My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
As women, we have become so critical of what we look like and the thought of growing old, that we spend frivolous time, energy and money to look like the Barbie dolls we grew up with. Yikes! Instead of basic beauty tune-ups—working out, manicures, pedicures, eyebrow plucking/waxing, facials, Brazilian waxes/laser and hair coloring—we are now injecting our faces with chemicals, getting chemical peels, and finding areas on our body to get surgically sucked out or lifted. All of this is done to create a newer, "better" version of ourselves which is usually driven for the hopes of attracting and finding a man? Oh yes I said it out loud.
Don't get me wrong, there are women who have work done for themselves or for medical reasons—totally understandable, however the major "fixing" I'm talking about occurs due to insecurities or lack of self-love for who we authentically are. Yes, I know that "fixing" ourselves is also something that we do to feel good, however many times we do this all of this extra work in order to get a man and more importantly—to keep him.
Since everything around us—magazines, advertisements and of course, the younger women who are now more and more interested in men our age (Sugar Daddy's for them) has driven us to frantically look for the fountain of youth. I get it, a girl has to do what a girl has to do to help her feel good about herself and find love. But, is it really love when a man is primarily into you for your superficial looks? And would he still display the same feelings for you if you weren't so "dolled" up? (Pun intended)
Botox, hair extensions, face lifts, lip injections, breast augmentation, Laser treatments, chemical peels, butt implants, veneers, rhinoplasty, eyelash extensions, hair coloring, spray tans....the list goes on and on…and on. It gets exhausting to think of all the things that we can find to change about ourselves—and actually do—in order to keep men wanting us. The scary thing...do you even know what your God given looks are anymore or have they become a faded memory? Has fake actually become the new reality?
Here's the thing, if men in your age group found you attractive—just the way you are—with basic beauty maintenance and weren't so interested in younger women (ahem girls) would you still feel the need to search so hard for the fountain of youth?
Dating is hard—extremely hard. Nowadays you're not only trying to keep up with looking younger, you are also competing with younger women who frankly shouldn't even be interested in dating men your age. Or, you're competing with women who have invested more money into making themselves look twenty years younger than they actually are. Great, like there aren't enough things to worry about.
Many of my friends and I have dated men who have told us that if we got a boob job or any plastic surgery that would be a deal breaker for them, but will then later date women who have clearly had a lot of work done to themselves. Hmmmm
I was in a relationship with a guy and when I had mentioned to him that one day I wanted to get implants he told me—rather harshly—that if I did get breast implants he would break-up with me. Can we say control and insecurity issues (major reason why we broke-up)? He proclaimed that he would never, Ever date a woman who had fake boobs or anything fake on her body. Really? Funny since he had no issues flirting—in front of me—with women who had a lot of work done to themselves.
I get that there are men that prefer real breasts to fake, however I've never met a guy who actually refused to date a woman just because she has fake boobs. Most men that I have spoken too usually have no issue with women having fake boobs as long as they aren't obnoxiously big compared to a woman's frame—and of course there are some men that do like obnoxiously large. Also, there are men who are definitely more "ass" or leg men versus boob men. This particular guy I dated was neither.
What I found very interesting, after we broke-up he ended up dating a women who had a great deal of work done to herself. She had been injected, lifted, extended, plucked, peeled, colored and lasered (and possibly more)—resembling a human Barbie doll...if that's possible. And I'm assuming that since she also had implants he was ok with them as well.
I find it hilarious when men say they want the more natural looking woman but then will date the one woman who has had more work done to herself than Joan Rivers.
Getting body parts injected and tucked has become as normal as a trip to the gym. Not only are plastic surgeons more affordable but Botox is something you can get done at many medi spas and even over a lunch hour. Does it matter anymore what looks a woman was originally born with or has creating the un-aging look of a Barbie doll become the new real? And can you really blame a woman for faking youth in whatever form works for her since society has created this madness?
If our ultimate subconscious goal is to become the Barbie doll that we grew up with—a beauty that is sustainable regardless of how many years have passed by—will we ever embrace the concept of aging gracefully? With all of the many beauty services, doctors, clinics and products that are out there it's no wonder why becoming old—to any degree—is now frowned upon.
Magazines, magazines and billboards as well as men who seek out the younger looking women (again, ahem girls) is part of the cause to why women who are thirty-five years or older have been on this goal to make themselves look more youthful. We now label thirties and older as “really old.” Think about it, if there were No men on the planet would we really work so hard to look young?
Magazines emphasize that younger looking skin is better—suggesting pills, creams, serums and injections to get us there. For many women if something is so easily accessible and most of her friends are doing it—like many of the latest fashion trends—then why wouldn't she?
Personally I have only partaken in basic beauty regimens. I have never done anything extreme—including Botox. Have I ever thought about getting work done—of course, I think that thought has crossed most women's minds, however thinking and actually doing are two different things. But like I mentioned, breast implants is something I have seriously considered.
Ladies, I have to say there's a joy that comes when people hear how old I am and the first thing that comes out of their mouth, "I would have never guessed, I thought you were ten/fifteen years younger." Would that same feeling of joy exist if the compliments were given after "fixing" all my "flaws?" Also it's nice when I meet men who are attracted to my natural beauty—the real me—that was given by God, it feels up lifting.
Bottom-line, if there are physical things you don't love about yourself that are bringing you down emotionally and you want to change them, then do it. However, change these things for you and only you—not for a man or popularity, or society or because you fear growing older. When you take care of yourself—mentally, spiritually and physically—eating healthy and working out—you will discover the true meaning of beauty and live it regardless of any silly superficial beauty standards.
dashingscorpio from Chicago on February 22, 2016:
"All of this is done to create a newer, "better" version of ourselves which is usually driven for the hopes of attracting and finding a man? Oh yes I said it out loud." Finally a woman stated the truth! LOL!
Seriously most women do say they get all of these treatments because it's what (they) want. However I suspect if women with pot bellies, "A cup" size breast, and pancake behinds became the prototype woman that men pursued for dates and marriages you'd see a line at the plastic surgery centers to have a lot of procedures undone!
You also hit the nail on the head about men who "say" they only want (natural) women with no/little makeup, no breast augmentation, no hair extensions, and so on.) Truth be told most guys who say they really don't care for that stuff are usually not considered to be guys on most women's "most desirable list".
When a guy sees a woman he considers to be "hot" he doesn't care if it's real or fake. The only time he'll make a comment about fake is when he is in the company of a woman or the woman he's looking at has gone way overboard. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Another possibility why so many women seek out ways to beat off old age, sagging skin, frown/smile lines, and other things that come with getting older is because they really do view (younger women) as being their competition for either getting a man, holding onto their existing man, or job promotions.
Mary RB on February 22, 2016:
Very good points.
Michaela from USA on February 22, 2016:
I think there's an added component to this that you've left out - women policing the appearance and bodies of other women. We tend to be the most harsh and the most critical of what other women are doing to their bodies and their looks than even men and the media are. I know a lot of girls who dye their hair frequently, diet excessively, and are constantly striving to get their eyebrows "on fleek" to measure up to other girls they see or hang out with in hopes of being just a worthy.
I know that sense of competition is ingrained within us at a young age and pushed on us all our lives, but it's harmful from a lot of angles, and not just when the competition is to win the male gaze. I truly believe that when women stand together and in support of however we want to look, for others OR ourselves, we scrape out a lot of that insecurity and competition.