)
That is a big difference! Never make assumptions.
The number three lie: "My wife and I are separated" more often than not isn't a lie. I once dated a woman who was separated from her husband for 23 years before finally getting a divorce. Some people don't see a reason to go through the legal hurdle of divorce unless they want to get married or have some other reason. Very few would call that cheating.
It's also not uncommon for couples to split up and initially still share the same house while one of them looks for another place. This is especially true if they have a lot of assets including a home to make decisions about and have a hard time reaching an agreement. They say possession is 9/10ths of the law. The person who moves out is not likely going to be allowed to keep the house. I've also known couples that lived completely separate lives within the house having their own phone lines or one lives in a converted basement with their own entrance.
Clearly you don't want to get involved with someone under this scenario if you have you sites set on getting married or believe he could be "the one". However not all women are looking for a serious relationship.
The number five lie: "My wife is cheating on me." may also be true. Believe it or not both genders have been known to partake in "revenge cheating". Essentially if someone says their spouse is cheating on them they are telling you two things.
1. Cheating is not a "deal breaker" for them which is why they are still with their wife/husband! They have no plans of ever leaving.
2. They see you as nothing more than a tool to get back at their spouse.
One man's opinion!:)