Difficult to Escape Relationships
Some people have a habit of getting themselves into relationships they can't escape from. Things may have taken the turn for the worst and due to the their partners possessive nature find it very difficult to break up or end the relationship. In these situations attempting to break up may result in, threats, embarrassing scenes in public, acts of violence of even vandalism.
Some men may not have the heart to shout "Get out of my life you crazy ***** "
I think if the warning signs for possessive women are spotted earlier, it will be easier to deal with later on down the line. This kind of thing can really lower a man's self esteem and can leave one feeling week and helpless. It can also jeopardize future relationships by making you extra sensitive to your partners actions.
Some people are pressured into believing that themselves (the victim) is actually in the wrong. They will start to believe that if they do the right things in a relationship there will be no need for outrageous acts of jealously. This seems more like brain washing and is obviously not the ingredients of a healthy relationship.
When it comes to physical abuse from a possessive women it can be very awkward for a man who would be physically stronger than a woman in most cases. A man may need to retain himself from lashing out and causing a women physical harm or injury due to the difference in strength and size. If a women attacks a man like a wild beast it may be difficult to restrict her without some form a painful restraint whether it be twisting the arms in a painful way or a slap across the face. Many men will not want to take that risk.
The tell tale signs
1. Wants to read your text messages frequently - First of all that is a complete lack of trust, secondly she needs to understand privacy. Just because most people are reluctant to show their partners their messages doesn't mean they are hiding anything. Everyone needs privacy to some extent.
2. Threats - Nobody should ever threaten somebody for leaving a relationship, it's a sign of mental insecurity, get out off there because it will get worse.
3. Outbursts in public - Others do not need to know about your problems, this is similar to a threat. i.e. If you try to break up and I will make noise in public and embarrass you!
4. Physical abuse - Most women are not as strong as men so in some cases an object or even a weapon may be used when boiled up. Normally a woman or man will have let off verbal abuse and this stage, but physical abuse in anyway is not acceptable. Don't think of this as a one-off because it will escalate.
5. Physically blocking your exit - By restricting your freedom this shows obsession to some extent, especially when it's met with physical violence when you try to force yourself out.
6. Destruction of possessions - Similar to a threat. Normally if a woman is having a hard time with you she wouldn't be interested in smashing up your brand new flat-screen TV or cracking your Smartphone screen. This is a time to escape.
7. Keeping you hostage- similar to no. 5. you may be locked in a room while she holds on to the key or blocking all possible exits demanding answers.
8. Abuse any of your female contacts - Jealousy, some women may not be able to accept the fact that you have female friends or associates and may go behind your back to try and spoil the relationships.
9. Forcing you to give up female friends - A big no, enough trust should have been built in a relationship for you to comfortably accept the fact that one can have friends of the opposite sex.
10. Being made to call at a certain time every day - What, is she a parole officer keeping tabs on you?. Where's the flexibility, freedom? A big tell tale sign.
Of course the above can be apply for the opposite - Possessive guy, and other people may have some further suggestions or tips for spotting these type of people.
Weather it's the man or the woman, domestic violence can be a very big issues and can lead to serious injuries or even death in some cases. Understand that it's not the attacker doing the killing, it's often the attack killed in self defense and often hard to prove to the police. Different countries and very different rules and rules to other countries. We don't all have the infamous "Stand your ground" law.
A lot of these so called possessive behaviours stem from emotions due to problems in the relationship.
For example, for most of the crazy partners you come across, the crazyness may normally arise after things have gone wrong in the relationship. If you look back at the beginning of the relationship you will probably be thinking "How can a person change so much?". In that respect I may be difficult to say if the crazy behaviour is actually part of their personality or simply influenced by emotion.
A broken heart can turn people in something they are not, e.g. a criminal or a killer. However at the end of the day, law is law no matter what provoked your emotions.
In Japan you will rarely see couples arguing in public, they tend to do their best, hold it in and wait until they get home. However in China I have witnessed many an argument or fight in public, with the women often physically attacking the man. Korea seemed to be much similar to China where people may let us their emotions and feeling no matter where and who is around. The Japanese tend to be a little more concerned about making a disturbance in public, but not all Japanese though. Very occasionally you will see somebody just lose it in public.
Please choose the best answer
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- A guy glanced at another woman's legs while with his girlfriend. She slapped him in public and made him write an apology letter to her, with an explanation that he wont do it again.
- Some women have secretly set up good GPS tracking on their spouses smart phone and sync'd it to their own so they can track the whereabouts's any time
- I know a case where a couple has an argument in a bar and the boyfriend decided to take a bus alone by himself. The girlfriend actually drove her car in front of the bus and forced it to stop while she exited the car, entered the bus and demanded him to get into her car.
- Some men I know are not allowed to keep secret diaries, safe (boxes) etc. and their spouse must share the same Email passwords.
David Olubodun from Nigeria on December 23, 2017:
I do not totally agree with number 9. I would rather not keep close friendship with the opposite sex. Tendencies are that you both could start developing feelings for each other and at the slightest disagreement with your partner, you can fall helplessly into the hands of your acclaimed friend.
ThatOneGuy on June 06, 2015:
Sasha You are stereotyping will that last line I agree it's usually not as bad but tell that to men who have been battered and mentally scarred because of an abusive woman look in their eyes and tell them it's not as bad as an abusive man Every situation is completely different you can not and should not ever stereotype like it it's rude and inconsiderate you dont know what they, I have went through so never say a man or woman is worse then the other there is no need for it or no want. So please think before you post
u know hu i am on October 10, 2013:
to Necy...don't put like this if you also is like this...you know you just make situation worst as you telling you having sex with him inside a car? so disgusting...
sasha on March 16, 2013:
These tell tale signs could also be tools at the hands of a male abuser.
My ex that was emotional and physical abuser used all those excuses to blame me while he was the responsible one.
He used the phone privacy to cheat on me, the right to speak to any woman he wanted so he got a fwb, he used the outburst to show that I was nuts while quitely he was emotionally abusing me. He did it on purpose to make people take his side so he could do at home whatever he wanted!
He accused me for physical abuse everytime I was trying to escape from him physically abusing me! And showing his marks to people so he could blame me back and keep me in the relationship.
He would steal my car keys ( that he was not insured on the car and put me in danger of going to jail) if I would block his exit until he give them back to me then he was calling me abusive!!
And finally when I wanted him to call me and tell me where he was so I could calculate to cook tea and make sure that I was home when he was back I was controlling!!
There are definitely cases of women that are abusive, but it is quite unusual and it is not as severe as an abusive man.
Stephen on December 30, 2012:
my girlfriend is very wealthy and influential in my town .She told me on Christmas Eve that she loves me so much that now that we are in love ,I need to quit my job .
Today when I got out of the shower ,I found that she had removed all my underwear and replaced it with ladies panties .......I thought it was a joke . I asked her where my clothes were and she said from now on I will wear ladies clothes (undergarments ) and as long as I stay home no one will know ...... she said they will soon fit better anyway ...?????? I do not know what she means .......
Dico on September 22, 2012:
Im in such relation , still , its like magnet , you fell sorry if u live them, they are like small child , the more you look after , the evil is getting bigger, and stronger , must finish with it , or die
Hezekiah (author) from Japan on September 16, 2012:
Thanks. It is very true. The abuser in many cases has their reasons for doing so, and it may be important to understand this before escaping relationships.
Dan Barfield from Gloucestershire, England, UK on September 16, 2012:
A friend of mine recently caused his relationship to fail through posessive and violent behaviour. I am close friends with his (now) ex too and feel bad that I haven't expressed my anger with him more... but I am his friend too and he has such insecurity, paranoia and anger because his mother abandoned him into an abusive relationship when he was a young boy. He loses control. I would not be a true friend if i did not understand and forgive without condoning his actions. I want to make him a better person... Though the victim of a possesive/abusive relationship must be given support and care. Remember that the abusive person is in pain too - they are suffering the whole way through the relationship as fear and doubt and guilt gnaw them up inside. They need help. The next person they go out with might appreciate it.
imlost on August 27, 2011:
Thank you for the article, I am truly lost and I can't find a way out of a horrible marriage, we have some wonderful children. My wife's anger and her level of deception is so deep I don't love her and I can't believe that I am in such a horrible life and marriage. My faith in God is keeping me sane. I have found her possessive tactics so mean I know that the fallout will be just horrible.
missy on June 09, 2011:
A man at work is involved with a woman there who is very possessive and insecure. She has made sure to get word out for all of us to stay away from him. Part of his job is to be there for all the staff not just her. His attitude has changed for the worse. I think eventually the relationship will crash.
Hezekiah (author) from Japan on February 07, 2011:
Thank you David.
David-leo Alabi on February 07, 2011:
Nice piece. I find your delivery very awesome.
Ireno Alcala from Bicol, Philippines on January 08, 2011:
GPS? Yes, I know some of my friends in relationship with others do that, too. Thanks for sharing this hub. I have had a relationship like this and I went out of it anyway.
Hezekiah (author) from Japan on December 20, 2010:
@Akhil - It's true. I know people who registered their partners phone with Google maps/gps.
Akhil Ghosh on December 20, 2010:
gps tracking?? lol!!
Cassandra Mantis from UK and Nerujenia on August 04, 2010:
This is a great hub, some very sound advice for people of both sexes here. I know a girl who had a boyfriend who was similar to the above, and she suffered badly in that relationship. Thankfully she has moved on, and survived it.
the pink umbrella from the darkened forest deep within me. on August 03, 2010:
Only a possesive woman would be offended by this hub. Awesome writing, and very head on. rateing it up!
Hezekiah (author) from Japan on August 03, 2010:
Zebedee353, thanks. I hope no women are offending by it. The same can apply for the opposite too.
Zebedee353 from Greenbelt, MD on August 03, 2010:
Overall good hub. Very insightful.