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Why Monogamy Doesn't Work for a Lot of Men

Nyamweya is a columnist with a Kenyan print media.He is also a freelance writer with various online and offline media platforms

Man with his several wives

Man with his several wives

Polygamy was really a life savior for most men. Even as we embrace serial monogamy, we must respect our ancestors. Every married man in his 40s has entertained the thought but was either discouraged because of resources, or because of religion. A man with at least 3-4 wives is lucky because there is always one that will work out. One wife is the riskiest, unhealthiest experiment for a man. It is bad for the man. Bad for the woman. If you go to the village, you will find a man hated by his first wife and kids, but loved by his second family, or hated by the first and second family, but the youngest gacungwa(side chick made things work. I realized, there are many good women, but you don't know she will be wife no. Sometimes you marry a gacungwa, she does a number on you, you go back to the first. I respect men who grow up to understand that MAYBE, the father was not the problem, forge a different type of relationship with the dad, and learn to respect his other wife.

I know many men who have it so rough with their wives, but in the presence of their mistress or clande, they are happy and healthy. They won't divorce for practical reasons, because they know the ensuing chaos will not be good. Many marriages in the city are held firm by the other invisible woman. This is one of those things that we cannot be academic with, that we cannot write those long, scholarly, useless essays, one that men need not be shamed for. The men who were condemned to monogamy over the last seven or so decades probably had the worst life a man has ever led since the man started to live with a woman. I have noticed younger men of means who are polygamous tend to be more productive. I think, by all means, polygamy where the man was firmly in charge may have been the best thing for any man of means.

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