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How to Be a Good Husband to Your Wife - 11 Qualities to Be the Perfect One

Anamika S. Jain has been a social media consultant for six years. She has written more than 200 articles on relationships and dating.

Eleven Qualities of an Ideal Husband

Many women spend their lives looking for a good husband. Even some parents won't sleep peacefully until they feel that their daughter is with a good man. After I wrote about the qualities of a good wife, I got a request to write about how to be a good husband or what sort of a husband a lady looks for. It is often heard that a good son will be a good husband. But I think a man should be more than just a good son to be a perfect husband.

Below are the desirable qualities of a husband.

A good husband makes a good wife.

A good husband makes a good wife.

Any wife would appreciate her husband cooking for her at least once in a while.

Any wife would appreciate her husband cooking for her at least once in a while.

Any wife would love it if her man took care of the kids while she was busy.

Any wife would love it if her man took care of the kids while she was busy.

How to Be a Good Husband?

1) Be Pleasant: Nobody likes an arrogant man. Be pleasant to everyone around you including your wife, friends and family. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. It is often said that ‘What we give is what we get back.’ Try to arrive home as cheery and lighthearted as you can, even if you had a bad day at the office or are physically exhausted after driving through traffic. Just because your wife does not go out to work does not mean that her work is less strenuous. She might have been struggling with children and housework all day.

2) Respect the Vows: Faithfulness and loyalty are prime qualities a wife wants in her man. Have a sense of honor and duty. Remember that when you got married you took sacred vows. The honorable thing is to fulfill your duty to your wife that you took upon yourself the day you got married. It is the duty of a man to provide for his family. Never expect your wife to contribute to the smooth operation of the household. Even in this day and age of women in the workplace, most prefer to have that as an option rather than a necessary part of their lives. Motherhood and caring for a husband and home usually takes priority. Never assume that the money you earn is yours to do with as you like. You have a family to think about and their needs must always come before your own.

3) Reliable, Responsible and Supportive: Every woman wants her partner to be reliable and be there for her when she needs her. Support your wife in all stages of life. Provide reassurance when she is feeling down. Do not belittle her or hurt her ego. If she is a working woman understand her work pressures and problems. Be proud of her accomplishments and do not forget to compliment her. Be available for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on or when she needs support from you. Let her know that you care for her. When you are not near her at least make a phone call, even if you talk to her for only a minute or two. When you come back after work or on weekend do things with her or help her in whatever way possible. She will appreciate it even if you are not much of a help beca. Be a friend to her. When you don’t agree with her views, respectfully let her know that you don’t agree and give good reasons.

4) Adaptability and Sensitivity: As years pass by you'll see that glowing woman you fell in love with years ago does not look the same or behave in the same manner. She may be tied up with the pressure of home like the needs of children, financial obligations, etc. Allow her time to relax by taking some weight off her shoulders or take some time out so that you can spend some time together relaxing. Be sensitive to the needs of your wife and look to meet them. Do not let your feelings toward life's changes affect your feelings toward your wife. An ideal man needs to be sensitive to the requirements of his partner, treat her as an equal, understand when she needs to stay late at work or help with housework and contribute to the expenses.

5) Show Respect: If you expect respect from others, you need to treat others with respect too. Respect can be reflected in the way one talks and behaves. Always speak in a loving manner and refrain from speaking harshly. A good husband never chooses to belittle, strike, humiliate or otherwise harm his wife in private or in public. It is better to watch what you say and to think your thoughts through before speaking, as it is not possible to take back words once they have been spoken. Treat her with respect in front of others and at home. Do not look at other ladies in front of her. Take her opinion into cinsideration when making important decisions for the family. If you are bringing your buddies home, let her know in advance.

6) Judgment and Emotional Baggage: Many of us have emotional baggage. But do not bring that emotional baggage into the marriage. Many men praise their previous wives, girlfriends or mothers in front of their wives. Avoid judging every action or opinion your wife has and understand that she is different from you. Her experiences and likings may be different from yours, too. Making her feel that she does not measure up will only ruin your marriage.

7) Communication: Communication is the key to a solid marriage. Women also expect honesty in men. Honesty is what builds trust in your relationship with your woman. She may even forgive your mistakes, but only if you are honest with her and promise not to do it again. Women like their men to be open to them at all times and not keep them in the dark about what is going on in their lives. Find time to sit and talk with your wife on a daily basis even if it is just during dinner time. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share with her then your marriage is in trouble. Be a good listener when she talks. Your wife too wants someone to listen to her and empathize with what's going on in her life. Listen avidly to your wife's complaints. Women cannot resist a man who understands their moods, attitude, feelings, values, likes and dislikes. This will encourage her to open up with you and not keep secrets. Good communication helps in building trust and strengthens your relationship. Make your woman laugh often. Women love men who are witty and have a sense of humor. Fights or problems may happen but do not let the world know about it, rather solve it between yourselves. The fight you had last week over shopping or whatever is over and done with. So move on and stop rehashing old stuff and reminding her of her faults. Do not resort to name-calling, hitting, spitting, breaking dishes or anything else when you lose your temper.

8) Love and Affection: Show your love and affection to her as often as possible. Every woman is a sucker for affection. If you only give her that stuff to get her into bed, your wife is going to notice and think it's insincere. A good husband will appreciate his wife and will notice her, even after twenty or fifty years of marriage. She needs you to notice when she gets a new haircut or dresses up in something sexy for you to come home to. If you fail to notice what she is doing for you too many times, she may just count it as fruitless and quit. Give your partner something fancy when she least expects it. Surprise her by planning a trip, preparing a nice dinner, giving a bunch of her favorite flowers or taking her out for shopping. Every woman likes to be pampered. Women, one way or the other, are nothing but overgrown babies who constantly need care. But every woman has their likings. Give her things that she likes instead of forcing your likes on her and show her that you care and will be always there for her. Never forget the special days in her life. Make an effort to initiate spontaneous affection with your wife. Build companionship by doing things together like a common interest or hobby. Give her a hug or a surprise kiss and tell her how much you love her. Hold hands with her when you’re out together. These small gestures show your wife that you’ve thought of her and help you reinforce your commitment to her.

9) Offer Protection: A woman needs to feel safe and secure with her man. She needs to feel that when he is with her no one can harm her. You don't need to be a muscle man but at least when you are with her others should not be making passes at her. She wants her man to behave like a man and treat her like a lady.

10) Give Her Space: As a husband you need to understand that your wife has a life other than you. She has her parents, friends and colleagues who too are part of her life. She also may have some hobbies or passions. Don’t expect her undivided attention. Don’t stop her if she wants to go out and hang out with her friends sometimes, engage in a hobby or spend some time with her parents.

11) Keep Her Happy in Bed: Sexual intimacy is essential to any marriage. Good sex helps to strengthen your emotional and physical attraction to her. Please your wife in bed and be faithful to her. No woman would tolerate a cheating partner. Good sex plays a vital part when it comes to a satisfying relationship and if you are not skilled in bed that is going to be a major turn-off. Never grumble about having to support children you didn't want to have. If you were irresponsible enough to help her get pregnant, then it is your duty to pay for that child. Do not bring porn into a relationship. Porn will only create unrealistic expectations in your mind about your spouse’s libido, body, and comfort level with weird sex positions.

In short, if you don't like how your partner treats you, take a minute to notice how you treat your partner and correct your behavior. If you are an ideal husband, that will help your wife to be an ideal wife. A wife usually responds to the way that she is treated. If she is treated like she is worthless, she will be worthless to you. But, if you treat her well, she will be a jewel in your crown, a pleasure to you and a forever blessing.

Have I left out anything? Feel free to add them in the comments.

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Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on March 24, 2017:

Valuable points and definitely worth a try!

Vickydude on November 25, 2016:

If wife are not respecting every time ... What should I do ... Every time asking for remembering days . I forgot all past .

Paul Reid from ,Darliston P.O. Westmoreland Ja. on September 06, 2016:

This hub is quite interesting.I agree with the salient pointers made.A man with good qualities of a husband equally desires a charming woman with same or better. In any case,neither partner will ever have perfect qualities.

Deborah Demander from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD on March 21, 2016:

You make some great points here. Thanks for writing.

I'm pretty lucky. My husband does most of the above every day. We have a wonderful marriage.


Vikas Arora from India on January 07, 2016:

These all 11 points is to set strong understanding between two people. There can be more points apply on relation. While we talk about India there are lots of tradition to follow and all men or women are not ready to survive their life by following them. It is very important to create clear understanding between two.. anyway nice tips

Jomana H on April 11, 2015:

Good hub, any woman needs to have a good husband

PMARTIN on August 17, 2014:

This is fine if your wife is Donna Reed!! Today's woman wouldn't respect a man like this and abuse him. Look at some of the responses.."housework", "pleasing in bed". honest, wives sit at work and all they do is tell how stupid their husbands are and his failures (I worked in an office) but he is supposed to show her respect? It's a nice pleasant article but you really cant please today's woman.

Alexander Thandi Ubani from Lagos on May 08, 2013:

Thank you for this.

Very helpful...

Ingenira on May 05, 2013:

Excellent advice to men who want to be a good husband. Totally agreed with your list ! Voted up!

jitin9ahuja on February 01, 2013:

I like it!! Great views ! Appreciated!

i am single but yes i will make sure to be on all qualities of a good husband before marriage:-)

Liv Carradine from Los Angeles, CA on July 28, 2012:

Awesome article. Voted up. Why are people complaining about things they say you didn't mention, and the points are right there in the article? Pay attention! Sheesh.

Tagsnowy on June 29, 2012:

I think if every guy reads this & seriously take every point on board. We would all have long & happy marriages.

Sarctop on June 23, 2012:

my partner always says,'' smile and tell me your problems, lets laugh at all dirty things that went all along the day at your work. No scary secrets.....have me told all that keeps you away...You will find me much nearer and closer to your heart''. I believe relationship works better when you share your dirty and scary secrets now than later.

Thomas Benjamin, Wamba, Nas/st Nig. on June 01, 2012:

Hmmmm, wow, I must said 'KUDOS' 2 d articles I read, coz by God's grace my marriage wil b parted by death wen God provide me an understanding wife.tx!tx!! n tx....

Mazhar on May 28, 2012:

Nice post to make maried life easy.

Deng Chan Chan on May 27, 2012:

I have learned alot. I married in 2011 but due to lack of the above qualities, our life teared apart within the period of 6months. She is now living alone and likewise to me. We developed hatred more than the love we had be4. I am trying now to get another one using this guideline. I am 24yrs old male from south sudan, northern bahr el ghazal state, aweil. If anyone want to know more about me on facebook, search: Deng Alek and you will get linked to my public updates.

Rohan on May 17, 2012:

Let me get married n then I will post that how much did this help ????

Messenger on April 27, 2012:

Dear Amy

Pray like your life depends on it... every hour if you have to... If you love him enough to stick around for 45 years than pray for him - you will definitely see changes in your life.

Tanz! :)

Amy on April 19, 2012:

My huusband hasn't done any of the above. Married 45 years, only had sex once, no communication, intimacy no nothing.

I live upstairs and he lives in the basement, alone with no friends, computer, tv, phone. And won't talk to me. Its been years since he actually went out of his way to say something to me. I've tryed and all I get is go away and leave me alone. We live like apartment dwellers.

There is so much more to our story, I would like to write a book.

mona on April 14, 2012:

Main problem in Indian family is mother of man. There is no life for wife because of mother in law. I am Indian woman in america and I want my daughter to make this very clear whom she marry that no MIL .

jatinder singh on April 08, 2012:

wow anamika u have done gteat jobe for me .....

john on April 08, 2012:

im sitting here reading all your comments my wife left me to go and live with her mother in the sun in spain im in the with her so much and deep down i think she loves me why you ask because she wants me to come to spain and live there why have i got a broken heart you ask maybe i will tell you all sum time my story is worth listing too god bless you all

anom on March 28, 2012:

wheres the section about keeping the house tidy as well as your appearance?

wilson on March 14, 2012:

very useful

victor kiptanui on March 14, 2012:

Answering to rekha i wud say dat it depends on d individual nature of husband,their mood at d moment and d way u ask them for household works..also d type of a woman won't like to struggle in sm que in a sunny day n her husband sitting in icecream parlour on roadside,in d same way one shdnt forces husband to do work they r nt made wife is ill,pregnant etc. An ideal,caring husband will surely come ahead

Bharat on March 11, 2012:

Its kind of interesting to note that most of them who have commented on this article are women.. Ladies you have a separate article to read. Leave this for men. :) Good luck.

Vandy on March 09, 2012:

Answering to rekha i wud say dat it depends on d individual nature of husband,their mood at d moment and d way u ask them for household works..also d type of a woman won't like to struggle in sm que in a sunny day n her husband sitting in icecream parlour on roadside,in d same way one shdnt forces husband to do work they r nt made wife is ill,pregnant etc. An ideal,caring husband will surely come ahead

Vandy on March 09, 2012:

Good tips of course..even if my hubby dsnt hv each of these qualities m d d luckiest wife i believe..v respect our differences n ..its really magical

Adel on March 09, 2012:

It seems that when husbands read this article get mad that "what about the wife" a vise versa. This particular article is about husbands in general and there is one about wives in general. It is ironic to see the ones that have suffered the most. Respect is the essense of relationship. If you did not live it when you were growing up, you probably now going to show it when you are married and then always fight why you are not getting it.

ali on March 06, 2012:

this page is for men

donot compare your hubby

Stuck on the Bus Girl_12 on March 05, 2012:

A woman looking for a man to marry seeks a gentleman who treats her right and shows respect. I am from the UK and my sister once dated a guy for 5 years hoping to marry him, then he left for 2 years and returned later only to look like a jerk to my sister by having LOUD SEX with my sister's roommate next door to her. Ladies, this is not the man who will marry you and stay monogamous. Gentleman, do not do this if you ever want a chance with a lady to marry because it is tasteless and rude. Word to the wise...women do not like guys like that for a husband.

UKLady on March 05, 2012:

Hello there,

I would say one thing all the points on "how to be a good husband" are excellent, but it's all a fantasy, you will not find all these qualities in a man, it's too good to be true.

You certainly cannot guarantee these qualities in men from India, I am british born and chose to marry a guy from India, at the time I thought I was the luckiest girl in town and went out of my way to do things for him, but in return all I have experienced in my nearly 9yrs of marriage is stress, grief, lies, deceit, his family's interference even they are in India, brainwashing him with supersitious thinking, and the times I have visited I have felt harrassed by them.

I am going off the subject here, but one thing I would say to all Indian girls born in the UK/Canada/America etc etc, PLEASE DO NOT MARRY A MAN FROM INDIA!!!! they are lying, manipulative, game playing creatures, I thought I was marring a modern educated man from India but he turned out to be the most backward man on this earth.

mercy on March 03, 2012:

really good subject but how do i know if my hubby is cheating?

foff on February 22, 2012:

Power struggle says it all...what is it about relationships that make people want to assert their dominance and control over others? Animals do this too.

favour on February 09, 2012:

Men who are not use to should learn how to take their wife out, less, the wife may find another out taker else where. Because women like to be seen and admired.

Levertis Steele from Southern Clime on January 27, 2012:

I just love your "Eleven Qualities of an ideal husband," but they need to be given to young couples as well. #4 is probably the problem that the older spouse, especially a male, had with a previous spouse, although the loss of a previous spouse could be the reason he is getting married at an older age.