I've been through too many failed relationships and finally found the one. I enjoy writing about relationships and spiritual connection.
Benefits of Intimate Questions
A deep conversation is a milestone in a relationship to brings a couple closer. During your honeymoon phase (ie the first 3 months of your relationship), there is no limit to your love. Both of you can talk endlessly and nothing can be more satiating than indulging in a cozy space.
Most talks will inevitably become intimate. Both of you surely have some past and future expectations to discuss and to know each other deeper. There are certain experiences, fantasies, or inhibitions in life, you would wish to talk to only with your partner, unhesitatingly and with immense confident love. Acceptance can bring you closer and even more comfortable with each other. The opposite - unacceptance, while uncomfortable, will have room for discussion.
Your girlfriend can get swooned by those intimate and irreplaceable moments created by some questions, even over text. It is important for you to know more about the personal experiences of your girlfriend. You can help eliminate all her past nightmares or inhibitions. She would love you to share her dreams, aspirations, and fear with you. This will strengthen that unseen bond, and keep rejuvenating your relationship for a long time.
Cockroaches That Led to a Breakup
That's exactly what happened to my girlfriend and her ex. It is better to talk more and get to know each other dutifully well before any unfortunate misunderstanding creeps in. That would be difficult to resolve and hence every couple must ask each other some intimate questions and take the answers positively. Such intimacies are constructive and can make your girlfriend fall over you all over again.
A funny recount: one of my girlfriends had been dating a guy that she was head over heels with. Due to work commitments and life in general, they tend to go for dinner dates, less the guy sending her back home they lived literally at opposite ends. After a year of being together, they decided to move in together, and lo and behold, she became single after 3 months of staying together all because of cockroaches! There was a cockroach infestation in the neighborhood and little did they know that both of them are absolutely terrified of cockroaches. Instead of having room to discuss and work out their commonality, they were overtaken by fear and both started to blame each other for the lack of courage to exterminate the bug. This is when the guy started comparing my girlfriend with his ex-girlfriend and how they would have come forward to do something. Coupled with many other brewing issues and the cockroach issue, it was a breaking point for the both of them and they broke off quickly after the cockroach issue.
Over time, we (my girlfriends and her), realized that perhaps, some intimacy or specifically having an intimate discussion at the earlier stage of her relationship might have allowed her to avoid this blown-out-of proportion breakup. When the magnetism was high, fears that were raised can at least be discussed in a rational way rather than epic arguments that were driven by fear.
When is a Good Time to Initiate Intimate Questions?
It is important to note that a good balance or timing is required for delving into intimate questions. It's a little like sex.. you don't go to your girl when she's clearing garbage to initiate sex (unless that's like a pleasure trigger..).
In my opinion, a good relationship period to ask intimate questions is during your honeymoon period (first 3 months) and the next 3 months. These are the periods that love conquers all and frankly, you will not see any faults with your partner ;). If she is scared of cockroaches and so are you, both of you will celebrate your commonality and figure a way to kill the bug in a collaborative manner. A very different outcome compared to my girlfriend and her ex.
There can never be a definitive list, but here is a consolidation of 50 questions you can ask your partner. You cannot expect hundred percent answers for all these questions from your girlfriend unless you frame them in an approachable way. She would love to answer if you make it comfortable. Every question should be supplemented with your inputs as well. Extremely sensitive questions like family abuse or any form of trauma should be asked in person. Your responsiveness is the biggest factor that would push her to answer. Let her say what she wants and react positively to it. There is respect in a relationship when there is a prospect of making your partner a permanent one.
Setting Up to Ask Intimate Questions
Here are 5 useful tips to ask intimate questions successfully.
- Set the right mood - like when both of us are having wine at your place and talking about life in general. Not when there are screaming nieces in a family gathering
- Have a private setting. Please don't ask your girl if she had any sexual trauma in a diner where there are people.
- Don't probe further on questions she does not want to answer. The time is not right and she is not willing to share.
- Ask her to ask you questions she is curious about and be open to sharing. This will open her up to sharing next as reciprocation.
- Notice her expression and if she starts to wrinkle up or if her lips start trembling, stop all questions and comfort her with your hugs and assurance.
36 Intimate Questions
Here are 36 questions with increasing intimacy to use. You will notice that a lot of questions are about yourself. This is to initiate the conversation. Take no 1 for example "What did you think of me when you first saw me" - your girl may answer: "I think you were a geek who likes to read books" and you can reply what you think, "well, when I first saw you, you were like an angel to me and I was so shy that I hid behind a book". Even 1 question can become 2 hours of recounting of your first-time experience.
- What did you think of me when you first saw me?
- What kind of attraction did you feel when you first saw me?
- Have you been curious about what I think about every time I look into your eyes?
- Which part of my body did you notice first ;)?
- How do you describe me to your friends?
- Are you proud of us being together?
- Is there anything I should improve? It is okay to tell me and I am willing to make an effort to become better.
- Is there anything you already know about me but never happened to ask about it?
- If you were given a chance to ask three wishes from me, what would you ask
- What is the funniest moment you had in the past?
- Is there any incident in your life that you wish to erase forever?
- Did you ever get stuck in a problem that is/ was too overwhelming?
- Was there a dark period in your life that you would like to share with me?
- Do you believe in forgiving people and letting things go?
- What is the best compliment that you've ever got?
- What was your childhood crush like?
- Is there anything you fear or highly dislike?
- If everything is possible, what kind of world would you want to be in?
- What makes you jealous?
- What do you feel if I am around other women or happen to talk to them?
- Are you okay to share your past relationship experience so that I can know you better?
- What is your version of a perfect date?
- What show will you want to watch on Netflix?
- How about Netflix and chill ;)?
- What is a raunchy movie or show that you would like to watch with me?
- Do you like Fifty Shades of Grey? (Note: this can give some indication if she is into BDSM)
- What is that one thing that still makes your heart skip a beat?
- What would you call a perfect sexual relationship?
- Have you ever fantasized about me ;)?
- How intimately do you want me to be to you?
- Does the mystical world of dreams intrigue you?
- Is there any sexual fantasy that I can retrieve out from you ;)
- What part of your body is the most titillating?
- Where do you like being touched and kissed the most?
- How often would you like to make love?
- How can I make you feel even better (in bed)?
I know, no 35 sounds awkward but with the correct mood, maybe her answer is "well, every day! It can be a strong reinforcement of your relationship and connection.
Asking such questions can be both fun and full of utility. You should frame it at the right moment and never make it awkward. Asking over text is always a great idea especially during times when both of you can't be physically together. Not everyone is open about the past or is eloquent enough to answer everything so accurately. There might be instances when she is not willing to answer. Remember to give her some personal space. Such intimate communication involves building up an interpersonal bond. That has to be developed with time and effort. To get an honest answer to the questions, your girl must first have steadfast trust in you.
Questions are endless and it can be an invaluable tool to make your relationship stronger. Use them well!
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2021 Muriel B Tewes