Natasha Pelati has published three books of poetry and writes on real-life experiences with the help of psychology.
Thomas Jefferson quoted, "He who permits himself to a lie once,finds it much easier to do it a second and third time til at length it becomes habitual."
Lying is like a disease and it spreads like wildfire once a person starts getting used to doing it!Some people lie compulsively and they tell so many lies that they can't tell the truth anymore. They also don't realise that their lies are hurtful to the ones that they love and the more they lie the bigger it gets.
Once you have found that your loved one has lied to you it takes away the trust that you had for that person and you wonder if the lie is the only thing that they have done, especially when they have been caught lying and deny it.
Getting them to admit to lying is a challenge but it can be done!
How to Tell if they are Lying
You have to be sure that someone has lied to you before you approach them.
Watch to see if they are fidgeting and sweating.
Liars usually leave out important details, so ask for more information and they will soon slip up on details.
Failure to make eye contact is also a sign of deception.
Look for dilated pupils and a change in their tone of voice.
If asked to repeat the story, the details are always different.
Someone that says "my oath, I swear, to be honest," is usually trying to convince you that they are telling you the truth when they are actually bringing your attention to the fact that they are lying to you.
Liars are defensive!
Approaching a Liar
If a woman is asking you about something it usually means she already knows the answer and is just reconfirming what she has heard or seen.
In order to get the answer you are looking for you have to approach your partner or friend in a non- defensive way. If you rush over and approach them in the wrong way they will automatically deny it.
Don't ask them if they have lied to you but ask them what made them lie. The chances of them admitting to it are slim to none and they will probably say that they never lied. The words "I promise, on my... life" will come up and listen out for the change in tone.
Know the Facts
Before you can get them to admit to a lie you need to know the facts so get some investigative work going in order to find the truth. Collect evidence.
Once you have found your truth and you are one hundred percent sure that you have been lied to then you can now work on your approach.
Keep calm! Do not go in "guns a blazin" and show any anger.
Don't fold your arms and keep your voice level normal.
The first thing that you have to say is, "I know that you lied to me and I am so disappointed. I would just like to know why you did it?"
They will deny it and you will be forced to listen to a fairy tale of promises and oaths.
When that is done you can then tell them that you are aware of the lie and then produce your evidence or facts.
Once you have done that you can then tell them that you feel betrayed and would appreciate the truth. You say nothing else and walk away giving them time to reflect.
The truth will either come out of their mouths or they will continue to lie but with your approach if that person really loves or cares for you, they will come clean.
Accept the truth and hopefully an apology but don't expect it not to happen again because if someone you love finds it easy to lie to you and deny it than... honey, it ain't for you!
Banana Fartman MD on June 06, 2019:
This didn’t really help me.