Fresh perspective on dating issues compiled in consultation with friends in North America, Australia and African nations.
Every girl expects to be dating in high school. It is part of the dream. Part of the package that comes with growing up. But figuring out how to get your first boyfriend isn't quite as easy as you thought it would be.
Being in high school or getting your first job can be both an emotional minefield, and an emotional wasteland. Sometimes it feels like you're on a roller-coaster. Your spirits get lifted when something works out. Then you get slammed by a low when something really embarrassing happens. Life seems to be going pretty good, and then something unexpected explodes in your face and blows you from your feet.
In the middle of all this turmoil, you're still hoping to find your first boyfriend. All around you, there's so much pressure to start dating. For instance, when you get to high school:
- At least one parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt or other random family friends starts quizzing you about if you have a boyfriend yet. (One of the reasons why family functions can be torture.)
- Any of your friends who has a boyfriend starts pressuring you to get one. They say how great it will be to double-date.
- Teen movies all show couples making out. Looks like you're a loser if you're not part of the party crowd with a partner.
- It would be nice to feel special and attractive.
Who wants to be the girl without a boyfriend? Surely life must be easier if you have a guy who wants to date you! But it is important to remember that many young women leave high school and even reach their twenties without ever having a boyfriend, yet go on to have very successful lives and relationships.
Ways Girls Get Their First Boyfriend
Different girls use different ways to attract her first boyfriend. Let's look at some of your options, and then discuss the issues. Here's the most common ways girls get their first boyfriend:
- Date a long-term friend.
- Make herself sexually available.
- Try and find a boyfriend online.
- Make friends, and wait to meet a perfect guy.
- Take risks in desperation.
- Agree to date anyone who asks.
- Enjoy life and wait for as long as it takes to meet the right kind of guy.
The path you choose may have long-lasting implications. Before you make any decisions, it helps to think each option through.
1) Dating a Long-Term Friend
This is an option that works really well for lots of girls. If your first boyfriend is a friend you've had forever, you're likely to feel comfortable and safe around him.
But as your friendship moves to boyfriend-girlfriend, you get the added thrill of butterflies and excitement. There's something really nice about having a romance with someone you trust and admire.
Because you've been friends for years already, you should respect each other enough to be careful about protecting each other's reputation. And when the time comes for you to part ways (as always happens with high school boyfriends, sooner or later), there's a good chance you'll be able to agree you've just grown apart. None of that awful break-up drama and unpleasantness.
2) Becoming Sexually Active
There's always a price to pay when a girl becomes sexually active.
- Avoiding pregnancy
- Checking for sexually transmitted diseases
- Damage to her reputation
- Difference in the way she views herself.
It is crazy to become sexually active in the hope of getting your first boyfriend. Yes, you'll no doubt get attention, but there's a good chance the relationship won't last. And a high probability the guy will tell all his friends.
So you still end up without a proper boyfriend, with all the complications and self-doubt that comes with having made a really big mistake.
3) Finding a Boyfriend Online
High school students should never try to find a boyfriend online. Online dating sites, and even social media chatting, provide an environment for paedophiles and sleaze to congregate.
Too many teenage girls have become targets and victims when they tried to find a boyfriend online. Leave online dating to older women who hopefully have enough life experience to spot trouble, and avoid it.
Colleges, universities, high schools etc provide plenty of opportunities to meet a boyfriend. You'll just need to develop your confidence, plus that really important life skill called 'conversation'.
4) Make Friends And Wait For Mr Perfect
Personally I think this is the best option for young women wanting a boyfriend. Make friends. Lots of them. Life is much more interesting when you have a bunch of people who are pleased to see you. Friends share so much. You never have to feel unloved or alone.
Sooner or later you are bound to come across Mr Perfect among your new friends. Or thanks to your new friends. That's the power of networking!
5) Taking Risks To Get A Boyfriend (Warning!)
You know what's right and wrong. You know what trouble looks like. You're not stupid, so don't make stupid mistakes.
- Don't get drunk thinking you'll look more mature.
- Don't take drugs thinking you'll seem more cool.
- Don't expose your cleavage thinking you'll be more attractive.
- Don't link up with a loser thinking you can change him.
It is important to protect yourself. There's plenty of time to find a boyfriend. Taking risks to get a boyfriend when you're young makes no sense. There's a risk you'll end up with more problems because of your unwise decisions.
6) Dating Anyone Who Asks
Do you really want your first boyfriend to be someone you want to forget? Just because a guy asks you on a date doesn't mean he should automatically become your boyfriend.
Some guys think they have a right to put pressure on a girl just because she agreed to go to the movies, the beach or dinner. And some guys are just boring losers. Be smart enough to identify the worst offenders, and avoid them.
Sure, you can go on a first date with as many guys as you want. But don't make the mistake of agreeing to go on more on dates with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable in any way. You need to be able to say 'No'.
7) Enjoy Life While Waiting For A Boyfriend
Join groups and participate in school activities like sports, debating, science groups or drama. Make your life as interesting as possible, and enjoy yourself.
Groups like these help you meet more people and increase your chances of meeting someone who may become your boyfriend. Your average classroom rarely offers an opportunity to chat with boys. But engaging in other school activities outside class offers the opportunity to develop new friendships.
Plus, you'll have a reason to strike up a conversation with that boy you like at lunchtime or after school. If he's already a member of your group, you could ask him a question about an activity. Or if he's not yet a member, perhaps you could ask if he has any interest in joining.
Most groups have committees of members who take responsibility for different roles. Offer to be one of the people who will approach potential new members. You'll have a reason to chat with every boy in the school. lol. But don't forget to invite some of the girls to join as well.
How To Get Your First Boyfriend
- Be patient.
- Be yourself.
- Be happy.
- Be confident.
- Be willing to wait for the right guy.
- Be excited when you find him!
Don't set deadlines for getting a boyfriend. Don't have unrealistic expectations. Having a first boyfriend is a significant milestone in a girl's life. But really, it is just one step on the long path of life. There's much more to achieve and look forward to than just your first boyfriend. To be honest, your first boyfriend will one day be little more than just a distant memory from your youth. So please don't stress. Just be happy, and enjoy him when you finally meet him!
© 2012 Daniel Long
rencontrer-sur-internet on May 08, 2020:
very nice thanks a lot