Kenneth Avery is a Southern humorist with well over a thousand fans. The charm and wit in his writing span a nearly a decade.
I Cannot Tell You Why
a hub such as this should pop into my mind during the late hours of July 20, 3:28 a.m., with four cups of black coffee running through my veins. But it did. I am taking every pain in writing this helpful-but-border-line hub to keep the guys free from arrest, then facing guilty charges, and having to pull 20 large for their verdict. The journey had an easy time in arriving the verdict, by the way. The defendant blew his stack due to having to ride an elevator going 18 floors with a very experienced know-it-all.
I have never met a real know-it-all. Even in my life as a wild teenager, a few buddies and I never had the priviledge of meeting a female or male know-it-all. Thing is, even today in 2020, when we meet for coffee, one of us says, we might have missed something. I must explain. If you have ever spent your life in Hamlton, Ala., then you will certainly understand my previous thought.
Honestly, I do not think that Hamilton ever had the honor of having a know-it-all as an American citizen. Maybe our town had missed something, huh? We might as well to get it all said at once.
Exactly What is a Know-it-All?
If a group of 1,000 professional writers, both fiction and non-fiction, were to meet inside the massive areas of Jerry World,, the stadium for the NFLs Dallas Cowboys, and these writers, all with journalistic degrees, were to study and write about the birth, life, and damage that can brought by a know-it-all, these writers might write a few reams of 8 ½ x 11 paper and never completely come up with the answer.
So-o-o-o-o-o-o-o . . .
Here we go with . . .How to Spot a Know-it All:
8.) The know-it-all can easily be spotted if we can simply stand still, whether we are celebrating a huge party or just being quiet in deep meditation, the know-it-all will come to you, so you will not have to hunt one. And when the know-it-all meets you, you can tell right off what they do: let their gums bump in rapid succession saying nothing. Simply smile, excuse yourself and head to your nearest probate judge«s office to change your name, address, and then your phone number. You never know about these yahoo«s because a rrue-to-life know-it-all can and will track their prey down. Know-it-alls never tire.
7.) Make no mistake. Know-it-alls are NOT non-fashionable. They are top of the line hipsters seen day or night wearing the ultimate hip clothing which comes with a hefty price tag. But remember. If you see a well-dressed female or male know-it-all heading your way, no matter where you are, then make plans to vanish because if the know-it-all gets close enough for you to see their lips moving at almost light speed, then leave.
6.) The sly, calculating know-it-all will try to take advantage of you right away. One of their best tools is asking directions to somewhere in your town and once you answer them, prepare to sit down for an hour-long lecture about (that) part of town, what goes on there, who founded it, and what brand of underwear for men is more popular. I know. This does sound cold-hearted, but unless you desire to have your life sucked-out of your nostrils, then make tracks if you discover (this) know-it-all,
5.) Many know-it-all males can be spotted if you know that the male not only wears THE best clothing a credit card can buy, bu he wears at least six brands of cologne. He does not care. He goes for the sampler because it is free and while he is spraying the free cologne, his mouth is telling the salesperson all about herself, what brand of jewelry looks best, if she is in school, and yes, he can advise them on most any subject. Please get another salesperson to take him at your counter while you take a break.
4.) The know-it-all is usually the center of attention. One thing he or she dearly loves to do is stroll slowly in a busy mall and give long lectures to the people on several decks upward. These customers are laughing at him or her and suddenly running away to hide from them.
3.) If you meet a know-it-all inside a busy restaurant, look out! He (not she this time) will talk and talk to you about your shirt brand or why you wanted to order a western omelet with ice tea and he will lecture to where the food item was first used. I tell you. People like this will try their best to get you to believe that they know the age of Jesus when He was resurrected. Believe me. Pay the check and leave the know-it-all trying to get anyone to listen to him.
2.) know-it-all«s love to point at you while their mouth is in high-gear. What is really aggravating is when the know-it-all«s index finger hits your chin and brings the blood, before he can say excuse me, you get on his case and tell him that the foolish move he has made is considered assault and that he can be arrested and the best he can do is leave.
1.) A female know-it-all is easy to spot. If you are a guy, you don«t mind meeting her because she is somewhat attractive and the way you can tell that she is a know-it-all is because she will pop out her lip gloss or compact and be fixing her face and still talking at 120 MPH.
Now that this labor of love is finished, I could just as easily use know-it-all«s: Beware! But where is the fun in that? If you are wondering, I am NOT a know-it-all in any way whatsoever.
July 20, 2020_______________________________________________________
© 2020 Kenneth Avery