Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.
Writer's note: this piece is being written from the bride's point of view. Well, somebody had to say something. Thanks. (K.A.)
Jeff Foxworthy is a super-talented comedian, producer, and author. He made his bundle with his "You Might be a Redneck," in the late 90's and his success keeps rolling along. I dedicate this piece to (his style) of narrative and hope that you enjoy it. (K.A.)
This ever happen to you? The headline I mean. It happens somewhere eveywhere. But as a rule, weddings were designed to be happy. Then there are brides like you. And honestly, just because your wedding was ruined because your fiance ran off with your sister at the last minute because he was really a habitual liar and hid it from you is not reason to punish yourself.
Just because the church was standing room only made-up of the two families which were quite large. To say nothing about the friends of the couple, neighbors, and coworkers. Most, not all, f these loving people were first shocked momentarily, but then a wave of uncontrollable laughter hit them like a bulldozer and didn't attend your reception. Just remember. In 200 years or so, who's gong to remember that dark, dismal, dismantling of a sacred event?
You will. Sorry to throw logs on the fire, but women and a few men have been left at the altar and after some therapy from some highly-respected therapists, those brides continued to live and contribute to society. That was until the depressing memory of that awful wedding took over their thinking, the women somehow carried on and lived a mostly-happy single life until they left to see Heaven.
In short. Don't punish yourself. I am here on the scene to advise you as the beautiful bide that you are, so you will be prepared if your fiance is secretly a guy who sacrifices live animals, you will be in good shape. Plus, if you did marry a jerk-of-a-groom, and caught him in bed with six or seven Seattle Seahawk cheerleaders
. . .in your bed, well, the same advice goes for you too. Read the below ways to know if it was you who caused your wedding to go up in smoke.
And . . .you can also use these tips in case that you married (the jerk fiance above) and going to live without trusting male jerks. Just saying.
If Your Fiance's Nick Name Is Train Wreck, You Need to Head Out of Town
If you trusted your fiance too blindly might be he gained is vision when he wiped-out your checking account and left town with his former girlfriend, might be you are one suffering bride.
If you and your fiance chose to say your own vows, but he chose to tell vulgar jokes instead, might be, you were a sucker-for--bride.
If your best girlfriend confided in you that your fiance was lazy, you found out that she was right because he paid his best man to stand in for a groom, might be you are so happy now living alone.
You wanted the groom's old girlfriend to take her with you on your dates, might be, you didn't go in with your eyes open.
before your marriage, the groom severely-insisted that you and him move in with his parents. Could be you played the role of one bride who deserved to have your fiance shipped out of town for good.
at your wedding reception, your fiance insisted on inviting his old flame so he could dance with her, it might be you just crashed and burned.
when your fiance wanted to take his parents out for dinner, and you paid the check, then you have been used for fish bait.
if you cried for days when you found out that your newlywed husband said, let's go out for an entire weekend, was a lie. He went out all weekend alright, but with his buddies for a deep sea fishing trip.
before your wedding, if you call your future hubby and a sexy girl answers the phone, well, you need to fill your car's gas tank and well, see how fast your car will run.
as you and your fiance await to say your vows, if you see a U.S. Marshall walk up and hand him a subpoena, you are not gong to be happy with the "I do's."
if your future husband's idea of a passionate night of love means watching reruns of the Alfred Hitchcock Hour and fall asleep, why are you not packing your bags right now?
you should sense that something is wrong with your future hubby when the minister only scowls throughout the wedding.
if your fiance insists that you change your name prior to the wedding it's because the name he needs you to go by reminds him of his old girl that he almost married, but caught her in the bed with a squad of sailors on leave.
if your fiance constantly forgets your name, just bow-out of the wedding before he starts to wake up. There are others jerks in the sea that you need to avoid.
your loving fiance surprises you with a special dinner to celebrate your love, but his idea of a loving dinner consists of Vienna sausage; pork rinds; grits; and two bologna sandwiches, then you need to tell him that you are watching your weight and have to leave to head to the gym.
in closing . . .if you are stuck with paying his car payment; rent; and his part of your wedding, do yourself a favor . . .forget him and tell him that you are nobody's pack mule.
July 16, 2021________________________________________________
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