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If You Are Getting Married To A Nigerian Man As A Foreign Lady Read This


How Do I Find True Love In Nigeria?

How do I find true love, how do I find the right life partner, how do I know that my boyfriend wants me for marriage, how do I know that my boyfriend truly loves me, how do I avoid being used and dumped by a man? All these questions and more are often the usual questions that occupy the minds of majority of single ladies globally, and it is no doubt that these questions are critical questions that also calls for a critical answer. In this very write-up, I am not going to answer those questions, but I will indirectly give clues on how to manage such situations, meanwhile, if you truly want to learn more or find answers to the above questions, then you must find time to go through some of my relationship articles, by navigating through my profile. But for now, I am going to focus on assisting foreign ladies wishing or desiring to get married to a Nigerian man, or best, to assist foreign ladies already in a committed relationship with a Nigerian man, and are probably contemplating on settling down with him.

Before I forge ahead, I would like to make a promise to all my readers (as usual) that whatever information I shall be revealing here, shall be based on zero partiality, prejudice or favoritism. Again, I want to stress again that I am going to be as honest as possible in disclosing some useful information that would assist all foreign ladies desiring to marry a Nigerian man. And if you are a Nigerian guy reading this article, please, do not feel bad, I am only trying to assist people (particularly innocent foreign ladies) to enjoy a happy loving relationship built on true love. Haven made things clear, let’s move on.

Who Is A Nigerian Man?

Nigeria to start with, is a country located in the western region of Africa, with over 140,000,000 populations as at the last census. Nigeria is majorly a black African nation, blessed with numerous mineral resources, especially the black crude oil, found bountifully in the south-south, and south-east regions of Nigeria. Nigeria comprises of so many tribes, but the major tribes or dominant tribes in Nigeria are: Ibo, Hausa, and Yoruba.

Nigeria was colonized by Britain, and as a result, its official language is English, with other local dialects, viz. Igbo, Hausa and Yoruba, as the major dominant local dialects.

If you want to define a Nigerian man, you must first identify his tribal origin, whether he is Ibo, Yoruba or Hausa. I intentionally ignored other tribes to make this write-up snappy, and for the fact that other minor tribes have their cultures and traditions revolving around the major three tribes I have mentioned above. Haven identified his tribe, you need to also find out his religious background, but if he is Ibo, there’s no need for further investigation because 99.9% of Ibos are Christian by religion. But if he is a Yoruba, then you need to find out his religion because in Yoruba tribe, there are majorly three dominant religions- Christianity, Islam, and Ifa. For the Hausas, 98% practice Islam.

We also have the Bini, Ijaw, Ogoni, Fulani, etc. But they are in minority.

To give you a basic understanding of the Nigerian man, I will classify them in three, based on the three major tribes- Ibo, Yoruba, and Hausa.

The Ibo Man

The Ibo man originated from the Ibo tribe, found in the south-eastern region of Nigeria. By history, Ibos are known for trade and little agricultural activities like farming with hoe, etc. An Ibo man loves business, trade and anything that will make him to be in constant contact with money. The Ibos paid less attention to western education during colonialism, but after the civil war which ended in 1969, the Ibos diversified their interest to include western education, business, and for this reasons and more, they began to migrate within and across the Nigerian borders, which is the single reason why in every 10 Nigerians you see in a foreign nation, 4 is Ibo. Their desperate desire for success, financial prosperity, and wealth can be traced back to their ancestral history. History has also traced Ibo tribe to have an ancestral linkage with the Jews, and this can be seen in their ingenuity in so many human activities, especially in trade, craft, local technology, etc.

Ibos are no doubt the heart and prime movers of the Nigerian economy. They are innovative, creative, ambitious, peaceful, etc, but they love financial prosperity more than any other thing in life. You can play with an Ibo man’s life, but don’t play with his money! So when dealing with an Ibo man, make sure you don’t play with his wallet; therefore, if you guard his wallet for him, you will always be his best friend. And this love for financial breakthrough is one of the things that make them very creative and ambitious in whatever they do in life. Note this, any shop, business, etc owned by a Nigerian in your country, go and find out, it is owned or founded by an Ibo man. The above assertion is not just applicable in foreign nations alone, but also in Nigeria.

What am I trying to say in essence? An Ibo man always carry in mind his monetary gain or benefit in whatever thing he does in life- be it business, education, relationship, etc. It is this trait that earned Ibos criticisms from other Nigerian tribes, because in whatever they are doing, they are always conscious of what they would gain financially. To wrap it up, Ibo man is just similar to a Chinese man in terms of- money consciousness, creativity, and craftsmanship.

The Ibo man of today dislikes polygamy, and he has his immediate family (parents and siblings) at heart, and if you want to win his heart, don’t play with his immediate family. In fact, if you want to win his heart fast, and maybe get him running after you for marriage, you must show a committed interest in his immediate family.

The Yoruba Man

The Yoruba man comes from the Yoruba tribe, found in the south-western part of Nigeria. They are also found in Haiti, Togo, etc. The Yoruba man loves partying, celebrations and ceremonies, and he wouldn’t mind borrowing to celebrate a ceremony- be it burial, child-naming, birthday, marriage, memorial, etc.

The Yorubas are the most educated tribe in Nigeria, and it has been a popular saying in Nigeria that in every Yoruba family, there is a professor. The Yorubas of the ancient times are known with agriculture (cocoa farming, rubber, etc). They are the pioneers of Nigeria’s legal sector, and they are very good in that aspect. The Yoruba man is more immune to polygamy than the Ibo man. The Yoruba man loves peace a lot, and he is ready to part away with his money to make peace.

If you want a Yoruba man to have you at heart, always take him to parties, and if possible, organize parties for him often, and you’re his best friend.

The Hausa Man

The Hausas are found in the northern part of Nigeria, and they have certain things in common with the North African nations, maybe as a result of their religion. Their most valued treasure is their Islamic religion; don’t joke with it if you want to live in peace with them.

They are known with agricultural activities in large scale- farming, cattle rearing, etc. Honestly, they are the food hub of Nigeria. They are polygamous in nature, and it is also traditional for a Hausa man to marry more than one wife, if he so desires.

The Hausa man is peace-loving without his religion (Islam), he is generous, in fact, he is the most generous man amongst all Nigerian tribes, he’s not so conscious of money, and he’s ready to die for his religious belief. If you are not an Islam, it might be impossible for a Hausa man to marry you.

Before Falling In Love With A Nigerian Man

Haven learned one or two things about the Nigerian man, let’s now look at some vital facts you mustn’t ignore when deciding to date or marry a Nigerian man abroad.

If you truly want to marry or date a Nigerian man living abroad, and enjoy a lasting, genuine relationship, follow the rules below:

Don’t marry a Nigerian man living illegally in your country or any foreign nation. A Nigerian man that finally made the harsh decision to leave his homeland to migrate to a foreign nation without legal travel and resident permits will do anything beyond his comfort to remain in that foreign nation because he knows that home is not the best for him. Therefore, he wouldn’t mind marrying a foreign lady he may not truly love or like just to secure a resident permit. Therefore, if you truly want a lasting, genuine relationship or marriage with a Nigerian man abroad, make sure he is a legal resident with good means of livelihood.

Don’t marry a Nigerian man you met abroad until you have known his true identity as regards to- marital status, family background, etc.

I made this point because some Nigerian men you see in your country are already married to a Nigerian lady here in Nigeria before they set out to travel abroad to look for a greener pasture.

Don’t rush to marry a Nigerian man without a reasonable educational background.

Know his educational background because it matters a lot in determining his way of reasoning.

He might have been frustrated in life and seeking for a way out, and just faking love to get something from you, and once he gets that, he is off and creates bad name or image that all Nigerian men are evil, whereas it is not true..

There are awesome Nigerian men that can turn your life around for good, find them and stop going after bad guys spoiling the good image of Nigerian people.

If you truly have interest in Nigerian men, and you want to marry or date a Nigerian man, search for those living comfortably in Nigeria or Abroad with the above qualities (good education, good family background, legal residence, etc, etc).

If truly you want a sincere Nigerian man to marry or date, get one who is not living in Europe/America, etc illegally, and make sure he is doing a good steady job and well educated up to tertiary level. You know why? Because such Nigerians go into relationship with foreigners out of love and not for anything else like: securing permanent residence, monetary gains, etc.

Unfortunately, most of the aforementioned class of Nigerians would rather prefer to come back home and look for a wife, you know why? Because our cultural and traditional values are different, stronger and as such, supports marriage better. For instance, when a typical Nigerian couple is going through marital crises, they would hardly ever throw in the towel like it is generally done in the western countries. Remember, marriage in Nigeria is a union of two families- the man’s and the woman’s family, and as such the families would step in if things are getting out of hand and they would do whatever they can to settle the matter amicably within the family level. Nigerians in general, have unquestionable respect for their parents and would listen and obey them at any point in time.

The western culture is very weak in this aspect; marriage is just between the couples, families are not expected to come in, whether in good or in bad. Feminism and gender equality have both weakened marriage union in the western countries. In ever ship, there must be a captain...and naturally, men were ordained to be the captain of the marriage ship, but government policies, gender equality and feminism have jointly harmed marriage values in western countries, leading to high divorce rate.

Divorce is part of the western culture now due to certain practices like- feminism and gender equality, which is a fall out of the replace and don't repair concept. In western countries today, laws have made it very lucrative for women to divorce their husbands as such they don't even work hard at sustaining their marriages, since they would benefit more when the marriage is torn apart in a law court. In fact most western women instead of looking for ways of resolving marital crises, prefer to threaten their man with divorce, and this is a situation a true Nigerian man snares at.

Our culture also has roles and responsibilities for men and women in marriage. The woman looks after the day to day running of the home while the man provides for the home. It is deeply entrenched in our tradition and this has helped to maintain the respect and harmony in the house. The 50/50 concept of the western culture means there are two captains in one ship, resulting to unnecessary tension, arguments and confusion on roles and responsibilities. I know that some readers may not agree to this because to them it is the best practice, but let me now challenge you, how come the business world is yet to adopt this 50/50 concept if it is truly a good practice?

The bottom line of it all is that a typical Nigerian man with no hindrances would prefer to come back home to marry a Nigerian girl, so if you are non-Nigerian and in a relationship with a true Nigerian man then shine your eyes well! Or just take it as it is without expecting too much, that’s my word for now, good luck!

My Eye-Opening Book for Foreign Ladies Dating Nigerian Men

Dear fans and readers,

I want to officially announce to you guys the launch of my eye-opening book titled: "Before You Marry Your Nigerian Man", which I want to advice and encourage all foreign ladies dating, in a relationship or married to a Nigerian man to get a copy.

I wrote the book after years of helping foreign ladies fix their relationships and after helping to guide foreign ladies to make the best choice when befriending Nigerian men...you will come back to say: THANK YOU. I just published the book...and Amazon just approved it and added it to their Amazon Kindle store after a rigorous review of the book.

Kindly find the book here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00H7NOF36

I answered most of the questions you definitely need to know...

Before you go into any other relationship or marriage with a Nigerian man, please try to get a copy of this book and read it from beginning to end...and after you purchase it, please make a short review...be honest in your review...recommend it to your close friends because it will save them from future heartbreak and will also guide them on how to make the best choice of a Nigerian man.

Thanks...hope to hear from you all soon.

Frank Anok


This article was not written to destroy the good image of Nigerians! It wasn't written to paint foreign men evil either, but it was written out of love and passion to create a positive change in the institution of interracial dating and marriage, so that we all can enjoy a happy world.

Don't let this article stop you from reaching out for love, but let it guide you towards making a sound judgment that would lead you to a happy relationship and marriage.

Feminism and gender equality are good practices, but dear single and married ladies, please don't let that man-made laws and policies destroy your life's happiness because not all man-made laws bring happiness when you follow them.

The true plan of God, and the natural architecture of marriage is that the husband should be the leader while the wife follows and helps him when he falls short, but never otherwise.

If you are a woman and you are earning more than your husband, please don't let this make you to become unruly and not submissive because every man wants a submissive woman.

To win the hearts of men- white, black, arab or asian, be humble, respectful and submissive and all men will worship the ground you walk on...but if you are pompous, proud and disrespectful to men just because you earn higher income than them, or just because you come from a rich family background, I tell you that you will live a miserable life, and most men of integrity will run far away from you, leaving you in the mercy of playboys ready to dribble your pompous heart away like Lionel Messi! Peace


Rime on December 19, 2019:

Thank you so much for your good advice

Ires Rios on November 23, 2019:

Very instrusted article I will get this book so i will be more intrusted and learn more about Ignos Nigerian

accofranco (author) from L Island on March 30, 2018:

Thanks for sharing your testimony with us...I wish you a more happy relationship and love life with your man, have fun

IyaFasade Olufemi on November 08, 2017:

Thank you for this wonderful and insightful post. I am a Black woman from America and am in a new relationship with a Yoruba man. We are planning on getting married very soon after knowing each other (in person) for 4 months and talking through facebook for 2 years. No one has yet to explain to me how to be in a relationship with a Yoruba man.

However, I have adopted IFA tradition many years ago and have many Yoruba friends. I'm accustomed to Yoruba social life and am around Yorubas often here in the U. S. I have just returned from Yorubaland last month after spending two months with my honey.

Your article is very helpful in viewing our relationship with opened eyes. Again, ese gan for the information

Ak on October 24, 2017:

When the blind leads the blind they will both fall into the ditch. Many of your assertions are based on stereotypes and they are incorrect. I reckon you book will be too.

It is blogs like this that gives Nigerians bad names. Nigerians here in Australia are some of the most intelligent, hardworking and peaceful people you find all over the country. Yet the country has such bad reputation. Please stop all this nonsense.

Criminals and scammers come in all colours and sexes. I don't know of any educated, cultured, honest, hardworking and respectful person (Nigerian or not) that will resort to scamming vulnerable (and sometimes idiotic) women.

Ladies - if your Nigerian man is not well educated, has a stable job, earns a living wage, has legal rights to live and work in your country, then you are more than likely to be dealing with a scammer or you are plain stupid. Wake up and get over it. Or your will get burnt.

As someone rightly said, innocent Nigerians are getting bad names because of the idiots who scam people in the name of Nigeria and the idiots you believe all Nigerians are like that. Nobody talks about the exceptional jobs being done by Nigerian engineers, medical doctors, lecturers, nurses, carers, students, etc because of some (sometimes) thrill seeeking ignoramus who chose to not think before dealing with strangers. Who does that? Why would you give money to strangers online? That is plain stupid with a capital S.

If you are a scammer of whatever colour cheating vulnerable women (or men), you will end up in ruins. If you are seeking a relationship because you are lonely or for whatever reasons, be careful and intelligent enough to ask the right questions. Just don't be an idiot.

If you are confused, seek help with a real person - NOT ONLINE!!! Your funny relationship likely started online and you want to fix it online. Talk to someone who can help you, guide you and look out for you.

Many of the stories are are not hard to predict ab initio that they will end badly. The subjects just either didn't want to think or are victims, or better still captives. Free yourself. Run.

I want to read stories of the many decent Nigerian men treating their family well, working hard, contributing to society, helping their fellow mates, holding down healthy relationships. These are the majority of the Nigerians abroad and at home.

The deceiver and the deceived will suffer the same fate.

accofranco (author) from L Island on August 26, 2017:

Hmmmm....you have a point

accofranco (author) from L Island on August 26, 2017:


scarlett on June 11, 2017:

i live in philippines and i have a nigerian boyfriend and he told me that he want to marry me here but he want to marry in nigeria also for there traditional rites ,is that true that he cannot get his rites from his family unless he did not married a nigerian laday?

Jo on June 08, 2017:

Nice try writer. But not all what you write applies to the modern world. I agree with the idea that most who left Nigeria illegally are looking for a way to be legal by marrying any kind of woman that comes their way just to get a residence of the country but don't forget that some of this person are mostly university graduate and would wish to work legally in the country also if give the opportunity.

Are you writing this from Nigeria? have you lived outside of Nigeria before?

shadt on May 27, 2017:

I am a Nigerian Man and most of what you say is true, apart from the partying of the Yoruba man. Igbo's and Yoruba's love to party because its akin to going to the movies or clubs. the parties are generally during festive occasions, engagements or marriage ceremonies. However individuals are different in disposition and countenance so generalizing based on tribe is flowed. I detest parties, believe in family,love and faithfulness including my religion.

accofranco (author) from L Island on April 23, 2017:

Thanks for stopping by to contribute, thank you Laura

Ghie on February 02, 2017:

Thanks for this blog, it helps me a lot and open my mind more.. I am committed with a Nigerian man for Four months that why id search a blog or reading about his country, and helps me to catch up easy his tradition and understand more his attitude,we're not talking offen because of our complicated schedule of work but we make a day to be together.. I was very thankful because he was a good guy one thing thats why I like him. He was very hard working person, and he always check me if I am fine. I hope I will learned more about him. Thank you a lot.

Scart on December 19, 2016:

Wish I would found this site 5 years ago. Short story met a Nigerian man here in the US. He chased me for months. I called him the forbidden fruit. Bc, at the time he was living with his Ex- wife. And one night he Called to say she had walked out on him to be with her American husband. I agreed to meet him for drinks to try and cheer him up. He showed me all the text messages and even called her. I am a very caring person. Well after about 3 weeks and she hadn't returned home I offered to take him to dinner. We discussed what he wanted to do about his situation.and he said that if she didn't return then he would let go. Weeks went by and nothing. Well I had my own problems and had to refocus. Needless to say about 2 months later we stared dating. 2 years later we were married. But my hapines was shorted lived. I help pay for his mother's visit here and thinking I am going to meet my new mother in law. My new husband informs me that he need sometime to figure things out. That his mother wanted him to deal with his ex wife first and to make sure it was over. Bc they have 2 boys. Well let's say it wasn't a great honeymoon.

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 12, 2016:

Hmmm, very insightful I must say. Thanks for stopping by to contribute. But generally looking at marriages in the western worlds like - Europe, America, Canada and Australia, you will discover an abnormal increase in divorce when compared to conservative nations in Asia, Africa, etc. And then if you take a closer look at the last nations, they haven't embraced feminism and other western culture as much as European and American countries, which brings the question: why is divorce rate high in western countries of Europe, America and Australia?

GoddessO on November 06, 2016:

Women in the western world do not run to divorce. It is actually within the standards of society of the average woman frowned upon. It is a stain on the woman as well as cause economic downturn as well.

The truth is you have not shared your sources of your opinion of Western Women.

The media portrays divorce as "acceptable" or "okay". However in everyday households and lives, it still holds a high value to work on your marriage, especially for your children.

Feminism and Gender Equality hurts a man's ego. A real man is not threatened by an educated loving woman. He is delighted by it. Submissiveness is unhealthy. It stifles a person's voice, and breeds abuse, low self esteem and depression. And for the man, he is not happy having a depressed wife. It takes the JOY and DELIGHT out of the sacredness of the journey those two share between themselves and The Creator. This is a Statistic. Public Knowledge.

The problem with marriage in general is (Statistics Prove this) Men are encouraged to be AGGRESSIVE in life and in doing so by default take that same AGGRESSIVENESS into their sacred marriage, at the slightest MISUNDERSTANDING OR SLIGHT CONCERN. This causes major discord, disharmony and unhappiness for both.

Statistically THIS is where the problem stems.

BALANCE AND HARMONY is truly what we all seek Western or Eastern, Southern or Northern.

**Because of the confusion of what feminism/gender equality really means (equal pay for the same job regardless of what private parts you have, being able to Vote, Drive, Get an Education etc)

So please moving forward look away from Media hyped rubbish as for you're saying "Western Women run" to divorce. That's a load of rubbish.

The reason the Divorce rate is high here is not the blame of women but of specific behaviours ignored by society that overflows into the marriage. *Another Statistic is that majority of violent crimes against women Statistically happen at the hands of their spouses.*

So in the Western World we have ill prepared men and women rushing to uphold tradition without the tools to first Heal themselves and Grow Up Mentally.

All Cultures in the Black Diaspora seek True Depth, Love, and Harmony within their Sacred Marriages.

Stay away from Media it is prepared to specifically keep families broken, thus keep the citizens weak, divided and conquered.

A Woman loves to be gentle and soft with her Man, it's inherent. That is what a real, mature minded woman desires. Please do some further research.

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 02, 2016:

Hi Suite, you are somewhat right, things are changing everyday....and if you read my book or ebook titled: "Before You Marry Your Nigerian Man", you can search for it on Amazon kindle store, lulu, iBook, etc, you will read where I said the same thing that some Nigerian men love foreign women and would prefer to marry a foreign woman; most times, their preference is always Caucasian (white)....maybe the curiosity or diversity brings about the attraction.

Once again, thanks for stopping by to contribute, wishing you a blissful marital life with your Nigerian husband....I love reading good news like this.

Suite on October 07, 2016:

I don't agree with you by saying a Nigerian will prefer go home to find a wife,maybe 15 ,20 years ago not anymore.I from the island and my husband is from Nigeria we're happily married,the funny thing all his Nigerians friends are married to foreigners.Even my Nigerian females friend keep asking why Nigerian men love Haitian women so much lol.I think before yes, they used to go back home to get married not anymore.

accofranco (author) from L Island on April 27, 2016:

Hi @concerned sis, I feel your worries....you have virtually everything to worry about...answering a few of your questions, yes, majority of Nigerian men care so much about having their own children...it is one of the most important things every Nigerian man desire in marriage, so I don't think he's being honest that he doesn't care if she has child for him or not.

I feel he's acting just to please her for reasons best known to him....but to be honest with you, he's not being entirely honest with your sister.

But I don't think he would harm your sister....I do think he only wants your sister to help him get papers...unfortunately, in today world, it seems everyone going into relationship and marriage now have one dubious reason...like most good-looking ladies only accept to date and marry a guy if and only if the guy is financially rich or comfortable...which is also an attachment or condition that comes with their love....I am sure most young, pretty white girls will never agree to date or marry a black guy who isn't a music star, a celebrity or a top income earner, but when they start to approach 40s, 50s and above when their white heroes have broken their hearts and abandoned them, they now turn to vulnerable black guys who in turn agree to date/marry them in pretence just to get the residential permit....so in all, the world is messed up....everyone is after something and no one now fall in love without a condition, too bad.

Tell your sister to get a copy of my ebook which I gave out the link in the main article and read to be aware of the pros and cons before making her final decision....but I am sure it is not true love but conditional love....your sis wants him because she's no longer hot and highly sought after by her fellow whitemen, and the guy is forming love for your sis just to get the papers...so I think it is fair for both of them since they both have hidden agendas.


Concerned Sis on April 18, 2016:

My sister is in love with a Yoruba man, she is 49 and he is 37. She met him through business and they fell in love within a month. She says he is sweet, quiet, caring and she has feelings for him that she hasn't felt in a long time. Also, she used to date women exclusively before she fell in love with him. She didn't tell him this until later in the relationship and all she told him was that she had a relationship when she was in college. She wants him to visit her in the US and he said yes. he was denied the visa and he told her that they should marry, but she said no it was too soon. they have confessed their love and he says she is the one for him and that age is not a problem. He is hell bent on coming to the US to be with her and he plans to stay and not return. She cannot have children for him and he says it's not a problem. He has no children of his own, at least none she knows about. She says he is not married and has no children, and that he showed her documents to support it. when he found out about her dating a woman he told her it was not a problem either. she said she met his brother and wife and four children, he has no parents and it appears that in all of Nigeria these are the only relatives her has, no cousins, aunts, uncles, nothing. I find this hard to believe. she has been there several times to visit, she pays for everything because he has no money. if he comes her to live she will support him until he finds a job, which will not be a legitimate job since he wont have documents. she is hell bent that she wants to be with him and that he loves her and is sincere about wanting to be with her, but I am skeptical. why would a good looking young African man choose to be with an older woman who cant give him a family? Isnt family important to African men? what about her sexual lifestyle? aren't African men homophobic? she says he has told her that he is only interested in being with her and that's all that matters to him. she appears to believe all of this and all he tells her. the other thing is that he has lied to her about his ex and made up an elaborate story and apologized and she forgave him. he gets upset when she mentions the girlfriend. she has popped up several times in the relationship and he gives her a story and she believes him, she tells me that she has to believe him or there is no trust. ok. she now thinks that the ex is evil incarnate, and that he is the poor thing just trying to make his way in life. I don't trust him at all. I cant tell her anything because she is in love and says he loves her too. he appears to like to party and he drinks a hell of a lot. she thinks that she can fix him when he comes. he has no money and she says he will need to leave his ego behind when he comes because she will have to give him money. all of this he tells her he has no problems with. she does not go to church at all, she is not religious, she is opinionated and lacks patience, and she will yell. I don't know if these are traits African men find attractive but somehow I don't think so, and she is jealous in nature. I ask her if he has a temper she says no, he's calm and he doesn't even raise his voice. she says its not in his nature to be loud or mean. I tell her to be careful because all the things she knows about him is only from two weeks of being with him physically in vacation mode and everything else by email and sms. she says she knows him and he wouldn't hurt her. Now, I need someone to tell me if I am wrong to be concerned? I maintain that she does not know him well enough to bring him here to stay alone with her in her house, she says I am worried for no reason and if I don't trust that she can make good decisions. Not in this instance I don't. am I wrong?

accofranco (author) from L Island on February 22, 2016:

Hello Gizmo, I wrote this article and my book out of honesty just to help honest and innocent foreign women seeking for love in Nigeria to find the right man to love without falling victim of romance scam, so I am going to be honest with you, so read carefully.

First, in Nigerian culture, Nigerian men, especially Igbo men value children so much....I mean their biological child. In Igbo culture, a man that cannot father his own child is kind of ridiculed by his mate and peers....so no Igbo man will be happy to adopt a child when he can father one biologically.

He may have falling in love with you genuinely, no doubt....but you know when men fall in love with a woman, they can still hide certain truths that will hurt the woman from her....not because they don't love you, but because they know that if you get to know about this truth, you may end up heartbroken.

If you decide to marry him, don't be surprise to find out later that he had a child with another woman somewhere just to have his own biological child, especially a son (in Igbo culture, male children and kind of respected more because it is believed that the male child in the one that will continue a man's lineage after the man dies....while the female child will marry away....even to a far place that she may end up not coming back to her father's house ever again till death). For this reason, in Igbo culture, male children are highly placed.....but it is not like that in Yoruba culture...though generally, in Nigeria...family place more value on male child because of family lineage continuity.....

So discuss the issue of child bearing with him more extensively.....you two can decide and get a surrogate mother....if you guys are okay with it....because I know that child bearing tops the list of qualities every Nigerian man seeks in a woman he wants to marry, unless your man didn't grow up in Nigeria.

Lastly, where you guys are living also matters.....where do you guys base now? India or where?


Gizmo on February 07, 2016:


Thank you for this great article. Will definitely get your book. However need your advice please. I am 45 year old indian woman with a great career n education n very much in love with my igbo 36 year old man. We are planning to marry because he feels i will make a great wife because of the qualities he says he has seen in me. I love his culture n have been in contact with his family.I have immence respect for his family ,culture n traditions eventhough i m the breadwinner for the moment. He still wants to take care of me n does what he can although i dont demand much because i understan his situation.

But i worry so much because of the age difference n the fact that at my age i wont be able to have children for him. He says not to talk about it n when the time permits we will adopt.He has siblings but no parents n he is beginning to attach himself with my mother. Please tell me if i m worrying unnecessarily because we make a great team despite our cultural diferences n educational background.

Pls advise as i want to be the best wife to him. He already tells me i make him proud but within me i hv so much fear, this age thing is getting me down.

Appreciate every piece of advice u can give me.

God Bless

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 02, 2015:

Oh oh! I am sorry about your experience Yondelle....but please don't generalize it. There are real guys searching for love across the border and ready to love....you were only unfortunate.....I know at least 3 different guys who met their wives via the internet and finally they met and dated and got married and are still growing stronger in love as days roll by. One of them celebrated their 5 years marriage anniversary some months ago with 2 beautiful kids....the second is just 3 years and the last is less than 2 years. These are guys I know in person, who couldn't find a lady to love here in Nigeria but used the internet platform (Facebook, Twitter, social forum I have forgotten the name) to find the love of their life. Many guys are single and searching.....internet is a blessing to honest people....just make sure you are dealing with someone with purpose for his life...someone who is not idle....someone who isn't just desperate to live his country....someone who has conscience and know that karma is real. There is love on the internet...love is everywhere....we have never met God in person but most of us love God with all our heart and fear, respect and worship Him even without seeing Him. It is possible to develop love without seeing physically...it is possible....I once fell in love with a lady I met on the internet who live in another continent...I didn't fell for her for any other reason but for her manner....her thinking...her understanding and patience....but unfortunately....one day, she asked my height....we have been talking on phone....exchanging pictures...skyping...etc....so one day a conversation ensued and she asked my height and I told her I am 5ft8....she wasn't happy...she said she wished I am taller...that she want a very tall guy...I said ok...I am not a basketballer.....I am just an average height guy....she changed from that day....I didn't wait to waste my emotion convincing her to love me and accept me because she will never be proud of me.....so finally, gradually we ended it.....I felt so hurt...but I moved on......so ladies too have their own problem like guys do......just pray to meet the right guy at the right time. May God send that man that will make you forget your past soon your way. Thanks for stopping by

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 02, 2015:

Hi shii...I know how you feel...it hurts....but that is life...some people change when little change come into their life...and such people should not be trusted. He is probably looking for a subtle way to quit the relationship....maybe he's tired of the long distance thing...not everybody can do it...while some prefer it. Give him space so you don't appear desperate which will further drive him away. All men hate a desperate woman....I am sure women too wouldn't want a desperate man. So for now, give him space but don't officially call it quit....let him miss you and if eventually he comes back, then he is yours for real. Have you guys met physically before? I hope you don't bother him with money request? I hope you too have something doing and you are pursuing your own life goal? Please make sure you are chasing your dream.....it will make men to value you and want to spend their life with you. As the global economy is today, many men aren't ready to marry a woman who has nothing doing and not earning money to take care of her own needs.

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 02, 2015:

Hi Gina, welcome back. Sorry for the late response. Its really a good news. Regarding your question, there is no official length of time or duration that a divorce must be finalized in Nigeria. The only thing required for a divorce to be complete is the consent of the couples to dissolve their marriage, and the magistrate presiding over the case will dissolve it after hearing from both parties- husband and wife. So if his wife agrees for them to divorce today, then it can be finalized today; its as simple as that in Nigeria.

Yondelle victory on October 27, 2015:

After reading this article, i think i should of found it before 3 years of wasting my money on a man who was millions miles away from me.confessing his love and he Christian ,only things is he had no faith in God. Yes i could admit my wrong's but the signs that he only wanted to leave his country was just the reason for him to talk with me,and i was working to send him money. .what i thought was love was use..if that man is not in the usa..its a no.

shii on October 15, 2015:

Hey accofranco.I am a Kenyan lady dating a Yoruba guy.For the last 7 months everything was okay frequent calls,Skype and i fell in love with him.July he traveled to USA for his PhD.Things started changing like being cold on me....Less calls and sometimes he take days to respond to my calls.I know he is busy with his studies as same with me but it really hurts to see him online yet my messages goes unanswered.Am at the point of calling it quit since i dont know where our relationship is headed.

Should i just forget him and give him ample time for his studies as per his excuse or what do you think?

accofranco (author) from L Island on September 30, 2015:

So what exactly is your question?

Gina on September 26, 2015:

Hello again :-) its Gina. Thought I could shake my ex (Ebo) but I can't! Since our break up, we spent several months apart. We are in touch again and closer now than ever before. How long does the divorce process and proceedings take in Nigeria? My ex shared that his wife in Nigeria is refusing to even respond to him. What happens if she never does? I'm just not going to enter in a relationship with him until his divorce is final. Its the only thing I refuse to pray about because I disagree with divorce. At the same time, I love him. We're learning to communicate and compromise so much better than before. Its been really amazing this 2nd time around......

accofranco (author) from L Island on September 26, 2015:

Yes, many Nigerian men given opportunity nowadays, will prefer to marry non-Nigerian ladies basically because of Nigerian ladies recent attitude towards money and material things; its kind of shameful though.

About Isoko men, they are generally known as Niger Delta people in Nigeria, and they love life. They are good in taking care of their woman, but they are prone to infidelity if they are financially buoyant or rich. They love alcohol and party. They are more prone to marrying outside their tribe, so you stand a great chance of being his wife if he is ready and serious with you.

curioussue on September 21, 2015:

I'm interested to know about isoko men. I met one online and I've fallen madly in love. he's a frank + reserved and hard working man based in Qatar and I'm a talkative, college student from Southern Africa. he's already asked me to visit him in Qatar (all expenses paid). Are isoko men of good character. I must add, he doesn't want to marry a Nigerian woman cause they are demanding in terms of money.

accofranco (author) from L Island on September 15, 2015:

How could she believe him just like that? Your friend has fallen for petty internet romance scammers! Is she missing? Do you need help to find her or what exactly do you want? I am sorry for my late response, I hope this messages meets you well and on time, cheers!

accofranco (author) from L Island on September 15, 2015:

Hi Christy, sorry for the late response, please do bear with me and I hope this messages gets to you as soon as possible.

Firstly, I must be honest with you that I didn't understand the whole story.

Its kind of complicated the way and manner in which you narrated it. You mentioned him being engaged and then went ahead to talk about keeping the marriage at DL; so if I may ask: which marriage? Are you married to him already?

Is he a permanent resident in UK, a student or just an illegal migrant? Your honest answers to the questions I asked will help me decipher his intentions.

Until I hear from you again, take care of yourself.

Michelle on August 13, 2015:

A friend of mind found an Nigerian man online he told her to come so they can get married in the palace she believed him and went not herd anything from her since is this normal the guy in in is 30 and she is in 50 could this be real she would be the queen please help

Sarah on August 04, 2015:


I met a Nigerian guy through my church (I'm British) and we became friends. At times he was particularly affectionate with me and at other times he would be very cold. At the time I thought this was because his friend, who is also Nigerian was interested in me. With time he began to show more interest (over a period of a few months). Then all of a sudden I heard he was either married or engaged. I was shocked as I thought we were at least good friends and he would have informed me of this. He then made a point of letting a group of us (including myself) know. I later found out it was because he found out his friend had informed some people and he didn't want his friends (particularly me) to find out through other people.

Anyway when I saw him and asked him we ended up having a four hour conversation in which he told me he respected me deeply and did not know how best to let me know he was engaged. He said that he is naturally a caring person and he did not mean to give me the wrong signals.

What I'm curious to know is, why the big secrecy? It seemed like even after he'd made the small announcement that he was desperate to keep the marriage on the DL. He told me that it was also partially a cultural thing but honestly the whole situation baffles me.

What are your thoughts?

accofranco (author) from L Island on July 31, 2015:

@cherry, yes, you are right somehow but not entirely right. There are cases of desperate Nigerian guys who left the shores of Nigeria to some Asian countries in search of greener pastures at all cost.

These guys get initiated into cult organisations in foreign countries for reasons best known to them which I cannot discuss here for many reasons.

And as you and I know, every cult involvement comes with a big price to pay, and most times, it is the women in their lives that gets hurt by the evil powers they are worshipping or bowing to.

It is not just a practice common to Nigerian men alone, Americans, English, Canadians, Germans, Russians, Chinese, Malaysians, Indians, etc practice this in different degrees and for different purposes which usually revolve around financial wealth, fame, success, political power, career growth and the likes.

So before you go ahead with any man; be it Nigerian or American or German or Chinese, etc, make sure he has no dark side....make sure he believes in God Almighty and proclaims Jesus Christ as his lord and personal saviour, that's the only way to flee from such men.

Any man who lacks Jesus Christ sure have something hidden.

Concerning the movies you watch about Nigeria. Some fiction based on the movie producer's imagination.

Some or will I say most of the storylines are ancient; things that happened so many years ago or things that never happened but imagined and acted to captivate the audience to make money and fame.

Don't let those movies mislead you.

I will leave you with a quote: "men are shaped by their beliefs, and most of their beliefs are usually religious". Another quote by me: "no man exist without a spiritual image; which maybe positive or negative spirit"

accofranco (author) from L Island on July 31, 2015:

@cherry, yes, you are right somehow but not entirely right. There are cases of desperate Nigerian guys who left the shores of Nigeria to some Asian countries in search of greener pastures at all cost.

These guys get initiated into cult organisations in foreign countries for reasons best known to them which I cannot discuss here for many reasons.

And as you and I know, every cult involvement comes with a big price to pay, and most times, it is the women in their lives that gets hurt by the evil powers they are worshipping or bowing to.

It is not just a practice common to Nigerian men alone, Americans, English, Canadians, Germans, Russians, Chinese, Malaysians, Indians, etc practice this in different degrees and for different purposes which usually revolve around financial wealth, fame, success, political power, career growth and the likes.

So before you go ahead with any man; be it Nigerian or American or German or Chinese, etc, make sure he has no dark side....make sure he believes in God Almighty and proclaims Jesus Christ as his lord and personal saviour, that's the only way to flee from such men.

Any man who lacks Jesus Christ sure have something hidden.

Concerning the movies you watch about Nigeria. Some fiction based on the movie producer's imagination.

Some or will I say most of the storylines are ancient; things that happened so many years ago or things that never happened but imagined and acted to captivate the audience to make money and fame.

Don't let those movies mislead you.

I will leave you with a quote: "men are shaped by their beliefs, and most of their beliefs are usually religious". Another quote by me: "no man exist without a spiritual image; which maybe positive or negative spirit"

accofranco (author) from L Island on July 31, 2015:

@Sugga, first, you must be very careful and sure that he isn't after you just as a means to an end to his bad condition in Qatar as you said in your comment.

Regarding the Yoruba culture that you are asked, the Yoruba tribe of Nigeria has a very beautiful and friendly culture that has been embraced by so many western nations like United Kingdom, etc.

Just so you will know, the Yoruba dialect has been made a compulsory language a new British Police Detective applicant must know, together with French. That is to tell you how rich the Yoruba culture is.

Yoruba people of Nigeria practice two major religions- Christianity and Islam. In most Yoruba families, you will find Christians and Muslims living happily together in understanding and acceptance of their individual faiths.

Some Yorubas also practice ifa religion; a form of ancient African religion that some people may see as an idol worshipping.

Remember in Islam, polygamy is allowed, so ask him his religious belief and family religious background.

Is he educated? If yes, to what level because sometimes it matters. Though I am not trying to imply that non-educated people are not-marriageable, of course I will be a liar to say that because many highly educated couples today are filing for divorce on daily basis all over the world.

I have witnessed lots of marriages between white women and Yoruba men, which means that they relate very well.

There has been rumors in the past that Yoruba men are highly ubfaithful in marriage, but to me, that is a fallacy of hasty generalisation without valid proof. But I know that men generally are born with high tendency for polygamy, as some people would put it this way- MEN ARE POLYGAMOUS IN NATURE!

The Yorubas aren't so bent on going back to their village- I mean where their father was born to live or spend festive periods unlike the Igbo tribe.

Generally, you won't have problem with him if his intentions for you are good and fine. So my only problem is: are you sure he isn't only trying to marry you just to help him get of his bad condition in Qatar? Please ensure this isn't the case before you guys go ahead to marry.

I wish you the best of luck, and above all, I wish you LOVE and HAPPINESS!

cherry on July 29, 2015:

m dating a Nigerian man and his Yoruba...honestly m tired of hearing stories that Nigerian men marry for rituals... foreign women come to marry in Nigeria then next they are dead... that's e theory in most countries abt Nigerian men... its difficult to inform family that one s dating a Nigerian man be coz of these dark issues.... we also see these in ur movie entertainments or read on internet news or even concrete evidence.... please clear our heads I also keep in mind that darkness s practiced everywhere but t s most talked and linked with Nigeria

accofranco (author) from L Island on May 23, 2015:

"..unless you fancy giving me an opinion on how you think life would be for me over there?" Over where if I may ask? But I will suggest you follow your instinct, not just your heart because most times, our hearts do mislead us, but if we listen attentively to our inner spirit mind, then we won't make most mistakes we make in life. Sorry for the late response.

Pondering sos on April 18, 2015:

Hi, just thought I'd update...maybe since this is almost like the only place I can truly vent what's going on in my life. Apart from with my fiancé...yup we got engaged!

Unfortunately I wish I was coming back with good news but it doesn't look like it.

What I mean is since my last post, I did return to Spain and we decided to go for it. Build a future together have a family etc

So He proposed and admittedly I was reluctant to go public as I wanted to get the visa situ in place first. But since it was such a huge commitment I kinda felt like I owed it to my family to be honest.. They were delighted for me. But didn't know the circumstances @ that point.

When I got home, yet again I didn't want to tell work but he said he'd take that as an insult and that I wasn't serious/ashamed of him & on reflection & since it was real, I went ahead and told work mates..

(I deliberately havent told close friends, a combo of working away from home plus the visa thing....they knew about his status in Spain and were fearful for me)

So anyway. After him talking to his sister (def no longer doubt her as real sis) she promised us her husband, who is established in the political scene would help us get him a visiting visa.

So He quit his job.

He didn't really want to go to Nigeria in many ways as he thought the safest way would be for me to marry him in Spain but I was determined we should do it legally, no overstayer probs etc and encouraged the sister route so hed arrived here legally.

Honestly the minute he landed there, there has been nothin but drama, anxiety, stress and tears!!!

I for sure didn't know they'd be paying their "travel agent" a huge amount to obtain docs. No way. If I had known I'd never ever have encouraged it. I believe he didn't know either...her never have given up a job and his livelihood I'm sure of it!

The story is long at this point but basically after many fears they submitted an application. ( we couldn't have done fiance one as we hadn't enough proof/time together to be taken seriously... Plus my family and work were all wondering what was taken so long..they said he'd arrive in 1 month) its now 3 months later and he received an email saying visa ready to collect.

I've been so anxious I've googled and came across a web site that basically shows us it's a refusal. With what grounds I don't know yet but because of these stupid docs, if detected, will likely be a 10 year ban.

We are beyond broken right now. It's almost too much really.

I'm sat here now at the stage of considering moving there but the harsh truth is we have no where to live, he has no job nothing!

In know my job in oil & gas could provide me with some options over there but still.... I just don't know. I'd have to give up everything I've worked hard for, with no guarantees at all. I'm scared and of course he understands my fears...we just don't know what to do

If it's a ban it's doubtful even with spouse visa he can enter. This is truly a night mare.

Worse still is the fact if we have no choice but to split he's back home after 8 years with nothing at all. Nothin. In my heart I'm so devastated. We just don't even know what to do.

I don't expect a reply...cos what can one say....unless you fancy giving me an opinion on how you think life would be for me over there?

Like I say he hasn't officially recieved a refusal but if I've learnt anythin its trust ur gut and my gut says it's not good. :( so sad!

Jet on April 15, 2015:

I married a Nigerian man oversea and it turned out to be a fraudulent marriage for his sole purpose to obtain a visa and tens of thousands of dollars from me as a loan but he never paid me back as he actually never intended to. He is arrogant and extremely abusive towards me on a number of levels and notorious womanise of ugly duckling older useful women who also end up being taken for a ride, then blamed and dumped. Even children did not impact his lifestyle. He doing well in Australia and the children and I are struggling to make ends meet. Stay clear as It stinks of fraud especially all the relationship described above. It would be interesting to know if they lasted or if the truth reared it's ugly head!

accofranco (author) from L Island on April 08, 2015:

@oyibowife, that's awesome! Nice testimony...I love reading or hearing good testimonies like this. Thanks so much for stopping by to share. Wish you God's blessings and peace in your marriage, and please do accept my condolence for your baby. May the baby's soul find a peaceful rest in the Lord, amen!

oyibowife on April 07, 2015:

I am a Eastern European lady married to good, God fearing Igbo man for 19 years. He is a most wonderful, loving husband to me and fantastic father to our children. Our baby died years ago and he supported me through such a grief. I thank God for my husband every single day.

accofranco (author) from L Island on April 05, 2015:

@Niki, thanks for stopping by to share your touching story...I am sure one or two readers will learn something from your story.

You also made some good points, but it is not entirely true that Nigerian culture allows men to marry more than one wife, I think, it is more of a religious belief than cultural. What do I mean by this? It means that Nigerians who practices polygamy are the Muslims, while it is not allowed in the Christian regions. I took time to explain this in my book titled- "Before You Marry Your Nigerian Man" published on amazon kindle store and on lulu. If you had read that book earlier, you would have been more informed and wouldn't to any Nigerian man's romance or marriage scam because I revealed a lot in that book which have got me so many haters and hunters too.

Nigeria as a country is divided by religion and culture...but more of religion...the northern region (the home of the Hausas and Fulanis) is predominantly Muslims with few Christians, and in that region, polygamy is allowed, but in the South-Eastern region (where you find the Igbo tribe) where Christian is homogenous, polygamy is abhored, except in extreme situations...but no Christian family in Nigeria will allow or permit their son to marry more than one wife...same goes to South-West which is dominated by 50-50 Muslim and Christians, and that's where you find the Yoruba tribe of Nigeria. so when you meet a Nigerian man, find out his tribe.

@Superwoman, I am sorry to tell you that it is not real...so RUN! Run now and do not commit your emotions further in that so-called fake relationship because it's headed to the rock!

Sad as it may sound, but it is better for you to leave now than regret later please.

I pray that God sends you your true lover soonest. Try and get a copy of my book and read to learn more about men generally....also read other of my relationship articles here, they will help you understand men better.

I also want to encourage your guys to share this article on your social media profiles- twitter, facebook, Instagram, pinterest, forums, etc so that more and more ladies can be informed ahead to avoid getting their hands burnt.

Get a copy of my book titled: BEFORE YOU MARRY YOUR NIGERIAN MAN, published on amazon kindle or lulu and share with your friends to enlighten on how to find a true Nigerian man or any other man.

@Ruby, so sad....so touching, sighs. What more can I say? God will heal your heart and send the right man your way soonest. Thanks for sharing....it is truly unworthy guys like him that are tarnishing the image of all Nigerian men....thanks for sharing this touching and informating story with us...it will enlighten other readers. Do have a lovely Easter celebrations, ciao!

Ruby on April 04, 2015:

I met a nigerian here in Australia.. He was an athlete..he stayed with me until his visa expired he returned to nigeria so i travelled over there to get married.... From the day we met till we got married ..7 mths later.. We'd only been apart for 2 mths..d.. Filled in visas etc paid for everything, sent him money after i returned home...I supported him for over 3 years while he continued to train .. Found out he was cheating with various women here and in Nigeria ( as he travelled back and forth for competitions) He ended up getting another woman pregnant and having a child with her... I an Italian and hold family values very high.. But after reading emails he had sent , ( to other women) confirmed that all he was after was residency and i was just 'a white setup' as he had written... I have lots of nigerian friends even a child i am godmother to... I gave him everything he wanted in every way..i even started to learn Yoruba... He took advantage of my love for him... He is the type of man that gives all Nigerians a bad name..

Superwoman on April 03, 2015:

Hi im so happy i came across this site.

i met this Nigerian almost a year ago when he came to my country as a volunteer researcher. He came in Jan 2014 and was suppose to leave in May of the same year. However, he overstayed and underplaying the extend to which he overstayed. He has asked me to marry him but my divorced hadn't been finalized as yet. He has meet members of my family but he felt shy to speak personally with my dad. Is this a bad sign? i have spoken with his parents but they don't know that my divorce isn't final. His father has asked him about me but he hasn't told him the extend of our relationship.

last year i found out that he was speaking to another lady who identified herself as his wife and when i told him about it he denied knowing the person. After sometime she saw my car always at his work and she stopped communicating with him only for a short time. She would call him for money for her daughter school fees or to place data on her cell phone. He says it was just a lady who he was trying to get to push his work permit.

He was deported by immigration for over staying and we are still together trying to get married but my divorce still isn't final and i asked him to get an arranged marriage and he declined.

i need help understanding if this is real before i make another mistake by marrying the worry man.

Toni on March 29, 2015:

Nigerian men are the worst do not trust or marry them.....you can be the most beautiful,educated,have a great family,treat him like a king,but they will still run back to there country and marry a dirty stinky uneducated girl from the village.you know why?because he can walk all over her and she is literally his slave.so don't waste your time with these losers.they are not as attractive as American me. Or clean.in fact they tend to smell bad.

Niki on March 22, 2015:


just came across your article and I must say it is a very interesting article and to the point. However, it does cause alot of high emostions expecially for those who have have found love in a Nigerian man. I must say that I am of African origin but I am not Nigerian. I was in a relationship with a Nigerian man who I shared two beautiful children with. I guess they say experience is the best teacher and if you do not listen the world will teach you. Unfortunately, I fell in that category. Nigerians we meet out if their habitual environment are very different. From my experience I did not know much about the cultural differences. After endless phone calls from different women with children only a few months apart from mine I knew that it was time to exit. I was ignorant enough not to assert my self that the first thing Nigerians in a foreign land will do is to ensure thst their immigration status is sorted before anything and trust me that they will do anything to acquire this. When he went back to Nigeria and could not travel back suddenly I and my kids became very important. Once his return was not successful we meant nothing to him. He found a new nigerian girl of his tribe kicked and asked his sister to look after our kids as he needed to ensure that his girlfriend was not disturbed.

I wont say much but my advice is that if a nigerian man really loves you and wants to be with you. Maybe suggest to him that you would rather go and live in his village. Also bear in minds thats in Nigeria before marriage family background is very important.

so be very careful because you only see the true colours once they are in their environment. Also bear in mind that cultural practice allows the men to marry more than one wife or have children outside their marriage. You will hardly get any support to raise your child. The mentality towards foreign women is that she can raise her own child once the child is grown these a like hood that the child will look for the father. So be prepared. Everyone has different experiences but if you do not meet a nigerian man in Nigeria who wants you to live there then count your fingers lucky aboyt his motives.

Wishing you all the best.

accofranco (author) from L Island on March 18, 2015:

@Ginaa, no matter the country in the world today, a divorce can't be legally complete and recognized until the court officially declares the marriage over! Gone are the days men divorce their wife via verbal pronouncement: "I divorce you", Nigerian judicial system; customary court and marriage welfare doesn't recognize verbal divorce.

Until a judge, magistrate or otherwise legally declares a legal marriage over in a recognized court of law in Nigeria, the marriage is not yet over, so let him know if he truly don't anything to do with his ex wife again, let him get a legal divorce proceedings.

Meanwhile, I understand how you feel emotionally because we humans are born to have feelings for people we care about.

I wish you guys best of luck.

sweet c on March 15, 2015:

I have been married for 5 years to a man from edo tribe. Wen I met my husband he was all nice n loving,even not after two weeks he say he want baby as they do..i wanted to get to know him so didn't rush. I spoke to his brother on fone. After some months I discovered he overstayed his visa and was removed out of uk..i travelled to his country but never took me to his family home he made up some lie. I met his mum sister n brothers but bot the rest. I married in his country..and have been tryin to get him back to uk..this failed. He fed me with fake stories that he sick to send him money..his character has been up n down since.. I recently find on facebook he got had a traditional marriage to a woman he was still in a relationship with before he met me and has a two year old daughter.. He told me lie after lie. which I was not aware of as he told me he is single. I have spent alot of money on him. He still expect me to send him money for visa which I refuse as the money I was sending him he was using to go and see her..he has cheated with other woman I catch him. He expect me to support his baby from this woman.. His reason is to blame me as I was not prepared to Av a child bringing it up without his support, or using a baby as a way to come to uk. He never support me just use me as a way to get to uk n bring his other wife n child...he make me feel bad for his behaviour..

I wa so blind to his fake love n all that..I see him for who he really is.. N to be honest Nigerian men want to use a white woman as am escape to make a better life for them.,while sending money back to their secret wife's n kids. Con artists..his family admit now that they knew all along that he was engaged to this other woman n didn't have the decency to tell me before our marriage. I lost my job n was heartbroken n he don't even care just think he can still feed me with his fake stories to make me feel sorry for him.. Now he don't want me and blame me. For his behaviour...i don't trust Nigerian men again. They marry white woman for one reason while secretly got a Nigerian wife. Be careful all woman. These men say they live u without meeting u comon.. Did u believe that crap..wake up..

Ginaa on March 15, 2015:

Well unfortunately things have changed....he told me his ex-wife didn't sign the divorce papers. Now, I don't know if its different in Nigerian, but in the US....it takes two to get married and two to divorce. He claimed that in Nigeria if two people don't see each other for two years then its considered done. But he said his lawyer told him, since he has filed...its over. Is that true? How does divorce work in Nigeria? He also said he is going to get his dowry back. Its all a mess. Though we have broken up, we still love each other. We continue to pray for each other, but I refuse to be with someone who claims they are divorce when they might not be. Its just hard, because we tell each other all the time how much we miss each other. :(

accofranco (author) from L Island on March 15, 2015:

@Gina, sorry for the late response. But then, I will like you to understand that interracial marriage generally isn't an easy one...its sweet and blissful if the two parties involved give it an open mind without cropping any negative mindset about the other partner's culture, tradition and belief....but once there's negative feeling from one party, that negative feeling will work against the success and happiness of the marriage in future...that is why it is not advisable to marry someone you do not value, respect and cherish his or her culture, race, belief and tradition, else time will work against the union.

Like you said, keep praying and have faith, prayer do change things...prayer works when prayed with undivided faith.

I wish you the best...and meanwhile, did you guys discuss again as you said?

@Omejesu, thank you for your contribution...but we also need to understand our partner's culture, upbringing, belief and trading before saying 'I do', that will make it easier for us to end up with the right partner, thank you.

@noted, that was a touching testimony you shared...I love hearing and reading good testimonies like thise about love, romance, marriage, interracial dating and marriage because interracial marriage remains one of the ways the world can unite as one, thanks for sharing.

@white, WOW! Just WOW! You must be a wonderful, understanding woman! I am wowed by your testimony....just WOW! May God bless you and give you guys the wisdom to make the best choices that will forever bring you all happiness and life's fulfillment. Remain blessed...I am impressed. Thanks for stopping by.

white on March 02, 2015:

I love this webpage. I beleive it helps a lot of people in needs all over the globe. I am an asian single lady. Currently dating an igbo man in my home land. He persue his master degree in my country. He is married and got wife back home. He proposed me to marry him. Unfortunately his wife cannot gave birth due to age factors. We have meet once and be having lots of fun together. In fact we are both happy in a way that we cheerish each other so well. We have come to a conclusion that something need to be done. With both party agreement. I am a lady and i can simply understand his wife feelings so well. I dont like to be treated such and i dont beleive in divorcee too. I am willing to be the second wife, whom live in foreign land and be having my family ere, i can simply visit his homeland from time to time. And i beleive i can be able to take it that way. I love him and have faith in our relationship. Please guys i need some input here. May god help me.

noted on March 01, 2015:

hi all have read all your comments am very interested , ok I have been in a relationship with a Nigerian ibo man for a year im from Australia he lives and works in Qatar I have visited him and we are engaged now . He is 32 and im 52 years young meaning I do not look my age and am very very active we are both Christian in faith . He is a beautiful loving man who has always treated me with respect and great love . we have talked about our past lives and relationships and what we expect for our marage we have both been married I have older children and he has a young son who we plan to bring to Australia when we marry , we have planed to travel to Nigeria when ever we can and to make a loving caring home for both our children he knows he will not have anymore and is content with that . we love each other very much and both our familys support us . it has not been a easy road but we have made a promise from the beging no lies no secrets no hidden feelings communication at all time is the most important thing and respect. Don't worry we have had our disagrements but have always talked them out we made a promise we would stay together and support each other and both work and do things together he cooks I cook we both clean we don't go to bed angry and we respect each others space ...... Yes it has been hard but I would never give up our love for anything , but as you say early days but I pray this will last ..... here is hope it is all true

Omojesu on February 13, 2015:

Good day Ladies and gentlemen. There is neither Jew nor Greek. Let God guide you in the choice of a life partner!

Gina on January 15, 2015:

Hey again...first, THANK YOU! I definitely get your point and he said he didn't feel like I was rushing him. I guess he didn't like the idea of me reciprocating his "what if" questions about the future.

More recently, I think I may have forced him to really think about what it means to be an American woman. I told him, I am open to learning his culture, but that his children will have a different upbringing from what he and I had....JUST because we have 2 different cultural backgrounds. I have no problem learning to cook Nigerian foods or even his language, but I only know to pass down my Christian Midwest values, just like his Christian Nigerian values. So we may be hitting a road block with that. He said the more he thought about it, he didn't really like the idea of having a multicultural family. My heart sank. I ask him to figure out which parts of his Nigerian culture would be most important to hand down to his children and he said he would think about that. We'll talk about it today, but honestly part of me feels like I need to prepare for a break up......:( So I'll just continue to pray.

accofranco (author) from L Island on January 14, 2015:

@Tonina, thanks so much for sharing this encouraging testimony.

I know for sure that numerous good Nigerian men exist, and the goal of this article is to assist ladies spot those good men and flee from the few bad Nigerian men tarnishing the entire image of Nigerian men.

I am glad you are having a memorable relationship with a Nigerian man.

Interracial relationship and marriage remains the only way the world can become one and peaceful, but unfortunately, some bad people are working against that by creating fear in the hearts of people through their bad behaviors or how bad they treated their foreign partners. May God help us all to know the truth and follow the right path. Thanks once again Tonina for stopping by to contribute.

@Gina, Nigerian men don't like being pressured by a lady into marriage. This happens when the man in question is truly in love with the lady and wants to know her more to avoid jumping into marriage with her to regret later.

Your Nigerian man is for real because the fake ones will be all over you to marry them (though not in all cases). He finds you interesting and want to enter into a lasting marriage not one done out of frustration.

Note: when a lady pressures a man about marriage, it turns the man off and make him feel the lady is desperate for a hidden agenda. It makes him feel you don't truly love him but using him to get yourself off from the single status....and this is a huge turn off for most Nigerian men.

So I will advice you take it slow....have fun with him, establish genuine relationship full of fun and happiness and allow him beg you to marry him. Don't push him to marry you else he will become scared!

Thanks for stopping by Gina

Gina on January 13, 2015:

Wow! This site is a blessing! I too have been in a relationship with a Nigerian man for almost 4 months (we dated for 1). We are both devout Christians and he respects my desire to wait til marriage. 2 months after we met, he moved to NH for a job. So we have been doing the long distance thing for almost 3 months. We each fly to see the other person once a month. At times its stressful, but we work thru it. He recently said he thinks I talk about marriage TOO much?! What does that mean? (ESPECIALLY COMING FROM A NIGERIAN MAN lol)) He loves me and said he wants to be with me. We talk about kids all the time too. He has mentioned moving back to Nigeria, which I am fine with. I would just prefer we do it after we raise our kids here. I have no issue with him being the head of the household because I trust him and trust God will lead him. SO...What do you think of his marriage comment though? He did admit to me that he was married in Nigeria for a little bit and got divorced....and the divorce still bothers him because he is such a dedicated Christian. So I thought he may think I am rushing him, but he said no. So, any thoughts?

Tonina on January 11, 2015:

I would just like to say there are good & bad men in every race, in every country. Yes, Nigerian men have quite a reputation but most people are quicker to complain than to praise so negative stories are going to be more prevalent and easier to find. There are plenty good, honest, God fearing Nigerian men. SURPRISE!..they can even be found online if you look well and use the common sense the good Lord gave us. I have the most wonderful man I have ever known in my life...he's yoruba, lives in Nigeria, we met online, I'm Puerto Rican-American, and was married once before. We broke many of the rules listed in this article (not recommended if you cannot easily see through bull***t, lol). The undesirable qualities and nonsense behaviors you would use as a barometer to judge a potential partner if they were from your own country is the same qualities and behavior you use to judge a potential foreign partner. It comes down to common sense and being honest with yourself when analyzing that special someone's mannerisms. When you see crazy coming... cross the street! When someone shows you who they really are... believe them the first time. Don't go about making excuses or explaining away undesirable aspects of your lover in hopes of make things easier for you or those around you to accept and overlook....Don't live in denile. Also don't cause problems where none exist. If your man is good to you & treats you well, shows you respect & consideration, you have mutual understanding, and you communicate freely...Girl, enjoy that wonderful Nigerian man because it could be true love. Don't sabotage your relationship because of the horror stories you see online or hear from the people around you. Don't bring unnecessary negativity and suspicion into your relationship. If you exercise proper caution and utilize positive relationship behaviors (as you would in any endeavor in your life) you can significantly reduce your chance of falling prey to a scam romance and greatly increase your chances of having the relationship of your dreams. In my personal opinion and experience, a good Nigerian man makes the most responsible and loving of partners...especially for a woman with more traditional family values like myself. Other than the grace of God, the biggest things that helps our relationship to flow so effortlessly is that we are understanding of one another, share the same values, and are each wholly committed to each other and our relationship...each of us playing our part. Successful relationships are 100-100 not 50-50. Love wont be enough if there is no compatibility.

Good luck ladies...praying for all my sisters out here to avoid heartache and instead have the type of love that is made in heaven. ~Tonina

accofranco (author) from L Island on January 10, 2015:

@Anonymous, that's really and interesting testimony to read and I pray that God help sustain your relationship and even after marriage, for it to remain blissful and happy...so that you guys will live happily even after marrying for 20 years, that's my pray for you and your man. I pray you guys celebrate golden and diamond jubilees together as husband and wife.

Meanwhile, let me use this opportunity to point out here that I am a Nigerian guy myself, born and raised in Nigeria, and still living in Nigeria. I didn't write this article and the books I have written on this topic to paint Nigerian men evil, of which I happen to be one of them.

I only wanted to use this medium to assist innocent foreign women who fall prey to some unscrupulous and unworthy Nigerian guys who go abroad tarnishing the image of Nigerian guys in the eyes and hearts of foreign women and men...it hurts....even some unworthy Nigerian guys in Nigeria are also engaging in romance scam just to satisfy their selfish interest to the detriment of innocent foreign women who committed their heart, body and soul to them in love.

After observing this trend for years, I became angry and felt like rising against the scourge of romance scam that some unworthy Nigerian guys engage in thereby making all Nigerian men look evil in the eyes of foreigners.

Nigerian men irrespective of their shortcomings remains one of the best men in the whole world- Nigerian men are hardworking, ambitious, intelligent, brave, strong, most handsome, lively, witty and very smart, which make them the favourite of men amongst other men in the whole world, and if not for bad government in Nigeria which pushed some unworthy and selfish Nigerian men into doing all sorts of illegal human activities- from drug trafficking, to romance scam, to advance fee fraud, I can guarantee you that Nigerian men would have been endangered specie and most sought after men in the whole world due to their numerous excellent male qualities.

So dear readers, please stop feeling that I wrote this piece to castigate or paint my countrymen evil when I am one of them.

I only wanted to help foreign women sport the bad Nigerian guys when they are coming and stay away from them.

Please always read my articles with positive mindset....I wish everyone on earth could be happy, live happily, find love and live their dream lives.

Thanks for stopping by.

Anonymous on January 04, 2015:

I'm Australian and met my nigerian (Igbo) through a friend so we started chatting over the phone then chatting online he lives in malaysia we were getting to know each other for a year till i decided to fly over he paid half i paid half of my flight all went well we got engaged and then i flew back to australia keeping in touch with each other everyday skyping and calling everyday then i flew back again lived with him for a few months then came back due to work committments then flew back again to stay with him we are now planning our wedding we love each other and i've met all his friends in malaysia he's met my immediate family & friends via skype i believe he is a good man he's made me a better woman he is very overprotective of me and looks after me well we are both christians and want to have children together we are planning to travel to nigeria in the new year after the wedding and everything. We've spoken openly to each other about our past relationships he had an ex gf in nigeria whose married now i was engaged five years ago but didn't work out he's married now he is 5 years older then me i've been with nigerians before in australia which didn't work out i've dated a range of different ethnicities congo, sengalese, ghana, maori, european, samoan, tongan, and now nigerian he is not my first so i know what im getting myself in to my family know i love this guy and i know he loves me too. Not all nigerian men are users there are some good ones it just takes time to find them dont rush in to things. Wish you ladies the best :) By the way we both young and both have no kids i have no money and i am willing to live in nigeria i love the culture and my family supports everything i do. He also calls my mum when we fight which i find weird like him i call his brother when i'm mad at him but i think with out our families behind us and making us sort our differences we would've just broke up but we are still standing strong.

accofranco (author) from L Island on December 14, 2014:

@Lindile, in as much as there are many bad guys spoiling the image of Nigerians, I want to also inform you that there are amazing Nigerians who are close to being an angel.

That said, I would like to encourage you to get a copy of this my kindle and ebook published on amazon and lulu.com. The title of the book is: "Before You Marry Your Nigerian Man", search for it or scroll up and check the link above. That book will help you a lot in understanding who the Nigerian man you want to marry is. It has helped many foreign ladies who do write to say thank you and even become my fan on facebook.

There is no much I can tell you here except you want me to go on a private investigation for you like I do for other ladies for free...and I am sure you wouldn't want to answer certain questions about this your Nigerian man here if I ask...if you are okay with answering some questions here with openness, then let me know.

Thanks for stopping by, wishing a happy, merry Christmas season.

Lindile on December 04, 2014:


Thanks for all the advice given on this page and I would like to really commend you for sacrificing a lot to make sure everyone gets an answer to her question

I met a Yoruba man a few months back and it coincidentally happened that after meeting him a few weeks online,I went to Nigeria for a church conference.We met and I must confess I liked him even though I am very careful not to allow my heart to fall so fast for him.

I have tried to div on everything he has told me about him and up to so far I haven't seen anything suspicious.

My only concern is that he recently told me he wants to marry me n I told him we must take things easy but he insisted we don't waste time because I am 39 and that time is not on our side.

I don't know what to think about it for now (part of me is scared) but in he shows to be a gentleman in all he is doing

I would like to add that he is 41,educated and very handsome.He works with one of the companies in Nigeria as a computer programmer.I am a divorcee with 3 children and he has a kid from a relationship that couldn't lead to marriage because of

interracial issues

I don't know if I am to believe him or not cos he just sounds too gentlemanish and moving a bit too fast for my liking

When I was in Nigeria there,he looked so happy to see me,telling me I am more beautiful in real life than in photos.He took me out and bought me things and has been calling since

He says he would like to come and visit me know my country next year then afterwards he will lAter come for the wedding

I would like you to help me on what to do to check how genuine he is.i have googled his name,work place and staff and found those to be genuine

So far he hasn't asked me for money and even his coming this side will be out of his pocket

Sorry for the long write up

Please help a sister in need.I have made mistakes in the past and don't want history repeating itself again

Thank you

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 19, 2014:

@Pondering sos, with all you said, I think, she is his sister, so give him a trial and just be cautious...read the commend below...learn from that lady's experience and give him a chance, you never can tell.

@Anotherwomanvictim, this is so so touching, jeez! Your comment have struck a rib in me...I feel like weeping....I think our past useless leaders caused all these to my hardworking, intelligent brothers. They made some of these guys to flee from Nigeria to many nations in search of greener pastures and doing humane and inhumane things just to make it in life....it hurts that while trying to survive, they make innocent people cry, it hurts and I feel so so sad. Wish I could just change things for good right away, sighs.

Please don't ever give up on love...don't give up with what you desire, its never too late...I assure you sister, there are plenty great Nigerian guys looking for nice foreign women to commit wholeheartedly to for life. I wish I could start a matchmaking programme...I just wish.

All I can say is this; on behalf of all the Nigerian guys that have wronged you and made you feel that we Nigerian guys are evil, please for the sake of God and humanity, forgive them all....forgive us all...we are sorry!

God will continue to strengthen you and send you your own true love soon. Thanks for stopping by to share.

@A Nigerian, lolz.....I am just speechless....but you know, everyone deserves to be loved if they are good, irrespective of their nationality and I am not selling out our secret, I am only helping to bring back our lost integrity.

And please tell your fellow Nigerian single ladies to be nice to Nigerian guys and stop being materialistic and pushing Nigerian guys to do all sorts of evil things just to make money to fulfill Nigerian ladies insatiable needs....Nigerian women are the ones pushing Nigerian men into all manners of crime...if you doubt, ask me how? Thanks

A Nigerian on November 19, 2014:

Dear Author,

I just read some of your replies, and found that you are a Nigerian man...and from your assessment of the tribes, o dolu mu anya na e bu onye Igbo. Ka mu gwa zia gi ka o dim:

o dim ka mu jide gi, tigbu o. Why, o why, are you giving away our treasured secret? As a Nigerian woman, I will say to you that we are the mothers of all our men, therefore, o zu kwa lu gi!

A Nigerian on November 19, 2014:

Dear author,

WHY ARE YOU GIVING FOREIGNERS TIPS ON HOW BEST TO SNARE NIGERIAN MEN, when there are sooo many single Nigerian women keen on marrying ONLY Nigerian men?!

E no go better for you oh!

Anotherwomanvictim on November 17, 2014:

Hi Accofranco

Am so grateful I came through your article God bless you in abundance for this it has opened my eyes also thanks to anonymous contributor and noactix,I am currently going through this literally from Thursday last week I have broken up with my latest Nigerian so called boyfriend who we were planning future together,it's a long story but anyway we are both from similar backgrounds religion wise and family set-up,just from different countries (both Africans)

Am a victim of Nigerian scams so far dated two of them both Yorubas (tribes has nothing to do with their behaviour)luckily the second one didn't manage to scam me because I already learned my lesson with the first one so had warning signs infront of me to avaoid it(the current ex-bf I just found out he was dating two other white girls scamming them for money I have their numbers I got from his phone after stayed at his place for a couple of weeks to get to know eachother even better,he lives in Vienna and I live in UK with British passport however he has a kid with Austrian woman I don't understand why he hasn't got citizenship to-date since he has lived there more than 10 years (through marriage)and also found out his Nigerian passport has expired so was suspicious of him and his mannerism so I decided to dig deeper I know may be I shouldn't intrude into his privacy but I had no choice since I have 2 kids too which am very protective of,and he has 1 I know of,we are both divorced for different reasons but I from much more good background than his,I was treating him like a king African style still he left me one Saturday afternoon to see the white girl and to get some money (I noticed it when we were making ....something was wrong)It sadness me that why would African man sell his body for money?I was suspicious to where he was going to that day (last week)so I had to look into it more and found what he does to these girls heartlessly don't know whether I should let the white girls know what he is up to or just leave it as its)People out there It's not only online meeting but even face to face some guys from your country give you guys a bad name,I live in Europe am black too but I would prefer Nigerians guys because of their confidence,charm and warm nature sometimes (I believe there is few good ones out there still) and similar culture background I can provide him with similar culture but I find most times they are just all about money especially if they know you have more than them,in this latest case the guy I dumped earn more than the white girl he is scamming money from how heartless and cruel is that??I told him this after I found out but he doesn't seems to care, I only knew he wanted to take advantage of me because he started saying he has used up his tax return money from last year which he was overpayed and he is required to pay from his salary for some three months to clear his debt so he will be struggling and may be lose his flat so the story became too familiar from my first experience I decided to dig deep into his affairs and realised he even left me to go see one of his women he sees for money right under my nose after reading texts from his phone,I particularly feel sorry for one the girls that he proclaimed he was seeing before me but in truth they still see because from his text he has beaten up this girls because she wasn't accepting what he wanted her to do (all these learned from going through his phone)she earn less than him yet he takes money from her every month she is a Slovakian attractive white girl,to behonest it's not only older white females fall for this scammers even good looking young white females fall for this scams as well as black girls from other countries who doesn't understand Nigerian culture very well,It's not only through online even face to face meeting you can meet these scammers when they get to know you better the usual storyline that they are having some sort of troubles and that you are their only options at the time.They play on weak women emotionally I must admit I fall into single women category because I am educated,good looking enough,Intelligent and smart,financially capable but I still crave strong moral correctly African man,hardworking,Intelligent and confident who will respect me as woman and life partner in turn am absolutely ready to compromise and be a housewife putting the need of my partner at hands in African tradition way but I have ended up with scammers both times so I don't hold any hope at all,am in my early 30's,It's important women share these stories to warn others,Am so ashamed from an African perspective these guys are all intelligent why chose a life of using their bodies to finance life in Europe I have lived here worked hard to invest back home why can't they use their brain to achieve their goals,why can't they use their smartness for good use instead of scamming vurnalable women very heartless and cruel, I believe God doesn't allow these people to enjoy their life in harmony, I don't understand it like this last guy we are literally compartible in many ways but he chose to throw away a good woman whom worshipped the ground he walks in for uncessary greediness and disrespectful behaviour he has no family here in Europe apart from the child whom he I don't think he cares about.Most lives like there is no tomorrow,It's not only about white foreign women it happens to even African women from other background too so It's not only immune to online dating real life dating too,just be cautious of warning signs like can you borrow me some money I have trouble with my bank account or my salary is late this month please assist me and I will pay you back next month the storylines then go on and on from there....(sorry my writing doesnt appear articulate and a little mixed up it's because am on the move and trying to squeeze my experience here)

Pondering sos on November 17, 2014:

Thank you for the quick reply

Hes in Spain. His status is not legal. he could,via a lawyer obtain residency as he has been there for so long without criminal record (I don't know anythin about such things, so took him at his word) however that wouldn't allow him to travel to the uk...so I couldn't see much point in it.

As for being able to work, he has some sort of spanish Id card that enables him.

The sister situ? This is the only doubt I have which comes and goes and it wasn't even mine originally...it was a friends!!!

Our plan is I visit for new year etc, a few weeks later he leaves Spain, returns home, gets a uk visiting visa & travels to meet me then after a couple months (all going well) we marry..properly. My family and a couple of his, plus his close friend.

He has invited me to come for a holiday in Nigeria while he's fhere..he really wants to show me round, to meet his family incl. the sister with babies who he is closest too. (She apparently wants to meet me)

He's said he'd love it if This sister with the kids could come to our wedding & asked but since she gave birth a couple of months ago, we aren't sure if she will manage. but her husband def could. All depends when it happens tbh.

He's given me 2 of her phone numbers (just incase of any emergency etc)

he has all his siblings initials in order tattooed on an arm, hers is there..?

We spoke about Gettin engaged in Spain but now he's sugestted hed love to do it in Nigeria instead.

Tbh, I'm not overly fussed about engagement/ring etc. But it's something he wants.

When he comes & because he can't work for a few months.. the plan is he's going to help me with finishing decorating my house with the £ Hes saved over the years incase he needed it for 'papers'. (He's more than willing to sign a prenup)

We just seem to be gettin closer and closer and it feels so right. I know he's not perfect (who is) but I believe he'd treat me so so well & vice versa.

Obviously after reading ur blog etc I guess I'm just wary.

What iyo opinion should/could I ask re the sister to clear things up full stop?

Thank you so much for hearing me out!

Pondering sos on November 17, 2014:

Thank you for the quick reply

Hes in Spain. His status is not legal. he could,via a lawyer obtain residency as he has been there for so long without criminal record (I don't know anythin about such things, so took him at his word) however that wouldn't allow him to travel to the uk...so I couldn't see much point in it.

As for being able to work, he has some sort of spanish Id card that enables him.

The sister situ? This is the only doubt I have which comes and goes and it wasn't even mine originally...it was a friends!!!

Our plan is I visit for new year etc, a few weeks later he leaves Spain, returns home, gets a uk visiting visa & travels to meet me then after a couple months (all going well) we marry..properly. My family and a couple of his, plus his close friend.

He has invited me to come for a holiday in Nigeria while he's fhere..he really wants to show me round, to meet his family incl. the sister with babies who he is closest too. (She apparently wants to meet me)

He's said he'd love it if This sister with the kids could come to our wedding & asked but since she gave birth a couple of months ago, we aren't sure if she will manage. but her husband def could. All depends when it happens tbh.

He's given me 2 of her phone numbers (just incase of any emergency etc)

he has all his siblings initials in order tattooed on an arm, hers is there..?

We spoke about Gettin engaged in Spain but now he's sugestted hed love to do it in Nigeria instead.

Tbh, I'm not overly fussed about engagement/ring etc. But it's something he wants.

When he comes & because he can't work for a few months.. the plan is he's going to help me with finishing decorating my house with the £ Hes saved over the years incase he needed it for 'papers'. (He's more than willing to sign a prenup)

We just seem to be gettin closer and closer and it feels so right. I know he's not perfect (who is) but I believe he'd treat me so so well & vice versa.

Obviously after reading ur blog etc I guess I'm just wary.

What iyo opinion should/could I ask re the sister to clear things up full stop?

Thank you so much for hearing me out!

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 16, 2014:

@Pondering sos, ok, welcome back. The probability that that his presumed sister and kids are his sister and real kids is close to 1.

Sorry if I may ask, which country does he live presently? There is great possibility that he truly loves you and want you for keeps, but you really need to be sure, and you also need to be clarified on that his sister and kids.

Lastly, you need to know his residency status in the country he's living in. Meanwhile, this does not mean that illegal immigrants do not deserve to be loved by legal migrants, nope, but make sure its genuine and worth it and not just for some selfish reasons. That's all. Let me know where he's living now. Once again, thanks for stopping by.

Pondering sos on November 12, 2014:


The latest is.

After the initial visit I was determined not to go back, talk even, as I was angry he hadn't said his status before I travelled.( If he had I'd never of continued, understandable in a way why he didn't)

Anyway he's been there 8yrs, working for last 5. I stayed over @ his for 1night & met his house mates (older South American mum with 2 late teen sons, all lovely) then in Mornin joined him for his usual breakfast routine with work collegue (a local spanish guy).

Seen his place of work, family photos, etc all legit as far as I can see.

(Although 1 friend has suggested his sister & her babies photos are possibly his wife& kids. That hadn't occurred to me. What's the chances? He laughed when i said it @ 1st then got pretty upset/frustrated about it when I wouldn't drop it) thoughts???

he has 2yrs of uni education from nigeria and it's evident. Articulate, knowledgable etc.

For whatever reasons we just couldnt stop contact. He's been blatantly honest about his less then angelic deals prior to f/t job, although I don't condone I can understand why he did it. I do believe hes hell bent on gettin a good job & generally just being a better man with a bright future..& why not.

I went back again (split cost) & stayed at his for a week. We had a great chilled time. He cooked a lot..it was his kitchen..& just treated me really well. Nothin flash or ott. Just gentle & relaxed.

To cut a long story short, basically Im heading back for a 3rd time over festive period & we've discussed at length about how either I could move back with him or he joins Me in uk.

There's been numerous arguments about it all but we always seem to talk it through alone together & quickly come back to the fact we just want to be together. Regardless. Honestly Itl b far wiser he came here.

I've talked through all my fears and hes doing nothing but reasurring me that its for real. I go through major lows with doubts but when I lay them to 1 side, I feel happy, excited, lucky and really looking forward to building a life together.

Do I sound foolish to you?

We talk everyday, text randomly throughout, basically spend weekends together on Skype and even do the whole fall asleep on Skype together (sad mayb lol but for us just now that's the best we've got to being close until the next trip)

My hearts in it & I believe his is too. Neither of us expected this.

Any opinion gratefully appreciated.

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 10, 2014:

@Pondering sos, that's why I said, before you fall for a Nigerian man or any foreign man, make sure you know his residency status to know if he just want you for papers or for keeps. Except you just want a temporal affair and fun. Thanks for sharing your personal experience, I hope it ended well or going on fine?

@Boy o boy, that's so so pathetic. I pity the innocent victims, life is truly unfair, sighs.

@shelvy and dandydoo, if you want to comment on this topic, please moderate your words or I won't publish your comment. There are hundreds of comments that I don't publish here...some just come here to advertise their scam romance, others come here to attack me....while the rest come to hate. So before you comment, moderate your words and use the right words, else, I won't publish it.

@shelvy, yes, I know that innocent Nigerians are paying the prize of the evil some bad Nigerians are doing, that's life.....life isn't fair and that's why as a Nigerian, we all must stand for the truth and start making a difference, and start making people understand that we aren't as bad as they see us. Thanks for stopping by again.

@notactix, thanks once again for lending your voice to this great discussion. I receive threats from people from different parts of the world just because of this article and I am not going to give up the enlightenment campaign. Nigeria must be rid off all manner of evil people; so if it entails telling the unimaginable truth, I will! Thanks again !notactix.

notactix on November 08, 2014:

@shelvy, thanks for joining and for your comments, you have some valid points here, I agree that people are ignorant when dating online, yes, they take everything for granted without doing necessary background checks. It seems more like their mind must be in such a state of horror that they simply want to believe in what they are hearing and seeing. But if you do more research you will be shocked. All races and nationalities have losers and moochers and scammers as you said. But....

If you date Nigerian man online, you would find at least 8 out of 10 are scammers. If you date Italian, German, English etc. man online, there would be 1 or 2 scammers out of 10. And there's a great chance that at least one of them is Nigerian, pretending to be Italian or German! So, yes you are right in your observation that every race and nationality has scammers, but with very different ratio compared to Nigerians. That's the whole point of these pages, to educate people better.

These young Nigerians have mastered their profession, they are all sweet talkers, they know how to approach and exactly what to say to that particular type of western woman they targeting. So, my point is, their initial story is not any better or worse to the story your husband told you some 30 years ago! But your husband was genuine, honest man. They are professional liars! Pure Oscar performance master-act in order to obtain material goods from their victims or western country visa! They are so convincing.

It is great that you are happily married for 30 years to your Nigerian man, but things have changed a lot since then thanks predominantly to the internet and other modern ways of communication. Good, honest Nigerian man simply can't get chance to go through and meet someone because of so many heart breaking stories caused by bad Nigerian boys. Not only romance scam, there are lots and lots of other scamming activities, they became so professional in past few years that they even operate as a syndicate! Just google it and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Accofranco is doing great job in enlightening these facts to all ladies involved and so far has great results. I really can't see how he is spreading hatred, as you said. May God bless him and his great work.

shelvy on November 05, 2014:

@accofranco. I don't feel attacked because I have no business or connection with you. But I hate racism, discrimination and abuse these are my passion.

Let me let you know we do not have governmental policies supporting divorce. Get that straight. Yes divorce rates are high compared to the African region but to imply it is a cash cow for western women is insulting to women who left their abusive, cheating and lying husbands . for your info we have what is called a prenup which protects d wealth of both parties so don't think divorce is a good thing. It's expensive, emotional and difficult. We have no such thing as over empowerment of women rather we are fighting against gender discrimination , social and economic equality. I guess by over empowerment you mean I can throw your behind in jail if you put your hands on me cuz I know it's a norm in your country and the woman keeps her mouth shut and says nothing . That's not being the head of a house that's being controlling and abusive. Mutual respect is what we are all about here not over empowerement of women as you call it. I take this very serious cuz I am a woman and this is a battle we are still fighting in the western world .

And asking about ones educational background , religious and personal belief I think is a usual question which every sensible woman asks when looking for a life partner.

You do not understand the implication of this article. How would you feel right now if I say you're a scammer and you're selling a fake book just to rip people off? Pretty pissed off I reckon.

I run a corporate firm and because of ridiculous notions like this my HR personnel do not look at nigerian applicants more than once cuz they assume everything on that resume is a lie no matter the experience. So genuine people wanting to make a life find it hard. You really don't understand the ripple effect of this article. Western women are not stupid as u think some just choose to do dumb things when they can see the obvious signs d guy is a looser and a nobody. Someone dating an illegal immigrant knows he is one but yet choses to continue.

Ladies the same precautions you take in dating a Caucasian or Asian is the same you take with Nigerian men. Every part of this world got hoodlums and loosers. Love yourselves and don't settle for less gradually build your love and get to know his family. There are loads of honest Nigerian men out there doing just fine and distant themselves from the shenanigans portrayed by the hoodlums. I am enjoying my marriage to a Nigerian male we are happy and occasionally visit. Although it was not easy for me at first cuz d extended family were pure racists and judgemental. But he loved me and I did as well that's what got us thru. Today they apologise and plead for forgiveness with some even trying to be moochers.

Love knows no color race ethnicity or religion . It's all about your happiness.

Stay blessed .

Boy o boy on November 05, 2014:

Well known nigerien scamer stil on student visa from KL malaysia GENERAL LAMPARD selebrate his bday in luxorios hotel in KL... When u see this video u know where your money goes if u send it to your nigerian babe from malaysia. People in Nigeria live in poverty but they dont care for them they shower each other with their dirty money. Even the priest is there to bless the ocasion its all dun in Gods name... make me sick!! And they not afraid to put it on youtube to showoff .... and dont be suprised if u see your boy in crowd there hugin wit some hot malay girl! They know what life is all about! Must watch!!!! Cheers all and be smart they all scammers stay away from this scum and look for some good nigerien they not all bad! MUST WATCH!!!


Pondering sos on November 05, 2014:

Hi all.

1stly I'm glad I've found somewhere that's I feel can genuinely get some feed back on whether Im being duped or if it's the real deal.

Let me begin with saying the whole marriage thing for papers only.,, Been there done that, 14 yrs ago....I knowingly did it (for no cash) for my Boyf at the time who'd graduated & hadn't found work within 6mnth time limit. I don't have regrets really, I did it bcos I've never had a huge urge to do the 'White wedding' plus I was Young and carefree.

I'm a smart, attractive well presented, well educated 35 yo professional with a lot going for me.

I met a 32 yo edo man online, we chatted offline quickly (my choice) I felt an ease & chemistry between us that came naturally.

I decided to travel 2 Spain to meet him after a month. I paid tickets he paid the Acc.

This is when things started unfolding..

He told me prior to leaving to meet he was illegal.

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 04, 2014:

Hello Shelvy, first of all, let me welcome you to the great discussion.

Now, let me tell you that you didn't read my entire article before commenting, or you read it with a conditioned mindset that this article is going to be a bullcrap, even before you started reading it, which made you not to see some valid points.

For your own info, this article has helped uncountable foreign women to solve their relationship and marital issues with their Nigerian spouses. It is not my power but grace of God who gave me the inspiration, knowledge and understanding to put this together.

You said you showed your husband this article and he laughed that all I said or wrote is only applicable to uneducated Nigerian family or so...now I ask: Did you ever read where I said before you commit to a Nigerian man as a foreign lady, that you should ask his educational background? Did you read where I mentioned that? If you didn't, please go back and read again. I also mentioned religion which plays vital role in the lifes of all Nigerians- educated or not, belief affects every man.

And mind you, this article wasn't written to destroy the image of Nigerian men or to scare foreign women from marrying Nigerian men, of course I am a single Nigerian man myself and I can't just wake up to destroy my country's image, and I can't just come online to lie to people to protect my country's image when they are doing the wrong thing; I am here to say the truth to save people from destruction and unmerited heartbreaks, get it now?

About western countries and high divorce rate, you and I don't need a suitsayer to tell us that there is absolutely high rate of divorce in the western countries like- UK, USA, Australia, Canada, Germany, etc, and it is as a result of some government policies that over-empowered women to the detriment of traditional values that favour family stability and peace that ancient people enjoyed. So its not about the white or western people, its about the policies and cultures that have infiltrated those nations and making marriages to fail more easily than in other countries that are still practising the orthodox cultures of marriage.

If you have questions, just ask and let's debate since you are married to a Nigerian man already.

And like you said, for sure women are attracted to BAD GUYS right from their teenage hood, and that's why heartbreak will never stop!

Lastly, I am happy to read that you have been married to a Nigerian man for 30 years, such stories is what I want to be reading and hearing, and not the sad ones....so thanks for stopping by but please re-read my article and comments with a positive and neutral mind, and stop feeling attacked or whatsoever, peace.

@Anonymous, thanks again for your advice to readers....but let's not discourage people from falling in love because no one knows where his or her true love would come from, I would rather advice that we all take caution when doing these things, and like you said- let's always be realistic!

shelvy on November 04, 2014:

I wouldn't say this is a ridiculous article neither would I also say it is well written one. Some of your claims of the western world divorce rate is outright ignorance and what Hollywood portrays to you. Some of us westerners are very traditional , closely knit families and do not divorce. You shouldn't write stuffs like this on something you have no concrete idea.

All indicators you've pointed above is applicable to every nationality. It is callous of you as a Nigerian to write such an article. White, black or green every race has losers and moochers and scammers. I am white and have been happily married to a Nigerian for 30years. Love has nothing to do with nationality, the precautions you take in dating anyone was the same precautions I took with him. You ask the usual question, observation and do the necessary background checks. The problem is generally women are attracted to bad boys or so called 'cool guys' whether white or black. I respect your opinion and all you have written. I am happy with my life met my husband who is a Nigerian while still a teenager and together we have stayed got married two beautiful girls and he has inspired me to levels that we both now have a doctorate. I am living my dream and have been for 30years of marriage.

Stop spreading hatred rather channel your writing skills to providing cultural specifics into the various ethnicities and what to expect. I stumbled on this and showed it to my hubby, he laughed and said all you just wrote is applicable to uneducated, ignorant families. Educated well meaning Nigerian men are out there that can give you a happy life.

Anonymous on November 03, 2014:

Hi accofranco, notactix & everyone

@accfranco I'm not mad at all with what you said, your blog was about helping and still helping forgein ladies to make the right decision when dating a nigerian man. I came about this page by chance and I'm very thankful I did..

@notactix as for that "friend" that I mentioned, who knows as I did not know her personally but I have a feeling they are still in contact, as you mentioned some women are oblivious and don't want to hear what we are trying to do and that's trying to help these ladies open their eyes and start seeing the reality of it.. Let them keep dreaming bcoz they are not ready to deal with reality as yet..

As for every other women out there, who is a forgeiner aboard, who are dating these young/younger nigerian men from Malaysia, Thailand, Nigeria, Arab and any other place in this world. I honestly feel sorry for you all, but like notactix said there is no point in trying to help bcoz your all indenial and want to believe that he does purely want to be with you, but unfortunately it's not the case, yes they will be with you and once they gain what they are achieving from you, may it be citizenship, money etc once they have that from you, it's Goodbye Charlie!

I really wish you all the best in finding love, but trust me avoid love dating on the internet it may seem real but trust me it's NOT!!!.. BE REALISTIC & BE VERY CAREFUL!!

Good luck and May God be with you all

accofranco (author) from L Island on November 01, 2014:

@notactix, dandydoo and anonymous, thanks for the great contributions you guys have been giving on this topic...I really appreciate you guys. Please forgive me if I went overboard out of anger or whatsoever, I just needed to be a bit harsh to clear some facts, lol...So forgive me guys, I wished we all could sit down on a round table discussion and share drink as we discuss this and enlighten more innocent women around the world.

I am thinking towards starting a TV show for this, and to help educate young African men on the need to keep healthy relationship with women irrespective of their tribe or race. I need people to work together with on this project....because this may get out of hand with time, and its also discouraging others from reaching out for genuine love across their national borders.

@Ann, I don't need to dribble with words here, kindly read our previous discussions on this topic....or better still, get a copy of my book titled: "Before You Marry Your Nigerian Man", its available on Amazon Kindle store online...its also available on lulu.com....search it and get a copy because it has saved many women and have also helped many to understand their Nigerian man better before taking the leap.

Lastly, how would you feel if a man you married goes abroad and marries another wife in the name of whatever I don't know? How would you feel? Any man who does such will most unlikely not take the second wife serious, I maybe wrong.

My advice is this: get a concrete convinction from him as to why he needs a second wife abroad, and not thinking of bringing his Nigerian wife to come and join him where he lives now?

Don't fall for love...love isn't blind....love is a fallacy most times. People claim to love after considering certain conditions that favours them....there is no unconditional love nowadays...all people claiming to be in love have conditions for which they love their partner- he is handsome, she is pretty, she can cook, he is rich, he is intelligent, she is smart, he is hard working, he is a star, she is a star, she comes from a rich family, she has killer shape, he has 6 packs, he can sex me very well, she knows how to make love, etc....which means if these conditions aren't present, or disappears with time, the love will fade...so love is a FALLACY! Open your eyes and think before you leap!

Ann on October 31, 2014:

Hi I just wanted to post and ask for some advice. I am 24 and have met a Nigerian man (Yarouba tribe). He is 36, a very hard working doctor. He is very intelligent, kind and heartwarming. We have been seeing each other for a few months, he has a western passport, his own money and life. I am falling very much for him, however he has a wife back home and a child who is grown. When I have asked him he has said that he and his wife are still married but living separate lives and have done so for the past 7 years. He visits Nigeria throughout the year. I wanted to ask what the likely hood of him 'playing' me is. I understand its a touchy subject and try not to ask too much at this very start. He has been very open and said he wants to go back home to live and would love if we were together to do that. He feels that I would fit into his culture as we are from very similar ones. Will him being married impact that and how?...Should I push him and find out as much as possible now or wait and let time tell? thanks

dandydoo on October 31, 2014:

Ive got two words for you good ladies of the world ... mercy ogbedo ... enough said!

notactix on October 29, 2014:

Hi Accofranco! Hi Anonymous, good to see you’re doing fine, I wish every other girl, that got tricked and sucked into this type of romance ordeal, has learned something useful by now, I also hope that your older ‘’friend’’ you mentioned here has learned her lesson too... once again, THANK YOU for your open and great effort, you definitely did help others to open their eyes!

Accofranco, as You said, marriages do break down all around the world, regardless of peoples skin colour or their ethnic or religious background. There are many reasons for these unhappy events, but majority of these relationships began as a GENUINE, honest, true relationships that grew in to marriages, which then, at some point, took unfortunate paths and sadly came to an end.

But when fairly young Nigerian man gets romantically involved with much older and not so attractive western lady, there’s a very slim chance that his love is GENUINE. That’s the major difference Accofranco! GENUINE vs FAKE. There are scammers all around the world, but somehow, Nigerian boys just mastered it. That’s why you even started this topic, to part good from bad and to warn others.

I agree with your excellent observation that some of these older ladies are very arrogant and all up to themselves, treating their much younger boyfriends as their private property by helping them financially. Well, I feel sorry for them too, but they don’t deserve your time and effort to help them. As I could see, they don’t even want it! So let them be, at the end - everybody is allowed to purchase some good time. And they will be loved and cared for as long as their payments are regular. Their attitude is most likely the reason why they are (most of the time) single, even many years after divorce. Money can’t buy everything. God help them.

So, once again just a quick reminder to all women dating online if they have any doubts what to do:




-BE REALISTIC: If you are not successful in dating in your town, you’ll just get burned even more in online dating, regardless of peoples backgrounds. Sad but true. Try to improve yourself on all aspects and never give up!

May God bless you all!

dandydoo on October 22, 2014:

Your last comment I have no idea where you're coming from. For me personally I haven't been scammed I have just sought to highlight the massive cultural gaps in how Nigerian men think and how western women think. All based on my own personal experiences. This goes hand in hand with the scammers because even the use of english is different, even the highly educated! What's with the physically attraction woman? If you're gonna marry someone of course you find them attractive, whatever your preference may be I don't see how that is relevant it's a completely personal matter. I never once said other nationalities were perfect I merely stated the cultural gap wouldn't exist, if as much. No marriage can be perfect. And this nonsense about loving their women so they don't go looking at black men. Stop listening to the white man who peddle this rumour that white woman are looking for black men to bed, black men only pick up ugly fat white women. It's simply not the case and insulting to both social groups. People are human beings and fall in love for many reasons. My message to the women dating Nigerians or dating online is think longer term. The issue of whether he is a scammer is relevant but more important is how can you navigate the huge cultural gap which will engulf you as you progress further into your marriage and motherhood. Scammers are just the tip of the iceberg on this topic. Eventually a Nigerian man will want and need a Nigerian woman to massage his ego, let him be the head of the household and know her place. It is engrained within their culture which, no matter where they live, they will never reduce. If you want to live in the 12th century and have very little property rights to boot then such a union will be for you. Wish you all the best good luck with your decision making.

Anonymous on October 20, 2014:

Hi accofranco,

As you know I'm not racist, I have dated a nigerian man, the topic is about helping these women to realize these men are scammers, they will move heaven and earth to gain what they want.

In every culture and colour there a bad people but I'm not being biased at all, I love your blog and want to help. On another note I don't know anyone who has called a black man - black monkey are you serious??!!! Or any other bad name, the nerve on some people.

I want to remind you, that I have been where these ladies have been, when dating a nigerian man and I hope and pray that they don't fall into a trap and can't get out.. I have many Good Nigerians friends around me but unfortunately I found a bad one but that will never stop me from liking another african man again or any man.

Just enjoy your life and be smart about the choices you make if you decide to pursue a relationship with any man not just men from Nigeria be wise and most importantly try avoid from the internet

aswell, just go out with your friends and meet people.

accofranco (author) from L Island on October 20, 2014:

@Dandydoo, I am really tired to type now after a long day. I wish I had the strength to type. But one thing I want you all to understand is this: I am a Nigerian guy and I wrote this article and even went as far as writing a book about it without being biased or skewed like you mentioned.

Before I put this article up, I have been campaigning on Yahoo Messenger back then....have opened a personal blog just to enlighten foreign women, but over the years of my involvement in this issue of helping foreign women avoid scam online romance, I have also noticed that most foreign ladies who get scammed by unscrupulous Nigerian guys aren't all that innocent on their own side, how?

Everyone knows too well that all men- American, Arab, Asian, Australian, Africa, British, Indian, Carribean, Jamaican, Filipino, Jewish, German, just name it, love and wish to date and marry a physically attractive woman!

Meanwhile, when most foreign women are young and hot, they hardly agree to date a black guy who isn't a star or rich...most call black men names like- monkey, etc...but after their fellow white men have taken their glory and they become old, and maybe overweight and unattractive, they now turn to black guys; the Nigerian guys for love, knowing too well that they are no longer attractive and not doing anything to look attractive, and hence, they resort to using money and favours to win these Nigerian guys into marrying them. Now I ask, is it fair to all concerned?

If you want the best in life, try and be the best, simple!

I will stop there for now.

@Anonymous, all what you have said aren't just perculiar to Nigerian men alone- men from other nationalities do same, so pray and be the best to also meet the best men; Nigerian or not.

If men from other nationalities are so awesome and perfect like you are painting them, why aren't they sticking to their women forever till death do them part? Why aren't they loving their women enough so that their women wouldn't go seeking for love across the borders?

If men from other nationalities are so awesome and innocent than their Nigerian counterpart, why do we have high rate of divorce and unhappy couples in the west?

Plenty questions to ask...but that's not what this post is all about...I opened this to help foreign women searching for true love to find that love by opening their eyes to the styels, and ways of spotting a scam Nigerian man.

Thanks for stopping by.

Anonymous on October 20, 2014:

Hi accofranco, & notactix.

Hi everyone

I'm doing well thank you for asking notactix, I've read all above comments and all I can say is, is that please everyone stop making excuses for these scammers, these young men will do absolutely anything to convince you that they are 'Real Men' and love you, care for you, loyal, and etc, these are the things they want you too hear and to believe them, trust me it's not true, they are only with you because they think because your white and a foreginer you can provide for them, doesn't matter how old you are, how small or big of a woman you are, how attractive or not so attractive you are but they will keep telling you those lovely words you have been longing to hear, they will work on your insecurities and make you feel secure so you can trust them with their whole life and make you fall in love with them, once they have mastered that bit, that's when they start testing you, that's when they start giving you excuses, that's when they beg for money off you they will use every excuse in the book to make you want to believe them, but don't. Trust me don't!!!

The only thing I can say is to you all right now is open up your eyes and start seeing the bigger picture, put yourself in someone's else's shoes, what would you do if it was your sister, friend, cousin, aunt etc what would you tell them?? Think about that and figure it out. Some ladies are just close minded and they think no he isn't like all these other Bad Nigerians, maybe not, but half of the comments I've read so far since the last time I was on here show me different.

From where I was and to where I am today I have come along way, and I am truly blessed that it ended where it did, I searched for my answers and I got them. Now I'm happy and i am very cautious with my decision.

Good luck everyone, May God be with you all and if your still not certain about your nigerian man please read my comments & notactix comments

dandydoo on October 17, 2014:

Thank you accofranco and thank you for confirming you are male. Forgive me but I thought you were female at first, then wasnt sure. Please enlighten me with what generalisations were incorrect? since this is my experience and i have lived in both my home country and Lagos with my husband.

Let me say I do not see my husband as a bad man AT ALL. In many ways he is industrious and has our long term future at the heart of his actions. BUT and it is a massive BUT. Who is living today for tomorrow?

Let me also tell you that it is not possible to look from the outside at anyone's marriage and know whats really going on.

I have the ear of many older non-nigerian women who talk of affairs, baby making and general lonliness they and others have encountered throughout their marriage. Of course one cannot attribute this just to the nigerian nationality but what I do know is that it is a man's world in nigeria. Live there with your partner at your peril. Women are like second class citizens in nigeria. Accofranco, perhaps that is for a different article! though you may have skewed observations since you are a man afterall!

accofranco (author) from L Island on October 16, 2014:

@dandydoo, as a Nigerian guy born and brought up in Nigeria, and with all due respect to my lovely country, Nigeria and citizens, I want to give you a standing OVATION! You spoke so well. In fact, you did a good summary with some few wrong generalisation.

All the same, Nigeria is a very beautiful country anyone would love to visit. I have some British and American men here, I mean white guys married happily to Nigerian women....and I also have lots of Nigerian guys married to foreign women- American, British, Canadian, Australian, German, Swedish, Switz, French, Indian, Malaysian, Chinese, Brazilian, Philipino, South African, Ghanaian, Arabians (not many), etc, etc and they all are living happily.

The thing is, if you do your home work well and marry a good and hard working Nigerian man, you will be singing praises everyday.

But unfortunately, the bad ones are more visible to foreign women; hence the reason many foreign women are ending up with the wrong or bad Nigerian men.

But dandydoo, to be honest with you, most of what you typed up there are the plain truth. Remain blessed!

dandydoo on October 16, 2014:

please let me add - to these women having online relationships with anyone from a developing country - not just nigeria - forget it. Nigeria is a seriously poor country. Oil rich yes but the country infrastructure is dire, roads chaos, healthcare system dire for many and poverty pervades in every corner. Despite the cheeriness of the locals the country is a mess in many regards. Booming economically? perhaps but if you live in lagos total chaos. What im trying to say is that i am not surprised to hear of men chatting away with foreign would be brides. Everyone wants to get out and go abroad, especially to white countries. The average Nigerian looks at anyone with white skin like a millionaire. I am not joking. The poverty is that bad and the image of the so-called white countries is that skewed. Nigerians are also extremely patient people because of their environment. I can imagine someone will wait ten years to get their bride abroad. Please wise up and dont be fooled. Take extra care and steps to ensure everything is what it says it is

dandydoo on October 16, 2014:

I am a foreign white woman married to a Nigerian so let me give you some insight into my own personal experience. I was very much in love with my partner before we married but find married life very, very difficult. What you may forget to realise is that dating, marriage and then becoming parents are totally different areas of our life. Dating a nigerian in your own country you simply wont feel the cultural difference so much. It will all seem so appealing. When you get married the same will be true, especially when you start meeting you in-laws and they lavish you with love and kindness, which was my experience. Everything will be dandy! But please let me share the downside. Nigerian men have to be the main breadwinners. They have to be the head of the household. This you may find difficult if you live in a western country where equality is sought at every corner. I mean, it will be more apparent once you are married. When you have kids dont expect him to help you with the kids. He wont even be interested in what you need to buy, your antenatal appointments etc. This can be true of many foreign men but i know more western men get involved in this process. Dont expect him to change nappies. That is woman's work and once you become a mother this is when the cultural difference that you thought was tiny will become a huge gulf. If he is struggling financially he may well disappear in his quest to make that money. His focus will not be you or the baby it will making money. This may sound all very noble but believe me it is not. It is selfish and self serving. If you dont cook for him over time he will dislike you for it so be prepared to become a domestic goddess. All of this will take place in your own home country. You will feel a knife ct through your entire marriage as you start to realise that actually you have married someone from a cukture which is completely different from a western one. Concerning assets, all will belong to him. He will claim he pays for everything and he wont really seriously recognise any financial contribution you make. Taking care of the children and performing a housewife role is not really recognised by yoruba culture at least. Aside from taking care of the house and raising the kids in every sense you will also be expected to make your own money. Please look into all areas of life before you commit to marriage since obviously we all want marriage for life. I often feel I am standing next to someone as they go out in the world fulfilling their own personal ambitions, whilst at the same time getting criticised for having no ambition and just being interested in the children. Marriage with anyone is difficult but i have found from experience, and from listening to other wives, that nigerian men are like lone rangers. They want to go out in the world and provide foe their famly. Cross them and you will be thrown out with just your suitcase. They hold onto their money as tight as you can imagine. There is no family pot. The head of the family controls everything! And please before anyone wants to jump in with x.y.z yes this is just my experience but let me tell you in Lagos I am surrounded by married couples, older ones, who literally look like they hate the sight of each other. All living separate lives but under one roof because divorce is abhorred by many. The culture is not the same as european or american culture and if someone asked my own advice i would say avoid going down that route and marry someone who knows and understand your own culture as if it was like breathing. To do this they will have to be a national by birth. I give only these details in good faith. Its been a very lonely 7 years, not for him he doesnt feel the cultural gao because he does what he likes. The woman always gets the short straw especially once you become a mother, then theres no going back! be cautious ladies its not all it seems on surface alone.

accofranco (author) from L Island on October 11, 2014:

@notactix, thanks for coming back again....your contributions are always on point...well done! I am convinced many are learning because I do get positive mails....and I am glad I am helping people flee from what will destroy their life's joy.

notactix on October 10, 2014:

Hi Accofranco, hi all!

I'm just stopping by to see what's new on the topic, would like to hear from "Anonymous", hope she is doing well. Every lesson is valuable and I sincerely hope that other girls can learn something useful from this hub and learn from other's mistakes.

For "annoyed" - good comment, but there's no need to be annoyed. Live your life, enjoy it and stay blessed with your children and your hubby, don't worry what people are gonna say!

You've proved that it is not impossible to find a good Nigerian man. Not all of them are only about to scam you! But you got one very good point in your comment, actually you pin-pointed it! If you are foreign lady - European, American, Australian and you are 10+ yrs older than your Nigerian boyfriend and if on top of that you're unlucky finding a right date or making a relationship with someone within your community, also, if you are moderately/considerably overweight... just be realistic, be honest to yourself and open your eyes... yes, no mistake - you are dealing with a scammer! That is the only truth, don't fall for sweet words, they are all fake. Don't send them any money that they request and you'll see their real face in no time. If you proceed, You may have some good time with the guy, as long as he can benefit from you. Remember, every sweet word you're hearing, every compliment they are saying to you is just simply FAKE, it's only part of their JOB. Yes, they are all masters of their profession. Simply, if your age and your look doesn't really match, you are only making a fool out of yourself. The worst comes at the end, when you finally wake up to reality. Sorry to be harsh.

God bless you all

annoyed on September 14, 2014:

I don't understand why 40 and 50 year old Australian women are going online, finding 20 or 30 year old Nigeria men, usually in Malaysia and pursuing relationships. The woman are usually 50kgs heavier then the men and so fat how the man can even find their vaginal is a mystery. Then they have their relationship and think it's real. It seriously passes me off. I am in my 20s and married to a Nigeria for 7 years with 3 children. But our relationship can never be taken seriously in this country because of these stupid old women. I hope every cent is taken from them.

Kedu1983 on September 06, 2014:


I posted comments here, i don't know if you have received it. Let me know if you did.

accofranco (author) from L Island on July 31, 2014:

@Chinyere.....honestly you are a wonderful woman o....jeez! Is this what some women go through? I am speechless! I keep wondering why good women end up with bad men, its well. Without mincing words, you have done enough and he doesn't deserve you anymore....what kind of marriage is that? Please take a break and invest more in your own personal life and well being, the best man will soon come around okay? Once again, thanks for stopping by to share your story....I am sure it will enlighten other readers.

Chinyere...again on July 30, 2014:

Hi Frank,

I wrote to you awhile ago about my sick Nigerian husband and that I sent him money because I want him healthy besides I'm not ready to shave my head. Well he called me to ask when he could expect his money!! I sent what I could out of genuine concern. He's still greedy and had the audacity to say that my money is his money!! He has no intention of coming back to America to live only to visit me, occasionally. I'm done. Getting a divorce and keeping him in prayer. I don't love him enough to be used!

Thanks for hearing me out.

accofranco (author) from L Island on July 30, 2014:

@elladrei, you are welcome...please try and work more on him....find a soft way to make him understand that fraud isn't a dignifying business. But please don't judge him, instead help him to change. Once again, I wish you blissful marital life.

elladrei on July 26, 2014:

Thank you for your advise, i feel so sad and disappointed to know what he is up to. No wonder he has 3 different cell phone numbers and he can buy latest phones and gadgets, i just can,t understand why he still have to do this, if he is worried about his family in Nigeria every month i am sending money for his son and school fee without fail even here we are struggling financially, i talked to him about this before i thought he has changed but last week i found out he still into it. I have been thinking of leaving him. Again thank you for your time reading and giving me good advise.

accofranco (author) from L Island on July 26, 2014:

@elladrei, first, I am happy you admitted your mistakes, but then, we can't just be living our life on regrets and past mistakes, so you must move on as you get more informed.

Haven read through your comment...and based on my years of experience and knowledge about internet fraudsters, I am sorry to announce to you that, yes....your husband is most likely into internet romance scam. What can you do? Call him to order, not in a harsh manner, but sit him down and talk sense into his head. Let him know that you have now come to understand what he does on the internet...and also let him know that it is a very bad and risky business which can get him jailed or killed. Let him understand that he needs to change for good and embrace legal business that will give him rest of mind no matter how small the income may be.

Since you are the breadwinner, that means he is guaranteed of being taken care of while he quit and look for something more legal and dignifying to do. If he insists or argues with you, then you have to use your own wisdom.

But of the truth, he is into fishy online business, that's the sad truth. Help him change for good and also help him understand that marrying a second wife back in Nigeria isn't the best for him....make him understand that you love him and ready to be with him wherever he chose till death do you two part. Assure him that because the fear that most white women who marry a Nigerian man will most definitely return back to their home country in future or carry their kids back to their home country after the Nigerian becomes old or dies, always scare many Nigerian men married to foreign women, and this is one major reason they marry another wife, a Nigerian woman back at home as a backup in future.

If Nigerian men start getting assurance that foreign women are ready to marry them and live/stay with them forever and not going back to their home country with the kids when the Nigerian man gets old or dies, believe me, Nigerian men will stop marrying a second wife back home after getting married to a foreign woman.

Wishing you the best of marital bliss. Thanks for stopping by.

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