Ms Macon is the Bitchface in Ask A Bitchface and often provides advice on dating, relationships, divorce, and Southern Belle-isms.
I Write Safety And The Single Lady
That typically let's most guys know I am The Perpetually Single Woman. Yes, y'all, I have been alone for a while, and no, I don't often consider that there is an alternative at this point in my life. I'm in my 40's. I'm a writer, so I work from home. It's not like I'm really putting myself out there.
However, that's not to say that the thought doesn't cross my mind every now and then. That I don't start letting my mind lead me around by the hand. That I don't let myself think, no matter how fleetingly, that one day, I might have a someone.
I'll give you a moment or two to regain your composure.
It's not as though I have a problem with initially clicking. That's the easy part. I'm just...much smarter than the me in my 30's. God knows the me in her 20's ought to have her ass kicked. Several times. But this version of myself, I just can't dance the same tired dance with these dudes. I have heard that, done that, been over the river and through the woods with that. You're not getting anything by me.
That seems to be problematic for these dudes out here. So, in an effort to not roll my eyes when yet another clown is trying to sell me a dream, I just removed myself from the entire idea of ever being something other than single.
When People Laugh If You Mention Dating, Perhaps You've Become The Perpetual Single
This Wasn't The Plan...
I've never envisioned myself as the token single woman. I didn't think that this was the way that it was going to end up. I had a whole different set of dreams, but things sometimes go sideways, and here I am. And I'm happy in my own company, I love the life I live and the good folk in my life. It's just...every now and then.
There's a feeling that you get when you have the hope that some new person could be something to you. The butterflies dancing the chacha, teenage girl giggling, first date with a good night kiss type of feeling. If someone could create that feeling in a lab, that person could swim in their money as they were fanned with their money while toweling off with their money.
That feeling is amazing. It's the only thing I would even risk another episode of heartbreak for, and isn't that convenient because the chances are 50/50. Doesn't Vegas have better odds? I mean, most of the time, I would say let's shoot for the money and hell with the rest of this, but...sometimes, you just can't help yourself.
I Keep Having The Internal Debate, Where I Think Of Dating Again, And Then I Want To Kick My Own Ass For Thinking It Again
I Know Exactly What I Want Someone To Add To My Life...
I've had all of the wrong types of men that can be found in nature. You name the issue, one of them was 100% diagnosable. Without a doubt, I have poor decision-making skills in terms of the men I have dated. I've had friends take my dating decision rights on more than one occasion, and I will openly admit to that.
But I have also taken notes. I didn't waste the lessons. I know exactly what I want, and I also know exactly what I don't want. There are certain things that are dealbreakers. If you don't love dogs, I'm sorry, we won't work. If you don't respect the work I do in spreading the word on women respecting themselves, and our right to live safely and unafraid, we won't work. If you don't understand there are 2 people in a couple, we won't work.
I can honestly say, I'm flexible in almost every other area. I expect you to have your own hustle, and to go as hard as I do, but if you're in some slump or you are making some changes, I get that. I've been there. I know that there are times where everything isn't the polished look that we would want a potential someone to see us looking like. I know that people go through some things, and I haven't always been the woman who has her head out of her ass either.
Still, with just those 3 requirements, it's a virtual obstacle course to get from "hello" to something worth telling my friends about. It's like I'm asking for a Icelandic surfer who plays the fiddle to show up at my door looking for me after I drop my glass slipper. I'm really not asking for all that much, am I? Am I the unreasonable single? Is this truly the haystack in which I'll never find a needle?
Sometimes, I Think Of Dating Again, And It Just Makes Me Tired...
If I Never Find Someone, I'll Have To Be Okay With That...
That doesn't mean that I hope that's how it goes. Every now and then, I let myself think that maybe there's someone out there that is supposed to be my someone.
Please stop laughing. That is so fucking rude.
Whatever. You're right. I'm kind of chuckling too.
Have You Ever Felt Perpetually Single?
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 MsMacon
Anya Ali from Rabwah, Pakistan on April 17, 2020:
MsMacon (author) from Tampa FL on April 17, 2020:
Thanks, sis. You know, today, it's better. Today, I'm aware of how little I really need from anyone and it comforted me. If I do, yaay. If I don't, also yaaay.
Sarah Malone from Canada on April 16, 2020:
You know, if I were a man (not a guy, or a boy, but a man) or if women were my thing, I'd date you...hell, I'd probably marry you!
You are not asking for the impossible, and you deserve to find a person to be your person. You deserve to not have to settle.
Not saying you're not a handful and then some - wicked smart, beautiful, compassionate, hard working, and strong minded. But the right person will see and love all that about you, including your (very occasonal, lol) - quirky - moments.
I was 41 before I met someone who oould not only put up with my broken and all the other parts of me, but actually came to love me because of and in spite of it. I made him work for it, btw, and led him a merry chase.
When it happens, it will be unexpected and probably when you're not "in a moment" (because let's face it, timing is not our thing sista), but I believe it will happen, because you deserve it.