Anamika S. Jain has been a social media consultant for six years. She has written more than 200 articles on relationships and dating.
How to tell if he or she is falling out of love?
We often hear people using the phrases like 'falling in love' and 'fallen out of love'. What does it mean when a person says that they have fallen out of love? Fallen out of love can be defined as a state or condition where one’s feeling of love and excitement for the partner in a relationship is lost or faded. In short, it is a state where you do not feel or react to your partner the same way you did earlier. It is said that if one can fall in love, then it is possible to fall out of love too.
Many times after some time, the love is lost in a relationship. Sometimes the couples may choose to continue the loveless relationships because of their own helplessness. Some of the reasons for their helplessness could be financial dependency, children, society, religion etc. While some may try to revive or rekindle the love and passion in the relationship, others opt to break free of the relationship because they do not want to live a life of pretense. Falling out of love may happen when any or both of the partners have changed feelings for the other. It is quite natural that the attraction between couples may fade over a period of time. However, if you identify the warning signs, you may be able to remedy the situation. How to tell that you have fallen out of love with your Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Spouse? Given below are 10 signs to know that your relationship may be in trouble.
How to know if you are not in love with your Boyfriend or Girlfriend?
How to tell if you are still in love with your Partner? Given below are 8 signs to tell if you have fallen out of love with your Boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse.
1. Meeting your Partner no longer excites you: Spending time alone with your partner or holidaying no longer excites you. You are no longer looking forward to your dates with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You would rather spend time with your friends than being near your significant other. You may cancel your dates with your partner because your heart isn’t into it anymore. If you love your partner, you would certainly take time out for them. If you prefer sms rather than meeting your partner or talking over the phone, you may have fallen out in love with that person.
2. You cringe at the thought of Intimacy: Feeling of emotional detachment towards your partner is a sure sign that you have fallen out of love with him or her. When you feel mentally distant from your partner, it is quite natural that you may want to be physically distant too. You may also not be comfortable with your partner’s public display of affection.
3. You are okay with Infidelity: You may suddenly start taking an interest in others. When you no longer find excitement in your partner, the chances are that you are ready to look for excitement elsewhere. You may not mind flirting with others or even crossing boundaries behind your partner’s back.
4. Your priorities have changed: You are more interested in spending time with your buddies or engage in other activities than being with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
5. You are happy being Single and free: When you are in love, you would want others to know that you are a couple. Even after spending years together if you still think or talk about both of you in terms of you and me, that means you do not see yourself as a couple. There are chances that you have not introduced your guy/girl to even your close friends.
6. You do not care: You may not hate your partner, but you may become indifferent towards them. You are no longer interested in anything that is going on with your relationship. You don't even feel that you need to make an effort to mend the situation. Nothing about your Partner matters to you anymore. You may have even lost respect for your Partner and may not consider them worthy enough to take their opinions.
7. You are overly critical about your Partner: You find faults with your Partner. You feel embarrassed or irritated by your partner. The traits you liked in your guy/girl, no longer impress you. You pick up fights with your partner for even silly reasons. Your behavior could be also because you do not have the guts to break up with your partner, but hopes that she/ he does it.
8. She/he is your backup Plan: You hope to keep him/her with you till you find a better person to be with you. You may be in the relationship because of helplessness or convenience. In case you do not find anyone you fancy, you know that he/she would be there for you. You have to remember that no one likes to be a second fiddle and that you are being unfair to them by doing so.
In some cases, you may be able to rekindle the relationship together by working on your weaknesses. If there is no hope, it is best to call quits and move on with life. Often before any of the above signs happens, one may get warning signals from the mind. Intuitions rarely go wrong. If something is wrong with your feelings for your partner, your mind would tell you much before you start displaying any of the above signs.
Have I left anything? Feel free to add them through comments.
Stephanie Wills on May 04, 2014:
I guess the question is "where do you go from here?" When someone hurts you enough you become numb and go into a protective mode. Is it that we de-value ourselves enough to stay or that we still have hope it will return to that connected intimate state of bliss?
Streetdr532 on September 16, 2012:
I notice all of these in my relationship, I'm not attracted to him anymore, intimacy isn't the same. I feel like if I had a way to be single I would. I'm a mother of 3, with his it makes 4. Back in the beginning of the year arguments turned physical ad my ex husband was extremely violent so I'm apprehensive to stay based on that alone. The communication part of it doesn't work because he seems to lack the ability to effectively communicate with out turning it around or getting defensive and acting like a 12 year old... Im lost. I've prayed and prayed for God to show me what to do and I feel like He is pushing me to leave but I also don't want to 'just give up' any help or advice would be greatly appriciated
Jennifer Maldonado from West Palm Beach on July 10, 2012:
You make some very good points! It is definitely possible to fall out of love, but I think that a lot of the times we confuse comfort with not being in love. As we grow in relationships we tend to not do the things we use to do, and eventually we start to feel less important or not as excited as we use to feel. If you really care for a person and want the relationship to work, then the people involved must work on keeping the love alive. And yes, I think that if you just feel like it is time to move on then you should be fair to the other person and just move on! Sometimes space will also help in reestablishing a relationship.
prima on May 31, 2012:
Am pretty happy about the facts you've elaborated.Being ignored is the worst.
muna on April 26, 2012:
iam glad to read this i learn a lot from it i just broke up with my some one .
R D Langr from Minnesota on March 26, 2012:
I think there might be a few things to address here. Personally, being a religious fellow myself, I believe that no human person can fully satisfy you. Therefore, you will always have that nagging dissatisfaction on some level until you fall in love with God as well. Now, religious mumbo jumbo aside.... I am engaged, and there were many times when we weren't "feeling" the relationship. However, we knew that we were supposed to be together and because of that we decided to commit to it no matter what. We thought about breaking up a couple times over the last two years, but we wanted to make it work. We are engaged now and more in love than ever. There are still days when we don't feel it. But we make it work. So its up to you, do you want to make it work? If so, try to work for it... read things like the love language books and find out how to truly communicate love to your partner. If you don't want to make it work, then get out now. Also, idk if this even applies, but biologically, if you are on birth control and got off, or switched types, that can affect who you're attracted to.
Peace and good luck
Sue on March 24, 2012:
This is more of a question than a comment, but I was with my bf for over a year, we went through some rough times and he called it quits and made some mistakes, a few months later we worked things out and got back together and things were great, we were both so happy. we've been back together for a little over a year and about the first 6-8 months were still great, and he's so much better now, but the past few months i have been displaying pretty much all of these signs, I would never cheat on my bf but i do have a friend that i really enjoy spending time with and we're kinda flirty...and i love my bf i know i do, i just have not been having that 'in love' feeling for awhile and we have not been able to be intimate because it hurts me to try when i don't have a desire to, and we used to be REALLY into each other, like we connected on this other level and lately it just hasn't been there. I want the excitement but im not getting it from him but i know he loves me more than i can imagine and he'd always be there for me and he's going somewhere in life. I know i would be content staying with him, but it wouldn't be like it was before, is it worth saving? or are my wants for something more always gonna be in the way?
Philip Cooper from Olney on March 20, 2012:
You are on the money with your thoughts on this one. Many times however when the passion has gone doesn't the love change into something else. I mean in the beginning sex is the driver and you can't get enough but after some time that fades as other emotions take over. So you are not out of love as such but love has changed and the relationship has changed. Nice hub though.
Indian Chef from New Delhi India on March 14, 2012:
Very beautifully written hub and I agree to all the points you have written. I would like to add that you also start to listen to those who are against your relationship whom you ignored or snubbed before.
Earth Angel on March 13, 2012:
Love is not a feeling as much as it is an action ~ a consistent pattern of actions and commitment over an extended period of time ~ We all love the butterfly-newness of infactuation and attraction ~ But love needs time to mature, take root and ripen! I agree with suebee62 ~ Welcome to HubPages! Blessings, Earth Angel!
suebee62 from South Carolina on March 13, 2012:
I am a newbie hubber, but I agree with rdlang05. Healthy relationships or love should not be based on a feeling. Yes, the feelings of being in love come at the beginning of a relationship, when it is new and exciting, but things change when the relationship begins to take form and mature. I think that love is more of a commitment and respect thing than a feeling as feelings always go away. I believe that this is why there is so much divorce in America today, the feeling has left and with the feeling, the excitement. I understand some divorces are legit, with one or both having affairs, or trust is broken along the way or abuse of some kind, but those are not feelings and when the feeling is gone, you both have to want to commit and work at the marriage. It is a full time job.
Marcy Goodfleisch from Planet Earth on March 12, 2012:
You have listed some very key points - the kind we hardly even admit to ourselves, such as noticing when we become critical, or don't care, and when we retreat from intimacy. These are solid symptoms, not the ambiguous things we often read about 'He's not as interesting anymore,' or whatever.
Voted up, awesome and useful.
Aurelio Locsin from Orange County, CA on March 12, 2012:
I think not caring is possibly the hardest one to deal with and overcome. Voting this Up and Useful.
R D Langr from Minnesota on March 12, 2012:
I agree that all of these things point to a dead relationship... however, I don't think love, and even more a healthy relationship, should be based on "feeling". It's a little part, but I don't think it's the most important.
sam209 on March 12, 2012:
This was interesting! Glad I'm following you! Very useful hub!