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How to Kiss and How to Be a Better Kisser

Photo by Alejandra Quiroz

Photo by Alejandra Quiroz

If you've been wanting to initiate a kiss but aren't sure how to go about it, you've come to the right place. Here, you'll find helpful tips and techniques for kissing, whether it's your first time or you're looking to improve your skills.

I'll cover all the important details such as who to kiss, when to kiss, where to kiss, and more. So if you're ready to learn everything you need to know about kissing and have some fun while you're at it, pucker up!

Initiating a Kiss

Initiating a kiss can be a nerve-wracking experience, but it can also be a romantic and intimate moment. It's important to consider the feelings and boundaries of the person you are kissing, and to make sure that you are both comfortable with the action.

It can be helpful to communicate beforehand and ensure that there is mutual consent. There are many ways to initiate a kiss, such as by making eye contact, smiling, or leaning in slowly.

1. Indicate Your Interest in a Subtle Way

Here are some tips for signaling your interest in a romantic kiss:

  • Break the touch barrier and make light physical contact, such as massaging the other person's hand.
  • Look briefly at the other person's lips.
  • Keep your lips softly parted, not so much that you can breathe through the opening, but enough that you can easily bite your bottom lip.
  • Make sure your mouth is appealing by using chap stick or lip gloss to smooth over flaky lips and freshening your breath with mints or spray. Avoid gum, which could be awkward to spit out if the other person goes in for a kiss.

2. Break the Kiss Barrier

Here are some tips for testing the waters with a small kiss. If you're feeling brave, try kissing the other person's hand or cheek. If they seem interested, it's likely safe to proceed with a kiss on the mouth.

  • If you're kissing a girl, take her hand and gently press your lips into the back of it for 2-3 seconds before breaking away.
  • If you're kissing a guy, lean in and plant a 2-3 second kiss on his cheek. Keep your lips soft and avoid puckering like you would when kissing a family member. To make your intentions extra clear, aim for the area just to the side of his lips.

3. Set the Mood With a Romantic Compliment

Here are some tips for paying the other person a sincere compliment that might lead to a kiss:

  • Go big and give the other person the most genuine compliment you can think of. If you get it right, they may take the lead and lean in to kiss you.
  • Deliver the compliment in an intimate way, lowering the volume and tone of your voice slightly and making eye contact. This conveys your deep feelings for the person and encourages them to come closer to hear you.
  • Focus on an attractive quality rather than something unrelated, such as their athletic ability. Compliment their appearance or how they make you feel as a romantic partner. Examples include: "You are so beautiful," "Your eyes drive me crazy," "I love to see you smile," or "I am so lucky to be with you right now."

4. Consider Asking for a Kiss Directly

If you're having trouble getting the hint across, consider being direct and stating your intentions:

  • If your date hasn't caught on to your hints and you really want to kiss them, consider asking if you can.
  • Be straightforward yet romantic and compelling when making your request. Some phrases you could try include: "I'd love nothing more than to kiss you right now," "I'm sorry if this is too forward, but I'd really like to kiss you," or "I want to kiss you so much that it is just about killing me."

5. Go in for the Kiss

Once you've received the green light for a kiss, don't hesitate. Close your eyes, lean in, and smooch! The following sections will provide tips and techniques for different kissing scenarios, such as a first kiss or kissing after a date.

Photo by henri meilhac

Photo by henri meilhac

Kissing Techniques

There are many different techniques when it comes to kissing, and what works for one person may not work for another. Here are a few things to consider when kissing.

1. Keep Your Lips Soft

Tense puckers are typically reserved for family members or people you feel obligated to kiss, but keeping your mouth slightly parted and soft conveys a sense of openness.

2. Do a Few Soft Kisses

Here are some tips for starting slow with soft, gentle kisses:

  • Begin with a few soft kisses and skip the tongue and teeth for now. If your partner seems receptive, you can move on to French kissing.
  • Avoid letting your lips make a smacking noise, as it can be distracting and break the immersion in the moment. If you do find yourself smacking, slow down and part your lips a bit more.
  • Keep things light at first. Avoid pressing your lips hard against your partner's mouth. Kissing softly and gently allows the other person to stop if they're uncomfortable and gives you a chance to gauge their interest.
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3. Stay at a Manageable Level of Saliva

To avoid having your date think of slobbery puppies while you kiss, try swallowing excess saliva occasionally. If you notice that your lips are too wet, discreetly purse them and pull away to bring the extra saliva back into your mouth. This will help you avoid the unwanted fate of being compared to a slobbery puppy.

4. "Lock" Lips

If your initial kisses have been successful, try a lip lock, which can lead to more intimate kisses and can serve as a transition to French kissing. To do a lip lock, "stack" your lips as follows:

  • Your lower lip
  • Your partner's lower lip
  • Your upper lip
  • Your partner's upper lip

It's generally safest to start by placing your partner's lower lip between yours, as most people have larger lower lips that are easier to gently grab with your lips.

5. Make Sure to Breathe

It's ideal to be able to breathe softly through your nose while kissing, but if that's not possible, it's okay to take a brief break to catch your breath. Don't be self-conscious about needing to take a break or being out of breath – it's a natural sign of being nervous and excited, which your partner may find flattering.

Photo by Alexander Grey

Photo by Alexander Grey

6. Use Your Hands

Here are some ways to use your hands to increase intimacy:

  • Place them lightly on your partner's shoulders or around their waist. (In Western culture, girls usually put their hands on a boy's shoulders while he puts his hands around her waist.)
  • Pull your partner closer for a more intimate touch.
  • Caress their face by placing your hands on the sides of their face and using your thumb to sweep across their cheekbone, or put one hand under their chin and tilt it upward.
  • For a seriously sensual move, put both hands around the back of their head and gently tangle them in their hair.

7. Test Using Tongue

When you're in a lip lock with your partner's lower lip between both of yours, try lightly running the tip of your tongue over it. If you can do this slowly, it can be even more effective. Observe your partner's response to gauge whether it's appropriate to continue with more intense tongue action. If they press in closer or return the gesture, it's likely okay to continue. However, if they pull away, it's best to stick to lip-only kisses for now.

Photo by Mia Harvey

Photo by Mia Harvey

8. Try French Kissing

French kisses are a popular form of affection in Western culture, and although the origins of the term are unclear, it is thought to refer to the practice of using one's tongue during a kiss. If you're interested in trying out this intimate act, here's how to get started:

  • Begin by lightly and slowly sweeping the tip of your tongue along the inside of your partner's lower lip. This will give you a sense of their response and allow you to gauge their level of comfort.
  • Once you've established a rhythm, try sliding the tip of your tongue inside your partner's mouth and gently moving it against the tip of their tongue. Keep your movements light and darting to maintain a playful and sensual atmosphere.
  • If your partner seems to be enjoying the kiss and responding positively, you can try deeper and harder strokes to increase the intensity. However, it's important to pay attention to your partner's cues and always respect their boundaries.

Overall, the key to a successful French kiss is to be mindful of your partner's needs and preferences, and to let your passions and desires flow naturally. With a little bit of practice and some patience, you'll be well on your way to mastering the art of the French kiss.

9. Mix It Up

When it comes to French kissing, it's important to remember that variety is the spice of life. You don't have to keep the intensive tongue activity going indefinitely - try alternating between soft and hard, slow and fast, deep and shallow to keep your partner on their toes. You can even take a break from tongue action and go back to using only your lips for a few minutes to mix things up.

Maintaining a sense of surprise and spontaneity in your kisses will help keep them from becoming stale and predictable. So don't be afraid to experiment and switch things up from time to time. This will keep your partner guessing and ensure that every kiss is an exciting and enjoyable experience.

10. Gently Nibble Your Partner's Lips

Incorporating teeth into your kisses can add an element of surprise and excitement, but it's important to be gentle and cautious. Here are a few tips for introducing teeth into your kisses:

  • Keep the pressure light - you want to nibble, not bite.
  • Move slowly and deliberately to avoid accidentally chomping on your partner's lip.
  • When your lips are locked, place your teeth over your partner's lower lip and gently pull back until they are almost at the end. Pause for a moment, then resume kissing as usual.
  • Don't overdo it with the teeth - they should be an occasional surprise, not the main attraction.
  • Be prepared for rejection - not everyone enjoys teeth during a kiss. If your partner doesn't respond well, try not to take it personally - it's just a matter of personal preference.

Overall, the key to incorporating teeth into your kisses is to be gentle and considerate of your partner's comfort level. With a little bit of practice and some sensitivity, you can introduce this exciting element into your kisses without causing any discomfort.

11. Increase the Intensity With Occasional Breaks

Taking breaks from a passionate kiss to look into your partner's eyes, whisper something in their ear, or simply catch your breath can actually enhance the intimacy of the moment. These small pauses give your partner the sense that you see them as a whole person, and not just a body to kiss.

Instead of diminishing the intensity of the kiss, these breaks can actually make it more meaningful and memorable. So don't be afraid to pull away for a moment to connect with your partner on a deeper level. You might be surprised by how much these small gestures can strengthen the bond between you.

Having Your First Kiss

Having your first kiss can be an exciting and memorable experience, but it can also be nerve-wracking. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Pick a Trustworthy Partner

Kissing someone you trust can help alleviate any anxiety or nervousness you may feel about your first kiss. If you were the one giving someone their first kiss, you would likely be patient and understanding, so expect the same from your partner.

It's important to remember that an awkward first kiss doesn't have to be the end of the relationship (or the world). In fact, it can even bring you closer together by creating a shared experience. As long as you can laugh it off and move on, you'll be fine.

Everyone has gone through their first kiss, and chances are that most people are more awkward about it than you realize. So don't worry too much about making it perfect - just focus on enjoying the moment and being present with your partner.

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk

2. Prepare Your Mouth

Before kissing, it's a good idea to make sure your lips are hydrated and your mouth is clean and fresh. You can use chapstick or lip gloss to smooth over chapped lips, and be sure to brush your teeth and tongue thoroughly. If your breath feels a little stale, try using breath mints or spray to freshen up.

Feeling confident about the cleanliness and appeal of your mouth can help you feel more at ease during a kiss. That being said, don't get too caught up in obsessing over cleanliness. Most mouths just have a warm, neutral taste, unless you've recently eaten something pungent (like onions or garlic) or you've just woken up in the morning. Just focus on enjoying the moment and connecting with your partner.

3. Don't Rush

Your first kiss is a special and memorable moment, so it's important to make the most of it. Unless you're both overwhelmed with desire and can't wait another moment to kiss, try building anticipation by drawing it out. Making eye contact and teasing the kiss before it actually happens can be incredibly sensual and exciting.

Take your time and savor the moment. You only get one first kiss, so make it count. By building up the anticipation and taking your time, you'll create a memorable and special experience that you'll never forget.

4. Let Your Partner Take the Lead

If you're feeling anxious or unsure about your kissing technique, try letting your partner take the lead. Follow their lead and imitate what they do until you feel more comfortable trying your own moves.

Kissing is a two-way street, and it's important to be responsive to your partner's cues and preferences. By following their lead and paying attention to their reactions, you'll be able to learn what works for them and feel more confident in your own abilities.

So don't be afraid to let your partner initiate the kiss and guide you through the process. With a little bit of practice and some mutual trust, you'll be able to develop your own unique style and enjoy the intimacy of kissing together.

5. Take a Few Calculated Risks

As you become more comfortable with kissing and develop your own style, don't be afraid to take the lead on initiating kisses or experimenting with new techniques. It's important to remember that everyone has different preferences and comfort levels when it comes to intimacy, and what works for one person might not work for another.

If your partner doesn't respond well to a new technique or approach, don't take it personally. Simply write it off as a matter of personal preference and try something else. Communication and mutual respect are key to building a strong and satisfying relationship, and that includes being open and honest about your needs and boundaries when it comes to intimacy.

So don't be afraid to be bold and try new things, but also be sensitive to your partner's feelings and needs. With a little bit of experimentation and some open communication, you'll be able to find a style that works for both of you.

Photo by Crew

Photo by Crew

Kissing After a Date

Kissing after a date can be a romantic and intimate way to end the evening. Here are a few things to consider.

1. Get Close

If you're hoping for a goodbye kiss, it's a good idea to start getting close to your partner sooner rather than later. Otherwise, you may find yourself standing awkwardly far apart, which can make it difficult to smoothly lean in for the kiss.

To avoid the dreaded "last-minute turn and kiss on the cheek" routine, try breaking the touch barrier by placing your hand (or a jacket) on your partner's shoulder or back as you walk them to the car or door. This gentle gesture lets them know your intentions and gives you an excuse to stand close together.

Remember, the key to a smooth and successful goodbye kiss is to be proactive and considerate of your partner's feelings. By taking the initiative and being thoughtful about your approach, you can create a memorable and meaningful moment that leaves you both feeling satisfied.

2. Watch Your Date’s Reaction

If your date seems to be avoiding physical contact or trying to create distance, it's important to respect their boundaries and not push for a goodbye kiss. This could be a sign that they are not ready for a more intimate moment, and it's important to respect their wishes.

Instead of letting your ego get in the way, simply flash a big smile, thank them for the lovely time, and go about your business. It's possible that they simply need more time to feel comfortable with the idea of kissing, and it's important to be patient and understanding.

Remember, the key to a successful and satisfying relationship is mutual respect and understanding. By being attuned to your partner's needs and boundaries, you'll be able to create a strong and meaningful connection that lasts.

Photo by Toa Heftiba

Photo by Toa Heftiba

3. Maintain Eye Contact

Making eye contact while standing close together is a clear signal that a post-date kiss is about to take place. If the eye contact becomes too intense, it's okay to break it and reestablish it as needed - it's better to let your eyes wander than to subject your partner to an intense stare down.

One way to break eye contact while still maintaining the romance is to briefly glance down at your partner's lips. This subtle gesture can convey your desire for a kiss without being too overwhelming.

It's natural to feel a little awkward about making your desires so clear, but remember that giving your partner a heads-up will help make the kiss go more smoothly and improve the chances of it turning into a passionate make out session. Trying to surprise your partner with a kiss may result in bumped noses and teeth, a startled pullback, and lots of awkwardness. So be clear about your intentions and let your partner know that you're ready for a kiss.

4. Stop the Conversation

When people get nervous, they often try to fill the silence by talking excessively, which can kill the mood and prevent a kiss from happening. While you don't want to be rude and abruptly end the conversation, you also don't want to encourage your partner to ramble on unnecessarily.

To let the chatter die down and create an opportunity for a kiss, try to keep your responses friendly but minimal. This will allow the conversation to naturally come to a close, giving you a chance to make your move.

Remember, it's okay to be nervous, but try not to let it get in the way of enjoying the moment. By staying calm and confident, you'll be able to create the perfect opportunity for a memorable goodbye kiss.

5. Consider Breaking the Kiss Barrier

If you're not quite ready for a full-blown romantic kiss, you can still show your affection by leaning in for a hug and giving your partner a cheek kiss. To make it clear that your intentions are more than platonic, try placing the kiss close to the ear or mouth and letting your lips linger for a second. You can also add a flirty twist by whispering something in your partner's ear with your lips touching.

This type of kiss is a subtle way to show your affection and build intimacy without going all the way. It's a good option if you're not sure if your partner is ready for a more intense kiss, or if you just want to keep things light and playful.

Overall, the key to a successful cheek kiss is to be clear and considerate of your partner's feelings. By paying attention to their cues and respecting their boundaries, you'll be able to create a meaningful and memorable moment that leaves you both feeling satisfied.

6. Keep It Simple

If this is your first kiss with this person (or, more importantly, your first date), it's important to keep things simple and not overdo it. Try softly parting your lips and planting a straightforward kiss on your partner's lips, or take things up a notch by gently locking lips.

It's important to resist the temptation to kiss too hard or use tongue, unless you've been chasing this person for a long time and are confident that they are open to it. Coming on too strong on a first date or kiss may seem too forward and could shut down future opportunities.

The key to a successful first kiss is to be respectful of your partner's boundaries and comfort level. By keeping things simple and being considerate of their feelings, you'll be able to create a memorable and meaningful moment that leaves you both wanting more.

7. Follow Your Date's Lead

Pay attention to your partner's body language and movements during the kiss. If they lean closer or linger, it may be a sign that they are open to transitioning into more romantic kissing. On the other hand, if they pull back or seem hesitant, it's best to end the kiss by slowly pulling back, reopening your eyes to make eye contact, and smiling.

Photo by Tony Mucci

Photo by Tony Mucci

Non-Romantic Kissing

Non-romantic kissing is a common practice in many cultures and can be a way to show affection, respect, or friendship.

1. Pucker Your Lips

If you pucker your lips, it can indicate that you are not willing to engage in more intimate or romantic behavior. To check if you are puckering your lips correctly, try kissing the air. If the kissing noise is loud and sounds like a "pop" as you part your lips and suck in air, it means your lips are tight and somewhat closed. A more relaxed and romantic kiss would produce a much softer and quieter noise because the lips are not as tense.

2. Make Your Intentions Clear

To avoid any misunderstandings or misinterpretation of your intentions when kissing someone on the cheek, it is best to make it clear that you are not trying to kiss them on the mouth. You can do this by turning your head to the side as you lean in for the kiss. Try to aim for the middle of the cheek to avoid any potential misunderstandings or uncomfortable situations.

If you prefer not to actually kiss the other person's skin, you can try air kissing by leaning in so that your cheek touches the side of their cheek, and then making a few quick, audible puckers with your lips. For added emphasis, you can pull back, switch sides, and repeat the process. This will help to clearly convey your intentions and avoid any misunderstandings.

3. Keep It Brief

When kissing someone on the cheek or lips, it is important to limit the amount of time your lips spend on their skin. A brief kiss that involves making a quick, audible "kissing noise" is generally considered platonic. If your lips linger for an extended period of time, it can be interpreted as a more romantic or intimate gesture. It is important to be mindful of the duration of your kisses to avoid any misunderstandings or misinterpretation of your intentions.

4. Kiss Out of Respect or Worship

To show respect and deference to the other person, you can bow or kneel before them. Keep your head lowered and your gaze turned upward as you remain in this position during the kiss. Gently take the person's hand and bring it close to your lips as a sign of affection. This gesture can convey a sense of humility and respect, and can be a meaningful way to show your appreciation and admiration for the other person.

Gender Differences

There are no inherent differences between men and women when it comes to kissing. However, society and culture can play a role in shaping gender norms and expectations around kissing.


According to a study, a good kiss appears to be more important to women than it is to men. Women tend to use kissing as a way to judge a potential date or mate and to bond with them. They are also more likely to seek kisses throughout a relationship. In contrast, men are less likely to use kissing as a way to evaluate a potential partner or to bond with them. Additionally, women are less likely to engage in kissing if they feel that their partner is only interested in sex and not in a deeper connection. Overall, the study suggests that kissing holds different significance and importance for men and women.


In contrast to women, the study found that men tend to be less selective when it comes to kissing partners. However, they were also found to be more passionate kissers. Men generally prefer open-mouthed, tongue-included, wet kisses more than women do. They also seem to prefer it when their partner makes pleasurable noises during the kiss. Overall, the study suggests that men and women may have different preferences and attitudes when it comes to kissing.


Kissing can be a powerful tool in the search for love, sex, and relationships. It can help you assess your partner, prove your worth, bond with them, and turn them on. To make the most of this powerful tool, it is important to take care of your oral hygiene by brushing your teeth and moisturizing your lips.

Being assertive can also help you make the most of your kisses and effectively convey your intentions. Use these tips to make the most of your kisses and enhance your relationships.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2022 Ionel Anton

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