Evie Sparkes is a published novelist, content writer and company director from the UK.
Missing Someone All of The Time is Exhausting
Are you stuck in the cycle of missing someone? I say cycle because it's rather like being on a merry-go-round that you just can't get off of. You are stuck going around and around and there seems little or no way of escape from your feelings of loss.
When we are missing someone, what we are feeling is a loss of what could have been. Break-ups happen for a reason. Whether you saw it coming or not. One of you was unhappy. Perhaps you were a little unhappy too, only you didn't want to admit it to yourself.
When you are caught up on this particular merry-go-round it's very hard to get off, and the reason it is so hard is because the missing them and thinking of them all of the time has become a habitual. We have programmed our subconscious on a grand scale and whenever we try to force this person from our thoughts they come back with a vengeance.
Apart from what might have been, we are missing the feeling we got when we were with them. So in essence we are not missing them but how they made us feel.
The First Step to Recovery
The very first thing to realise here is that you are worth it. You are worth all of the good things and the good people that will start coming into your life once you release this person from your tight grip. That's what you have. You have gripped them so tight that they can't be prized away. You have become accustomed to this feeling of loss and you are scared to let them go incase they really are the one for you.
You must stop blaming yourself because you are probably doing that. Being cross with yourself is not useful. Release some of the anger at yourself for not seeing it coming, seeing it coming but ignoring it, being jealous when they went out with their friends and showing it, nagging them to fix the lock on the back door.....none of these things will have been the cause of your break-up and even if by some chance your partner is so fickle as to run away at the first sign of trouble, they can't be changed. What has been done has been done. It's gone, in the past and thinking about it is of no benefit to anyone.
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
It's a loss at the end of the day. You have lost someone you love and you need time to process that and all of the emotions that come with that.
Cry if you need to. It's not a sign of weakness and far better a release for you than anger will ever be.
Re-Program Your Mind to Think Differently
If you have read more of my work, then you might be aware that I believe in creating my own reality. I don't want to scare you off with this woowoo stuff though!
What it really is in this instance, is CBT. We want to alter your state from Missing them to acceptance so that you can move past these negative emotions.
It's easier than you think actually.
Sit quietly by yourself and close your eyes. Get the full on negative emotion and sit with it. This will feel horrible and you might even break down. That's okay because we are going to deal with this. Crying is a gift as I say in my video if you want to take a look.
Let all of the feelings enter your body and feel as bad as possible. Really? Yep!
Okay, now it's time to find another feeling. The feeling of what you want. In my experience it's better to look for the feeling of Feeling okay about being alone or acceptance.
How Can I get The Feeling of Something Else? That Sounds Mental
For me, it's simple but for you it will be a little harder. You CAN do this though. We all have this ability. We can change up our emotional response in an instant.
Give yourself a word or a phrase. Perhaps acceptance. Say it out loud if that helps. Now sit and get the feeling of acceptance. I do understand that this can all sound a bit like witchcraft and you might want to click away and read something more boring instead, but bear with me please. I have done this. I do it all of the time and it works!
A feeling is not just a feeling. It's everything when it becomes a habit. Do this a few times a day. Every time the 'missing' feeling comes back, hit it with the 'acceptance' or the 'feel good' feeling. Sometimes it will be easier to find than others, but over time you'll be able to do it at the drop of a hat and you'll start to feel pretty powerful. You can use this technique for anything in life too!
Practice Makes Perfect
We've all heard the saying. Normally from our parents when they were making us do something we struggled to do. This is true in all aspects of life. If you really want something it might take a little effort.
Don't give up on getting the positive feelings you deserve. You might have to take a bit of an emotional bashing whilst you work on this technique but pretty soon you will notice a shift in your perspective. You will notice that things don't seem so bad after-all and you will start to think about other people and maybe other relationships.
Evie Sparkes on YouTube
Evie Sparkes (author) on October 04, 2019:
Try to get the feeling of being over him and not caring. You won't believe the feeling at first, but practise makes perfect. You could check out my video on the subject here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCEfhNJdz_0&t=...
Boluwatife Atunbi on October 03, 2019:
How can I get over my boyfriend that ignore me every time
Evie Sparkes (author) on May 20, 2019:
Thanks Billy. It always works for me.
Dr Billy Kidd from Sydney, Australia on May 20, 2019:
Very interesting approach to negative emotions!