Talking to a Girl on FB Doesn't Have to Be Intimidating
You don't have to be the best looking guy, the best athlete, or the best anything to talk to girls, especially online. Girls like to be messaged, most of them like attention, and they definitely like confidence. If you show you know what you're doing, they might take you seriously.
Approaching a girl out of the blue is going to feel random and weird, and at some points you might even want to turn back after going in. These are all normal feelings as girls can make the unconfident male species quiver.
- One of the most important things is perspective
Put yourself into her shoes. Don't you think she would like to be talked to and complimented, especially when the person on the other end (you) is being nice?
- Women are not goddesses from Mount Olympus nor angels from the heavens
They are just humans. They feel and think similarly to males.
Know the limitations of Facebook. It is just an online conversation, nothing more. The best things come in person, not over Facebook! Chat should be used to ask the girl out; it isn't going to get you much farther than that.
Facebook Chat is taken very seriously by many young women, so watch what you say. If you're going to try to make a joke, make sure it is understandable to her as the written word is stripped of the body language, expressions, and tone that often help convey meaning. For these reasons, sarcasm doesn't fly so well either.
One of the main problems men run into while talking over Facebook is they take many chat messages too seriously, overthinking a response that has already been made or thinking a long wait for a reply means something. Don't think about these things and just try and pick up if the girl is interested or not. If she isn't, so be it. You can't have everyone you want, and hell, there are billions of girls out there.
Just follow these simple guidelines and you might be doing a little better than you are now.
1: How to Start the Conversation on Facebook Chat
Easy and simple:
If she is someone you don't know on Facebook, but have come across through a mutual friend, first send a friend request. Don't take it personally if she does not accept. There are myriad reasons that she may not have done so: she may not be a very active Facebook user, she may already feel she has too many friends, or she may be acting cautiously because she's not sure how she knows you. If accepts your friend request, she may ask how she knows you. In this case, be honest and casual. Mention that you saw her in a picture with a mutual friend or saw that you had mutual interests:
"I saw that we're both friends with Jenna, so I figure we'd be bound to bump into each other eventually."
"I saw that you know Nick through swimming, and I'm also a lifeguard at North Crossing, so I figured I'd say hi!"
2: Keep the Conversation Flowing
Don't bombard her with words. Let the conversation flow: be yourself.
Be interested in her, and steer the conversation toward what you have in common. If you are in the same class or activity, there's one thing that you share already. If you are looking for other common grounds, you can look at her Facebook profile for things she likes that you are also interested in. Start there, and use that as grounds to get to know her better.
Simply reply and answer, don't overthink things, and remember to put yourself in her shoes. How do you think she would feel about what you are saying? Always maintain high self esteem; this will help you a lot.
Ways to start the conversation:
"How's it going?"
"It's been forever, what have you been up to?"
"What are you doing up so late?"
Follow the conversation where it leads. However, if it needs a direction, steer toward common ground:
"How's class? I hate it whenever we're assigned lab partners."
"Did you watch tonight's episode of Breaking Bad?"
Also, try getting a phone number. A good way to do this is:
"Hey, I've gotta go but I'd love to keep talking. Can I have your number? Here's mine: (xxx) xxx-xxx."
3: How to Ask Her Out Via Message
Seriously, why are you wasting your time in front of a screen when you can be talking in real life? Even phone calls work well; try your best to see her.
Ask her to do something you know you both have a genuine interest in. Is there a show you've both been talking about? A food that you've both been meaning to try? A game or performance a mutual friend will be in? Find an excuse to hang out in person. Just remember to keep things in perspective and to be yourself. Spending time together will let you really get to know her.
Ask her out:
"Spinnerty is playing at the Masquerade on Thursday, want to go?"
"Are you going to the food truck festival? We should meet up!"
"Angela's a cappella group is performing on Friday, we should go!"
Whatever happens, happens for a reason. Remember that, and good luck.
The Dos and Don'ts of Messaging a Girl You Barely Know or Have Never Met
Here's a quick checklist of what you should and should not do when talking to a girl on Facebook using the steps above.
- Show enthusiasm. The girl that you are talking to is just like you. She may be unsure if you’re interested or not. Show her that you are with an exclamation point here and there, or by letting her know that you think what she just said was cool.
- Have a profile picture with your face. A picture of your favorite athlete or the back of your head may seem cool or artistic, but if she doesn’t know you that well it will be frustrating. The same goes for baby pictures—it can be in your profile picture album, but make your current profile picture one of you now.
- Do your homework. Don’t overthink the conversation, but have three or four potential topics that you have in common in the back of your mind before sending that first chat. That way the conversation will never lull, and you can show off your sparkling personality.
- Maintain perspective. Again, she’s not a goddess, she’s a person. The way she thinks is not more foreign than the way anyone else you know thinks. You may or may not hit it off; tell yourself that it’s worth a shot and keep the stakes low.
- Be friendly. Set an open and honest tone. Don’t be a nuisance; give her time between conversations and respect her space.
- Go for it!
- Use profanity. Even if it’s okay with your friends, you don’t know her that well, and she may not find it attractive.
- Say anything potentially offensive. Dead baby joke? Now’s not the time. Politics and religion, while they make for interesting conversation, are best left until you know more about her views. Don’t say that anything she thinks or says is lame.
- Show off. Most people don’t intend to show off, but do so in the presence of nerves and the absence of body language over Facebook chat. Consider how you would sound if someone was messaging you. If you start bragging about yourself, far from finding it interesting, she may be turned off.
- Be too flirty. She hardly knows you, and may feel that coming on too hard is aggressive. Instead, keep it friendly. If you do flirt, tone it down to the level of teasing flirtation a friend might use.
- Overthink things. You are your own worst critic, so analyzing every word that you say will be counterproductive. Instead, keep things simple and reply and respond to what she says.
JohnCena on September 19, 2016:
This just worked for me rn
Thisdudeishere on June 25, 2016:
Well this would probably only work if you have actually met and talked to them IRL first otherwise they probably wont add you. Im going to try this out, its literally just telling you to talk to them and not act like a different person. My advice is to actually try to go out and meet people otherwise you will have trouble.
jackson on January 20, 2016:
Hey are You there i need your help!..?
akjls;d on December 07, 2015:
80 percent of this page is full of 14-year old thirsty idiotic knuckleheads.
tahir noor on November 17, 2015:
a girl who hate me how to reshape my image and make her a girlfriend???
milo on September 19, 2015:
How do I pull a girl?
Jayce on May 12, 2015:
There's this girl I saw on coworker's Facebook photos, who looks very pretty, but I would like to get to know her. Do I just message her? Talk to my coworker about this? What's the best approach to this?
Markies on April 11, 2015:
Vince Slater on April 11, 2015:
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It's only 9,99$, and you can even read the introduction for free, in which I list everything you'll learn in my book. Give it a read, and decide whether it's worth the price of three beers to you.
demola on April 10, 2015:
Pls my junior brother that stay in d united state want to introduce a lady to me . Would you pls help me out in how to start the phone conversation and win her heart permanently
zain on December 17, 2014:
i'd what to do but i'll try wiz dis conversation
J!!! on December 10, 2014:
The main thing is to reply to what she says. it shows you are listening. like if she says hey ? then simply say hey how was your day? what's with the question mark? lol if she says well i don't know you, then just say well we see each other every now and then mutual friends ect. but i had not had an opportunity to talk to you and i would like to. conversation wise if she is like in school ask about it if she says man i hate this or like this, ask why do you? then so on and so on she will do most the talking and know your interested by you aking about the subjects she is interested in and she has been talking about it this whole time... needless to say she lets you know a lot about her and knows nothing of you and will seek to know more of you. hope this helps. i am in the same situation i talked to the person i liked and we exchanged a few words but am scared to lose her next semester... i see her on facebook but i guess i should continue talking to her through facebook? i have only had real small talk. its hard to talk in class and we are both serious of our school but i.. i just cant keep wondering about letting everything go you know
Mayuresh on August 24, 2014:
Thnku guyz for getting me a great teaps
ben on August 23, 2014:
this doesn't help
Ted Lambros on August 11, 2014:
Its really important to keep the girl(s) interested in you as your chat progresses..
Check out my funny story : https://myfundays.wordpress.com
Here are some tips that really worked out for me... : https://myfundays.wordpress.com/2013/11/09/brians-...
sagarElf on August 02, 2014:
I like a girl... she is so pretty... but she doesn't know me ....and sent friend request but no response... i sent hi ....she see it but nothing then few month leter i message her my feelings... that i like her ...when i first saw her ...but still no response i don't know now what to do what to send ...nothing remain on my mind ...now its blank ... somtime i think to just move on but ..i cant ...help please... :(
ashik chaudhary on June 17, 2014:
prem on June 17, 2014:
please ''friend ship me
yee on March 11, 2014:
I need a gf
bpssheoran on March 01, 2014:
I don't no about chat wat I can do friendsip with &*****
praven on February 27, 2014:
what is you are name
maruti on January 15, 2014:
Surya on January 08, 2014:
What if they just reply back with a
mayank on January 08, 2014:
How to ask her for photo
sahil on December 29, 2013:
Hey, I've gotta go but I'd love to keep talking. Can I have your number/here's mine"this is a way to converse.. Above all is bull shit
jaccky on December 24, 2013:
I like the line "wrwomens r not goddess from mount olympus or an angel from heaven. ......"
anis on December 21, 2013:
Chowda on December 14, 2013:
Saw this girl in school few years ago nd never talked but definitely saw each other before. I messaged her jus sayin i don't think we've ever talked before but you seem pretty chill and it kinda worked she jus agreed nd said she doesn't think we have either . I said another thing jus sayin where i might've seen her around nd she agreed again . I feel like asking her a question but idk wat to ask bout. Askin bout school or work might be weird cuz who wants to be tht real nd talk so serious esp when i barely know her.. Any suggestions ? Shits whack
email@example.com on November 01, 2013:
hi my deyr
awet on October 23, 2013:
My facebook girle friend told me as she love me more but I donot know her what is her behavior so what shall i do please give me advice
bob on June 19, 2013:
hay ho here she goes got no self estee
Can't Say on March 07, 2013:
So i took the advice was myself, kept it light and interesting and all I get is my message was read. NEVER get a response at the rate I went I had to close out my facebook because no one responded. All I say is simply "hey what's up?" they read it I wait an hr then ask if their busy they read it and I wait day or to and Never get a response but they read it... I know I ant a bad looking guy I don't have a bad online reputation but NO ONE will talk to me...this fails. It blows to many guys online make women need to have a standard just to even talk anymore. Women expect men now to be a freaking one man Circus act. Nothing works with a women anymore it's either your good looking enough to talk to or you're not period. women value men so little these days it's not even funny.
Esottannown on March 07, 2013:
My spouse and i accustomed to get at the top of existence yet as of late We have accumulated a new amount of resistance.
nirmal singh on November 11, 2012:
i wanna friendship
Man i Give up on November 04, 2012:
i just liked 2 of her pics i want to say hi but what if she 'who r u' what do i say
damian auksorius on October 14, 2012:
hi my names damian auksorius ,ive tried this on facebook with a girl i really like and it does work ,not that i was trying to be someone im not ,but girls like to be the centre of attention.
Blue on October 01, 2012:
yawl sound like strate bitches... how you suppose to know if da bitch like you if you never talk to her? ohnestly... just talk to her and if she don't like you then talk to another girl... its more then one pretty girl in the world... and if you need practicee talk to ugly/fat girls... lol #FAtBITCHEsNEEdLOVeTOoCRAIg!#
Pakzh on September 18, 2012:
Darkshadow on August 30, 2012:
Just said hey to some girl that starree at me a lot scared AF!
cahlilb101 on August 14, 2012:
Thxx u said like a good friend r u a girl
daniel on August 09, 2012:
For fucks sake on July 30, 2012:
Why the hell are all guys (i assume) so shy just talk to any girl start it with hey its not that hard she will probably try to keep the convo going if interested just say hey!
luke on June 30, 2012:
i need a girlfriend
Isaac on June 18, 2012:
I need a girlfriend. This is my mail, firstname.lastname@example.org i will be waiting .
kefe on June 03, 2012:
i love ur advise, i promise i wil practice them.
vector on May 27, 2012:
gabrael on May 21, 2012:
the wat i want
Ifeanyi Wayne Ndukuba (lord yung weezy) on May 14, 2012:
thanks. Its a nice comment
nek on May 14, 2012:
fordsrevive on May 08, 2012:
best part of this page were the comments,im cracking the f%#k up! haha
girl of my dreams on May 05, 2012:
Damn .. I am 17+ year old and I am madly addicted to this intelligent girl who is the same age as I am. I knew her since i was 15 and there isn't a day gone by where I've never thought about her. She barely knows me ... just my face and my name. We have never spoken to each other except this one time when she wished me happy birthday via facebook. She is very focused on her academic performance and she has never dated anyone.. pretty sure about that. How do I approach her??? I'm so nervous I will screw things up and everything will be over. Soon we will part ways going overseas so I WILL need to make a move within these 2 years.
Champ on May 01, 2012:
This is a guide line on how to spark up the conversation on Facebook.
He can't tell you everything to say, you just have to trust yourself. Be CREATIVE and follow the guidelines.
ALWAYS make sure you agree with them, if you get past the approach just remember to tell her what she wants to hear.
And try your best not to talk about yourself to much.
chilengwe Musonda on April 22, 2012:
This is cul...it jst worked. Hav managed 2 meet someone lol
Cmpondeck on April 19, 2012:
Lol 4 weeks til today i get a reply lmfao don't know wtf to say
irobot on April 16, 2012:
some girls arent even responding.........any iddeas?
Joshua zyangale. on April 14, 2012:
I have a girl who is a naibour and i some kind of know her i like this girl and i want her to be girl friend what would i tel her 4 her to be my girl friend priz help.
kanyama Gux on April 13, 2012:
nice nd thanx.
TQK on April 09, 2012:
@Rfderuhv, dude you are preaching to the choir ... word for word sigh. Conversing ain't a problem ... escalating is.
kjg on April 07, 2012:
ians94 on April 05, 2012:
if they ask if they know you, just say something like "thought you looked cute, so I added you. hope you don't mind. How're you". just say what you would like to in real life and don't hesitate about saying what you want. Don't think too much about it, act stupid but confident and itl work :D
gaaerhahar on April 02, 2012:
wa on April 01, 2012:
What if they just reply back with a
baha on April 01, 2012:
IT doesn't help trust me////
vish on April 01, 2012:
fuckkk... its nt wrking. post smthng cool
Rin Kagamine on March 30, 2012:
Step one complete god I'm nervousfor her reply seen her in school but never talked I'll probably be rejected but I hope we get along
M Mohsin Moni on March 28, 2012:
I canot send any msg any body help me on this numbr plz
Random Teen on March 26, 2012:
i should give it a go
love on March 23, 2012:
Well some people don't??????? :)
asdflkjasdf on March 21, 2012:
Its called walking up to the person and talking to them. Social skills, people are supposed to have them.
Cmpondeck on March 17, 2012:
This is not working she never replied
Icytemy on March 16, 2012:
I have tried but it ain't working
Cmpondeck on March 15, 2012:
I sent her a message naw i scared AF
Rfderuhv on March 15, 2012:
This really did not helP because the only response to wuu2 is not much and it ends there and it makes it harder me being shy anD I talk to no girls cus I don't no what to say and it's really pissing me off not having a gf for 3 years and if I did get close to any girls which I can't see myself doing anytime soon then it would be the same convos over and over again then I would stop talking cus I wouldn't no what to talk about again and I would no how to ask her out Arrr fuck sake I piss my self off so much why can't I just grow some balls not literally
max on March 10, 2012:
tanks it works
Parv on March 07, 2012:
I am free any one girl join me
fuuuuuuuuuuw on March 03, 2012:
i have a gf now LOL thanks who post this
fiveletters on March 02, 2012:
IT WORKS THANKS
DVB on March 02, 2012:
just KISS: Keep It Short and Simple
horace on February 24, 2012:
just work for me thanx
hahadavc= on February 17, 2012:
its a good way to start then all u have to do is handle things yourself just by urself
daboss on February 14, 2012:
thank you master
sonic on February 11, 2012:
well i have a guy i bearly meet but don't knoe what to say or talk about
deerzer on February 07, 2012:
Angryman... on February 07, 2012:
she doesn't answer, or give me a response,, LOL
Brünö Märö XǷįį on January 31, 2012:
lol da gurlz who talkin' to meh first x'DD!!!!
i dnt need to just say hii xP
ida on January 28, 2012:
Just Some Brit on January 27, 2012:
I just said hi to a girl and she sent me ".l." now what??
The one and only on January 24, 2012:
The explanation was gd, it could have been better if he explained more. Are you guys sure u did every step correctly?
Kramenz on January 23, 2012:
Imma go and try lol ~ and im only 14
tommy on January 11, 2012:
no Fu*k that noise haha i get girls all the time the est thing to tell a girl you have never meet efor or talk to on faceook just say " HOLY SH*T!!!! your fu*king ugly" i et 100000000$ they wil respond haha
Hw on January 10, 2012:
Tks you really just helped me
max on January 07, 2012:
hi my name is max
jack on December 23, 2011:
hey what are y doing
Peter on December 08, 2011:
She sent me a request and i added her she kinda show some interest in me, but all we realy do is xchange greetings, comment and other stuff but i don't know where to go from there. She is from states while am from nigeria i don't know how to cope with such distance.
in search for poon on November 29, 2011:
Get in there SBG!
super beast guy! on November 28, 2011:
around a year back i added this chick coz i posted on a like page ”add me for pokewars, only first person”
So we had pokewars for a bit...
Then i stopped facebook for about a month and i forgot about her
Then a few weeks ago i saw a really funny status of hers and commented
Ever since we have been chatting whenever possible
But the sad thing is, she lives in the states and i live in australia
She said she is devo into me but coz we havnt met and doesn't personaly know me she doesn't know if we should have a relationship
She makes me soo happy and she is very pretty
What should i do?
She is 17 and im 15
tm on November 20, 2011:
Steve on November 02, 2011:
Can I just chat you up?!
GEORGE on October 13, 2011:
vinay on October 12, 2011:
worse tips, to handle girls online :-P