Ms. Macon is an advice columnist and content writer for radio and television commercials. Catch her on Ask A Bitchface, truly funny truth.
As The Token Single...
I can't begin to explain how shocked my friends and acquaintences were at hearing that I am now in a committed relationship. It was as though I had informed them I had traded my stilettos for flats. Or I had traded my dogs for children.
They were speechless.
I started writing a publication about he and I over on Medium. Fumbling Through Love, a blog on the ins and outs of a new love to the very same author who wrote 1-800-Fuckboy. I know that seems a little...off my usual topic of expertise.
However, it was important to me that I document the areas where I start to get nervous and want to run. I have ran out on anything that could have been a good relationship for the past 15 years, and I intend to catch myself before I really screw it up this time.
"I'm Going To Marry This Kid"
Let Me Be Honest...
This guy is completely out of my league.
To start with, he is much younger than I. He is so absolutely gorgeous it's almost as though he glows. And with perfect skin and teeth, in addition to perfect credit, it's no wonder I often say how absolutely out of my league he actually is. It's not even the same sport anymore.
Of course, just like the absolutely amazing boyfriend that he is, he tells me how much he loves me, that he wants to marry me, and that he's the lucky one. It makes my heart do flip flops when he mentions anything to do with long term plans, and I struggle to make myself avoid the same stupid and rash decisions that I've made in other relationships simply because I didn't feel like I deserved to be loved.
I Have Been Doing Some Work On Me...
Overall, really trying to forgive myself for my past relationship faux pas. But, also, I've decided to work on myself for myself, not simply to prepare to be involved with someone else. I started working on anger management, and also on the way that I view myself, and what I deserve in my life.
It's been an eye opening experience to really take a good, hard look at the ways that I have shorted myself a partner in life, simply because I felt as though I didn't deserve love, a marriage, or a best friend.
I have found my Prince Charming, but will I run out of the ball and lose a glass slipper in the process? He says he has no doubt that I, indeed, have glass slippers, and he would know exactly where to come and find the mate to the one I lost.
The boy is quick on his feet, I'll give him that much.
Is There Hope For A Healthy Relationship?
I Have A Lot Of Hope For This One...
He is funny. He's smart. He laughs at my jokes. He's an amazing dog lover that became the first man to ever bathe a dog that belonged to me. Puffin is still pissed at him for that one.
However, I still struggle every day with the questions. Am I really good enough? Will his family accept me once they find out about the column I write, or the family I come from? Will he find someone closer to his own age, and realize I was never worth the trouble that it most certainly is to date a neurotic and anxiety ridden woman?
I try to keep those thoughts a safe distance from my mind, but I'm not always successful. I can only hope that I am able to keep my mind from breaking my heart, and vice versa. Check us out on medium.com/fumbling-through-love.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 MsMacon