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How to Make Someone Fall in Love With You: The Psychology of Love

Kate is a relationship mentor and holds a B.S. degree from Sonoma State University. She currently resides in Sonoma, California.


Falling in love is considered by many to be chance or destiny. In truth love is part of basic psychology, and can be changed, influenced and controlled. It is possible to make an individual fall deeply in love, and this love is capable of lasting for a lifetime.

The Psychology of Love

Research has proved love can be controlled by using the power of the mind. Psychological emotions including anxiety, jealousy, fear, stress and love all have deep roots within the mind. Most individuals have been raised to believe love is directed by fate and just happens.

Although nothing is effective 100 percent of the time, the mind can be used to dramatically raise the chances of an individual falling in love.

This requires a psychological aspect, and thoughts of romance beneath the moon or mystical magic must be discarded. Every individual has an unconscious list stored in their mind. This list contains specific criteria a potential love interest must possess.

This is referred to as a "love map" by psychologists. When the individual is missing qualifications on this list, they will not qualify as a future partner in love, and will be reduced to the status of a friend. For this reason, some individuals stay friends, while others fall in love.

The "Love Map"

The most common contents of a love map (often referred to as a "love checklist") reflect the individual’s beliefs, background, past relationships and values¹. This explains why many people fall in love with someone they originally considered to be nothing special. The person simply possessed all the qualities on their love map.

Looking for these specific qualities is not done consciously. The subconscious mind makes the comparison without the person realizing what has happened. The mind makes the decision in a similar fashion as telling the heart to beat or inducing fear.

The subconscious is the reason so many individuals fall in love yet have no idea why.


The Mysterious Methods of the Subconscious Mind Explained

Falling in love is in direct relation to the subconscious mind, and not fate. The subconscious mind quietly makes calculations, and decides if an individual is a match for falling in love based on the check-list.

Once a person is aware of this phenomenon, they have an excellent chance of quickly determining which individuals they will fall in love with, and which will remain as friends.

The Most Common Check-List Concepts

Most individuals have certain similarities on their subconscious checklists. These are some of the most common concepts on this checklist, although this can vary by individual.

  1. Family - When an individual has a close family and wants children, they will be looking for someone with the same background who desires children. A person who would make an excellent mother or father.
  2. Education - Education is usually an important factor. Most individuals believe their mate must have the same or close to the same level of education for them to be equals.
  3. Travel - Another common denominator is travel. If an individual is interested in traveling, they will not fall in love with someone who prefers staying close to home. The person may be attracted to an extent, and not even understand their own lack of desire to act on the attraction.
  4. Hair Color - Hair color is often an important factor. This may an individual who was badly hurt by a blond and now prefers brunettes, or the experience may have caused a psychological need for another blond.

People are attracted to individuals who possess what they believe they need and want. The checklist can represent previous successes or failures regarding past relationships².

When too many criteria on the list is missing, the person will not act, and falling in love is out of the question. The individual must fully understand any possible relationship is being blocked by their list.

When an individual meets most of the criteria on the list, falling in love becomes not only possible, but probable. Once the subconscious mind has been satisfied, it will help the person to stay in love, and maintain a smooth and long-lasting relationship.

The subconscious then becomes attached to the individual. In the event the relationship does not work, the subconscious will continue to cause the person to think about the individual. This feeling of missing the person can last for many years due to the subconscious not wanting to let go.

"When an individual meets most of the criteria on the list, falling in love becomes not only possible, but probable."

— Kate Daily

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How to Make an Individual Fall in Love Using Their Criteria

It is possible to make another person fall in love with you. The list of criteria this individual has is critical. While their criteria will not prevent you from falling in love with them, the opposite may be true.

You must make certain you fit the criteria of this individual, and this means you must know them, and what is important to them.

If the person is extremely spontaneous, you must be as well. If the individual is partial to dogs, you must show affection and love for dogs. This sounds simple, but requires a lot of research. The best place to begin is with their interests and background.

Once you have met most of the criteria on the persons list, the odds of them falling in love with you are excellent.

If the differences are too fundamental, and there is no possible way for you to meet this criteria for the long-term, it is best to look for someone else. A good example is a man who loves to go camping and who wants a partner to enjoy the experience with. If you hate camping, the relationship probably will not work.

Basic psychology can be effectively used to drastically increase the odds of getting someone to fall in love with you.

Basic psychology can be effectively used to drastically increase the odds of getting someone to fall in love with you.

Fulfilling the Needs of an Individual

When an individual decides the time is right to find a partner, they will look for a person who has a lot of similarities to them. Most people also want someone who is strong where they are weak and vice versa.

If an individual is intelligent, they will be looking for intelligence, but they additionally want other traits to ensure balance. This can be bravery, confidence, dignity, etc. If an individual suffers from inferiority, the appearance of great confidence will draw the other person to you.

They will interpret your confidence as the balance necessary to combat their inferiority. This simple action will help the person fall in love with you because you are communicating with their subconscious. You are saying you have what they are lacking, and the message will be clear.

"You must make certain you fit the criteria of this individual, and this means you must know them, and what is important to them."

— Kate Daily

The Success of Persistence

Persistence can make someone fall in love with you if they have dependent qualities. This person is reliant on someone to help them when they are in trouble, someone to lean on when they require assistance, and a way to feel better about their choices and their life.

This individual will see persistence as a sign of strength, and be open to the opportunity of a relationship. When an individual is vulnerable, they feel they need someone to help take care of them.

Since persistence is often seen as a sign of strength, the chances this person will fall in love with you are extremely high. You are simply offering them what they need at the deepest levels of their subconsciousness. This person will most likely not only fall in love, but will do so quickly.

The Benefits of Mutual Friends

When the individual shares mutual friends, this is a distinct advantage. Friends are trusted, and the mind will usually agree with the opinions of those closest.

If your friends give the impression to this individual that you are a terrific person, this is what they will believe. Unfortunately, if your friends do not hold you in high esteem, neither will the individual.

This is similar to brainwashing the subconscious mind. When this person continuously hears you are kind, funny, charming, and intelligent, this information will gradually make them feel the same way. This increases the chances of them falling in love with you.

Video: 7 Secrets to Getting Someone to Fall in Love with You

Take a look at the 36 question test to bring you closer together that was mentioned in the video above. These questions were developed by social psychology researcher Arthur Aron of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University in New York after a series of three studies³ and proven to bring two people closer together.

Rewiring the Mind to Fall in Love

Repetition is incredibly effective. The more times someone hears the same thing, the more likely they are to believe it is true. This is because the subconscious mind is highly influenced by repetition.

You must always remember there is a major difference between suffocation and repetition. Talking to the individual is not nearly as important as being seen by them.

Calling occasionally is great, calling every five minutes will probably make them run. Simply allow them to see you as much as you possibly can, then smile or wave. The persons subconscious will become used to your presence, and begin to desire to see you more. This will enable them to fall in love with you much more easily.

The Positivity of Falling in Love

You must associate your image with positive feelings in the persons mind. When they hear your name or see your face, this must inspire positive thoughts.

If the connotation is negative, it is detrimental to a relationship. If they feel happy, delighted, confidence, self assured or mischievousness in your presence, they will desire your company.

This is because the mind associates different people with separate images and feelings. The better their perception of you, the higher the possibility they will fall in love with you.

Love at First Sight

Love at first sight is real. When two individuals first meet, and all the criteria falls perfectly into place, they will fall in love the moment they see each other. Despite the fact the two individuals have never met and never spoken a single word, the subconscious mind perceives that which the conscious mind misses.

This may be something about the way they speak, walk, stand or interact with the people around them. Often love at first sight is the result of an individual’s appearance, action, or something undefined brings to mind another person.

This may be someone the person was once in love with or a trusted friend. The chances are the person is unaware of this connection. People usually say fate is the reason for love at first sight, but in actuality it is the subconscious mind.

It is not difficult to get someone to fall in love with you. Once they believe you are the person capable of meeting their needs, bringing balance to their lives, and their subconscious mind recognizes you fulfill most of the necessary criteria, the odds are in your favor. Just remember the deepest root of love is psychology and not emotions.

Sources Cited

1. "Love Maps." (nd). The Gottman Institute. Retrieved January 22, 2018.

2. "The Love Map Originates in Childhood." January 15, 2015. Albizu University. Retrieved January 22, 2018.

3. "The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings." (April 1, 1997). Society for Personality and Social Psychology. Retrieved January 23, 2018.

© 2018 Kate Daily


dashingscorpio from Chicago on January 11, 2018:

I believe the things suggested in this article actually work!

However I also believe eventually most people eventually reveal their "authentic selves" once a relationship is solidified.

Oftentimes we bend over backwards to impress each other in the (beginning) of a new relationship. However once there is an "emotional investment" or we are in an "exclusive relationship" we feel it's "safe" to (relax) and gradually stop doing all of the things that won her/his heart without the fear of them walking away.

It's almost a cliché to hear someone say:

"He/she is not the same person I fell in love with."

Essentially it's common to experience a "bait & switch".

During the "infatuation phase" many people will do or say anything in order not to blow their chance with someone." Finding out what she/he likes and giving it to them makes it hard for them to resist.

Playboys, players, and conmen employ similar tactics. :)

However there's truth to a lyric in the old Impressions' song:

"The same thing it took to get your baby is the same thing it's going to take to keep her/him."

Most people want to be loved and appreciated for who they are. If we have to change our core being in order to win someone over odds are we're with the (wrong) person.

Be yourself! You can't fake it forever. :)

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