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How to Pick-up Women for Dummies: a 12 Step Guide and a Poem

Happily married for over 30 years, John dated prior to that and has since watched and offered relationship advice to his four children.


Expert Dating Advice

Where do most people normally go to obtain relationship and dating advice? Probably, the advice columns of teen's and women's magazines, or various Internet sites. Most of the people who provide the so-called "expert" advice in these arenas have often had multiple relationships and been on tens, and even hundreds of dates.

Stop and ask yourself, "Are these really the people I should be taking advice from?" I mean, wouldn't you be better listening to the opinion of someone who got it right the first time..well, almost anyway?

Admittedly, it is a long time since I dated and things may have changed a little since then. I mean the Internet didn't even exist, and I think the Commodore 64 had just been released, but hey, people are still people. Men still want to attract women, and vice versa.

Until I married at 25 years of age, I did my share of dating and had a few relationships, but I could count the combined number in my two hands. Then, at 24, I met my now wife and six months later we were married. 34 years on we are still together and going strong. So, who you gonna take advice from, some 20 year old that is dating three nights a week and still trying to get it right, or a 50+ year old grandfather who "got it right" decades ago, and has observed his sons' and daughter's numerous dating and relationship experiences ever since?

preparing for the date

preparing for the date

Preparing for a Date

Often the hardest part in the process is getting her to agree on the date in the first place. If you are naturally good looking and charming, you are already half way there, but not everyone has those attributes. Some of us just have to make the most of what we have.. Be that a sense of humour, easy going attitude etc.

Once you have plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she has said "Yes!" The real work starts.

Appearance is important! This can't be denied, because it does create the first impression. Spend extra time on your grooming and hygene in preparation, shower, shave, trim your beard, use deodorant. But please don't go overboard on the or two squirts or a splash, not half a bottle.

Dress to impress, and if a suit is appropriate for the location of the date it is a good idea to wear one. However, if you are planning on taking your date to the beach this just won't be suitable. Also, if you have never worn a suit before..forget it! You just won't feel at ease and you'll come across at trying to be something you're not. Wear the best clothes you have that you also feel comfortable in

Looks and charm may have helped land you the date, but you can't rely on them alone, and if you turn out to be a pretentious bore continually talking about yourself, your career, and past conquests, the date will crash before it even gets off the ground.

Now let's talk about the date itself.

One of My Personal Favourites

12 Step Guide to Dating

  1. Greet her with a smile and appear genuinely excited to see her (at least she didn't stand you up)
  2. Be chivalrous (it' s not dead really). Open the car door for her, and any other doors and let her enter first, pull out her chair to let her sit first etc.
  3. Don't use those corny pickup lines you've heard 100 times before. Also, be careful making up any of your own unless you are a stand-up comedian or a classic romantic poet of renown.
  4. If you are nervous (which is natural) admit it. The chances are that she is too, and it will help to break the ice.
  5. Don't pretend to be something you're not (she'll see through you ... woman's intuition). Just be yourself and act natural.
  6. Smile during the conversation, and hold eye contact. But not to the extent of making her feel uncomfortable - that's creepy.
  7. Make her the centre of the conversation. Be an attentive and interested listener.
  8. Act confident without being pushy or argumentative. Don't insult the waiter or complain about the food just to show off (if it's warranted fair enough).
  9. Show pride in your achievements, if she asks, but don't brag.
  10. Ask her opinion on things/causes that interest you, and genuinely show respect for her views even if they oppose your own.
  11. Don't swear or tell dirty jokes (especially on a first date). But laugh at any jokes she tells.
  12. Write her a poem, or recite one to her.
A romantic serenade. Sing to her or recite a poem

A romantic serenade. Sing to her or recite a poem

Dinner by Candlelight

Dinner by Candlelight

The Dating Poem

Thank you for coming on this date,

It really made my day.

I'm not used to the singles scene,

Scroll to Continue

Or games that people play.

May I say, you're looking great,

I really am impressed.

Your makeup compliments your hair,

And I love the way you're dressed.

Please tell me all your interests,

And about your family too.

I want to find out everything

That makes you into you.

What causes do you care about,

And wish that you could fix?

What are you seeking in a date,

Is it friendship, love, or sex?

Now, ask me anything you want,

I am an open book.

I won't pretend to be a chef,

When I'm just an average cook.

Thank you for your company,

I had a lovely time.

I'd love to meet with you again,

That's if you liked this rhyme.

Internet Dating

Internet Dating

Internet Dating, a Whole Different Ball Game

This article aims to offer some advice to make "old school" dating easier. Internet dating is becoming much more the norm these days, and it is a whole different ball game. Although some of the basic rules remain the same there are also a lot of additional things to take into account, and that's enough to fill another entire article.

There are numerous other hubs and Internet articles dealing with that aspect of dating so I won't even try to touch on them here. However, no matter what type of dating techniques you employ, I hope you found something in this article to help you find Miss Right .. or if she is a fellow hubber or author, maybe that should be "Miss Write."

Good luck!

Happy Couple

Happy Couple

© 2016 John Hansen


John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on June 17, 2016:

Haha Bill...I loved my Commodore 64, and my Vic 20 before that....oh for the good old days. Thanks for the great comment.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on June 17, 2016:

Haha Bill...I loved my Commodore 64, and my Vic 20 before that....oh for the good old days. Thanks for the great comment.

Bill Russo from Cape Cod on June 17, 2016:

I eagerly read this piece which showcases your talent for research and organization of facts into a fascinating must read guide - but all I could think about afterward was the good old C-64. That's my fault not the fault of your Hub. I guess after all these years the Commodore 64 is still the love of my (writing) life!

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on June 16, 2016:

Shauna, thank you. I am certainly old school and most of my advice comes from that perspective, but I think it still works.

Shauna L Bowling from Central Florida on June 16, 2016:

Great advice, John. Old school, good old fashioned manner and morals never go out of style. In fact, they need to be brought back!

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on June 12, 2016:

Hi, Val. You are exactly right, I should have said to continue to use these tips after finding Miss Right. Marriage takes continuous work and romance, you can't just take your partner for granted after the wedding band goes on their finger. Congrats on reaching the "Golden One" last year too. My weekend is over, but it was a good one. Have a great day.

ValKaras on June 12, 2016:

Hello John, you old Casanova! I can imagine you in your younger days. There is only one thing you could have added in a Post Scriptum : "Once you end up with the "right one", don't forget to continue using my tips, so that one day your grandchildren proudly attend your Golden Anniversary."

I don't have any grandchildren, only had the Golden One (50th) last year. So you and I must be sharing some memories which were possible only because we both followed your tips. - Have a great weekend my friend. - Val

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on June 02, 2016:

Hey Savvy, good to see a comment from a dating expert like you, on this hub. Glad you think these 12 steps good enough to be laminated and stuck on the refrigerator :) l hope you are having a great week.

savvydating on June 02, 2016:

I like your 12-steps, Jodah. Maybe guys should laminate them and post them on their refrigerator so that they can read them before going out on a date. LOL. Come to think of it, women could use one as well. :)

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on June 01, 2016:

Thanks, Larry. Cheers.

Larry Rankin from Oklahoma on May 31, 2016:

Fun read!

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 31, 2016:

Thank you, Deb. Glad you feel I got that right.

Deb Hirt from Stillwater, OK on May 31, 2016:

What you wrote about is really the best way to be yourself, interested and unpretentious. Great job.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 31, 2016:

I appreciate that Manatita. Thanks for the positive comment.

manatita44 from london on May 30, 2016:

Sweet and gentle Hub John with a great and appropriate poem too. Nice one, Bro.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 28, 2016:

Well, thank you, dear Genna. I am happy to hear that the opening of this hub was "magnetic". I have never been told that before :) I often say "if I knew then what I know now"..well, I would be a lot more successful at the dating seen anyway..I was quite shy. I hope the advice in this article is good for any single guys out there at the present time. Thanks for the "gentleman" tag too. Have a great weekend.

Genna East from Massachusetts, USA on May 28, 2016:

From the title to the opening photo, the way in which you began this hub is so magnetic, and only gets better from that point onward. I'm so pleased I don't have to do the dating scene -- what a mine field of problems in this modern era of dating. I could only experience this somewhat vicariously when my son was still single and "playing the scene" -- or is it "playing the field"? I breathed a sigh of relief when he met his future wife, who stopped him dead in his tracks. :-) My daughter-in-law is wonderful. I loved the clever poem and list of tips for men on that first date; a breath of fresh air. You are a thoughtful gentleman, John.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 24, 2016:

Hey, Missy, good to see you. A lot of guys need "date training". I for one value women very highly. If I was single I'd ask you on a date. :) Glad you feel the poem hit the mark too.

Missy Smith from Florida on May 24, 2016:

I don't see myself going on many dates anymore, but this is some great advice to give some of these young fellows. I wish they would take notes. It seems most men these days have lost value in a woman.

Your poem is very precise. It, in itself, could teach a whole lot. Great Hub! ~Missy

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 23, 2016:

Thank you very much Alicia, your kind comment is much appreciated.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on May 22, 2016:

You've included some good advice in this article, Jodah. Congratulations on your long and happy marriage. I love to hear about successful relationships like yours.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 22, 2016:

Thanks Mike. I guess writing a poem is a bold move but if done tastefully it can work. I think of all the Elvis Presley movies where he always sang to the women he was dating. Well I can't sing, so I would write a poem.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 22, 2016:

Hello,Tarunponders. I find writing the poems quite easy, it is thinking of the subject that is the difficult part. Thank you for saying the poem is classy and your comments as a whole.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 22, 2016:

Hi Ms Dora, thank you very much for recommending me for the job of relationship counsellor :) I appreciate you saying the poem is classy too. Have a great week.

mckbirdbks from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on May 22, 2016:

Hello John. I see some good, solid advice on your list. I guess by Ruby and Theresa's comment that I was wrong with my reaction to 'write her a poem.' That seems so bold for a first date. Yet the ladies think, if done right, it could be meaningful.

Tarun Chhauda from Roorkee, India on May 22, 2016:


How do you craft such great poems? Its classy.

Also three cheers for trying to bring the traditional dating system back to life.

Dora Weithers from The Caribbean on May 22, 2016:

Jodah, you certainly qualify as a relationship counselor and I recommend you for the job wholeheartedly. The poem is classy and I think every sensible person likes the rhyme.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 22, 2016:

Thank you for reading and your comment , Sanjay. So true.

Sanjay Sharma from Mandi (HP) India on May 22, 2016:

Very interesting. Thanks for sharing. The dating poem is quite touching. But the internet dating is a risky affair.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 22, 2016:

Thanks for the great comment, Harish, and the compliments on the longevity of my relationship. Congratulations on your 28 years marriage too. It proves arranged marriages can certainly work.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 22, 2016:

Thanks, Swalia. I agree being natural is important.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 22, 2016:

Thank you for reading Suzanne, and for the endorsement on those tips.

Harish Mamgain from New Delhi , India on May 22, 2016:

A lovely hub. What I loved most most about this hub is getting to know your remarkable relationship of 34 years, just as we most of Indians remain together for life. How wonderful and so impeccable is your beautiful bond !

John, dating is taking roots in our country too, but it is not so wide spread. Mine was an arranged marriage, and we have been together for 28 years now. At this age, I know the worth of a relationship. I loved going through your great advice to the youth. I also enjoyed the beautiful poem about dating.

Shaloo Walia from India on May 22, 2016:

Great tips! I think being natural is the key. You have to be natural and not pretend to be someone that you are not.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Yes, Dana, safety and security is a major plus about a good marriage, although some can go very wrong. You are right though, I am blessed to have someone to share the highs and lows with, and that is great. I wish you the best.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Hey Jackie....most women I have met love to dance, pity I am not very good at it.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Thanks for the kind comment, Flourish, and for sharing. That is always appreciated. Cheers.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Hey thanks Nell, for that other view point. I see the attraction of a leather jacket over a suit, with a Harley parked outside..haha. As, I say, be yourself or it won't look natural. Great comment.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Thanks for reading Shyron. wow, you've been married as long as me..well done.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Thank you RJ, you do make some good points there. I probably should have called this "The Dummy's Guide to Dating" rather than "How to Pick Up Women" but never mind. All women aren't the same either so a guy does have to be flexible and the same approach certainly won't work for all but you have to have some ammunition in your arsenal. You offer enough info there for your own hub on the subject.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Thanks MizB, I am sure you could have seen through phoniness in a flash. Thanks for reading and you have a great weekend too.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Mel, you can't help being tall dark and handsome :) Women go for a man in uniform too don't they? Glad you like these tips, but like you I hope I never need them. I too have too many bad habits now.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Yes, Venkat, dating has always been around. Maybe not in all parts of the world though where they have arranged marriages and the like. You marriage must have been a blessed one.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Thanks you for the wonderful comment, Faith, and for sharing this. I Surprised myself by writing this and have no idea what inspired it. Glad I am out of the dating scene however.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Ann, thank you for your kind comment and for sharing. Yes, online dating can be dangerous too..we need to take care.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Thanks for the great poetic comment Ruby :) very funny. Thanks for reading and glad you though this was good advice.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Haha Bill, I can relate to that. I was quite a shy teenager. Glad you matured, though Father Bill, does have a ring to it.

Suzanne Day from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia on May 21, 2016:

Women's intuition is a strong force! Definitely the advice about being yourself and not using corny pickup lines is spot on!

Dana Tate from LOS ANGELES on May 21, 2016:

John, I see people who have been married for years and I think "What would my life have been like if I had that type of "safeness" is the only word that comes to mind. Whether the path was straight or sometimes rocky, having someone to share those highs and lows with is a true blessing.

Jackie Lynnley from the beautiful south on May 21, 2016:

Great advice and poem. I was surprised when I chose dancing as my favorite date it would be the number one choice!

FlourishAnyway from USA on May 21, 2016:

This was wonderful, John. The poem was clever and sincere and your advice spot on. Will be back to share it when I get to my PC.

Nell Rose from England on May 21, 2016:

lol! it works both ways John! one thing I will say from a womans point of view is that if we meet a guy wearing a certain type of clothing, leather jacket, sorry got carried away there! lol! where was I? oh yeah, if we meet them wearing a certain type of clothing please don't suddenly go from leather jacket to suit....I hate men in suits, and others may feel the same! not a suit necessarily, but if he wore a suit first, don't turn up in baggy jeans etc. we saw, we liked, don't change it! LOL!

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on May 21, 2016:

Jodah, I should have read this before my first date. 1st husband is an ex.

My current husband I got it right second time around.

We are married for 34 years now.

I enjoyed reading this.

Blessings and hugs my dear friend.

rjbatty from Irvine on May 21, 2016:

Jodah: Some really good, common-sense tips provided here. I wish you had been my dad when I really needed one. Anyway, a few reactions on your list...

1. Greet her with a smile. Well, if you genuinely feel happy to see the gal, you're going to smile spontaneously anyway -- aren't you?

2. Pull out her chair. This is really a dead courtesy and would seem false to most modern-day women. I like the idea of it, but it's archaic.

3. Why would anyone use a pick-up line if you already solidified the date?

4. Admit to being nervous? No. Women are not attracted by insecure men. This doesn't mean pretending to be confident when you aren't, but don't talk about being nervous -- that's not going to work in your favor. Some women may admire your honesty but most are seeking self-confident males who know how to handle themselves. Being silent on this matter is a better way to go -- no matter how jittery you may be.

5. Act natural. If you have to act otherwise, you selected someone to date who is either out of your league or has expectations you'll never meet -- so yeah, by all means, act natural.

6. Smile during the conversation. Yes, but only if you are genuinely amused. Smiling just out of a sense of politeness is a non-starter. You are either totally unamused or your date makes you so tense that you find yourself shrinking inwardly.

7. This works 99% of the time; however, I once dated a woman who was dead silent. I had to keep asking her questions just to keep any kind of conversation flowing. After a while I got this feeling that my constant questioning made her uncomfortable, as if I were interrogating her. I never figured her out. Either she was just completely comfortable with silence or I don't know what.

8. Act confident. This sort of goes against advice point No. 4, but I agree that it's better to act confident -- even if it is a kind of act. At the time it can seem like a chore but much later in life I dated a woman who was domineering. Following her wishes (or dictates) we did what she wanted for an entire day and an evening. When she lambasted a bartender for making her cocktail wrong, I knew this would be my first and last date with this woman. Nothing worse than being stuck for hours with a woman who had to "wear the pants," (using an old phrase). So, in this sense, it's a privilege and opportunity for a man to act confident and make decisions. Better this than feeling like some lackey being pulled along by his beard.

9. This seems like good advice but what if you feel as if you've achieved nothing of any real merit?

10. This is really the whole purpose of dating. Unless you are into sport fucking, you actually want to know how your date thinks about things. And yes, if you disagree with her, just take it all in and be silent -- or -- if you feel courageous enough, try to explore why she thinks this or that, i.e., try to get some background, some context. Women generally like this kind of probing (no pun intended). It makes them feel as if you are really tuned in -- and you should be.

11. I agree about trying to tell jokes (dirty or otherwise). Laugh at her jokes? If amused, laugh, but if not, be yourself. Grin to be polite. Indicate that you "get" the humor even if it doesn't make you laugh. After all, how do you make a fake laugh?

12. Write her a poem? No. This is bound to scare her away. She'll think you are a love-sick puppy or potential stalker.

I had fun reading this piece and it made me very glad to be out of the market. Our society puts forth romantic love and bonding as some kind of panacea for all our ailments. We both know (from long marriages) that this fiction is not always constructive. From a very early age, children need to be educated about relationships -- not just about sex but about how the media pushes the idea of love as if it were popcorn or Coke. And this isn't right. It starts us out on a wrong footing and the effects can last until we finally get stuck in something. Most parents don't want to venture into this territory, so I see it as something that schools ought to provide. More important than geography is what I would term "life lessons." It's terrific if you can locate Estonia on a map but what most people need is an education about the common-sense elements of how to live your life on planet Earth. Part of this would have to include the true-life aspects of relationships.

Doris James MizBejabbers from Beautiful South on May 21, 2016:

Pretty decent advice, John. Like you, except for several years (several hundred, maybe) more than you, there was no such thing as computer dating. The dating scene (between my two marriages) was certain restaurant bars and dancing hangouts like the American Legion. I think I heard every line in the book. Working in radio at the time, I got to be a pretty tough little cookie and learned to play the guys' games. Ya know what, men don't like it when gals turn the tables on them. Have a good rest of the weekend, my friend.

Mel Carriere from Snowbound and down in Northern Colorado on May 21, 2016:

Being naturally good looking and charming, women basically fall into my lap. If you believe that, I'm a better writer than I thought.

Like you my friend, I met my wife at age 24 and we're still at it, being too old and tired and full of disgusting habits (mostly me, I admit) to jump back into the dating game now.

These are great tips. My oldest son regales me with the dating advice he learns from his friends and I roll my eyes and think I'll never be a grandfather. Fantastic work!

Venkatachari M from Hyderabad, India on May 21, 2016:

Great tips here. I didn't know that dating existed during 1970's or 80's also. I got simply married directly after showing our photos to each other by our guardians. And, we have been together since 1974 till she has been taken away by God in 2012.

Your poem is very interesting and nice.

Faith Reaper from southern USA on May 21, 2016:

Wow, John, you've shared such keen insight here that all in the dating arena should heed, especially men! I was expecting a silly piece here, but I am pleasantly surprised at your wonderful wisdom. As a woman, I appreciate all of the great advice.

It makes a lot of sense for the advice to come from a person who has found the love of his life and is still married after 34 years. I, too, have been married for a long time, 37 years! No Internet back then.

For me, a naturally great smile and a sense of humor go a long way, along with a relaxed, be yourself kind of personality. No pretenses for sure, as you have pointed out, women do have that built in intuition and we immediately see through all of that stuff.

I like the combination of dinner and a movie, as that is what we did back in the day. But, today, maybe meeting for coffee and chatting.

I am sharing this gem here everywhere and hope that all young men take your sound advice.

Excellent hub! Love your choice of photos too.

Your poem is perfect and any woman would be thrilled to receive such a poem or hear it!

Ann Carr from SW England on May 21, 2016:

Great advice, John! Your wife is a lucky woman!

I think that present-day dating isn't really that far removed from the 'old' style. Any woman who says she doesn't like chivalry or flattery (reasonable, that is) needs to look deep inside her real self!

I have a horror of dating agencies and the dangers of online dating, not that I've experienced either. Your list contains great advice and should be shared with anyone going on a first date (so shared!).


Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on May 21, 2016:

Ah John, I'm a sucker for a good dancer

It's such a bore if he's just a slow prancer

I like a good lookin' Dude too

Being tall and slim makes me coo

Having some pocket change ' ain't ' a bad thing

I like pretty things, like a big ole diamond ring


I sure could've used your advice, and, BTW it's really good. Writing a poem is a wonderful idea. If anything could interest me, a poem would be the winner..

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on May 21, 2016:

I could have used this in my teens. I was hopeless back then. Thank God I matured and gained confidence or I would have become a priest. LOL

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Thank you for reading this, Sunshine, and your comment made me smile. I hope all the dummies learn something from this hub.

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on May 21, 2016:

Ha! Dummies books are great tools for everyone, not just dummies! :) Excellent advice, John. Wishing all the dummies good luck! :)

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Hey, Frank....yes dinner and a movie should be a popular choice. I like that line of yours too :) I'm sure that worked.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Glad you like my style, Al. Thanks for the congratulations too. I am blessed. Have a great weekend.

Frank Atanacio from Shelton on May 21, 2016:

I guess I like the dinner and a movie... or like on your list a latest release is nice.. I use to say.. hey girl, give me your number before I change my mind..LOL great hub my friend

Al Wordlaw from Chicago on May 21, 2016:

Hey Jodah, What cool ways to pick up a date including Mhatter's. Getting ready, being generous and making the best of it. I liked your style. Hey congrats on many years of marriage. I should follow in your footsteps. Ha, ha, way to go buddy.

John Hansen (author) from Australia (Gondwana Land) on May 21, 2016:

Haha, Martin, thanks for sharing that. I'll make sure to put it into practice.

Martin Kloess from San Francisco on May 21, 2016:

How To Pick Up A Girl – Guaranteed Method (limerick)

Make sure you can manage the weight

Remember to keep the back straight

Then lift slow not quick

That should do the trick

You’ve just learned to pick up a date

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