I enjoy exploring the unknown and the boundaries of love and life.
How to Tell If Your Husband Is Attracted to You
It’s normal for relationships to ebb and flow. Over the years, two people who are in love will go through changes, but often they go through these changes together. Sometimes, attraction will wax and wane, but ultimately, if the commitment is there, the relationship or marriage lasts. However, many women are left wondering if their husband is still attracted to them. His attention may have changed or they feel he is distant - perhaps they are dealing with baby weight or insecurities related to age. No matter what, it’s important that you find yourself and learn to love yourself, but first, find out if he is still into you!
Signs Your Husband Is Not Attracted to You
Here are some of the most telling signs that your husband is no longer attracted to you:
- You Don’t Talk Anymore
- You Have Less Intimate Time
- You Never Touch Each Other
- He Looks at Other Women
- You Fight More Than Usual
- He Feels Distant
1. Your communication has stopped.
It’s normal for two people in a relationship to have different interests, different hobbies, different friends, and different schedules. We are all busy, and we all have different obligations. A husband and wife may enjoy each others’ company but know how to do it in peace - that means talking less, reading a book in the same room, or watching separate shows on their own devices. If you still find yourself having healthy, interesting conversations, you’re probably in a good place, but if the communication and talking has died between you, your husband may be losing interest.
2. You are less intimate than before.
If you’re having less intimate time together, this could be an indication that your husband is no longer attracted to you. It might simply be stress-related or caused by an underlying health issue (low testosterone) levels, or it simply may have to do with your confidence level.
Confidence is key, and even if you have put on a little extra weight (baby weight) or aren’t feeling your best, you can still rock it. However, if you suspect your husband is watching videos oriented towards adults or you notice that he is looking at other women often, he may not be into you like he once was.
3. There is less physical contact between you.
As a relationship matures, you may no longer be flirting like you used to when you were in your early 20s. But holding hands, playful kisses, snuggling, and sitting next to each other on the couch is an important part of a healthy relationship.
Showing affection is a sign that you’re still into your honey, even if you aren’t engaging in other romantic activities often as you used to. Laughing, flirtations, and playfulness - even giving each other a kiss as you walk out the door, is a good sign that your relationship is well and your husband is still attracted to you.
4. He notices other women.
When you’re hanging out together, do you find him gazing at other women? If your husband is noticing other women right in front of you but seems to be denying it, you may be onto something. Out of respect, most men in long-term relationships are a little more subtle about turning their heads at a good looking woman because they have one right in front of them - you! If this isn't the case, may have a wandering eye.
5. You are fighting more than usual.
Fighting ups a relationship’s chance towards divorce. It’s normal now and again for two people to have a disagreement and to engage in healthy discourse...but fighting should never escalate to something more - this includes name-calling and violence. If your husband is starting more fights than normal, he may be pushing you towards a separation or divorce subconsciously. If he is unhappy or no longer feels invested in your relationship, he may have given up and wants it to end but can’t get the courage to say so.
6. He feels distant.
If your husband is feeling a little distance, remind him how good of a catch you are! Yeah, a little flirting never hurt anyone. Sure, it hurts feelings and there is such a thing as being emotionally unfaithful with another, but if you’re simply walking into a coffee shop with your husband or boyfriend or significant other and giving a smile to the cute barista at the counter, you’re in the clear. Sometimes it takes other people noticing you to get noticed by your significant other. They may suddenly snap out of their haze and realize the woman in front of them is a great catch.
What to Do If You Don't Feel Attractive
1. Start Eating Healthier
Confidence starts with self-care and feeling good in your own body. This doesn’t mean you have to be a size 2 to feel attractive. Women of all shapes and sizes have it. But if you haven’t been taking care of yourself, you may feel it, and perhaps all you need is to change the way you care for yourself to get your groove back. Take some time to go online and find some healthy recipes that work for you, your budget, and your schedule. Maybe even start a healthy eating board on Pinterest. Go for 5 to 9 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, eat lean proteins, and opt for whole grains (quinoa, barley, buckwheat, etc.). You will glow from the inside out.
2. Work on your emotional well-being.
With some things in life, you can fake it until you make it, but happiness truly comes from within and you need to feel it to believe it. If you aren’t feeling good about yourself, you need to find a way to get there and it takes time and patience. Consider getting into yoga or meditation to de-stress if stress is impacting your self-confidence, or consider doing some light reading with a book like the Feeling Good handbook. Work on feeling better throughout the day and soon it will stick. Remember: Happiness starts from within.
3. Practice good hygiene.
It’s okay to let yourself go here and there - no one is spot on all of the time. However, in order to feel attractive and to be attractive, you should practice good hygiene. Self-neglect can often happen with depression and excessive stress, but taking good care of yourself is a must even when you’re feeling worn-down - it’s an instant mood-booster! Brush your teeth, shower, shave, keep your fingernails groomed, and get rid of any body odor. Sometimes, it’s as simple as flossing, washing your face, and using mouthwash. Develop a good self-care routine.
4. Adopt a beauty routine.
Play around with your appearance and start fresh. Remember: You want to catch your hubby’s eye. Consider wavy hair, natural hair, straight hair, or a short cut. Try something new and bold. You may even want to go for a new color and dye your hair lighter or darker. Consider brightening or whitening your teeth if you need to freshen up your smile. If you haven’t updated your wardrobe in a while and have the budget to do so, buy some flattering clothes. You can even take it a step further and get something cute for you and surprise your husband next time you have a night in.
5. Start a workout routine to boost your body confidence.
We know that exercise is good for the body. Being in shape not only allows you to feel aware of your physical form, but it leaves you feeling good and boosts confidence and endorphins. Take up running, yoga, or walking if you need to start out mellow. Pilates, swimming, and strength training might be perfect for you if you are looking for a little bit of an extra challenge. If you really want to take it to the next level, consider a creative form of fitness - aerial yoga, belly dancing, and more. It’s time to feel good again!
6. Maintain a healthy body weight.
Maintaining a healthy body weight isn’t just about feeling good in your own skin, it’s about being healthy from the inside out. Talk to your doctor and get an idea of what a healthy weight is for your height and body type. Keep in mind that all bodies are different. If you are not within a healthy weight range, calculate your tdee to see how many calories per day you should be eating to maintain your physique. Here’s how:
- After figuring out your maintenance calories, add or subtract 250-500 calories a day to slowly lose or gain weight (resulting in 1/2 pound to 1 pound weight loss per week).
- Check out recipes online for low-calorie cooking ideas.
7. Go to couple’s counseling.
If your husband is open to making the relationship work (and he should be!), find a highly-rated counselor to help you two through your issues. These specially trained counselors can make a big difference if there seems to be no obvious reason for the loss of attraction in your relationship. They will help you come up with a plan for rekindling your connection. You may even want to consider working with an intimacy therapist to get your game back. Otherwise, talk to your doctor, and make sure to rule-out any health-related issues that can lessen drive.
8. Talk to him and try to find out why he is not attracted to you anymore.
Sometimes, being straightforward with your spouse is the best approach, because issues with intimacy can be an extremely private matter. There are often two reasons for a loss of intimacy and connection in a relationship:
- It’s physical: He simply does not find you attractive anymore. If this is the case, try not to be hurt (yes, it hurts), and consider the techniques mentioned above to feel more attractive (healthy eating, healthy weight range, mental well-being, good hygiene).
- It’s emotional: Is your behavior leading him to not find you attractive anymore? Are you always upset with him, do you always get mad at him for small, trivial things that would cause him to not find you attractive anymore, or are you acting more like this mother and less than his lover? Try acting like his lover again.
9. Practice independence.
Independence is super attractive, so practice being independent like before marriage. Have your husband spend some time by himself (maybe even have him go on a vacation by himself). Or, maybe it’s time for you to get lost and go on a vacation by yourself to refresh? Consider your options. Sometimes, distance truly does make the heart grow fonder. You can even keep it local. Try going out to the movies by yourself or going out to dinner by yourself with a good book. See if this helps rekindle your marriage.
10. Stop acting like his mother and act like his lover.
If you complain a lot to your husband over small trivial things (laundry, cleaning, etc.), instead of complaining, try acting like his lover again when you first met. Initiate dates, intimacy, tell him funny jokes or laugh at his jokes, and be a good friend. Stress does get in the way of life, but remember how you felt when you first started dating? You can get it back, it just takes a little effort. If you are truly in love, that flame will never die.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2020 Brynn B Lewis