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My Girlfriend Was Destroying Me but I Loved Her Anyway

I was friends with her for about a year and became a boyfriend to her for about three months. I loved a woman who played me like a fool.


Photo by Abishek at Unsplash

Believe it or not, some women portray girlfriends but are truly only out to break your spirit and kill your personality. Some men are so involved with a girl because she provides everything he desires that he is totally blinded from the signs that she is not a keeper. If you're dumb like I was, you will learn how to love a woman who turns out to be fake, disrespectful, game-playing, and cold-hearted after she has supposedly exhausted your spirit. It takes patients, strength, and the ability to practice the art of being human, just to name a few requirements to love a woman who is trying to destroy you. No matter how hard you try to love her and make it work, her only goal is to figure you out and destroy you.

The way to love a girlfriend who treats you poorly isn't an easy feat. No matter how many times she purposely refuses to call you during concerning times (ensuring she made it someone safe) just to tick you off or refuse to give you the care you deserve just to make you suffer, you should still always hold her tightly, spend tons of quality time with her, kiss her passionately, say sweet theses to make her smile and frequently tell her you love her. It's about wanting to be better than her and not becoming her that should motivate you to love her unconditionally.

I have a story to tell. My story.

My Story

I knew my ex-girlfriend was different than I was when I first started with her, that's what attracted me. She was a hip-hop chick who got her Master's in Marketing and didn't forget where she came from. I enjoyed her Nicki Minaj type of attitude. However, I'm a geeky, funny, corny, loser type of guy. I should've known that it wouldn't work. But my obsession with this type of woman disallowed me to resist and quit. I really thought she liked me for me. Boy am I a dummy. Well, I did have loads of fun getting played. Lol!

I know you're wondering, how did this girl try to destroy me. Well, I'm going to tell you:

  • Whenever I spoke proudly and intelligently, she would sex it away. I didn't know what she was doing at the time, but I do now. Eventually, I lost my power of talking loudly and intelligently to where people would listen. Now, they run away from me and turn their heads when I talk. In other words, be careful who you have sex with because some girls are only out for themselves.
  • In the beginning, she would give me everything I desired from a woman. It was the best experience ever - sex, night outings, sleepovers, cuddling, long talks over the phone, game times together (board games and video), the list went on. Then, she stopped doing everything and left me to suffer. I fell for her and she had me, she knew it. She would then only see me once a week, fail to call me like she used to, totally cut out playing any board games, legos, video games, etc. She didn't even watch tv with me like we used to. She would even refuse to have sex with me. I felt like I was being tortured. She didn't let up. She was ruthless.
  • She would tell me that she knows who I am and that she has figured me out. Ok, so if you know what I like, why are you purposely doing everything against what makes me happier, more secure, and a better man? She only figured me out to deny me of what I needed to never allow me to rise and become a champion ever again. She had me. Be careful with who you allow to get to know you.
  • She negatively judged everything I did or said to build herself up. She was selfish and I was nothing but a crazy, insecure, controlling, bad man that didn't get credit for caring and loving his girlfriend. Whenever she lied or tried to cover up an affair (yea, I'm not as dumb as I look) I'm "insecure". Or, I'm "irritating", " or trying to sabotage the relationship. No, you've been acting weird lately, and I'm concerned. There are certain actions you've never done before or things you've never said before. She never wants to talk about anything related to her changes, she is defensive and irritated. Red flag.

She is perfect, never lied, never cheated, never talked behind my back, never did anything bad in our relations. She is an angel. Yeah. Right! Oh! She was never insecure, never controlling, never played games....blah, blah, blah, blahhhhh!

  • Oh, just the fact that I found out she has been talking to another man behind my back, and went on a trip alone to go see him, destroys the investment that we've grown together. And the fact that I realized that her lady part was unusual really pierced my heart. My investment in her was sexed by another man. That's definitely destructive to my soul. We are supposed to be exclusive. My soul is still recovering to this day.
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Throughout all of the disadvantages of being her boyfriend, I still loved her unconditionally. I called to check on her well-being and safety around the clock. I visited her whenever she needed me to. During those visits, I would cook, clean, massage her, whatever it took to help her through stressful times. Sex, kisses, hugs, snuggles I provided. The relationship was really about her; I was like a dog, loving her no matter how she treated me. See, it was like she treated me like a human at the beginning of the relationship and then stopped doing it so that I could love her as she lived her life freely. Well, she cheated on me and was still cheating (I know). So she needed my unconditional love while she run the streets. Likely, because there is no love out in the streets.

In a way, I kinda felt like a dog, but I purposely loved and cared for her because I didn't want to end up being like her. She destroyed a person to use them for their love, only. In my opinion, that's murder. It may not be physical, but killing a person's persona is considered murder in my opinion. I've never wanted to be a bad guy and I fight to remain human, not an animal. So, I continued to study material online to love this woman. I would study how to empathize. I would study what it took to make it to a marriage with a woman that you love. I would discover love tips and conversational tips. Our relationship failed in communication, spiritual connection, and respect and it was all because she was playing me. However, I continued to be human as she continued to take advantage of me and treat me like crap. Yes, I did start many arguments and tried to discipline her like a child. It was necessary, but pointless because we weren't on the same page. I continued to treat her royal as if she deserved it. God knows she didn't deserve a man like me, but in a way, I hoped to convert her from player to my one true love.

Many times I wanted to quit treating her like a queen. Other than me wanting to remain human, I was also still living a dream with the magnitude of a woman that I probably will never get again. Whenever I went through an episode of being taken advantage of, I would just either remain quiet or tell her about my concern. Even though she would likely do it again- or an act of similar disrespect - I would find a way to overcome these actions again and again. She had no regard for me, but yet I had regard for her. I would tell myself that this is what a man has to go through in a relationship, but then I think back on past relationships and they weren't even close to the level of disregard I suffered. But guess what? I endured all of the pain inflicted and created solutions. Now that we are no longer together, I feel stronger than I have ever been in my life. A blessing in disguise.

How long were me and my girlfriend together?

We were together for three months, but friends for about a year. What makes this relationship even worse is that she cut me short from that dream relationship in the beginning in just 2 months. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was hooked in 2 months. Lol!

How did I break up with her?

One day she went out with her daughter's father for breakfast, then went to the eye doctor and went shopping without thinking about calling me and telling me how she was doing or how her day was going. This was after setting her schedule to see me only once a week; making it a valued effort to hide her period from me, and having an unusual sexual feel (a certain area felt different and was a little looser) when we had intercourse after supposedly getting off her cycle. I told her that I refuse to be a side guy, because of the way that her new schedule was set up and how she started disregarding me, I just knew there was someone else or at least she wasn't interested in our relationship any longer. I stopped calling her and refused to pick up any of her calls. To this day we do not speak.

Signs that your significant other truly loves you

  • They'll make time for you; will make you a priority
  • Shows their vulnerable side
  • Introduces you to important people in their life
  • Asks you for advice about their life
  • Makes plans with you for the future

Never doubt yourself on being a human to a person who is an animal to you. People can care less about human life but you do not have to turn into them. Continue to practice humanity as in practicing a sport and be as good at it as Jordan is at basketball or as good as Garth Brooks is at singing country. Practice makes perfect. And what doesn't kill you will allow you to continue to grow as a human.

Being patient, strong, and sticking firm to the practice of building your human nature are keys to loving someone who is destroying you. Some may argue to just get up and leave, but when you're with a person of your dreams you'll stay a little longer. Throughout the disregards brought upon you by the person, you must stay affectionate and respectful, no matter how difficult it is. When it's all said and done, you'll send the animal on their way easily because you'll be able to rise above that vicious person and see them for what they are, someone that you do not need in your life. You'll have peace of mind.

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