Jennifer has a B.A. in Communications. She is an expert with self- help. She studied two years of marriage and family therapy.
First date and intentions
We have all been there. We meet someone that we think is really great and then things spiral downhill. All our friends tell us "He is just not that into you?" How did we not see this coming? We try racking our brains day in and day out, analyzing everything. We even blame ourselves thinking that we are part of the problem. It is not common that two people go out on a date and want two different things. If they do not state boundaries and what their intentions are very early it could lead into a toxic relationship down the road. Here are ways how to determine if it is lust or love.
Lust V.S. Love
1) Lust- If the text convos are nothing but sexting. That really should be a given. There is nothing wrong with if you are in a relationship after a long time here and there having a sexy conversation but if all day he only wants to talk about sex and he ignores you when you don't give him sexual attention or send him a pic that should tell you something. Don't get offended. Most likely the conversation he has with you he is probally having with 10 other women. He does not want a relationship.
2) Love- If you can have long in depth conversations or he calls you on the phone every night just to talk and see how your day is. That is love. If he cares about you and wants to know about your hobbies and interests that is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
3) Lust- If he only compliments your physical features. Sure it is nice to be complimented for your physical features but you should also be respected. In a relationship respect is important. If you do not have respect you do not have much. If someone does not value you and is only after your looks and does not value you for your personality and your mind then the relationship itself is not build on a solid foundation.
4) Love- How he speaks to you. If he sticks up to you when others put you down. If he is supportive of you. If he stands by your side when you need him most. If he speaks to you with respect and does not criticize you.
5) Lust- Does he try to push your boundaries? Does he keep trying things when you tell him no? Does he listen to what you say and how you feel or does he only care about what he wants? Does he criticize you and put you down until you cave in and give you what he wants?
6) Love- He enjoys spending time with you and does not expect anything in return. He does not push your boundaries. He does not pressure you to do anything you do not want to do. He listens to how you feel.
7) Lust- He hides you. He only wants to come over your house for fun. When you want to go to the movies or hang out in public he gets mad at you and starts criticizing you. You cannot be on any pictures on social media. It makes you have low self-esteem. You never met any of his family and friends. Pretty soon you start overthinking and your life is a mess.
8) Love- He has no problem being in pics with you on social media. He is proud to call you his girlfriend. When he calls you that it is the best feeling in the world. He cannot wait to introduce you to all of his family and friends. You are the one that is there during Thanksgiving, Christmas dinners etc.
9) Lust- There are no future plans with him and you. When you want to put a label on things he gets upset. You started casual dating or maybe friends with benefits and it has been going on for months or over a year am I right? he still has not commited. he still says he wants to see other people. The minute you start talking to somene else he gets upset but he won't claim you. He gives you execuses such as "I have no money," or "I am not ready for a relationship," pretty soon you have heard this line for three years and you are still waiting for him to commit. You feel so insecure where you stand.
10) Love- He keeps on making plans with you. He wants to know what your doing next weekend. Everything that happenes in his life he wants you to be a part of. He calls you his best friend. You see each other sometimes up to three times a week. Your friends became his friends. No matter what you do in life, you want him to be a part of.
Happily ever after
On our journey to find our prince we all get stuck with a frog. Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between lust and love especially when we are head over heels or are so infatuated with one's looks. The important thing is not to let ourselves get too swept away when someone is wrong for us.
If our friends are warning us that someone is not good for us and our family members do not like that person then that should be a clear warning. Sometimes other people could see it before we could.
It's important to wait for the right person than settle for the wrong one even if you have to wait a long time. The right person you will never have to doubt their love or cry or get angry. Sure you will have arguments but you will be able to talk things out calmly and rationally. They will also be proud to have you and only you in their life. Happily ever after does exist it just takes awhile sometimes finding that person!
Vote which is more importnat Lust or Love
Lust Vs Love Video
Knowing the difference of Lust and Love
- Lust vs Love: Do You Know the Difference? | Psychology Today
Why does intense sexual attraction obliterate common sense and intuition in the most sensible people?
- Lust or Love Checklist
Love is the common topic talked about in the world and yet it is also the most misunderstood. Although there are millions of books, movies, songs, poems etc. Attempting to dwell on the subject, there remains a serious lack of truthful, practical and.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Jennifer Panaro
Jennifer Panaro (author) from Eastchester on March 26, 2020:
Kyler J Falk from California on March 25, 2020:
Though I find much of your advice to be rigid and based in traditionalism I can see a lot of utility within it, and we could all benefit from incorporating the tools of others into our defense against being used and abused.