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How to Tell If You Are Agender, Aromantic, or Asexual

Sometimes it is hard to tell if you are if you are agender, aromantic, and/or asexual. You might need someone else who is one or more of these things as well to help you realize that you may belong to one (or all) of these communities. Here are some ways for you to tell:

  1. You really can reproduce by just duplicating yourself (just like all of the allosexuals who think they are being funny suggest that you can).
  2. Being any of the three is like having a cold you cannot get rid of, and you can spread the cold to other people (making other people agender, aromantic, and asexual) by physical contact.
  3. You smell like pastries, and you can change the kind you smell like and how strong it is.
  4. You have at least five different secret recopies for cakes.
  5. No cake you ever make with contain calories. It will have all of the flavor and none of the guiilt.
  6. Being genderless, you can shapeshift into appearing to be any gender that you desire. There is even a legend of one agender who could appear to be multiple genders at once.
  7. You will short circuit everyone’s gadar. If you do it correctly, they will have to purchase a brand new industrial strength gaydar the next time they go to Pride. (On a side note: it might be a good idea to invent an industrial strength gaydar, get the business licenses, and patents. Then, set up a booth at Pride).
  8. You can turn invisible at will. When you level up, your skin becomes diamond encrusted.
  9. If you encounter a siren, they will tempt you with songs of books and cake recopies.
  10. When you go hunting for booty, you are literally looking for chests full of gold. Since you will not be distracted, you will find that gold.
  11. You can naturally change your hair color to various shades of purple and green.
  12. With enough practice, you will learn how to fly.
  13. Since you do not bother with thinking about gender, romance, or sex, you have much more time to spend thinking about world domination. You have at least three plans for taking over the world.
  14. You are powered by coffee, and you have the best recipe for coffee cake the world has ever known. People try to break down your door to sample them.
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