Noah loves to write about relationship and relationship advice. His mission is to change people's lives and relationships to the better.
If you’ve just experienced a breakup, and are wondering on, if, and how you can get your ex back, you’ve come to the right place. This complete and comprehensible article will provide you with all the information you will need.
You may be experiencing a very emotional phase of life right now, due to the separation of someone you love deeply, and though you may be feeling very confused and sensitive, with the impression that nothing else has meaning without your other half, there’s a whole lot that you should actually be doing right now other than lamenting the loss, and in order to get things right again, for yourself, for your ex, and for your relationship.
So, first and foremost, you need to acknowledge to yourself that you are in pain, and that even if you were the one to blame for the breakup, that there is hope and that you can keep your relationship alive and you can get back with your ex.
Initially, we’ll be trying to discover the main possible underlying reasons for why the breakup happened in the first place. You will discover the core reasons which lead to breakups between couples, so that you can avoid them in the future and to create more solid relationships.
Still in this part of the article, we’ll be looking into the stage of “understanding”, where you’ll be working on keeping yourself calm and fully under control, because it’s totally worthless to try and reunite when you’re feeling depressed and desperate. So this is a very important phase which you must pay full attention to.
After this, we will look into your relationship in detail and implement a plan that will work for you. It’s important to realize that the plan that we’re going to be implementing here, is based on the principles we speak about in the first part of this article, so there’s no use skipping it because you’ll just be making things worse if you don’t fully understand it.
The purpose of these guidelines is to give you enough information that you completely understand and a plan for you to implement. So that in the end, you have the tools necessary for you to take action. Action is necessary, but the tools are important.
There are many different reasons as to why men and women leave a relationship nowadays. Reading between the lines of another person, or trying to decipher what’s going on in their minds is a very tough task. And even if your partner gives you a reason for breaking up, let’s be honest… there’s always more to that story than you can imagine.
So any excuse like "I think it's not working for us anymore", is an incomplete reason, and therefore if you want to get back with your ex, you will have to decrypt the whole message and understand what could have possibly gone wrong on your side.
Upon understanding human behaviour (which we will be doing in a little while) you will certainly agree with me that no situation in a relationship is definite, even though some situations are a bit more delicate than others. Let’s take cheating as an example. Cheating on your partner creates doubt and uncertainty in the other person’s mind, and a good enough reason to not want to get back together again. But when analysing the situation from another view point and trying to figure out what lead to the cheating in the first place, you’ll see that there’s much more to understanding human behaviour in a relationship than you could possibly imagine, and that (coming back to what I said before), no situation in a relationship is definite.
So let’s take a closer look at each gender, and try to understand each of them in detail.
Understanding why Men end relationships
Men don’t normally intentionally hurt the feelings of their partner, and from the standpoint of most men, their reason to ask for a separation can mostly be vague. But fact is, that men will sign-out of a relationship when they are no longer getting what they need. Men want appraisal. They want to feel praised for who they are. They have a need to feel respected and crave interest from their partner. Men need appreciation.
So whenever a relationship becomes stale, men will definitely seek out someone who has the same desire and interest which their old partner once had for them. You can look at it as a need to constantly feed their ego and self-esteem. So here goes a tip for any woman reading this: You must let your man feel that he is wanted, otherwise he will seek out the same attention from another woman.
If you doubt this, take a look at when you first met. A woman lets a man know that she’s interested by smiling a lot, laughing at his silly jokes and by being expressive with him. But as time goes by she stops wearing those sexy clothes and exchanges them for large sweaters. She will smile less, and make no effort to enjoy his silly jokes. And that’s where a relationship loses it’s spark of success and loyalty.
Men don’t end a relationship because they’ve found another woman whom they find is prettier… They end because they crave admiration, respect and need to feel wanted again.
Nagging and not showing admiration and respect puts out a signal of insatisfaction, and not being content with what a woman is being offered. And that’s the one biggest reason as to why men abandon a relationship.
This does not mean that woman can’t show dissatisfaction to a man, but those expressions of dissatisfaction have to be balanced with words and attitudes of loving and caring. As a woman this doesn’t mean that you’ll have to sacrifice your self-respect. But too much complaining can be a disaster for your relationship. So here it is again: Men need appreciation.
Understanding why Women end relationships
Women on the other hand, mainly end relationships with their partners for a completely different reason. They are completely loyal to their partner until the very end, unless they feel unadmired.
Most men see women as needy of attention, but in reality, it’s not attention that they need, but the feelings of admiration. And that’s why most women cheat on their partners, because they don’t receive the feelings of admiration for the work and commitment that they put into a relationship. They don’t get the feelings that they are special in a man’s life.
And that’s why so many other men, playing the seduction game can easily seduce women who are married and partnered up. They put themselves up as “only friends” who are good listeners and understand her feelings, and slowly start to make the move to making her see how ungrateful her partner is for not giving her the treatment that she deserves.
Then as a final move, the new guy starts giving her the right type of admiration that she needs, and puts himself up as the “perfect match”. And before you know it, the new guy becomes the perfect guy.
So, we can conclude from the previous topic, that men cheat on women because they feel unappreciated, and women cheat on men because they feel unadmired.
These are the main originators for the breakup of a relationship. They are the root of the problem that originates all of the other disagreements and results that show up in a relationship.
Women won’t end a relationship or start an affair it they get the sense that their partner is giving them the admiration and attention that they need. As long as they are still getting this, they’ll keep coming back.
Thousands of women being cheating on, knowingly or unknowingly, prefer to continue to hang onto a relationship because they receive admiration from their partner, even if just faintly. It’s tricky and delicate, but it is true. Women will prefer to draw back, and wait, than to start a new relationship from scratch, when they sense this.
And when women cheat on their partner with someone else, they’ll generally always lay the blame on their partner, often using the following justifications for doing so:
“You never pay attention towards me”
“I was very lonely and desperately need someone to talk to”
But the truth is, that women would be much happier if they didn’t have to put the blame on someone else. So in any situation, it would be better to accept the fact that betrayal happened because there was a lack of appreciation and of admiration between the two.
Frequent arguments and quarrels
These two alone, have exterminated millions of relationships in recent years, and most of them are due to the fact that couples just can’t seem to understand each other’s viewpoint. When one part feels unfavored, there’s an argument. When one goes against the viewpoint of another, there’s an argument. When one goes against the core value of another, there’s an offense. And the disruption of the balance can go on eternally if couples don’t find a way to deal with the imbalances.
When asked, one of the most common reasons men state about leaving their partners over discussions is because they couldn't make her happy. Sometimes after such long lasting relationships, they still can’t make their partner happy, and for that reason, they seek out another woman who is easier to please.
When asked, women in the same situation respond that they left because their partners didn’t appreciate what they did.
Based on what we previously spoke of, can you notice a pattern going on?
Of course there are other issues that can affect a relationship, but they’re not the main reason behind separations. If you take a closer look, you’ll always see the same pattern.
Let’s take a look at a real life situation with the sensitive topic - trust.
Michael (as an example), is dating another woman and has lied to his partner about it. Mary who is Michael’s partner feels extremely hurt because Michael has lied, and also feels extremely unappreciated, so she’s decided to break up. So she tells Michael that she can no longer trust him, and ends everything.
Now, let’s take a closer look from outward in. The real issue which caused the absence of trust was because Mary feels like she’ll never feel different to Michael, and she feels like he’ll never love her like before because he’s dating someone else. So the lack of trust becomes the obvious cause for the breakup, when it really isn’t.
People never understand their reasons while expressing true feelings, and men tend to be much less clear about this than women.
So any reason which seems obvious to them, becomes a good enough reason to argue and end a relationship.
When you’ve just broken up, you’ll mostly not know what to do and how to keep your emotions under control all the time. It’s a very normal thing to experience.
The urge to just call your ex and to send hundreds of text messages, expressing your inner feelings is just overwhelming.
And so even though everyone feels the same about this, is going through with these actions beneficial in any way? The answer is a clear no, as it’s one of the worst ways to get back with your ex. The panicky feeling of loss and feeling lost is your enemy in this situation. So avoiding the feelings of panic, loss and madness are what we’re going to be talking about next, because when you learn to control your panic in such situations and to calm yourself down, you’ll be able to maneuver the situation better. And that’s exactly what you need in order to get back with an ex.
How to take control over the panic that you feel
You may perhaps be a very rational person, but from personal experience and in seeing so many other cases myself, anyone that experiences a breakup suddenly goes through a phase of loss of identity. The brain cells stop functioning correctly, heart just keeps pounding vigorously, the knot in your throat just becomes bigger, and the mind just goes through the roof.
It’s normal to feel this way, because after all, you are feeling the loss of something important to you.
It’s also normal at this time, to have huge mood swings, where one moment you’re giggling with friends and the next, crying like a newborn. These are all pretty unknown emotions to you, so you’ll want to regain control over your emotions, to stop feeling the panic and the volatility.
In the quest to regain your emotions back, many people end up doing bad things, like drunk texting, drunk dialing, stalking amongst others. So before getting to any extreme, you may want to follow some of my recommendations to become a normal person again, before trying your next move.
Exercise: Take the time off for yourself
Though this may not seem at first, like any advice to follow when trying to get back with your ex, taking a break from the whole relationship has huge benefits.
Taking a break, means that you will need to stop texting, calling your ex on the phone, sending emails to your ex, and even to stop going to the same places where you and your ex can potentially cross paths.
I know that this may seem like a silly idea when you’re probably thinking that you need to act in order to get your ex back, but bare with me because there’s another side to the entire picture that you’re probably not looking at.
Trying to maintain contact constantly after a breakup can actually push you farther away because you’ll both still be talking to each other from an old mentality, pushing each other’s buttons and saying things that aren’t true. You’ll be pushing negative feelings towards one another, making your ex feel uncomfortable with you, making your lover feel bad, behaving like a stalker and even worse, you may trigger a revengeful situation.
So hopefully, you can now see how desperately trying to keep in constant contact won’t help you get back with your ex at all.
So instead of making things worse, let your mind calm down first. Get a calendar, and mark a date thirty days after the day that you broke up, to establish first contact.
During this one month period, if you ever get the urge to call, text or visit your ex, stop immediately and walk away. You will want to contact your ex during that period many times over, but you’ll need to take control of your emotions first. Cool your mind, to become sane again, and I can guarantee you that in one month’s time you’ll both have a complete understanding of what really went wrong in your relationship. When the both of you have time and distance between you for some time, your communication will become much more open.
When you have to see your ex every day
For those of you who can’t avoid their ex, either because you work together or study together, etc.. There’s advice for you as well.
Dealing with your ex isn’t easy, and you should be prepared to tackle the situation properly before making a huge mess out of it. The solution for you, is to, instead of ignoring your ex, or being rude to them, you’ll want to simply not deepen the communication line between the two of you. The perfect scenario would be to say hello in a friendly tone when you see them, and then walk away and go do your thing.
Ignoring your ex will make them feel as if you’re angry at them, or that you’re playing dirty tricks to get their attention. So instead, just act cool and calm even if you’re going insane on the inside. Don’t put out any indications that you’re frustrated or panicking. Just be cool.
Use the time off to structure your plan
Bypassing your ex for some time is key for your revival and it lets you pass through your panicky feelings as well. This alone time will also allow you to plan your strategy on how to get back your ex.
The first days after a breakup are very hard to pass (I’m not going to lie to you), but they’re necessary so that your brain and heart can calm down and stop distracting you from your long-term planning. We’ll get to the plan later on in this article.
So when in the planning phase, try focus on passing time without getting into trouble. Time is your ally, and it’s the medicine that you need right now, to mend an injured heart.
Your ex will also need this time
It’s true that “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. So you can use the no-contact rule to your advantage here too. Give your ex some time away from you, so that he or she can miss you. How would they be able to feel the yearning if you kept persisting on calling them all the time?
Give your ex some time and space so that they can realize how important you are in their life.
By maintaining a distance from your ex, you will also be able to show that you respect them, that you understand their feelings, and that you miss them. It’ll show maturity towards the whole relationship, which is a quality that your ex will acknowledge, again turning it into a vantage point in your favor.
What to do with the time you now have
Now that you’re separated from your ex, and have your panic under control, how can you spend the time that you now have, doing activities that are productive for you?
I have a few tips that will get you cheered and enlightened in no time.
Get together with old friends
When getting deeply involved in a relationship, close and old friends are often left out and even forgotten. This is the perfect time to get together with those old friends, and one of the best ways to re-engage with life itself. This way, your attention will divert from breaking up, and you’ll feel much more comfortable out there.
Make an effort to not keep all conversations revolving around the break up, as your goal here is to keep you distracted and happy.
Renew a Hobby
If you’re fond of fishing, playing games, doing volunteer work or anything else that you enjoy doing, re-starting a hobby will be a great way to get you mentally and physically in shape again, and get your mind off the breakup.
It’s the perfect time for you to re-ignite a personal interest, and focus on what you liked to do before you started your relationship. In pursuing your hobbies, you will probably also come across old friends and new friends that can support you.
Give your career a boost
Now that you’re totally free, and you won’t get any calls or texts to distract you, why not cash in this time and check into the office earlier. Focus more of your attention on your career and on studying, and use up more of your energy at work.
It’s a great opportunity to learn new skills, and maybe even get a promotion, or a new job.
Avoiding Depression after a Breakup
Depression is a most common factor among people who have just experienced a breakup. It is critical for you not to give in to depression, because you’ll certainly make it impossible to revive yourself and follow through with this plan if you fall apart or into depression.
Here are a few things that you must do everything to avoid at this moment:
- Making life changing decisions
- Discussing your breakup with everyone
- Staying home all day
- Rejecting invitations to go out
- Sleeping the whole day
- Drinking alcohol
- Doing drugs
Though you may simply feel like staying indoors all day long, watching your favorite TV series, you need to do everything that you possibly can to get your life back on track. And that doesn’t include staying inside the house all day long.
You will need to get up early in the morning, workout or get some exercise, boost your immune system, start working on time, doing a good job at work and filling up your daily routine with a busy schedule.
An important note though, about trying to numb your emotions. Many people resort to alcohol, drugs and medication to cope with their emotions, and this is something I recommend you not to do. Apart from the fact that they alter your behaviour, and can cause you to do stupid things that you may later come to regret, they are hazardous for your health.
Emotions, be them positive or negative are to be felt, that’s why you have a life in the first place. So resorting to chemicals to numb your emotions is a huge no.
If you need an aid to calm down, you can try meditation to quieten the mind and balance your nervous system, and you may also use natural remedies such as Passiflora and herbal teas to control your anxiety. These are recommended, because they are well accepted by your body, and do not alter your biological functions. Just keep in mind, no chemicals allowed!
Now that you’re no longer in a relationship, there are two ways to go. Though you are probably reading this article because your interest is to get back with your ex, you still have another option on the table, which is to move on with your life and leave the relationship.
It’s important to be very realistic about this, and consider that it is a valid option, and maybe the one that is right for you.
In the next section, we’ll be analysing the entire relationship and the point where you currently stand in life, so that you are better equipped to make the right decision, of either fighting to get back with your ex, or in going in a different direction, with all the support you need.
Now is the time for you to be completely impartial from your emotions, and uncover the facts, to see if your relationship is either a good thing for you to pursue, or something that you’ll need to leave behind.
Exercise 1: Analysing the positive aspects of your relationship
This is an exercise that you will need to do now, so don’t continue to read this article until you have completed it. Get a sheet of paper and a pen.
I generally recommend you take your time and do only one of these exercises per day, to help you engage fully with the exercise and to go deep within, so that they are as authentic as possible.
You are now going to be analysing all the things that made you fall in love with your partner, and what was attractive in him or her. It’s important to spend some time thinking about each of the things that you are about to write, so to generate an authentic view of what it is that you really enjoyed in the other person. It’ll be important for you, if you opt to get back with your ex.
The things that you are to write down must be those things that became dissipated in your daily routines and that you no longer noticed. The qualities that you venerated in them.
Here are a few topics that you may want to explore as they can help you rediscover a few of the things that you loved and didn’t realize were so special to you:
- Did you share core values and views on life?
- What kind of restaurants did you like to eat at?
- What did you enjoy talking about?
- Did you play sports together, or do leisure activities together?
- What kind of music did you both enjoy?
- What attracted you physically?
Apart from these, there are many more things that you can explore, especially from the very beginning of your relationship where your attention was captivated and you were surprised over and over again. What made you think about your them with that silly love smile on your face?
Bring back all of those good memories, and write down at least 10 positive aspects of your ex. Do not continue reading until you’ve completed all 10.
Exercise 2: Analysing the negative aspects of your relationship
Every person has negative traits. And when it comes to relationships, they affect not only the other person, but also the entire environment in a home. The negative aspects are the sensitive ones that if big enough, can lead to a very ugly breakup.
The smaller negative issues are not very different, because they tend to pile up and cause people to eventually get “fed up with everything”.
So your job now is to figure out what minor and major issues were present in your ex and in your relationship, that eventually led to a breakup.
Take all the time that you need to write down all of the negative aspects about your partner, and don’t hesitate to write down the things that are really bad, and to be insulting. It’s your time to let it all out!
It’s time to be very specific about things like:
- They didn’t like my family
- They didn’t enjoy the sex
- He or she was a ruthless bitch and never enjoyed anything
- He or she betrayed me with another slut
- We had completely different view points about life
- We had totally opposite views about spirituality
And though this list is far from being complete, it’ll give you a few ideas to analyze the negative aspects of your ex and how they affected your relationship. Be specific when making the list, and come up with at least 10 negative aspects about your ex.
A word of advice though, when listing topics about infidelity. You can, and should list those things that make you angry, but in the following days, you will need to come back to that list to realize that infidelity is caused by other factors that we have spoken of before. So you will need to ponder them carefully, and edit the list of negatives accordingly, taking into consideration that this may not completely be on the behalf of your partner, but may also have some fault of your own. You may even end up erasing some of the negatives that you listed.
Go ahead and do the exercise now. Do not read any further until you have completed this exercise.
Exercise 3: Analyze the reasons for why you want your ex back in your life
Now, for one of the most important exercises that you can do for yourself, you will need to analyze the reasons why you want to get back into a relationship with your ex.
Everyone has their own legitimate and valid reasons for wanting to get back with their exes, but the purpose of this exercise is to analyse the validity of those reasons, based on some crucial facts and truths about behaviourism and life itself, and to validate if your reasons are solid enough to pursue.
When breakups are recent, you will mostly have underlying emotions, reasons and thoughts for everything to go back to how it was during the relationship. You may be thinking that life is incomplete without your ex, that you can’t live without them, that they were the best thing that happened to you, that you’ll change to the better and make things work out better next time, that you won’t be happy without them, and that you’ll never find anyone like them anywhere on the planet.
And feeling this way is absolutely legitimate. But it’s not entirely true, because you can be perfectly happy again without your ex.
It’s impossible to state that you will never find anyone that will make you as happy as your ex did, because in 2011 alone the earth’s population was at around 7 Billion people. 1 In 7 Billion who are able to make you happy, is one of the biggest lies that anyone can believe in.
And if you fail to understand this fact, then I’m afraid you’re going to have a very hard time in getting back with your ex, or anyone else, because you’re blocking out any chance of being happy on your own terms. You’ve become a slave to your emotions, and a puppet to be played, possibly by someone who doesn’t even want to play you.
This seems like a harsh reality, but it’s how life works. So you can either take your happiness into your own hands and assume full responsibility over your actions and results, or face hard reality in any possible future relationship.
So first and foremost, you will need to fully comprehend that you are totally okay on your own, that your life is yours to command, and that there are many potential candidates to make you happy anywhere on the planet.
You will not die without your ex in your life, and you are allowed all the room that you want in your life, to improve yourself as a human being and to be happy.
Your ex may have made you a very happy person indeed, but you need to be fully conscious that perfection can be found in many other people and places.
Now, even though you may recognize this, and still believe that your relationship is worth saving, then explore some of the reasons as to why you want to get back with your ex.
Knowing that sometimes break ups happen due to rash and impulsive decisions, there may be a change that your relationship ended because you didn’t put enough effort into understanding the full importance of the whole relationship in the first place. And after all, you have probably devoted a lot of your time to a relationship anyways.
If you believe that this is the case with you then it would be a good idea to put some effort into solving the problem.
So for your next exercise, write down at least 5 very good reasons for wanting your ex back into your life, knowing that above all, that you will have to work on yourself internally, to become more accepting of the faults and negative aspects of your partner, and that you are fully willing to accept them as they are, without demanding change. If you are willing to put in the effort, and accept them, then proceed with this plan to get your ex back.
You may now be feeling a little bit of anxiety due to what you’ve just read in this part of the article, because even though it’s purpose is to help you get your ex back, it may not seem so. The purpose of this part is to make your true emotions surface, and to to help you understand the impact that this decision is going to have in your future life. If you sense that your happiness with your ex is worth pursuing, then proceed with the rest of the plan, as this article is going to serve you well.
But if you see that getting back with your ex is only going to bring about unhappiness and despair, then it may be a good idea to let them go, and create your own happiness.
You will need to be completely honest with yourself and look back into your relationship with a very critical eye, and make the life transforming decision as to whether this is a good thing or a bad thing for you.
Note that if you are feeling afraid of doing this exercise right now, that you have allowed yourself this 30 day period of reflection, which you are using to solve these subjective dilemmas. So hopefully, you can now see how important these 30 days truly are for you.
So now, calmingly do the exercise, and determine whether you really need to get back with your ex or not. Write down your reasons now, and come back to your decisions in three days time.
If you decide to bet back with your ex, then there’s going be much work to do still because there’s definitely still hope. You’ll still need to learn how to take care of yourself, and to put strategy into action in order to broaden the communication between yourself and your ex.
You will still also need to learn how to protect your relationship from any future breakups, but all in due time.
In order to get back with your ex, it will first be necessary for you to renovate your emotional side so that you can make a fresh start, with confidence, love and a burning desire to win and stay a winner
And in order to do that, you’ll first have to look and behave like a winner.
Let me ask you a simple question… What sort of person is most likely to catch your attention: a person who is good looking and has good presence and poise, or someone that looks sloppy and transmits an unpleasant vibe?
I can guess you probably chose the first, as almost everyone on the planet did as well.
In order to get back with your ex, the first part of the executable plan is to put some effort into the way you look, the way you act and into your overall health, so that you don’t look like that sloppy guy or girl that no one really wants to hang out with. I’m not saying that you need to look like Miss or Mr Universe, but you will need to make an effort to be at your (almost) full physical and mental potential.
After a breakup, it may seem very difficult for you to be at your best, but these recommendations and simple steps that you are going to learn are going to help you get those results. You’ will need to follow through with this process as it is very important for both of you, because when you put yourself first and take good care of the way that you look and behave, you’ll become more attractive and people will want to hang out with you.
You’ll basically be putting out a very good vibe, and the value of that is far greater than just looking good.
This alone could be an excellent reason for you to jump into the plan straight away, but there’s more great news. You see, when you innovate your looks and refresh your attitude towards the relationship and towards life, you become a different person, a better person with a positive perspective. This is important, not only for yourself, but also because when your partner sees this, they’ll be able to combine the version of you when you first met, with this new version of you, and it’ll be easier for them to forget the version of you which they dislike.
It’s like preserving the positive, and adding to it, and dropping the negative (or at least dissolving most of the residual energy). And this is absolutely necessary, otherwise only the worst will endure, and that’s not what you intend at all is it?
Start taking care of your physical appearance
Starting with your physical appearance is probably the easiest way to begin your transformation. When you become physically stronger and balanced, your mental health will also improve as a consequence of that.
After a breakup, most people will just disconnect from their physical and mental necessity to be balanced, and start unhealthy diets and lifestyles. Eating junk food, lazing around all day watching TV, not wanting to do anything that requires too much of your attention or presence. This type of behaviour is absolutely forbidden in this plan! If you want to get your ex back, you will need to confront this natural tendency and stand up for yourself for the sake of your relationship.
So the purpose of this entire section is to help you raise your energy levels, which will leave anyone craving to have a relationship with you. You’ll be happy with the results, believe me.
Do exercise every day, from today forward
The first thing that you will will absolutely have to incorporate into your daily life from today onwards, is to get exercise. 40 Minutes of exercise per day is perfect! And if you just perhaps happen to have a gym membership, then now is the perfect time to make great use of it.
If you don’t have a gym membership, or can’t access one, then you still have no excuse to start with some simple exercises that won’t cost you a dime. Walking, Running, Jogging, Skating, Rollerblading are just a few examples.
The more you sweat, the better the exercise, because they will increase your heart rate and change your mood (consequently even your entire day will shift). Exercising causes the release of endorphins into your bloodstream, which are the best pain relievers and antidepressants in existence.
If you can, you should also balance your active exercises, with one which will help you relax your mind, such as Yoga, Meditation, Stretching and Pilates. These will not only help you relax your mind, but will also help you work on your self confidence, mental equilibrium and nervous system.
If you’re up for the challenge, then invite a friend and do some sports with them. There are hundreds of different activities that you can perform with a friend, such as Hiking, Biking, Rollerblading, Tennis, Basketball, Jogging etc… And there’s an even bigger advantage if you do activities with friends, because it creates and maintains motivation. Not to mention how therapeutic it is to hang out with a friend and just talk, in order to make up for the loss that you feel.
Just move your body as much as you possibly can. It’ll pay off immediately.
As mentioned before, people who have just broken up are prone to eating everything they’re not supposed to, because they contain sugar, which is known to provide a very big sense of comfort in the brain.
Chips, Ice Cream, Chocolate, Fast Food and practically the entire array of junk food are all hazardous to your health, and can cause severe damage to your system if consumed in excess.
So the recommendation here, is to eat as healthy as you possibly can.
Eating healthy will provide your body with the right kind of nutrients, and the right kind of energy which will help you balance your physical and mental health as well.
So in this section of this article, you’ll be learning a few tips on how to eat healthy and what healthy and tasty options you can choose from, without having to spend a lot of money, without having to go to a weight loss center and without having to join any diet program.
The best advice is to start a balanced diet plan, and you can can find all the information about how to create a diet plan, based on your current requirements such as body mass and gender by reading this article.
To know more about the adequate balanced diet, with more comprehensible information on each of the food families, you’ll enjoy reading this article.
And you can also follow a few of the great tips in this article, which will help you lose weight by eating healthy, and without spending more money.
As a side tip which is always super important to keep in mind, keeping yourself healthy requires you maintain your body hydrated at all times.
You will need to drink about 7 glasses of water per day because it will help your body to function at it’s best, and avoid using coffee and alcohol, as these tend to contribute to dehydration.
The slightest bit of dehydration can cause anxiety and an increase in your levels of stress, so for your own sake, drink a lot of water!
Get Your Mind on Order
As I mentioned before, If you’re trying to get your ex back from a place of despair and neediness, then you may as well say goodbye forever, because that energy that you’re putting out won’t look good on you, and may make you do things that won’t help you at all. So the best thing that you can do is to get your mind and body in order, so that you can emanate that good vibe of tranquility and mental equilibrium.
Here are quite a few things that you can do to help you get your mind in order after a breakup.
Get in Touch with Friends
It’s important for you to get in touch with friends and to simply enjoy their company and have fun. Life is about having fun, and there’s no better way to have some of it than sharing great moments with friends.
Go on hikes, travel, go to dinner parties, game nights, lunch, movies or anything else that’s cool and fun. Be the one to call up a friend first, and invite them first. Do what you want to do, but have fun at it!
Release Negative Feelings by Writing Things Down
You may not realize this, but when you write down your negative feelings on a piece of paper, you are transferring the negative energy onto the paper and out of your mind. So use this to your advantage.
You have absolutely no excuse to not do this, because you can literally write down your negative feelings on any piece of paper lying around or even in a journal. It’s important to write down exactly what it is that’s bothering you, and to be absolutely 100% transparent with yourself when writing things down.
Writing your true emotions will also help you understand yourself and what you truly feel towards your ex much more. It will make everything much clearer. So go ahead and write down all of your anger issues, fears, frustrations, hesitations and everything negative that pops up into your mind, every time it pops up into your mind. You’ll be surprised by the things that you write, and by the relief and freedom that it will give you.
Give Your Looks a Fresh Start
When you keep in mind that your goal here is to clean up your act and become the best version of yourself so that you can make a clean comeback with your ex, making yourself a better person to look at is definitely included in the task list that you should seriously consider.
There are quite a few things that you should consider doing, which will give you a great confidence boost and raise your self-respect. There’s no need to do them all at once, but you can just do them one by one.
- Get a hair fix - Sometimes even the slightest change in a hairstyle can give you a really huge boost in your looks, and make you seem like a totally different and renewed person. So consider going to a hairdresser and instead of asking for the same thing, go for the hairdresser’s opinion on a fresh look. Though there’s no need to get a flaming orange hairstyle, going for a modern update is already a good start. So trust your hairdresser and your new sense of style, and make the change!
- Update your wardrobe - You can pick up the latest edition of a fashion magazine, and get some ideas from there, to give your wardrobe a more modern look. There’s no need to look like a top-model, or dress like someone that doesn’t suit your identity type. But if you look closely at some of the picture, I’m sure you’ll find combinations and ideas that will suit you. So go out there, and update your look.
- Take care of your skin - There’s nothing worse than having to deal with flaky patches of dry skin, dirty skin full of blackheads, and skin problems that have easy treatments and solutions. So take yourself to a dermatologist (if you need one) or a skin specialist, and treat yourself to a few sessions of skin revival therapies. You’ll enjoy yourself, and you’ll look a whole lot better. It’s also important to keep up with any recommendations that are made to you, after the session.
- Take care of your mouth - It’s time to stop hiding your smile and get that confidence boost that you’ve always needed! Get into the dentist’s chair and fix up your smile, because a great looking smile is the best thing that you can ever give anyone, and the best thing that you can do for yourself as well.
These are just a few of the recommendations that I can give you, to start implementing the plan to get your ex back. And while they may seem like mere recommendations to get your ex back, I advise you to make them a habit, and implement them into your life permanently.
These tips can help you maintain a great level of self-confidence, and that’s something that will serve you for life.
So implement these steps, but don’t attempt to reconcile with your ex just after that. There’s just a few more things that you’ll need to do, so keep reading.
Dating Someone Else
This second part of the plan to get your ex back may seem quite counterintuitive, and polemic maybe, but it’s going to be a great revelation for yourself and will definitely help you in the short term.
Part 2 is about dating someone else. And I can already sense some of you cringing and getting nervous.
Dating someone else can be very beneficial to you at this moment, because it will make you realize that your life has a continuation and it will demonstrate to your ex that you are not desperate, and moving on with your own life.
You may be wondering if this will have a negative impact on your strategy if your ex discovers that you are dating someone else, but it will in truth demonstrate that you you’ve gotten on with your own life, that you are confident, and you are strong and capable of dealing with life on your own.
Dating someone else will help you feel a boost of self confidence, because the sensation of being wanted and looked at by other people does just that. It boosts your self-confidence
It’s also good to get to know other people, and experience different situations, different types of entertainment and different emotions, other than the ones that you’re habituated to all the time.
Above all, it will demonstrate that you are capable of enjoying moments in life without your ex, and that you still have a life of your own, that you are entitled to living as you will.
And because you know that this situation with a new partner is only a temporary one, it’ll make sense to experience things more intensely, and simply enjoy things as much as you possibly can, without the hassle of having to be attached to anyone. You should take advantage of this time to concentrate on having as much fun as you possibly can, and to experience different things.
Another thing it will definitely help you do, is improve your sense of conquest, and in pleasing another person, which will definitely help you with the last part of the strategy to get your ex back.
So if you’re not used to searching for dates, then here are just a few tips that can help out:
- Go online - This is the first and most obvious way to find new people to date. There are literally hundreds of websites and agencies out there that can help you find people with similar interests to your own. These dating websites sometimes also have chat rooms where you can chat with your new candidates before meeting them in person. So go for it! Sign up, take new pictures of your new self, upload them onto the profile, and have fun!
- Speed dating and dating services - There are agencies out there that promote speed dating, which basically consists in meeting and interacting with someone for 2 to 5 minutes. If you like each other, you can exchange numbers and continue with dating. Or you can just say “next”, and meet someone else. These are pretty fun to do.
- Getting set up - If you don’t like the whole idea of going out to search for a date, then try get yourself set up by asking a friend or family member to set you up with someone. They’ll certainly know someone that might be a match for you. So just go with the flow, meetup, and enjoy the company.
Dating a new person when you’re in the 30 day no contact period may be a very difficult task for a few of you, I know this from my own experience. But it’s important to realise that you really need to do this for your own sake as it will only help you get your thoughts into place, and appreciate life more.
So you will need to make an effort to meet and date at least 1 new person a week. Do this, because it will create diversity and allow you to experience different things that you will enjoy, and also not enjoy. As both emotions are learning experiences that are crucial to your evolution as a human being.
When dating new people, it’ll also be important to keep in mind a few facts that will help you in this new process of life. It does not in any way, mean that you’re in this new relationship for the long run, nor that you have any sort of commitment towards the person you’ve just met. And even though you know this, it doesn’t mean that you should go out and talk to your new date about these things. You’d be wise to keep the strategy to yourself, so you don’t offend the other person.
In fact, you’d be wise to not speak about your ex at any time when you’re dating a new person, because you’re sole responsibility here is to concentrate all your attention onto the new person, and to experience new things in life. In doing this, you’ll never know if this date will actually turn into a new passion, or even a new best friend later on along the way. Just treat people with respect, give them attention, and be the best human that you can possibly be towards them. And it will go both ways.
You’ll need to let time and natural evolution take its course, as you’ll be the one to benefit from it the most.
Realize also that if you’re not enjoying the other person, then let it go, and be straightforward with them. Tell them that you’ve both got different priorities, and that the relationship won’t work out, and don’t attempt to make it up to them, solely because you don’t need to.
Put your positive face on, and don’t let your breakup ruin your dating process. Connect to other people, and experience different things, and who knows, you may even get some ideas for date nights when getting back with your ex.
Connect, and enjoy yourself, and you’ll realize what other people see that is positive inside of you. Enjoy the feedback!
What if your Ex is also Dating Someone Else?
If you are dating someone else, you may occasionally bump into your ex doing the same thing. And it may be a painful sight to see as well, as you may feel that all your hard work to get back with your ex is being in vain, and you may begin to feel those emotions of panic and despair as you felt in the beginning.
This may happen, you must be prepared for it, and you must still not contact your ex.
If you contact your ex after seeing them on a date with someone else, you’ll immediately out out the feeling that you’re desperate. And remember, desperation is not your friend. It is your enemy. So refrain from doing it at all cost.
You may want to look at the positives of the situation, for instance, just like yourself, your ex is also going through a rough and uncomfortable time, and dating other people is also on that list of uncomfortable actions. Love can’t be replaced. And neither can your history with your ex.
To help you see this as a positive thing, almost all relationships started in the rebound are prone to fail within the first 2 weeks. So just going with the flow will highly increase your chances of getting back with your ex even faster.
The more you stay away from your ex, and let them see for themselves that you are irreplaceable, the lesser the chances of anyone else coming in to take your place.
So assuming that at least 30 days have gone past since you broke up or last contacted your ex, now comes the time for you to attempt to reconnect with your them slowly and without putting any pressure onto the situation.
Before starting this third process of getting back with your ex, you will need to run a personal check to see if you are prepared for this, and if you are feeling good about going forth with it.
You need to feel confident that you can do it, and that you really want to do it, without any trace of the panic and anxiety that you felt before, after your breakup. If you feel any type of anxiety towards getting back with your ex, you may need to reconsider if it is the right time to do so.
So you’ll need to look your best, and behave at your best. And it’s important that these feelings be really authentic, because your ex will know how to detect any irregularity, due to past experience with you.
The First Move to Get Back with an Ex
Your first move will be to call your ex on the phone with the purpose of meeting in person for a coffee, and not on a date. No, the proper way to do this is to not be obvious and straightforward about it of course, otherwise you’re going to come across as desperate.
A nice and cool “hello” and some light chat, will be good enough to get the fire started again, and then take it from there. Ask how they are, what they’ve been up to, and engage in a short conversation with them. Do not become emotional, and say stuff like you miss them. Instead, say how much you’d enjoy getting together for coffee and ice cream, or something like that.
So here are some guidelines that you can follow for your first phone call:
- Only call when you know that they can talk on the phone with you in private;
- Be nice and funny, and never mention negative aspects of what happened;
- Don’t bring back sad or negative memories;
- Keep the phone call short;
- Schedule a coffee or something informal with them (no dates yet);
Always be smooth, use humour and never lose control over yourself. As soon as you sense that you’ve managed to establish a positive connection with them, make the invitation for something very informal such as coffee or lunch, and schedule it a few days ahead, not for the same day or the day after as this would only come across as desperation, and it will give you enough time to prepare yourself. Be cool.
If your ex doesn’t pick up that call, then don’t despair, don’t leave any message, and don’t call back. Remember, you cannot seem desperate at any cost. So don’t call back.
The unanswered call will arouse curiosity, and this is a good thing for you. So either let your ex call you back, or wait at least 3 days until you try again. If 3 days doesn’t work 3 times in a row, then create a longer gap, and only try again after 2 weeks.
Always keep up with your new activities, and taking care of yourself in the meantime.
And if after 2 weeks, 2 times in a row, you still get no response, then it’s time to let go and move on with your life.
If your ex accepts your invitation to coffee or lunch, then great! But if they show any sign of hesitation, then just act cool and say something along the line “Oh come one, it’s just coffee...”. If you receive a negative response, then the best thing is to accept it and go with the flow. Even though you may be tempted to beg or go over the roof, just play cool and accept it, because the less desperation you show, the higher the chances of getting a yes.
If you get a negative reply, then end the conversation, but leave yourself open for communication, because you may get a reply back.
Whatever the reply, you will have to accept it. If your ex needs more time, then give them more time before making your move again, and if you do not get a reply, then move on with your life and do not attempt to re-establish connection with your ex again.
Whatever you do, never beg or act desperate to get back together, because no one likes to be forced to do things with someone who sounds needy.
Going on the First Date with your Ex
Assuming that your ex accepted your invitation to coffee or lunch, don’t get too thrilled because there’s still a long way to go, and there are a few things that you have to do before meeting up.
Your simple instructions before going on this date are to be as relaxed as possible, and to keep your confidence up high. If you get all stressed up and let anxiety get you again, you may blow it up, so focus on things that will keep you relaxed in days before the date. And Stay optimistic. You will need to keep up your levels of self confidence that you are capable of doing this and in obtaining a positive result. Take care of yourself, see yourself as a winner, and keep that sparkle in your eyes lit at all times.
During the First Date after the Breakup
During your first date after the breakup (although technically we’ve just called it coffee), you’d be best off following the following recommendations, just so that everything goes as smoothly as possible.
- Avoid getting your ex upset at any cost - Whatever you do, do not try and extend your date for more time than agreed to previously, do not try and resolve any past issues, don’t concentrate on sad emotions, don’t try make them jealous, nor try to seduce them either. Any of these actions could just make things worse, and slim your chances of getting back with your ex.
- Keep things light - Always try to keep the environment light and easy going, so make an effort to do something that you will both enjoy, or engage in conversation that you can both interact with in a light tone. If you must bring up past memories, then speak only of those that are positive and funny. Keep the whole thing simple and fun for the sake of falling in love again.
- Keep your date short - Do try and keep your date short, because it’ll make the date more enjoyable and make your ex want to reconnect again, if they enjoyed the date.
During the date your ex may want to discuss issues from the past. If this scenario does come up, just let them talk about it, and make an effort to listen. Whatever you do, do not contest what they are saying, and try find a way to acknowledge their speech. Your job will be to only listen, show that you understand them and change try change the topic of the conversation by really putting some effort into maintaining the same level of confidence and positivity that you had in the beginning of the date.
At the End of the First Date after the Breakup
At the end of the date that you’re going on attempt to make a gesture that will instantly demonstrate that you still pay close attention to your exe’s well being. This gesture should be something really light, and nothing intrusive. It could be something like dusting a piece of hair off their shoulder, or brushing off an eyelash from their face.
This simple gesture will also allow you to measure the amount of work that you will still have ahead of you.
If your ex leans away from you, in a gesture to avoid any type of physical contact, then you’ll know that you still have to work a lot on reconnecting. But if your ex accepts your gesture gracefully, you can interpret that as a sign that your ex still trusts you, and that it’ll be easier for you to reconnect.
And whatever you do, don’t repeat the same gesture on every date from there forward.
At the end of the date, also never schedule the next date, unless they bring it up. It’ll make you seem needy, and the goal here is for you to regain trust and re-spark their interest. Just simply end the date with a cool comment about how nice it was to see them again after all this time, and that you really enjoyed this time together.
However, if your ex comments something along the lines that you should do this more often, then go ahead and schedule the next venue!
Dating your Ex Again
If you had fun on your first date with your ex, and you’d like to go again on another date, then give your ex another call in one week’s time, and use the same technique that you applied in the first call, and make it a light 5 minute conversation before dropping the invitation for a second coffee. You will need to make progress very slowly, and be very patient with the whole patience.
It’s important to only call again within 1 week minimum, because chances are, that if your ex liked it as well, they may call you first. If this should happen, and your ex contacts you within 1 week from your first date, then go with it!
Try to arrange fun activities that you can both enjoy and relax to, without any pressures. Going to watch a stand up comedy show together, going to a fun fair or an amazing fireworks display are just a few cool things that you can do for a second date with an ex.
Try to get about 4 or 5 of these short and cool dates with your ex, to allow for a natural reconnection to occur, and to build up their confidence in you again. Just allow for things to happen naturally before attempting to make a comeback.
Making a Comeback with Your Ex
So assuming that you’ve already done at least 3 informal dates with your ex, now comes the time for you to make your comeback. Because the psychology of men and women, I’ve separated the two, so that it can be easier for you to follow.
Tips for Men
As a man, you’re probably the one with the biggest need for sex with your ex, and the sooner you can start the better right?
Sex is seen by women as a connection. If you’ve had sex with your ex in these last few dates, then you can consider to already have made the connection that you needed in order to get back with your ex. But however, if not, then here is a helpful way for you to try and reconnect with your ex.
You may be pretty anxious, thinking that getting your ex to go to bed with you will be a hard thing to do. But rest assured that odds play in your favor, because women are much more comfortable and more likely to give in with men whom they’ve already dated.
So to put this into action, you will need to make up an excuse to get her either into your own house, or get into hers, without making her feel pressured. And this is done by inviting her to yet another informal coffee, to catch a movie, go see photos of your vacation or something as simple as that. Whatever you do, do not invite them over to “have fun” or to “have sex”.
Just simply drop the invitation, and start walking towards your place. Probabilities are, that if you do it this way that they will follow you, but create an excuse to hesitate at the same time.
Just make her feel comfortable with it, and say something along the lines, that it’s “just a movie”, or “it’s just photos”.
Your ex will know exactly what your intentions are, but will have a sense of control over the situation and a personal reason for deniability, which is exactly what you’ll want. Whatever it is, joke with the situation, and leave her at ease.
If by any chance she refuses to go back with you to your place, then it’s okay. Don’t put any pressure on her, and end the date as you normally would, to make a come back again in 1 week by following the same steps to schedule another informal date.
Whenever you get back to your place or hers, then immediately start to do what you told her that you were going to to, and put on the movie, get the photos, or whatever you said you would do. Then as you’re doing this, make your first move by accidentally putting your hand on hers, or your hand on her shoulder. If she’s receptive then work from there. And if not, then immediately step back and let them relax.
If the whole situation makes way into the bedroom, then you’ve got your prize! But if not, then don’t worry as you can give it another try after some time and on another date.
Whatever happens, do not show her that you are desperate for sex. Control the situation as you normally would, by staying cool and calm.
Tips for Women
Women are advised to use the same technique as men when trying to make a comeback with your ex, except when it comes to having sex. When you come to the part of having sex, then you should play the role of rejection in order to guarantee that it is a commitment to try and mend the relationship, instead of going down the “casual” path.
You should make “attaining sex” a sort of reward strategy for commitment, so use the idea of having sex to get into his mind, and to make him think about you often.
When it comes to men, sex is like an achievement worth fighting for, which is why it is even more important for you to make it harder to get (at least in this beginning phase). They will only commit and fight for what they want, if it seems worth going after.
There are quite a few advantages of not sleeping with your ex just yet, and they include:
- You will add to the mystery, and men will want to know more about you, and hang around you more;
- It will make him think about you more often and desire you. You’ll get on his mind, as a reward worth going after;
- You’ll become worthy of more respect, because you are in control of the whole situation.
When things start to go according to your plan, your ex will still be curious as to why you are still trying to reject sex, to which you should reply something along the lines that you don’t really sense that casual sex is good for either of you.
If your ex responds that he doesn’t feel that you’re not having casual sex, and that there’s more involved, then you’ll know you’ve got him back.
So assuming that you’ve managed to get back together with your ex, there’ll still be quite a long way to go in order to keep your relationship alive and healthy for years or decades to come.
The first thing that you will both need from each other, is an announcement that you are officially a couple fighting for the same goal of keeping your relationship alive.
Keeping things light, just as you did throughout the entire process, is the best way to go, as it’ll prevent anyone from responding with a negative reaction.
Try to both agree with the positive aspects of you getting back together again, and above all, listen very closely to what the other person says about the negatives. You’ll want to make this a two way mutual agreement where you will both agree to help each other along the way, and be as true and transparent to each other as well, so to avoid nasty disagreements in the future.
If by any chance, even after this time, your ex still doesn’t want to get back together with you, even though they enjoyed the time you spend together during these past weeks, then it will be time for you to cut your suffering off for good, and let your ex go.
You will have no need for a relationship that will only make you suffer, and feel rejected over and over again, so it’s time to take even better care of yourself, and move on with your life. (Read the last part of this article for advice).
Keep the Love Alive, and Bury the Past
It may be tempting to adopt the same routines that you had before you broke up with your ex, and that would be a very big mistake to do because you’ve worked so hard to get the flame burning again, so why change everything now, and risk submitting your relationship to the same depression again?
After spending weeks and maybe months in improving yourself and dating your ex again, you will have to keep up the same amount of effort, to remain interesting and attractive to be with.
Here are a few of the recommendations that I can give you, with will maintain the flame burning, and the passion going between the both of you.
Always give them a share of your time
This is a must. You really have to make an effort to give your ex a generous amount of your time on a daily basis, just to listen, and to talk about the simple and beautiful things about life. If it’s while washing and cleaning the dishes, whilst cooking or taking care of the kids, make sure that you allocate enough time to maintain the proximity in your relationship.
Never give up dating your partner
It’s vital to keep up the dating, and make it a routine. A weekly routine maybe,
If dating was one of the motivators that got you together again, because it was different from what you were used to, then why not maintain this new tradition?
Dinner and movie night, concert nights, coffees and cappuccinos, bowling nights, museum days, travelling, thrilling activities, sports, card and board games, adventure nights, nights out with friends or even theatre nights are just a few of the thousands of activities that you can do together, to maintain the enthusiasm running.
It’s guaranteed that if you succeed in maintaining the fun in your relationship, that it will certainly last for many more years, and you will become closer partners.
Always Be Romantic
There are also hundreds of things that you can do on a day to day basis, to keep the romance between the two of you flourishing at all times.
Simple actions, such as leaving a romantic note in your partner’s lunch box, buying flowers, putting love cards in secret places, or even on the bathroom mirror, watching romantic movies together, and surprising your partner by publicly speaking about how amazing they are, can all count to make them admire your relationship even more.
Burying the Past, and Always Move Forward
Avoid getting into arguments, which can lead to breakups in the first place. Do your part just like you have always done during the entire process of getting your ex back, and listen very carefully to what they have to say. And put effort into understanding their part, even if you don’t agree with it all the time.
Above all, be willing to let go of arguments and nasty discussions that can tear relationships apart, and make every possible effort to maintain a healthy dialog between the two of you.
Always move forward, and let go of unresolved issues.
Letting go, literally means letting go, and not holding on to the issue.
I know that this may seem like a confusing proposition sometimes, but the best that you can do in a discussion where there is a disagreement, is to firstly agree to disagree, acknowledge the different negative emotions that arise from the disagreement, and sort them out on the spot, instead of accumulating them.
Learn to Forgive
And finally, but also importantly, you will need to get into the habit of forgiving your partner and yourself for the many actions and inactions that lead to your breakup.
Acknowledge that at the time that anyone makes a mistake, they only do it based on the knowledge and emotional reality that they are going through at the time that they perform the action. It’s not always what they truly intend, but mostly only based on their emotions at the time.
So learn this reality, and learn to forgive, so that you can always have room in your life for the amazing positive things.
Sometimes things don’t always turn out right after a breakup. Maybe you’ve tried to get back together with your ex, and it didn’t work out. And maybe you’ve just simply recognized that you and your ex were never meant to be together in the first place, but the breakup has left you disoriented in life, and feeling as if you actually need to be in a relationship, in order to make your anxiety and depression fade away.
In any case, there are things that you will need to do, in order to pick up your life again and sort things out, because there is a solution for everything, and for everyone.
There’s always some friendly advice out there, which can help you get your life back on track in no time, and it’ll always include working on yourself from the inside out.
So to get you out of this situation, and give you a clear picture of what you should do after a breakup with your ex, I recommend you read and follow this article which will explain every detail to you.
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Have any Questions or Comments? Go Ahead and Write to Me:
Paz Andrade from Spain on August 15, 2017:
very detailed, i love it! great hub!
GreatSword23 from Belgium on August 09, 2017:
sometimes they're not worth it, but great hub!
dashingscorpio from Chicago on February 10, 2017:
"There are many different reasons as to why men and women leave a relationship nowadays." - I' d have to disagree with that a little.
The reason why couples breakup is because one person or the other no longer feels this is "the one" for them.
(Simply put they believe they'd be happier/better off without them!)
Granted the breakup may the consequence of someone committing a "deal breaker" in the eyes of their mate, evolved in direct directions or no longer want the same things, or a person changed their behavior.
Lets face some relationships were doomed from the start. Very few people actually meet their "soul-mate" at age 17, 21, or before 30 these days. In fact most people pursue relationships before figuring out who (they) are let alone what they want and need in a mate.
The "breakups" actually help them to discover what makes them happy.
When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success.
Most people who want to get back with an ex are reacting to newfound loneliness or their relationship status change. Some folks are also guilty of "romanticizing the past" using "rose tinted" glasses to remember only the good times they had instead of pondering their differences.
Others have bought into the fallacy that " true love" is a matter of "luck" and everyone somehow just gets (one shot)!
Scarcity has always been a device used to make people feel as though they can't live without a specific person.
The reality is there is no such thing as a (sole)- mate. This planet has over 7 Billion people on it! Odds are each of has thousands if not millions of people who'd make an ideal mate for each of us.
That person you feel you can't live without just know there are Billions of people who are doing exactly that! In fact you use to be one of us!
In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" he/she would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually WANTS to be with you! (And vice versa).
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
If someone dumped you they clearly don't think you're all that "special".
If you dumped someone remember the reason why. Unless you're willing to change your "deal breakers" or "boundaries" and have decided to settle there is no reason to go back.
The only getting back together makes sense is if one or both people have truly changed who they are. Otherwise you're just placing a Band-Aid on a wound which will never heal. It's like seeing the same movie twice and hoping the ending will be different.
Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you!
One man's opinion!:)
Louise Powles from Norfolk, England on February 10, 2017:
Wow, that's a really indepth hub! Really interesting to read! Not that I would want to get back with any of my ex's lol.