My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.
Being single or staying in an unhealthy relationship—what would you choose?
So often, the fear of being single seems worse than being in a relationship that is completely not working or frankly a disaster. We overlook the hope of a happily-ever-after. We settle.
Many women would rather stay in a unhealthy relationship because they believe that being single is a bad thing—it represents that no one wants you. Not true!
Here’s the thing, why is it that we would not continue to stay in a job/career that did not make us feel good about ourselves? Instead we would continue to send out our resume and search for the perfect job. So why do we settle for lack luster relationships when we rarely settle for mediocre jobs?
When a relationship is not going well, is the alternative to stick with it even though we are unhappy—just to avoid admitting we are single? Why choose be with someone who we are constantly arguing with or perhaps experiencing an unwanted emotional roller-coaster ride with? Do we really not value and respect ourselves enough to walk away?
Being single again will give us the time to figure out what we really want—basically, clarifying how we want (and should) be treated.
Recently, one of my best friends asked me, "Why do people think that being single is bad thing?" It’s not, however, self-confidence is the key. Being single should not be looked at as something negative, but unfortunately so many women do. Not everyone is meant or even wants to be in a committed relationship.
It is perfectly fine to make your own choices, live your own life. Be you. Even if you want to be in a relationship, it is very important to take adequate time between relationships to define more clearly what exactly you want and why you keep attracting the type of men that you do.
Be strong and refrain from jumping on-line to find a new guy before the taste of the last one has left your lips. You will continue on an endless and empty journey if you do not give yourself time to heal.....to focus on you.
I have met many women who feel embarrassed or ashamed to be alone—to the point that they would rather stay in unhealthy relationships versus being single. Having this insecurity will cause an endless series of unsuccessful relationships. Yikes!
Instead of viewing single-hood as a bad thing, why not triumph in the glory of knowing that it is empowering to have independence and freedom! Take the time to figure out what you really want for yourself. Maybe a relationship is not for you at this point in your life. Maybe you have had many relationships, but need a break to emotionally reconnect with yourself. Whichever way you choose, being single gives you more time to focus on you. Take time for your career as well as anything else that will make you happy. Hurray!
There are many pluses to being single…
Why does it feel like the entire world is trying to convince us that if we do not have a man, we are thought of as losers? Do the people in our lives truly believe that we are on the road to spinsterhood, dying alone? Ouch! Why does a man need to complete us? Keep in mind, "Jerry McGuire" was just a movie!!! Can't we be complete on our own? A man in our life should be icing on the cake....not the reason for our existence.
Until we can be comfortable and happy on our own, how do we think we can make someone else happy, and ultimately have a successful relationship?
Personally, I've never felt that I needed to have a boyfriend or husband in my life to feel complete. I feel complete doing all of the things that I enjoy which make me a happier and better person—spending time with friends, having "me" time, writing, meditating, yoga, dating, etc. Even though I do not view relationships as a need, I am open to the process of finding love.
Love for me doesn't mean that I am willing to sacrifice the core of who I am in order to have a significant other. When I do decide to take dating to the next level and be exclusive, it is because I see building a future with that person. A future for me entails the next few months. If we continue to get closer, the next few months after that, and so on. If I feel the relationship is heading in the opposite direction—and staying that way, I end things. There is no point in just dating a guy for years. I'd rather be single if a guy doesn't want to build a future with me.
When I'm single, I fully enjoy the journey. I catch up on things that I have been putting aside—due to the mental, emotional and physical energy and time that was needed for the relationship I was in. I have more time to spend with friends and family. More time to work out. I have time to watch movies and programs that I enjoy. I can cook and eat foods that I prefer. My cat gets my undivided attention when I'm home—which is more often when I'm single. Since I like going to bed early, as well as rising early, I can do so without feeling as if I'm disturbing someone else. And, I can casually date around, which is stress-free compared to the expectations I have for being in an exclusive relationship
Yes, we should have expectations of what we want in a relationship. However, it is not fair for us to try to change a guy so that he will meet them. If the relationship is not working, know when to be honest with yourself enough to end it, even if that means being single.
Ladies, being single does not mean we are always going to be happy and that we won't feel lonely at times. I have felt twinges of loneliness, even when I have been in relationships. Feel loneliness every so often, especially around the holidays is normal. Commercials, advertisements and invitations to parties with family and friends who are coupled up (when we are not), are bound to bring on feelings of loneliness. But, would we really be any happier if we were still in a relationship that was making us miserable?
If you can embrace it—without fear and insecurities—being single can feel like a sense of freedom and in many ways it is empowering. This doesn't mean that you can't keep yourself open to finding a guy. If being in a relationship is what you really want, you will most likely stumble across one. What being single means is that you are taking the time that is needed to work on yourself so that the next relationship will be more successful than the last one.
Sometimes the best relationship you end up choosing, is with yourself.
25 Reasons It’s Great To Be Single:
- Feeling of independence and Freedom
- You do not have to shave (armpits, legs, privates) every day
- Your happiness depends solely on you (Yay!)
- You don't have to wonder why a guy has stopped calling
- No compromising
- You can eat as much ice cream and chocolate without judgment
- No need to be "date ready" all the time
- You can see your friends more often without feeling guilty
- You can stay out as late as you want
- You get to invest your time in developing yourself
- No guy drama
- You do not have to worry about anyone hogging the bed/covers or sleeping directly in the middle
- There are no annoying habits you have to deal with
- You get a break from consistently looking at your phone—wondering when and if he will call or text
- No worrying about HIS problems
- You can freely hang out with your guy friends
- You can make plans without feeling the need to check-in with someone else
- You can go on vacations with your girlfriends as much as you want
- You don't have to worry how his mood will affect you
- You're always guaranteed to have an orgasm
- What time you eat and what you eat is your decision
- The only person you have to depend on is you
- You only have to worry about your own DNA on your bar of soap
- If you're dating around—you can enjoy the experience to its fullest extent—keeping it fun
- It is easier to meet new people without a guy on your arm
***Let's keep it real, a big bonus: you don't have to nag about keeping the toilet seat down, worry about potentially falling in (in the middle of the night)—if the seat is up, and no more cleaning dried up urine on the rim because he has poor aim. Good grief.
Hopefully this list has put a few smirks on your face or at least a relief that single-hood is not necessarily a bad thing.
Ladies, being single gives us a much needed break from a relationship that is not working in our favor. Being single can mean that we get to stop jumping through hoops to make a guy happy who has obviously lost interest in us. Being single can mean that we do not have to worry anymore about what a guy is thinking, and why he has decided to pull away and check-out of the relationship. Being single can also mean that we can do things that truly make us happy without question or judgment—whatever that is for you.
Bottom line, you deserve to be happy....truly happy. Staying in a relationship that continually makes you feel bad about yourself, won't miraculously make you happy by not giving up on it. Love and embrace your sassy single self and one day what you ultimately desire for your personal journey will follow.
philipambrister from nassau bahamas on February 04, 2021:
Great Artical.Every human on earth.deserves happiness.if been single makes one happy.then that`s the way to go permanently. freedom is very addictive.I knows quite well about been single.after two desasterous relationship.the last one ending in 2005.I decided to take a year break.and sixteen years latter.am still standing alone!with very little fate.
Stephanie Bailey (author) from Denver on May 25, 2015:
Thank you Janellegems and I agree, "more women need to understand how to value themselves and respect themselves."
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment!
Pennington on May 18, 2015:
Excellent Hub. You are absolutely right that being single is not a bad thing. More women need to understand how to value themselves and respect themselves. I totally agree that people should take time between relationships to know what they want, don't want and what matters to their heart. All Good points. Thanks for sharing.