Getting Out Alive
Those who have never been in an abusive relationship do not grasp how dangerous it can be. They may think that leaving is as easy as packing a bag and getting out the door.
In some cases, this may be possible if the abuser is absent, or the relationship is so new the victim hasn't been fully dominated nor lost contact with those in his/her past.
In most abusive relationships, leaving alive is not simple.
Being a victim of domestic violence effects your mental acuity. You are like the dog who thought she was tied. You have no faith in yourself, no belief you can escape the All Powerful Abuser.
From emotional to intellectual, to spiritual, to verbal, and then physical, the Abuser has so destroyed your sense of self you no longer fully exist as you.
Fear of the 'All Powerful' Abuser is what keeps you glued in place.
Tearing that glue is not easy.
Even recognising yourself as a victim of abuse is an Epiphany.
To Get Out -- Young and Childless
When one is young and does not have children running away is an option.
Being young, having a job or alone time during the day, offers a huge window of escape.
If one works one can begin to move stuff to the office, hide money, and when everything is in place, get out of town.
Disappearing is not impossible. There are shelters, and finding one in another city is wise.
Some women will enlist in the military so that they can get away and be protected. Some can visit a relative in a distant city and never return.
Some simply get on a train, a plane, a boat, and just go.
Adding to your cache by stealing house money, that is grocery money, and not paying the rent, the electricity, the water, whatever, pocketing that coin, and running is possible.
This is possible, but only when one believes in themselves, is young enough to start again, and hasn't fully embraced themselves as inferior victims.
The greatest accomplishment is to realise you are a victim of domestic violence.
Many abused women will 'justify' the beating as 'they caused it'. Many will accept it as if they deserve it.
Once you realise you are the victim, leaving is possible.
To Get Out - With Children
You have to find a place for the children. Taking them with you might not be wise. It is not simply they will 'hold you back' but that if the abuser finds you, the trauma the child will witness will have lasting effects.
It is better to find a sanctuary for them, a place they can be in a stable environment and be safe. For example, visiting and then leaving them with a relative is the best option. You take the kids, you run, and when you are on your feet, you can regain them.
If one can't run with the kids, one send them to 'visit' as if you're opting for a romantic time alone with your 'beloved'. This often works, especially when the kids annoy him, and he's going to abuse them.
Once the children are safe, think about yourself and go.
It takes a bit of planning, and if you have friends who you can talk to who can help you arrange the escape, you are luckier than most.
For most women are totally isolated.
In many cases, there may be no one who can take your kids, you can't just run and leave them, and often, you can't take them.
This is why so many abused women stay with their abuser. They can't leave their children. And this is why many abusers try to keep their wives pregnant at all times.
Children become the chains which keep the victim under his control.
It would be magical if you and the children could get on a plane and disappear. If there's a safe shelter you can run to. You might be able to contact an agency which will take you and the children and do the necessary restraining orders to prevent his incursion.
Often, the abuser will want to capture the children to yank your chains. If you can get the children to a relative or friend who will call the police if he bangs on that door, (or beat the crap out of him) fine.
This gives you a chance to get a life, a job, a place to live, money so you can take care of them.
Often this is beyond reality.
A dead mother has no use. Children whose father killed their mother suffer more than children who are left with a friend or relative.
Look at the big picture; when he pushed you, you could have fallen down those steps, out that window, and died. He would be arrested.
Isn't that worse than what would happen to them if you ran and left them?
Hence, getting away is not just saving your life, but also giving your children a chance; for the possibility of you being able to take them at some time in the future and giving them a decent existence is possible.