Marriage is sacred and for that, it must be treated with respect and carefulness. Remember, a marriage will either make you or mar you, and that’s why you must be very careful when making choice of whom to marry in life if you don’t want your life to be marred forever.
I love interracial marriage for so many reasons, and the world need more interracial marriages for peace and unity. But then, there are certain factors you must consider before getting yourself involved in an interracial marriage to avoid marital failure and crises.
If you take a survey of interracial marriages that have taken place between 1900 to date, you will discover that there are more black-white interracial marriage than any other interracial marriage in the world, which makes this topic a vital topic.
Over the years, I have come to discover that black guys love white ladies so much more than any other race, and this is also evident in black nations like Nigeria, where men always prefer to date and marry fair black women than the pure black women, which has led to so many Nigerian women patronizing skin bleaching creams and soaps to become fair. Anyway, that’s by the way, lets move on…
Who Is A Nigerian Man?
I have written so many articles on this topic, so I would like you to find time and go through them because I am not going to repeat the things I said in those articles here to avoid making this write-up too bulky and confusing.
Nigeria is a country located in the Western region of Africa continent. The population of Nigeria is 140,000,000 based on the last national population census. Nigeria comprises of three major tribes: Hausa, Igbo and Yoruba. There are so many other minor ethnic groups in those three major tribes, such as: Ibibio, Bini, Ijaw, Idomo, Fulani, Tiv, Itshekiri, Calabar, etc, with their own dialects.
You will find the Hausa tribe in the northern region of Nigeria, and their major or dominant religion is Islam (Muslim), with a negligible number of Christians, found mainly in the North-Central region. Hausa tribe speak Hausa as their dialect.
Agriculture is practiced in large scale in the northern region of Nigeria- cattle rearing, yam farming, groundnut, etc. Pure Hausas find it difficult to marry other tribes in Nigeria, and polygamy is a dominant practice in the region.
An Hausa man is peaceful by nature outside his religion. You can only have conflict with an Hausa man when you play with his religion (Islam). They are not money conscious like other tribes in Nigeria, but they love political and royal power. Hausas marry very early than other tribes in Nigeria. Hardly can you find a 30 years old Hausa man that is not married, and it is very rare to see an Hausa man married to a foreign woman.
The Igbo Man
You will find Igbo people or Igbo tribe in the South-Eastern region of Nigeria. This is the only tribe in Nigeria with a homogenous religion- Christianity. In the past, they practiced idolatry until the arrival of the early Christian missionaries from Europe. Igbo man is a success-driven man. Igbo man is a money-conscious man. An average Igbo man is very ambitious and ready to do anything to make money. They are the most industrious tribe in Nigeria, and they are business driven, and can go extreme to become success.
An average Igbo man love financial success more than any other thing, and he is ready to stay single till late 40s if he hasn’t attained the level of financial success he wished to attain before settling down. After the Yoruba tribe, they are the second most educated tribe in Nigeria, and the most successful tribe.
You can hardly find youths in Igbo villages because most of them have migrated to the city to search for greener pastures, leaving behind their parents and grandparents who most times engage in peasant farming for life sustenance.
An Igbo man is a liberal man, he travels to anywhere and marries from anywhere. In fact, there is a riddle that says: “wherever you go and you didn’t find an Igbo man, don’t spend the next minute there”, because it is believed that Igbo people are everywhere, so long as there is life there.
If you want to be in good terms with an Igbo man, don’t joke with his business or money.
The Niger Delta Man
They share similar traits and history with the Igbo tribe. Some Niger Delta tribes bear Igbo name and also speak Igbo-related dialect. Their major occupation is fishing due to their location. It is in this region that you will find 50 to 70% of Nigeria’s crude oil reserve. A Niger Delta Man is semi-Igbo man.
The Yoruba Man
Yoruba tribe are the most educated tribe in Nigeria. It is believed that in every 10 Yoruba family, there is 1 professor, and may be a lawyer. They love education so much. There are two dominant religion in Yoruba land- Islam and Christianity, with few people still practicing the ifa religion (idolatry).
An Yoruba man do marry from other tribes, but they marry more of foreign women. Polygamy used to be dominant in Yoruba land, but things have changed with Christianity and western civilization. Naturally, Yoruba men love party also known as “Owambe” in Yoruba language. He is ready to use his last savings to host a party, though things have changed, but that love for party is still inherent.
The Bini Man
Some share similar traits with Yoruba people, with others who behave like The Niger Delta people. Bini men prefer to marry foreign women to their own indigenous women, reason being that there was a belief that most Bini women do kill their husbands to take over his properties and to become the family head. History also showed that so many Bini women were once involved in witchcraft and water spirit worship, which was believed to be the cause of the increased deaths of married men in Bini land. Though Christianity has changed things to a great extent, but Bini men love marrying foreign women.
Important Questions & Answers About Nigeria
Why Do Nigerian Men Marry Another Wife In Nigeria After Marrying A Foreign (White) Woman?
Like I said earlier, Nigerian men love white women so much, and would love to spend the rest of their lives with a white woman, but unfortunately, history has taught Nigerian men that white women who married Nigerian men in the past and had children with then, never stayed back with their Nigerian husbands, instead, they all abandoned their Nigerian husbands in Nigeria and travelled back to their home country with the children they had with the Nigerian men, leaving the Nigerian men that married white women childless at old age.
In order to avoid this heartbreaking experience, Nigerian men started keeping two marriages- one in Nigeria as a backup and one in the foreign country where they live, and most of them aren’t happy doing this, but they are most times pushed into it by their family members at home, who do remind them of Nigerian men in the past who lost all the children they had with white women.
What Is The Solution To Stop Nigerian Men From Keeping Two Marriages?
This will stop when foreign women who chose to marry Nigerian women start accepting Nigerian men and their country of origin, and not just accepting the man without accepting his country. How do I mean?
If you are a foreign lady, before you decide to marry a man from another country, you have to understand that you are making a strong decision, which involves abandoning your own country to accept and live permanently in the man’s country till death do you guys part.
There is no way you will expect a man to live in a foreign country forever till he dies, that is impossible. So before you decide to marry a Nigerian man, have it in mind that he will leave your country someday to go back to his home country Nigeria and live permanently till death. Haven known this, you must be ready and willing to go with him to live permanently in his country with your children. If your children must visit your country, you should let them know that they are Nigerians, and that they must go back to their father’s country.
If foreign ladies who marry Nigerian men start putting this into practice, with time, Nigerians will be convinced that any child you have with a foreign lady is truly a Nigerian child, and you will see a natural end to double marriage by most Nigerian men married to foreign women.
Are All Nigerians Corrupt?
Britain colonized Nigeria until 1960 when Nigeria became independent. But immediately after the Brits handed over to indigenous leaders, military guys took over and that led to a 2 year bloody civil war that claimed so many lives in Nigeria. The effect of that civil war is still inherent in Nigeria.
Since then, it has been series of corrupt military government ruling Nigeria and squandering Nigeria’s finance, which led to a very bad economy in Nigeria, hence, the struggle for survival amongst Nigerians.
In a country where corrupt military governments impoverished the entire population to enrich their personal pockets, it is not easy to survive without getting involved in illegal businesses and transactions. This was what led to the spread of corruption in Nigeria, but still, there are millions of good Nigerians who frown at corruption, who still believe in integrity and uprightness.
Is Nigeria An Islamic Nation?
No! Nigeria is never an Islamic nation, and can never be one. We have two major religions in Nigeria- Christianity and Islam. Islam is mostly practiced in the northern region of Nigeria by the Hausa and Fulani tribes, and few Yoruba people in the South-West and Benin, every other region in Nigeria practices Christianity, especially the Igbo tribe.
Is Nigeria A Terrorist Nation?
NO! Islamic religious extremism only started in Nigerian around the year 2006 or thereabout by a group of Islamic extremists who called themselves: Boko Haram, meaning- “Western Education is A Sin”. Their mission was to Islamize northern Nigeria region and to impose sharia law there, but government disagreed with them and they started insurgence which got internation sponsorship and later became both religious and political.
All the bombings, killings and kidnappings you may be hearing or seeing in the news are all happening in the Northern region of Nigeria where we have Islam as the dominant religion. Other regions of Nigeria are peaceful and calm, though the government is gradually wiping out the extremists in the northern Nigeria and peace will soon be restored there.
I will stop here for now….if you have any question, kindly drop it on the comment box. Thanks.
BEFORE YOU SAY YES TO A NIGERIAN MAN AS A FOREIGN OR NIGERIAN LADY, PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU GET A COPY OF THIS MY BOOK AT AMAZON KINDLE.
To order for a copy, click here>> Before You Marry Your Nigerian Man <<
Mamatobi on January 21, 2017:
Thank you for publishing my comment. Just to add, please remember that for the marriage to work, both people need to work hard. Respect each other, be honesty and compromise if needed. My husband is not only my husband and father to my son , but my rock and my best friend.
God bless all of you.
accofranco (author) from L Island on January 15, 2017:
Interesting testimony, I love reading positive stories about interracial marriages, especially with Nigerians. God bless your marriage with many more happy, fulfilling years ahead. and thanks for stopping by
Mamatobi on January 01, 2017:
I have been with my Nigerian husband for 11 years. I'm a white woman. I'm not British but we live in the UK. We have 8 years old son. We consider ourselves a happy family. Don't understand me wrong we havery issue's but who doesn't? I'm of the opinion that an intercultural marriage can work well but both parties need to accept diffrence culture of the spouse. Our son is brought up in the UK but he knows where his parents come from and he is very special and unique.
accofranco (author) from L Island on November 02, 2016:
Yes, send mail to: cuteefranky at gmail dot com
sze on September 09, 2016:
Hi, I had a Nigeria boyfriend and I would like to share my story to u, possible to private message you?
Silver on May 20, 2016:
Hi, this forum is really interesting for me. So I hope its okay I share my history with an Nigerian man. A quite long one, sorry!
I´ve met er professional football player abroad (Oct 2014), I was drunk and took contact to him and he somehow really liked me :p I even trusted him with my wallet and shoes, anyways we ended up together that night and because I was too drunk, I wasn't that nice to him. I actually screamed at him and said I never wanna see him again, even though I did that he wanted to keep contact, and I gave him my skype.
So I didn't see that he add me before I came back to my home country, where I then accepted him. Then he started with the Nigerian love talk and said that I was the perfect one for him. (He actually also said that the night I met him, maybe he REALLY like blonde girls?!)
Then after some while I found out that he was married and had a kid. He continues to say that im the perfect one for him and that he and his wife is having a lot of troubles.
I was talking with him on and off for some while, because I dont like the fact that he has a wife and that I would be the other woman and ruin their family. However, life would that I travel to the country he lives in again (Juli 2015), and while im actually traveling there, he contacts me and we meet up. To make a long story shorter, we have some good days, I watch him play, meet his friends and go out with him.
So now I've been back for almost a year and his marriage, as what he says to me, is really bad and he's wife is actually planning to move to the US with their child without him.
He continue to say to me that im perfect for him and that he wants to marry me and have children with me.
The biggest problem for him though, is that I live so far, but I've actually told him that I can move to the country where he lives to do my master studies, to start our life there and see how it goes.
He also mention that he is worried about the future, like after his football career ends, how he can maintain his good lifestyle?(He has a lot more money than me!) and where we should live? Because the immigration rules for my country is really hard (Europe). So it is mostly practical things he worries about.
So what im basically concerned about is that im going to lose my heart to a man who already have a family and who is maybe just sweet talking me for reasons I dont know??
accofranco (author) from L Island on February 22, 2016:
I understand your point @Susan....but I still believe that there are more saner, legal ways to make a living and help our family members out from hardship without having to engage in dangerous activities that hurt others.
He still need to leave that bad thing he's doing for a living before it catches up with him...the earlier, the better.
Most times, people that commit crimes like drug peddling, money ritual, internet scam, public fund looting, prostitution and what have you are just greedy and looking for easy way out of life....no one is finding it easy in life...I have done a lot of legal things to make ends meet myself...I can as well resort to scamming people...selling drugs....stealing, robbing banks, trafficking people, etc....but no, they are bad things which I can't do not because life is easy for me, but because I know that they are bad and I have chosen to live a life worthy of emulation.
Help him quit the bad thing he is doing for a living....help him in any way you can instead of encouraging him to continue.....the Bible said: "shall we continue in sin for grace to abide?" NO!
Once again, thanks for stopping by Susan
accofranco (author) from L Island on February 22, 2016:
I didn't really understand your point dear Logicudonthave....if you calm down and write with a relaxed mind, maybe I will get you more clearly. All the same, thanks for stopping by.
Susan on February 16, 2016:
I have been talking to a Nigerian man for 3 yrs now much younger then me. We met on line . I know things about him that let's just say are not so nice. He tells me everything he does mostly. He tells me he loves me and I believe he does in his own way. He also tells me how he hates the things he does, but he has to help take care of his family. Right now he is putting his younger brother through school. His brother looks up to him and they are very close. I understand how wrong the things he does is. But I also understand how hard a life he had growing up it does not excuse what he does but I also see where it comes from and why I know how poor a lot of the families are Nigeria and what some of them have to do to survive this man is not really a bad man he loves his family and tries to do his best with the tools he was given from a child I see the goodness person I know his wants and desires and what his future plans will be one day I encourage him all the time succeed in life and to follow his dreams
accofranco (author) from L Island on January 21, 2016:
Welcome...I am available anytime, just give me a message. Nice concept you have got
Bimbo on November 13, 2015:
I met a nigerian man in my uni and he said that he is interested in me and wants to marry me, he is a muslim and seems like a nice guy, but i am still feel suspicous about him, as you said Nigerian that are in Malaysia can be a scammer. But i still in contact with him, and i don't know what to do with him.
accofranco (author) from L Island on September 26, 2015:
Hi LindyBee, that's a good observation, and I think I covered that in my ebook.
But for the benefit of those who may not be able to read the ebook on Amazon kindle and Lulu online book store, let me give some insight.
Internet or online dating has come to stay and there is nothing we can do about it because as people become more attached to their gadgets, they have no other option but to seek for friends online.
If you meet a Nigerian guy online and he lives in Malaysia, please be very careful because he maybe doing it for some dubious intentions.
But then, when meeting a man online, please be careful and ask him relevant questions like- what does he do, where does he live, and why is he searching for love online? Pay attention to his response because that will reveal his intentions to you.
Meeting a Nigerian man at a night club isn't so cool if you want it to last, and probably lead to marriage because in Nigerian culture, night club is seen as a place meant for spoilt youths who are only seeking for temporary fun, so when a Nigerian man meets you at a Night club, he may not likely take you serious. This is not applicable to all Nigerian men though, it all depends on the man's belief, exposure and understanding of life.
If you want to meet normal Nigerian men with pure intention, try visiting any reputable Nigerian online newspaper or forum where Nigerian men gather to discuss politics and other national issues...and be a regular contributor showing interest in Nigeria...and you will see genuine Nigerian men who aren't out seeking for love will notice you and probably extend their hand to you for friendship.
Avoid meeting men through dedicated internet dating websites....instead try meeting men from newspaper website, business forums, and other online gatherings where they didn't register just to find love.
Recommendation works very fine...if you know a good Nigerian family that can recommend you to a nice single Nigerian guy, that works very well because the family recommending you will do all the background checks on your behalf and will always remind the guy not to treat you bad.
Christian gathering centres are also okay because Nigerians love religion so much.
I hope this helps......
LindyBee on September 16, 2015:
Accofranco, maybe you can expand on what qualifies as a 'bad place' and what qualifies as a 'good place' to meet Nigerian men. That might help women stay away from the 'bad' places.
Thanks for your help.
accofranco (author) from L Island on September 15, 2015:
So sad I don't even know what to say. Some men can be mean....likewise some women....and just like you said, leave everything to God.....God is the only true helper and comforter we have as humans. I wish you the best that life can offer, and may you laugh at the end of all these.
Tamica Tate on August 01, 2015:
I actually met him while in Korea on a hardship tour.. We went to church and did everything together, but when he came to the U.S. That all changed.... I am getting ready to retire and I rather be by myself then to deal with another relationship right now..... I will let God guide me from this day forth!!!!!
accofranco (author) from L Island on July 31, 2015:
This is terrible I must say. What Nigerian tribe is he? Do you guys have any child or children yet? Not all Nigerian men are scammers, you ladies just need to be careful; seems most foreign women aren't lucky with meeting the good Nigerian men, why? I am sure you guys go to the wrong places to find the right men.
You can't find good thing in a bad place. Yes, it is true Rihanna sang that we find love in strange places, but that's not always true.
Seek in the right place and ye shall find the right person; my belief.
I am a Nigerian guy.....single and not desperate at all! I am not trying to praise myself, but I know I am not bad...and if I can be good as a Nigerian single guy, then there must be more than a million other better Nigerian guys out there searching for honest ladies to commit to, but most times, ladies make it so difficult for honest guys to get across to them while making it so easy for fake, playboys on a mission to ruin to get to them.
I don't know if I open a well-monitored match-making network for Nigerian men seeking to marry foreign women for no hidden intention, will you foreign ladies patronise the network or still run to the hidden places you guys usually meet the bad Nigerian men that keep tarnishing the image of Nigerian men.
I am so pained to be honest.
and to all Nigerian men reading this: IT IS A BIG SLAP ON YOUR FACES THAT YOU HAVE CREATED A VERY BAD IMAGE OF YOURSELF IN THE EYES OF FOREIGN MEN AND WOMEN. YOU GUYS SHOULD BURY YOUR DUMB HEADS IN SHAME! SO SHAMEFUL!
Tamica Tate on July 27, 2015:
I'm married to a Nigerian man and he's a liar and a cheat and feels he should know about all my finances. He has knocked me into the dressers once, but when we were around his people in Korea, he was a saint. Since he got to the U.S. He is trying to take everything I have and the fact I'm in the military, he thinks he can control me. I believe he just married me for a visa and he lied about his age and everything. It doesn't matter if you know his parents or spoke with them, they can be apart of the scam too.
accofranco (author) from L Island on January 13, 2015:
@LindeeBee, thanks for stopping by to contribute. You can also share your experience if any, to educate us too. Thank you.
LindeeBee on January 11, 2015:
This is all very superficial and does not take soul connections into account. We are here to stretch ourselves, to learn and to be happy, not to find someone with a flat belly. Please.
accofranco (author) from L Island on January 10, 2015:
Thanks @Paulina...thank you for stopping by.
Paulina on January 08, 2015:
I think you've just captured the answer pecflrtey
accofranco (author) from L Island on November 12, 2014:
@Smooboo, thanks so much for that awesome comment...thank you... I am sure it will enlighten lots of readers, thanks for stopping by...wish you the best in your relationship. This is what I love reading.
smooboo on November 11, 2014:
Hi everyone I am obviously new here!! I know there is a lot of scams from online dating online with as said Nigerian men!!! I am engaged to a wonderful IBO man hes very proud hard working and love his Naija family and friends!!! Hes honest and loving!! His culture is important to him as is my own! Its funny how you all seem to stereotype Whites and Nigerians WOW... His family values are very much like my own.. I am Canadian he does not want to move to Canada him and his family want me to move to Naija with him!!! He would not ask me for money or accept it from me he is too proud!! And as far as I go I AM NOT FAT UGLY AND LONELY ALL USED UP AND WANTING A NAIJA MAN TO LOVE ME!! iM 33 VERY ATTRACTIVE AND FULL OF LIFE AND ADVENTURE !!! With that said you can only be scammed if you allow it!! There are good and bad men EVERY WHERE if your not using common sense and inginuity that you would use with a man living in your own city then why have you even entered the world of online dating?? PLEASE ladies if you have to second guess his motive or his truths why do you continue to even conversat with a man further do your research follow your gut instinct its always RIGHT!! Do you honestly need someone to tell you your being used and or abused?? Well that's all i have to say for now so god bless
accofranco (author) from L Island on November 04, 2014:
Read this article and all the comments that follows: https://discover.hubpages.com/relationships/If-You...
accofranco (author) from L Island on November 04, 2014:
@temptest, welcome to the great discussion. As per your question, from the way you two met, I would suggest you give him an open try. But this depends on the country where you guys met- if its Malaysia, I can't say much....if its United States or UK that he came to study and you guys met, then chances are that he comes from a nice background, and not desperate to get visa in your country to enable him stay, which will make him to pretend to love you just to marry you and secure resident papers.
Lastly, the age gap between you and him matters. How old is he and how old are you?
Lastly, don't forget that every man wants to marry a physically attractive woman, so always tell yourself the truth as a woman, and try as much to take good care of your body to look neat and attractive to the opposite sex. Don't allow yourself to blow up and become overweight.....eat right, exercise and watch your belly fat....I wrote a practical book on how to flatten your belly, for guys and ladies.
I titled it: Magical ways to flatten your belly in 30 days, and its on sale at amazon kindle store and lulu.com.
If you aren't okay with my response, just give me more info so I can advice more, once again, welcome on board.
temptest on November 04, 2014:
Im in a realtionship wit a yoruba man for almost 2 years. We met in my country during his studies.We r engaged though we havnt decided wen id d final date.He treats me like a queen n i have spoken to his dad bro and younger sis nt nt his mum n eldest sister cause he said he is nt ready.I trust him and love him loads but im scared i get hurt because of all d negative stories i hv read or heard. Soon he wl b leavin to go bk home and continue his career but im scared dt things don't go as planned. Though he doesn't speak much about marriage because of the constant problem(my insecurities) i stl thinks he wants to. Im scared n confused.any inputs??
accofranco (author) from L Island on October 16, 2014:
@dandydoo, no true Nigerian man would love to die and be buried in a foreign land, especially Igbo people. Igbo tribe in Nigeria share similar culture and trait with Jewish people of Israel- they don't busy an Igbo son outside igbo land. So I don't know your husband's tribe. Most Nigerian tribes too practice this. No matter what, a Nigerian man, at least 90% or more will definitely wanna go back to Nigeria to settle, establish and age happily while visiting foreign countries on holidays and vacation to spice up his old age.
Thanks for stopping by, I am definitely working on some interesting write-ups and books too. Please keep an eye, and once again, thanks for stopping by to drop some useful comment.
dandydoo on October 16, 2014:
Im confused here. The nigerian man meets the foreign woman in her own country and somehow down the line that foreign woman is then automatically expected to leave her country because no nigerian would die in a foreign land ... but the woman must??? western women just don't think like that ... you speak like its gospel amongst nigerians that this will take place. all these women dating nigerians then need to be made aware of this chestnut. I am enjoying your articles please write an article specifically on this because my husband told me he wasn't going back ...
accofranco (author) from L Island on July 01, 2014:
Okay Lindy....thanks for the compliments....but please no need being negative...be positive and have strong faith that your marriage will work, and put in your best to make it work.
No need of trying to get a divorce procedure ahead because life has various forces that operate based on our mindset and wish...so be positive and wish yourself good and forget about divorce for now.
I wish you the best of luck in your marriage and I also pray that God revives and heal your marriage.
LindyBee on July 01, 2014:
Thanks @accofranco, you are very kind.
My husband and I are currently in negotiations and, at this stage, we still have a healthy amount of good will between us, thankfully. We have a lot of healing to do to get us to a point where we could even begin to contemplate the possibility of saving the marriage. Obviously we need complete trust as the foundation and sadly this is proving to be quite a challenge for each of us.
I just want to be prepared in case we can't find a way to stand together. Yes, I meant procedures for requesting for a divorce in Nigeria.
Thanks so much once again.
accofranco (author) from L Island on July 01, 2014:
@LindyBee....I can help you get the procedures....you mean procedures for requesting for a divorce in Nigeria right? I know Ikoyi marriage registry....if you want, I will help you get the necessary info for free.
I am sorry for your past negative experiences....life teaches us so much...but can't the problems or differences be fixed pleased? I hate divorce....sighs
LindyBee on July 01, 2014:
@accofranco - yes, all this has been hard-learned through life experience, and there is still so much more to learn I suspect!
I'm not sure how our situation is going to pan out and the subject of divorce has been raised. Because we were married in Lagos I am guessing that the application for divorce would need to be submitted there. Does anyone know the required procedure for requesting a divorce? We were married in the registry office in Ikoya, Lagos.
accofranco (author) from L Island on June 29, 2014:
WOW! @LindBee, you are such an intellect....you wrote all that from your lifer experiences? I am so impressed.....I wish you and your hubby the best of luck in your struggle to become the best for each other.
Once again thanks for stopping by...and thanks for commending my book....I really wish more ladies would read the book and have a firsthand information ahead. Thank you Lindy
LindyBee on June 28, 2014:
@alfranco - thanks for your input into my situation, it is much appreciated. Thanks also for your book, I found it most enlightening.
@notactix - Perhaps I should have said "I don't want to bore myself with the details" - so I will go straight to the moral of the story.
'Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.'
Lying to ourselves is the greatest of all deceptions.
When we look to others for our happiness we will always end up being disappointed. We need to take responsibility for our own happiness.
He used his charm, youth and good looks to manipulate me into providing him with status and freedom and, paradoxically, ended up feeling more lowly and entrapped than he ever had before.
I used my country of birth, financial position and social status to manipulate him into providing me with love and security and, paradoxically, ended up feeling more abandoned and betrayed than I ever had before.
True freedom comes from the freedom to choose how we respond to our circumstances, no matter what they are. To have our own values and having the courage of our convictions rather than sacrificing ourselves in order to gain approval and a sense of worth from others (external validation).
True status comes from working towards goals in an ethical manner; even though it might take longer it is worth it because the status is earned, thereby authentic, not stolen or borrowed.
True love is love of Self, and acknowledgement of God's unconditional love for all humanity. Once felt, we can love as He does - unconditionally. It's about giving love, not forcing or manipulating others into love us.
True security comes from the knowledge that we will be ok no matter what. This comes from a position of self-trust, the ability to be discerning about who we invite into our precious and sacred inner-circle.
My husband and I are now in the process of acknowledging these huge Life lessons and are attempting to gain value (individual and shared) from this intense experience.
Wish us luck.
notactix on June 25, 2014:
@LindyBee, ''If You Are Getting Married To A Nigerian Man As A Foreign Lady Read This''. This is the correct Title for that other hub by Accofranco. Please read it thoroughly before making final decision on your man. You should not be driven by your heart and your kindness. People like him don't deserve sympathy at all. Keep in mind that he blatantly faked his emotions towards you only to achieve his goal. He destroyed your life and he did it purposely, it was his plan from the day one. When it comes to love and relationship we should treat people the same way they treat us, no more no less. What would be his next move once he becomes a resident of your country - all thanks to your good heart? His heart is rotten - no doubt, he plays with peoples' finest emotions. He is not a good man and I doubt he'll ever be. People like him are creating that well known bad image, it make us think that all other guys are bad - and it's not true! Allowing him to stay You're also bringing trouble to your community. It's my opinion but final decision is up to you. Have a good think about it, what ever your decision might be, just keep your eyes wide open in the future and stay blessed.................
accofranco (author) from L Island on June 25, 2014:
@notactix, thanks for the contribution....once again, thanks for stopping by to make a great contribution...let's try to pass this message across to get more women informed ahead. Thanks
notactix on June 25, 2014:
@LindyBee, what a sad story. I would like to encourage you to come forward with more details. You will not bore anyone here with it, that's the whole purpose of these Accofranco's pages - to warn other goodhearted ladies like yourself to be more careful when dating young Nigerian men. There are some certain patterns in their approach and behaviour, more stories we hear - easier will be to differentiate good from bad. Please find time to read Accofranco's other hub titled: "Before you marry your Nigerian man read this", you'll see some interesting stories there. We all make mistakes, let's help each other by learning from one anothers mistakes. Cheers, may God bless you all.
accofranco (author) from L Island on June 21, 2014:
@LindyBee, I am so sorry for your sad experience...its really disheartening and I keep wondering why people would decide to intentionally play with others' emotion just to get what they want; humans are really callous.
My opinion, hmmm.....I feel like telling you to report to the authorities but then, the statement" 'temper justice with mercy' comes to mind....so I would suggest you call him to order, make him understand that you can stop his stay and get him back to wherever he came from....but that for the sake of God and mankind, that you won't. If he is reasonable and have good moral upbringing, he will definitely have a rethink of his actions.
Try it and let's see how it goes.
Meanwhile, thanks for stopping by.
LindyBee on June 15, 2014:
Hi Frank, thanks so much for your work. I have just discovered that I have fallen prey to a Nigerian scammer (I won't bore you with the details). We married in Lagos in 2012 and he is now living in Australia however he is still on a temporary visa, with permanency becoming available in the next two months. I am having a dilemma about whether I should inform the authorities because one part of me feels compassion for his situation and yet another part of me feels ethically obliged to inform Immigration of the deceipt. I don't want to act out of revenge ( even though I am obviously angered and humiliated at what he has done, not just to me but to all my friends and family). I would be interested in your opinion.
accofranco (author) from L Island on June 02, 2014:
@nevamind...thanks for the story....it will enlighten more ladies but then, not all Ghanaians, Nigerians, etc guys are like that....its just that some ladies do throw caution away in the name of love....please find time to read my other hub titled: "Before you marry your Nigerian man read this"....and also try to get a copy of my ebook published on Amazon kindle here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H7NOF36 and on Lulu...here:http://goo.gl/kS7AuB
I want to encourage every reader of this hub to get a copy of the book and read from beginning to end and you will come back here to say thank you. Once again, thanks for stopping by.
nevamind on June 02, 2014:
My friend who lives in London, UK told me an interesting story about his first neighbour, very kind 65 yo lady. She got romantically involved with a 25yo Ghanaian man through one of the internet dating sites and they've both immediately fall in love with each other. She visited him in his country of residence, not sure which country was it. They loved each other so much that after couple of her visits they decided to get married. They've got married, she brought him to the UK, even bought him a brand new BMW... He loved her unconditionally. She was constantly getting lots of attention from him, flowers, gifts, hugs'n'kisses he never really cared about huge age difference, real love doesn't care about the age, they really looked like a happy couple. But, when he was granted his permanent visa, all of a sudden his love faded away. Now they are in the Court, divorcing. He is entitled by the law on half of her assets including her house that she paid off probably before he was even born. Every real love is sad.
accofranco (author) from L Island on May 12, 2014:
No Jordann, but Ghanaian and Nigerians share some similar traits...so some of the things discussed in the book might also help you....but wait, I thought you said the guy is a Nigerian living in Ghana just as we have Nigerians living in United States?
Jordann Scott from Hanover Park, Illinois on May 12, 2014:
Does your book talk about Ghanians?
accofranco (author) from L Island on May 12, 2014:
@Jordann, no, Nigeria and Ghana are two different countries located in West Africa. Nigeria and Ghana are like Canada and United States that are located on the same North American continent. I hope this answered your question? Let me know if you have more questions or worries....
Jordann Scott from Hanover Park, Illinois on May 12, 2014:
Wait is Ghanian and Nigerian the same thing?
accofranco (author) from L Island on May 12, 2014:
Hi Jordann, please I didn't wrote this piece to discourage or scare foreign ladies from dating Nigerian guys...I wrote it to further enlighten foreign ladies on how to find the best Nigerian man to date or marry and also to enlighten foreign women on the Dos and the Don'ts when dating a Nigerian man so that they can have the best of love life.
Of course there is no way all Nigerian guys can be bad, at least, I myself I am a Nigerian guy...and I am very sure that I can be classified as a good guy too...so if I can be good as a Nigerian guy, then there should be plenty other good Nigerian guys out there too....the only thing is that before you as a foreign lady decides to marry a Nigerian guy, you should ask yourself some vital questions..and you ought to know certain things about Nigeria as a country....and that was why I published this book I titled: "Before You Marry Your Nigerian Man"...you can find the Amozon Kindle version of it here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H7NOF36 and get a copy of it and read thoroughly, it will help you a lot.
I wish you the best of luck and do come back for any question or assistance where necessary, bye for now.
Jordann Scott from Hanover Park, Illinois on May 10, 2014:
So I have met an Igbo man online by accident but like he's really nice and he's a Christian and I never had to worry about him until I started reading all these articles about how there scammers and are trying to use us to get into america and stuff like that and I never really thought he could do that we have been friends for four months now and he let's me into his life like he let's me talk to his friends and when he goes out to eat he'd take a picture and tell me I'm invited and idk I just don't think he's bad at all
accofranco (author) from L Island on May 04, 2014:
Thanks so much thandi for that confession...and thanks for stopping by.
thandi mokgele on May 02, 2014:
Not all nigerins are bad! I was schooling in nigeria, I'm a south. African and I was in love with my oga! I still miss that man a lot.from Thandi