Sabrina loves to write about love, life, and everything in-between in a candid yet humorous approach.
Whether you've just had your heart broken, or it's happened to you in the past, the one thing we can agree on is that it's something we have all gone through. Time may heal all wounds, but it's what you actually do with that time that really matters. I've heard it said that it takes half the time you've been with someone to get over that person.
That sounds like okay advice, unless you've been with someone for twenty years and now you're thinking, it's going to take you ten just to get over them. I hardly think that's the case. While matters of the heart don't follow any logic or timeline, there is a right and wrong way to get over a heartbreak.
1. Stop All Contact With Them
The first, and in my mind most obvious step, is to stop all contact with the person you're trying to get over. It sounds quite simple, but in this day and age it's really not. With social media, it's almost impossible to forget anyone with status updates and photos popping up all over the place. It's gotten to the point where you can pretty much know anything about anyone without ever having an actual conversation with them.
It's crazy how much people share about their lives online, and a little scary to be honest. So if you can know so much about strangers, imagine how easy it is to keep up with people you actually know in real life. That's exactly why I recommend deleting, blocking, and unfollowing your ex after a breakup. You don't need to know his every move, where he's going, and who he's going with. The wounds are still raw and fresh after a breakup, so it's best to not torture yourself with this unnecessary information.
From personal experience, it's best to just have a clean break. No contact at all. This might mean changing your phone number as well. If there's no children involved, then there's no reason to contact each other. Even if you do hope to get back together in the future, you still need that break without each other to see how life goes. Maybe you'll realize you really don't need each other at all and you're happier apart.
But you'll never know that if you don't delete them from your life, at least for a period of time. If you do decide to be friends after some amount of time passes, that's great, you can always add them to your social media again. This is only after you've both healed and it doesn't hurt to see them with someone else. Once you have reached that point, you know you have moved on and are completely over them.
2. Get Rid of All Reminders of Them
I think the no contact rule is probably one of the easier things you can do after a breakup. You just do it once and then you can rest easy. The next step is to remove all photos and objects from your home and work that remind you of your ex partner. You don't need photos that you took together all over your desk or walls. You don't need the gifts they gave you reminding you of them everyday. Don't forget to include any jewelry they gave you too.
Just put everything that reminds you of them in a box and put that box far away. For now. That doesn't mean you won't use the items ever again. It just means that when you're stronger and you have healed, you'll be ready to see this stuff again and it won't hurt as much to be near it. For now, it's out of sight and out of mind.
3. Consider Changing Friend Groups
While it's easy to remove someone from social media and place all items that remind you of them far away, it's not that easy to remove someone from your heart and memories. This is especially hard when you have mutual friends in your social circle. This is where it gets tricky and awkward. I went through this first hand when I was younger, and I chose to give up many of my friends after a particularly nasty breakup because I saw that they didn't have my best interests at heart. This may seem extreme, but if your "mutual friends" are only going to go from you to your ex and be a source through which information or gossip transfers, then maybe you don't need to stay friends anymore. Usually after a breakup, the girl gets "custody" of some friends, and the guy gets "custody" of others. The rule is if you were friends before the relationship then you should remain friends after. And if you just became friends while you were a couple with another couple, well then it's up to you who stays friends with who.
Sometimes an ex will use your friends to get back at you for whatever reason. That is a good time to get rid of those "friends" and start over with new ones. If your mutual friends with your ex are a source of hurt and pain for you, you don't need them just like you no longer need your ex. It's a hard pill to swallow, but at the end of the day you just have to do what's best for you, your well-being and your peace of mind. Some friendships like relationships, have an expiration date, and when you reach it there's just no going back. Good riddance I say.
4. Stay Busy
It's important to stay busy after a break up. A lot of people tend to give up hobbies and interests when they enter a relationship and then when it ends they are left with nothing. Never make that mistake. Even when you're dating someone, it's important to have your own interests and keep some hobbies that make you happy. Never, ever, depend on another person for your happiness, because when they're gone so will your happiness.
Regardless, if you're left with nothing after a break up, change that quickly. Pick up some new hobbies and take some classes just to get out of the house and use all that newfound free time. Take a cooking class if you've always wanted to learn. Pick up some volunteer hours at an animal shelter and give love to the creatures who need it the most. Maybe you'll find your new best friend there and adopt him. Pets can do wonders for the soul. They'll force you to get out of the house and be there when you need a paw to cry on. A break up is a trying time, and you may be rescuing a pet as much as they're saving you.
5. Think About Moving Somewhere Else
If you have the opportunity and means, I would recommend even moving somewhere else after a particularly tough break up. If there's nothing holding you back and tying you to a particular place, then there's no reason why you can't just pack up and move on. A new place does wonders for a broken heart. When you're literally putting miles and miles between you and your problems, it's psychologically so much easier just to put your troubles behind you. Everyone deserves a fresh start in a new place. I think it's better to know no one in a new place, then know people who are no good for you in a familiar place. Time to leave that comfort zone behind you and move on to bigger and better things.
6. Learn to Be Happy on Your Own
When it comes to your heart, it's up to you to figure out what feels best for you. Dealing with a heartbreak is a tough and fragile time, so only keep people in your life who make you feel better and bring you up rather than down. You may lose a few so called friends, but you'll gain so much more in peace and wisdom. Don't be afraid to spend some time alone and really listen to yourself and what you want in life. A relationship is not always a requisite for happiness. And when it comes down to it, it's better to be happy alone than miserable with someone else.
Best Thing I Never Had by Beyonce
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge. Content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and does not substitute for personal counsel or professional advice in business, financial, legal, or technical matters.
© 2018 GreenEyes1607
Ovester Quayee on August 07, 2018:
I love reading stories of this kind, so I actually enjoyed reading this Wonderful story, it had touched my broken heart. Thanks to the author for writing this story.
TOMMEY on March 25, 2018:
Dr Billy Kidd from Sydney, Australia on March 24, 2018:
Yes, return all his or her stuff to your ex then make no contact.