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How to Break Up with your Girlfriend

"When will you let go?" from

"When will you let go?" from

Breaking up with your girlfriend is a daunting task because it almost always has ramifications. It's hurtful and nerve-wracking, it's painful for you, it's painful for her. She may have been your first love or the person you lost your virginity to (or vice versa). And if you've been together a long time or even lived together, you've got the division of assets to look forward to. You're going to have to sit down and figure out who came into the relationship with what and who gets ownership over items that were purchased jointly. Every detail of your lives must be analyzed and sorted, which can be a hard thing to at a time when things are hard enough. Break-ups dredge up some of the most difficult emotions you'll ever have to live through.

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Because if you are considering breaking up with your significant other, then it probably means you aren't happy. And if YOU aren't happy, then SHE isn't happy. Unhappiness isn't healthy, and life is too short to stay in a situation like that.

What NOT to do

DON'T do it over the phone, through Instant Messenger or on MySpace. I don't care how old you are, even if you can't stand the girl now, you did care about her at one point and owe her the courtesy of ending things to her face.

DON'T lie about your reasons for wanting to break up. If she's too clingy and you need some space, or you've met someone else and you'd like to explore this new frontier, come right out and say so.

DON'T be brutally honest and don't insult her. Even if one of the reasons for the break-up is that she sucks in bed or your physical chemistry is lacking, do not tell her this outright. It is completely unnecessary.

Delivering the news

Open the conversation by getting straight to the point, saying something like, "I'm no longer happy in this relationship" or "I'm having second thoughts about being in a serious, committed relationship." You want to avoid attacking her specifically at all costs, so use these suggestions rather than saying, "I'm no longer happy with you" or "I'm having second thoughts about being with you." Next, be prepared to explain why. Tell the truth as gently as possible; don't sugarcoat it too much and definitely do not lie. Even if you're fed up with her and can no longer stand to be in the same room with her, remember that there was a time when she was all you could think about. There was a time when your love for her was strong, and she deserves to be treated with patience and respect during this difficult moment.

Psychologically, nobody responds well to direct attacks that use the word "you." How you explain yourself to her and the words you choose to use are very important. Let's say that your reason for wanting to break up is that she's very clingy and needy, insanely jealous and irrationally possessive. Instead of saying, "You're too clingy and you're way too needy" try saying something like, "I feel like I need more space" and "I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to have to answer to anybody." Another option is, "I can't give you what you need, and it isn't fair to you for me to keep you in a relationship like that when you could be out meeting the person who can."

Receiving the news

Be prepared for her to quickly cycle through all five stages of mourning.

  • DENIAL: "You're crazy. You don't really want to break up, you're just upset."
  • ANGER: "This is so unfair. After everything I've done for you, everything I've put up with, YOU want to leave ME?!?!"

During the anger stage, if your girlfriend feels like she is being attacked (which is a common reaction when someone is being told there's something wrong with them) she will immediately go on the defensive and start retaliating against everything you're saying. She may tell you that your reasons for wanting to leave aren't valid, that she didn't do anything wrong, that you're not perfect either, etc. But if your heart is set on ending the relationship, firmly but gently tell her that your concerns are real and nothing she says is going to change that. Don't allow yourself to be distracted from the task at hand by getting dragged into an argument that analyzes and dissects your reasons. It's a diversion tactic that could have you sitting around for hours going over every angle. Doing this just postpones the inevitable. If your girlfriend approaches the anger stage in this way, tell her straight up that your feelings are valid even if she does not agree with your reasoning, and inform her that you are not going to sit here and fight and nitpick over every point.

Another common response is to turn everything back on to you and start listing your downfalls and character flaws. To avoid getting into a lengthy discussion about how much you suck, openly admit that you're not perfect and you're fully aware of it, say that you know you have faults of your own and would never claim otherwise, then direct the conversation back to ending the relationship.

  • BARGAINING: "Why don't we just take some time off instead? Let's spend a few days apart so you can see what it's like to miss me."
  • DEPRESSION: A combination of crying and wailing, "No one's ever going to love me ever again!"
  • ACCEPTANCE: "Fine. Whatever. Do what you want."

What to do if you're cheating on her

If you've been cheating on her and want to break-up so you can pursue a relationship with the other woman, you might as well just tell your girlfriend the truth because I guarantee she's going to find out anyway. If you're interested in someone else but have not yet crossed the line into cheating, be honest about this, too. Tell your girlfriend that you've developed feelings for someone else but that you respect her too much to cheat on her. However, it is something you want to explore so you wanted to be upfront with her before you actually did anything. You owe her honesty.

In this case, it is very common for a lot of women to start thinking there's something wrong with them, that they are not good enough or are lacking in some way. Although it's cliché to say, "It's not you, it's me" it's important to stress to your girlfriend that she didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes you just click with another person in a different way and feelings develop unexpectedly. Reassure her that she is an amazing, beautiful girl, but stick to your guns if you're truly set on leaving. Tell her that you're not going to be a jerk by keeping her in a relationship and sneaking around behind her back.

Working through it

Be prepared to spend at least an hour on the break-up conversation, if not more. Plan the break-up for a block of time when you know you're both going to be free. Most initial break-up conversations last several hours and span two or three days. You don't want to have to rush. Be patient, answer her questions and comfort her if she cries. At some point, however, you're going to have to cut it short. Once everything has been discussed there's no need to keep rehashing the same points. It just prolongs the pain, and don't be afraid to explain this to her. After a reasonable amount of time has passed, let her go so she can mourn on her own and talk to her friends to gain some perspective. She'll probably need a few days to come to grips with the situation, and will most likely be calling you during this time to express either extreme anger, guilt or sadness. There's nothing wrong with that, but after a week or two you may have to be a little firm with her because the sooner you break away from each other the more she can heal and the quicker you can go your separate ways.

Oftentimes, the break-up process is equally as difficult for the person who is doing the breaking. You may love your girlfriend deeply as a friend but find that your in-love feelings have faded. You may be dissatisfied with the direction the relationship is moving or have learned things about your partner that you don't appreciate and can't live with. This can be heart wrenching if you had hoped to spend your life with this person. But you owe it to yourself to do whatever you have to in order to make yourself happy, and you owe it to her to let her be free to find someone else. Sometimes you have to close one door to allow another one to open elsewhere.


Johnc455 on May 09, 2014:

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Budgie910 on April 07, 2014:

At 50 years old, I thought by this time in my life I would have everything in my life sorted, however, I am in a relationship that I want to end, as it no longer ticks the boxes. I have been with the girl for 1year & 9 months, she is lovely but I find the sparkle has now gone and I want out, I just want to be on my own again. I think the problem is I rushed into things at the start of the relationship, after 3 months I asked her to move into my house and after 5 months we got engaged. I suppose I just wanted to give her some commitment. It's not like we argue, we've hardly had a cross word the whole time but we don't communicate, we have no interests in common and hardly go out or have sex anymore. I have friends my age who are still on their own and they love being by themselves. I have had lots of past relationships but never lived with anyone before, so I find it a real struggle to adjust, even after living together for a year and a half. I know, 'the grass is always greener' but I'm just bored with her. We are not on the same intellectual wavelength and have nothing to talk about. I had planned to break with her since last October but the timing never seemed right (birthdays, Xmas, New Year all came and went) and now, last week but she has just found out that she needs a heart operation later this year, which makes it seem harder for me to do. How can I possibly be so cold-hearted when she will need my support through that? Should I sacrifice my own happiness by staying in the relationship for her sake because she is ill and I feel sorry for her? I also worry that when we do split, she will try to take half of my house, which I have solely owned for 10 years. We are not married (only engaged) and have no children together. Also, we have a holiday booked in June, so I was going to wait until then, have the holiday together then break up with her but I just can't stand the thought of staying with her for several more weeks or months. I like the woman but I know I'm not in love with her and I know she is not my life partner. What a dilemma! But I've only got myself to blame for getting myself into this situation.

Girl25 on February 08, 2014:

Help please! I don't know what to do. There this guy I met and we are in a different country. He told me he loves me but we are not in a relationship. I love him so much but as time past by, he doesn't message me that much like before. He still message me sometimes. I don't know what to do. Should I give up? Should I tell him I'm giving up? Help please. I really love him but seems he doesn't love me even he always tell me he do. :(

Samuel on August 24, 2012:

It is very interesting that there was few people in almost same situation as me, i've been with this girl for about 1,5years but i just don't know... i have felt bad about this for almost 90% of the time, first it felt so good for 1-2 months but since then i've been feeling worse and worse. She is extremely clingy and jealous, i have to be careful even writing this or she'll flip out if she saw it...

Anyways, i'm a young guy and she kinda lives here... because she won't leave for a moment coz she thinks that i would instantly cheat her. I can not talk to other women at all really, or she thinks i'm cheating. Cannot meet my friends without her observing, i've even tried to break up... But i just cannot because she instantly gets very depressed, almost insane if i even mention that maybe we should take a little distance.

I feel really evil writing this, but i have to let it out sometimes... I can't continue my life like this anyways, it's so hard... she is overly in love with me but i can't keep the false smile on, even if i do really care about her deeply.

This was just a shortened version, but i wish to hear any tips how to get courage... or do this so she wont totally flip, since i seem to be all to her... But i can not be, it's too much pressure.

Diana on July 23, 2012:

My name is Diana I am from United States, I was I a relationship with Ben and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but February 14, 2012 a day I can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because I answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but I refused, and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I begged him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down cast and I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a trial because I love Ben very much and I am not willing to loose him to any woman, so I ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that made me a happy woman again to say it all my ex came back to me with much love and a caring heart...i am testifying to this great spell caster AYELALA SHRINE. if you need his help you can contact him on

Helpneeded4real on July 20, 2012:

Hi there everyone. This is the first time i've ever shared things like this online. I am having the same issues as most of the guys on here. I don't know how to end it with my gf. My girl and I have been together for a couple of years. I feel pathetic cos we broke up and got back together cos we missed each other. At first we I tried breaking up with her cos I wasnt happy but she begged me to stay. It's hard to feel like an adult when you know you are harbouring such feelings and not sharing them. We have spoken about getting engaged but I know thats not what I want. I feel completely certain that this is wrong.

Can anyone help

Robby Vee on June 22, 2012:

This things happens to everyone even though they ain't good for everything it could be your life or else your living, Once you happen to commit yourself into a relationship it's whereby you must know that it actually needs a lot of commitment since we all know how sensetive iand hurt it is if it happen to come to an end of which that is the sades part that neither of us whom is inlovle into does'nt have a wish to reach that boiling point, so good people its been a honour to me to have such an opportunity where we all can say whats on our mind abiut this sensetive topic we aer facing.

hopefully my words will be be very useful to those who need them

Peace:Robby Vee aka Vuyani

Robby Vee on June 22, 2012:

This things happens to everyone even though they ain't good for everything it could be your life or else your living, Once you happen to commit yourself into a relationship it's whereby you must know that it actually needs a lot of commitment since we all know how sensetive iand hurt it is if it happen to come to an end of which that is the sades part that neither of us whom is inlovle into does'nt have a wish to reach that boiling point, so good people its been a honour to me to have such an opportunity where we all can say whats on our mind abiut this sensetive topic we aer facing.

hopefully my words will be be very useful to those who need them

Peace:Robby Vee aka Vuyani

Nick on June 07, 2012:

It breaks my heart to write here but I do want to express myself. I was in a relationship with a girl for past 6 years. We went to school together, graduated, got ourselves jobs, but she was a student here in Canada, and she had to leave Canada in the end of 2011.

I believe we have had good times, laughed, movies, dinners, lunches, road trips, cooking together, even getting our homework, assignments done together just like any couples will in their relationship. Since we both come from quite conservative family (I am Hindu and she is Catholic) there was always a tensed situation b/n mine and her family. My family accepted her in 2007 the day I spoke about her to them. However her family never accepted me and couple of times they insulted my family, although I agree my ex-gf completely opposed her family for behaving like a jack-ass.

Although we loved each other and also saw ourselves getting married by the end 2012, we always had these inequalities and I can confidently say that 90% of the time it was me making compromises. We would fight publicly in school, malls, subway transit, but what I thought was normal as in any relationship and something that I should ignore/compromise with to flourish this relationship. And the other thing that I hated about her was money managing skills. She would have 20 pairs of dresses to wear but still would go buy one and she knows she doesn't have money. To cut short when she left Canada she was in debt of 12,000$. This girl doesn’t believe in saving AT ALL. And I am the person who very well manages money. What I can summarize about this girl is if she doesn’t get what she wants she would start feeling irritating and literally you can see all the wrath she has for you for not believing her whether you’re watching a movie in a cinema; sitting at a mall; even sitting in a school library. Then she would just lose control of herself and act like a selfish child.

The point I am trying to make is it took me nearly 5 years to realize that I am the person who is a logical thinker; makes sound decisions about what I want to do with my life and she is totally opposite (bought a dog when she knew she couldn’t handle; flied the dog to US and sent back to Canada in cargo (how much suffering to that little dog?). I wanted to tell her about my feelings when she was in Canada but I didn’t because she was on herself and I didn’t want to hurt her. After she left Canada my parents came to know about her financial situation, her conflicts with her own family and they so unhappily left on me to decide what to do with this relationship. But now that she has reunited with her family I have spoken to her about my feelings and trying to explain that its best we remain friends but she doesn’t agree. Every minute she reminds me that I have committed a big crime by breaking up with her. Sends me a 150 page long emails explaining how happy we were but how do I explain that my feelings are over for her? Sometimes I feel extreme guilt for what I have done to her and all I want is we both remain happy and move on with our lives and I really wish she finds the right one although she disagrees and insists I am the one. This girl has gone mad, and I fucking feel for her but when I look deep down inside me I know I have made the right decision for both of us. I know I still do love her but I truly believe we better off on separate roads then collide with each other.

Need help big time.

confusedasever on May 28, 2012:

I'm in a situation where me and my "gf" have been in something for 11 months. When it was no strings attached, she loved for me to be around. She wanted me around 24/7. She made all her time about me and her kids. About a month after we started catching feelings, she stopped doing eveverything she did to get me. I don't wanna end it but I'm just tired of her Idk attitude. Help me please!!! Please email me at

becauseilive (author) from N.J. on May 22, 2012:

@William - Yeeeeah you need to get outta that situation immediately. You've only been together one month and she's already this clingy? Her mentality isn't healthy by any means. Her insecurity and neediness could very well cause you to have problems concentrating in class, and could definitely impact your social life. You're in high school (I'm assuming?) Now is the time to meet different people and have different experiences. It sounds to me like you're suffocating under the pressure of it all.

I'd recommend calling her or meeting up with her (DON'T do it over text message) and just telling her it isn't working. She may cry and freak out and promise that she'll change, to which you could reply that you're open to seeing her make those changes, but on a friends only basis. I'd entertain her emotions for about an hour before ending the conversation, and if she calls or texts obsessively after that, the best thing you can do is ignore her.

She'll live, believe me. They always do...

Good luck!

William on May 21, 2012:

Hey everybody. Let me get straight to the point: I'm losing my goddam mind. I'm with a girl who is a class five clinger. I have to text her ALL DAY up until I go to sleep, she texts me throughout ALL my classes, I have to see her between my classes and after school AND during lunch. If I hang out with friends i'm subjected to suspicion and the cold shoulder. It's like everything I do has to be her way.

This past week, I was going to catch the bus home as I usually do, but my girlfriend texted me and told me that she'd give me a ride home, but as soon as I told her "Oh, I was planning on taking the bus." I got the classical "Oh. Okay." So I decided to wait an extra 15 minutes for her to get back from a rock climbing field trip and THEN go home when I already should have been there.

She constantly insists I hang out with her after classes and when I don't it's like I become Satan and she gives me the cold shoulder. Its like the whole relationship revolves around her needs and none of mine despite the fact that she constantly tells me she wants me to be happy. Going into the relationship, I thought it would be relaxed as she had told me that she liked her alone time top, but that was a blatant lie.

It feels like i'm in a prison cell, subjected to the routine of my girlfriend. I wouldn't be here unless I thought it was serious. In addition to everything, she constantly tells me that she misses me and loves me far too often for my liking. Its our one month anniversary on wednesday and her birthday is coming up as well, but I need out NOW. I'm losing my fucking mind with this girl. She constantly complains about everything that doesn't go her way and the other day she stormed out because I was talking too much with her friends.

Oh, and she is so far ahead of herself, that its delusional. She thinks that we're gonna move in together, have pets, kids, own a house, mortgage and all that. I know that she's going to be absolutely devastated, but I can't take it anymore. I need advice soon. Please!

don't know what to say on May 10, 2012:

I have this gf that is way to clingy i just need my space butshe won't back of its been allmost 3years i need help i'm only 18

John D on April 16, 2012:

I have been with my girl for six years since I was 17. Everyday I wake up and wish it was over but I know it would crush her so bad that I just cant do it. She still loves me so much and I still care for her, but the feeling's just are not there any more for me at least. I feel trapped and don't know what to do.

ankit agrawal on April 01, 2012:

its really a tough job she started crying and i was speechless

Anamika S Jain from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India on March 23, 2012:

Breaking up is a tough job and better done in one go than delaying or taking a lot of time. Just like a band aid is better peeled fast to reduce the pain...

Donovier on March 21, 2012:

Hey guys. I'm writing this mainly to vent, but if anyone has any advice, I would be very grateful. I dated this girl, on and off, for about 4 years. When I first started dating her in late 2007, my heart burned for her. Sometimes, we would spend nearly an entire 24 hour period on the phone talking. We would nearly have arguments trying to figure out what we would ever have an argument about. After the first 6 months, we had an issue. She lived with her mother, and I had my own place. Sometimes, she would spend the night at my apartment, and she claimed that she loved it. One day, her mother said that she did not approve of her spending the night at my place. If she and I were not of age, this would not have been an issue, but she and I were very much adults. Long story short, she decided to resign to her mother's wishes. Although I did not get angry with her, I did get very quiet for the rest of the day. She asked me what was wrong, and I told her that I was disappointed. Since she chose not to spend the night anymore, I drove her back home. That night, I called her, and we had an argument because she accused me of trying to come between her and her family! I considered this ridiculous. I told her that if she did not want to spend the night anymore, then I understood, but that my problem was that she was allowing her mother to make decisions for her (to this day, she still defends her position in this matter). Starting thr next day, she rarely answered the phone for me. It was hard for me to deal with because her behavior was so different from what I was accustomed to from her. Soon later, I found out that she was reinitiating contact with old boyfriends and guy friends who had past crushes on her. Although we tried many times to work things out, all that suspicious behavior caused me to have serious trust issues with her. Just when I was trying to start trusting her again, I found out that she cheated on me about 2 years ago. Given, I did have an emotional thing with a woman about a year ago. Although we didn't have sex, I did spend a lot of time with her. During that time, my girlfriend and me were going through the same problems as always, and it felt good to have conversation with a woman who actually enjoyed spending time with me. I broke off the relationship with my girlfriend a week ago. We have been broken up before, but this time, I have not called her at all. I've decided, this time, to focus on working through the post-relationship emotions until I am ok again. Even though it has only been a week, it has been really hard. Sometimes I start thinking about the good times that we had. I think about her laugh, her smile, her sense of humor, and how she made me feel whenever she was sad. I chose this course because, my relationship with her has always been based on possibly getting married in the future. How can I marry someone whom I can't trust and who allows family members to interfere in our relationship? I'm not a saint myself, but I have always loved her. Even though I had the friendship with the other girl, I still loved my girlfriend. I always considered her the woman for me. Am I being unreasonable?

michael on March 19, 2012:

i just broke up with my girlfriend last thursday, I did not know about this site, and i stumbled upon it today and read it, coincidentally I did this flawlessly and I havent spoken to her, btw, a good way to trade things without there being an issue or chance at a spontaneous crazy sex session that stalls the break-up another 5 months; just have her pack up your stuff at her place and you bring her things to her on a day when she will be gone for a good chunk of the day and leave all her things in there and leave the key on a nice farewell letter :) im happily single now and enjoying not answering to anyone. I know she is upset, but I also know that most women bounce back and normally become much better in life to prove to the one who broke their heart that they are worth it.. so in a way you could be doing them a favor.

john on March 16, 2012:

its been over a year that i am in a relationship with a girl in USA. im living in UK and basically we're having distance really sick and tired of my Facebook status but not having her in my hug...the problem is she is really really nice and she always tries to make me happy and she does and she behave the way i like her to be... unfortunately her parents were divorced and she was also raped at age of 9 so mentally she need someone to rely on...all these situation scares me off so much saying i wanna break up but in the other hand im not really happy with my relation...i need people suggestion..what shall i do ? what is the nicest way of doing it ?

Harry333 on March 13, 2012:

I want to break up with my girlfriend as all we do is fight but the thing is I'm hooked to her because she is 8 months pregnant with twins and I'm 23 and She's only 19 is age difference a problem? I was wondering if I should or should leave my girlfriend because as anyone else in this situation probably just wants the best for the child and I know that if I stay with her then the babies won't have a very good life as I will be fighting with there mummy!! Is there anyway I could still leave her but see my children's in a way that works well ? Any help is much appreciated thanks

Niceguy71 on March 08, 2012:

I just wanted to say that you gave great advice. Thank you for your help in doing something that was really tough but which needed to be done.

Mr. Vazquez on March 07, 2012:

For all you guys that are broken hearted this is the guide to the perfect break...

Written by Mr. Vazquez

Perfect Break Up: Over Text

I hate the fact that I have to see you slip away, this easily. I hate the fact that you would walk away from me without trying to change my mind, but mainly I hate the fact that it had to end like this, with so much unsaid but I guess I'm just gonna have to get used to not looking at you the same way I did. You weren't ready and I don't blame you. I still have a lot to learn and so do you, I'm really going to miss you. I won't hold a grudge against you, I never meant to get so attached to you, I never wanted to hurt you I was just helping you see your mistakes. I'm sorry I let this go on for so long. In my mind you were the right one but I wasn't. You want to be single and talk to a lot of guys, you want to have fun. I want someone to stick with but not in the sense of clinginess, I want someone that won't be afraid to show me they like me in front of their friends, I want someone that won't have to think twice about her feelings toward me. I want someone that will fall head over heals for me without being scared that I'd cheat or hurt her. I want someone that will admit to making mistakes and try to better themselves. I'm sorry for overreacting sometimes, I was so afraid to lose you to somebody else. I'm sorry if I asked for more than you could give. I'm sorry for not accepting you for who you are, sorry for trying to change you. It'll be a struggle to get over you and yeah, I'll regret letting you go and not fighting for you but I've done enough of that and you never put an effort into getting me back. That hurt, because you made it seem like I meant so much to you when it really wasn't that big of a deal. You had a small crush on me, I was ready to do anything to get you back. I got my hopes up so high! You'll think of me as a player, liar, and so much more. And I wish it wasn't like that but I can't change anything about the way you think of me. I'll remember you as one of the sweetest girls I've ever met, you made me smile, you made me mad, you made my stomach drop, I just realized how much I'm gonna miss you.(put in amazing memorize you had with her). Memories are the only things that never change when everything around us does and I might forget what you said, but I'll never forget how you made me feel. I don't blame you for getting hurt because I took the risk and decided who was worth the while. After all, I'm not so sad about this. I'm glad that for once in my life you made me the happiest I could ever be and put colors in my life even if it was just for a while. You're such an interesting person, you're so funny, cute, and beautiful. I'm going to miss you so much. Maybe, you'll never open up to me and make me realize how you made me feel, and I won't realize how much shit I've put you through. I seriously don't know if I'm hurting you, you're such a strong-willed person but speaking up and showing your emotions would be so much easier. I just wanted to know you cared enough to show me in person not in text like always. I'm sorry we can't be friends. I can't go from pouring out my feelings to you and liking you so much to just plain old friends, I just can't because then I'll never move on. Maybe someday when this is all over and I've moved on, we can be friends. You don't know what I'm feeling right now. It's not easy to let go but I know it's time to stop trying and move on. But you know what they say: Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

Eddy on March 02, 2012:

my testimony all thank to TEMPLE OF AYELALA i was in love with a girl named Rita i was in deepening in love with her i have treed my best to get her, on still i meant this man named Dr moon expending eventing thing to he, him toed me that my problem is solve but i ask him her is that possible him toed me that i shod not worry again that my problem is over than he cast a spell on her to love me supplier she fowl in love with me so i us very happy she is back to me thank you email to contact him

@Z Smith on March 02, 2012:

It is always the same old story for the fights. One thinks she is not appreciated and the other feels unjustly misunderstood/blamed. And before you know it we throw blames on each other when all we are trying to do are to 'justify' our position.

Take a step back and forget about winning the argument of who is right. Nobody is really looking to be right in such fights; even if you're 'right' doesn't make you the winner.

Instead of going on the defensive bearing your claws and fangs, why not try to listen and see what may have caused the misunderstanding?

Z Smith 2224 on March 01, 2012:


exact same scenerio, amazing. we are a good seven years deep however... its tearing me apart.

Julie on February 27, 2012:

I am Julie from the U.K...I never believed in spell powers until I read a testimony of a spell caster that helped someone restored his home and I got the contact of this spell caster from his testimony and mailed him.Me and my guy has been in love for a year now and we planning to get married until his parents told us that our wedding will not be possible due to the religion difference and they planning to give him a wife already.I explained this to the spell caster and he helped me cast a very strong spell that changed his parents mind completely and love me even more than before.People with similar problem can contact the spell caster on

Guyz I want 2hear ur view if wat I did was right or wrong. I love my guy so much but he does not love me enough he wants me 2 av his baby cos he is travelling &he feels d baby will b a bond between u on February 27, 2012:


MJG on February 22, 2012:

guyz guyz guyz plz the ratio for women and men is 50:1 repectively so chill leave and move on :)

Unhappy123456 on February 22, 2012:

Iwe been in a relationship for 2 years now. We had our ups and our downs, but as time passes I grow more and more unhappy with this special person because of unknown reasons. I love her because she is here for me many times, but I hate her flaws and her will to fight me on everything. I hate to argue and fight with her, but we always find a reason. On each side. Im just so unhappy with her, but she is the most beautifull thing in my world and I know I will never find a girl like her again. Sry just wanted to share

tim7000 on February 22, 2012:

hey man thanks a lot for your advice,it helped me a lot!!i learnt one thing from that:love people who loves you and not those who don't even care about you

DT1592796 on February 20, 2012:

If you are thinking of marriage at some point, the state of your relationship will reflect the future of your home and family. If there is something wrong with the relationship, don't pretend that everything is okay. This is the time to either make things work through mutual communication, mutual compromises (and maybe throw in a few appologies, hugs and kisses from time to time), or cut your losses instead of letting things get even deeper, otherwise more people will get hurt -- children being born into dysfunctional families are testaments to my statement.

Nobody has a crystal ball to the future, all that anyone can hope for is to be able to look back at their decisions without regrets. We all hope that there is a win-win situation for everyone but in life you just can't please everybody all the time; sometimes you just have to stop worrying about what other people might say and do what you feel is right. But in order to do that you must be willing to accept any consequence which your actions may bring.

In addition, if someone decides on leaving for prospect of greener grass on the other side, I wouldn't stop them because they cannot appreciate what they have and would only blame their significant other for their unhappiness while still in the relationship. As matter of fact, I think that such break-ups are good because the unappreciated partner is then free to find someone more deserving.

Furthermore, I think that the original post on this hubpage was written with the understanding that most couples do not break up to hurt each other but rather are trying not to hurt one another any further. This is about damage control when nothing else works.

On a last note, nothing good comes easy -- Harmony requires maintenance. When you expect, how much did you put in? When you receive, how much do you appreciate?

People often expect too much and appreciate too little.

tim7000 on February 20, 2012:

Hi my name is Tim, i am 17 and i have been dating a girl since 4 months.We have been good friends for 1 year..even friends we had some feelings for each other.That was how it all started..When we started to date each other everything was fine and we were very happy.we spent good times together..we made many promises together..we will get married,have 2 children even decided the colour of our bedroom..just to show you that it was very very serious between us.then we started to argue on every thing everyday but still we were still happy i want to leave her because i am quite fed up with her and secondly because i like another girl..but there is another problem she is of the type to cry,not eat for days,cut her hands(she did it once) and i dont want her to be hurt because of me.i doubt the other girl likes me and i if break up with her will i be happy??i know only me can answer this but my brain is not woring right now!i already broken one girl's heart and some of my friends dont like me anymore!!if i break her heart will it be selfishness???will i regret it one day???what do i do???i am sorry my english is not too good!!but i know i have said the essential and expect at least you guys to tell me what to do!!

Happy76723 on February 19, 2012:

Most of these postings represent a sad testament to the erroneous definition of love people in the country seem to hold. Love is not some feeling or how good it is in bed or a quest to find what makes your life happy. It's about a commitment and if people really want a life defined by a merry go round of wasted relationships breaking up because they no longer feel like they are in love then I guess the advice on this blog is for you.

B on February 19, 2012:

Thank you so much strangers on the internet. So i finally did it last night and it couldnt have been any worse. Instead of my trying to console her i was the one who cried more first and while breakjng her heart she was still the one holding back her tears and wiping away mine. This girl truly loved me and i wonder why i dont love her back shen shes all what every guy wants. I took the last two years to try and develop feelings for her but it was only temporary. Now i feel like if we really are meant to be it would have to be me finding myself first. Ive been dumped many times in the harsher way before but i never knew doing the breaking wohld be 100 times worst.

Jonn on February 19, 2012:

My girlfriend scares me. we've been together for 7 months and im just fed up. She is way too insecure, waaay too jealous, clingy and needy. she doesnt give me room to breathe. she will flip if i dont reply to her texts for a few hours when im busy. I have tried breaking up 3 times but my nice side just kept hanging. During arguments via TEXTS she goes ballistic and says things like "because of you i cant sleep. I feel like dying. im in so much pain i think im gonna die. i wish i die and not live through this." i feel like if i break up with her she will kill herself. Not only that, but i fear she might be pregnant because sometimes she says Shes nauseaus and throws up in the mornings. But her insecure and jealous and way too equal personality pisses me off. im 21 and need to be out enjoying my life but im tied to this psycho. I need serious help with this. The sad thing is, i do really like her when she isnt being a bitch. But ive just cant be committed to her and sure as hell dont see us being married or anything.

B on February 18, 2012:

Thank you so much strangers on the internet

DT1592796 on February 17, 2012:

To B:

There is a difference between being there because you have to and because you want to. Your girlfriend deserves to be with someone who actually wants to be with her rather than feeling obligated. She wants someone to love her rather than to owe her.

Don't just suck it up and maintain the act; because say ten years down the road, when you and your girlfriend are already married to each other with kids, she then finds out that you were all that time just a shell because you really weren't in love iwth her, she will really hate you for wasting the prime of her life and now you are stuck with each other. You too should hate yourself for wasting your own time.

Don't run away from the problem, you won't be doing neither you nor your girlfriend any favours. Take some time off from the relationship to clear your head. You might feel like an asshole and if you tell her what you think she will no doubt agree that you are one. But you'd be a even bigger asshole for wussing up; It is bad enough that you have wasted 2 years of her life because you 'feel bad for her' don't make it a life sentence.

Rather than thinking of maintaining a dying relationship you should consider saving the people in it from a miserable future. The two of you may be both great people but just cannot be great together. Try to mix lemonade with chocolate milk. By being together, you probably figured out what your girlfriend is, maybe you need some time to figure out what you are.

The time-off, soul-searching, will be perceived as a break-up and you just have to accept the possiblity that she may find someone else in your absence. She deserves to be happy and if you find out that it is not you shes happy with, you need to accept it as something not meant to be.

And in the unlikely event that you get back together after the whole ordeal, then please, treasure her this time.

b on February 16, 2012:

I just dont wana stay with her because its convenient or that she babies me. She could be with someone else who can actually genuinely return her love

to B on February 15, 2012:

btw stop thinking about breaking up so much while your trying to fix things if that's what you try to do. I managed to pull another year out of my relationship my just clearing my head of negative feelings about the relationship and focusing on what good things we did have. I was in love with her again for a good period of time, but i think we are just growing apart now. we want different things out of life and we both know that. it may have been why we treated each other so bad. if shes a great person you don't want to think about losing her, its the worst. you want to KNOW in your heart that leaving her is the best for both of you and you did what you could, that way there is nothing to regret. hope i helped you and maybe others

to B on February 15, 2012:

IDK your personal situation with her emotionally, but she seems like a great person. If you are physically attracted to her and emotionally attracted to her, THEN STAY. Too many people nowadays just bust out of relationships because of one or 2 bumps, however big. Every relationship will have bad bumps. The only way to get thru them is to stay. You can't expect anyone to be perfect and nothing to happen or for things to fix themselves. She sounds like a great catch and very caring. I think if you are afraid of losing her, you know shes something good, and why blow it? because there MIGHT be someone better? From the sounds of it you probably haven't gotten a chance to know alot about her or spend too much time with her. like i said idk. I would put in some extra effort for a bit longer and take some real time on your relationship now that you have the time, instead of pussing out. I recently broke up with my gf. We have been going thru a very bad patch lately constant fights, she was always saying i don't do such and such for her emotionally. i have tried to work on this for so long it didn't get better. The final straw was she said to me "if you can't do this for me emotionally, i'm just gonna end up finding it in someone else and distancing myself from you". and this is coming from a girl who already cheated on me and left me for the guy for a month, he got bored and she came running back to me. And i stupidly took her back because she was my first love, physically and emotionally. Now when you have a situation like that, break up with your gf. If this isn't your type of situation, man-up and work on the relationship out of RESPECT for her investing so much into you. If you then think in a month or 2s time that its not going anywhere after really trying to connect with her then just do it. because then you are wasting a great persons time and affection when she could be giving it to the right person. and if you know she treats you good and you leave her, just don't go back unless she asks. you'll look like a fool, because from what u said you sound like one.

B on February 15, 2012:

Thanks for this, it really has helped me a lot. However, my situation is a little different, and I would really appreciate it if people took their time to read and give me some real advice. I know the internet should be the last place to ask people for serious things, but I'm sure my friends have no experience in what I'm going through.

Anyways, my gf of 4 years have been great. It was your typical beauty and the beast love story. She was/still is an angel, would do anything and everything for me, especially those big little things. I on the other hand was the complete opposite. I slowly started to calm down and was able to slowly match her feelings. However, in year 2, I was contemplating deeply whether or not I should stay with her. My friends looked at me as if I was crazy. "What? She does everything for you, you can't find that anywhere else", "After all the things she's done for you? you crazy?". So for another 2 years I held on with her. These 4 years was also my 4 years in university, so I theorize that part of the reason I have been sticking to her is that I really never had the time to think about these things. Now that I'm only a few months done, I feel like I'm doubting my feelings.

If there was an objective description of "perfect gf/wife" it would be her. However, I don't think I love her genuinely. I think I just love the things she does for me and that I've grown accustomed to her.

2 years ago when I arrived to the same conclusion, my downfall was waiting for the "right time". At that time it was near x-mas, so I told myself that I didn't wana ruin her x-mas so I delayed it, then I didn't wana start her new year with a break up, then I didn't wana ruin valentines day, then I didn't ruin her birthday, then her exam time, then... I just backed out and here we are.

So now, I don't know when and where to break up with her. I'm also scared how she might deal with it. I don't want her to stop showing up to work, or to mess up at work (she works in the hospital, and people could potentially die or get hurt badly if she messes up). I'm at a point where my worry is how her family, family friends, and other friends will react if I break up with her. And the thought of that scares me.

Theres also that scenario where I will want her back. So then what? Do I crawl back to her? What if she won't take me back? What if I can't find someone else?

Please help, I've been sleepless for a few nights

unknown to internet on February 12, 2012:

i might be a little sensetive, but i need help! i use to be heartless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

unknown to internet on February 12, 2012:

i know. i am looking for advice. why make me feel bad? so what she is my first

Onmyway on February 12, 2012:

This is for advice on how to break up with women. Why are there women on here? More importantly, why are there women on here attempting to point the finger acting like your a psychologist? You're the perfect example of why some of these men want out. They(we) come for advice not a lecture on eh we're wrong. You have no history on the relationships and yet, you act like you know what your talking about.

unknowntointernet on February 11, 2012:

i am breaking up with my girlfriend monday, she cancelled on me friday. i felt left out and cried. she would rather hang with friends then go to a damn dance with me. can somoen help me with that?

John on February 10, 2012:

That was meant to be *You do not have to go your separate ways, sure it's going to take time to get used to each other again, but it doesn't mean you can't salvage a friendship

John on February 10, 2012:

I got a lot from this and there's a lot of things to be said but one thing that's quite relevant in my mind is in relation to something mentioned in the article. You do not have to go your separate ways, sure it's going to take time to get used to each other again, but it doesn't mean you can't salvage a relationship, the only thing that's getting in the way once you've adapted to seeing them in person and being ok with it, is mind over matter.

Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, break up's don't always have to be messy and angry. If your both in a position where you've realized that it's not working because there's a lack of commitment on one end or it turned out to be something other than what you both thought, then the logical and most healthy choice for both is to break it off, but that's no reason to get dramatic, storm off and never talk again. People seem to have crazy angry auto-reactions to the term 'break-up', if you take it easy and listen to each other and be civil, it'll go a lot smoother. Trust me.

NURU on February 10, 2012:

How about just running away ?

i seriously try to break up with my GF so hard.

I said lets break up i think we dont match, she say ok and when i come back home and prepare to move out she say hug me dont go. After that she go in her room watch TV

I said i want sex with other girls im totally wrong for u, she say ok and same thing happen again. I cheat on her let her find out she go crazy i say u see lets break up please. She say no why break up is not her fault why she must be punished.

She is mean to me most of the time im not happy with her i beg her lets make a cut i give u money just let me go, she say no. One day she angry said she kill me if i leave her or she will do bad things to me.

I sleep in the Other room make Peace with her just that she keep stoping fighting with me.

One day she Push me we start fighting first day in my life i really punish a Girl ( very hard, no blood but hell ya i use force to keep her down)

Later she say u punished me u are nothing, I tell her ya u right lets break up please please let me go. Its getting worse i can feel it. we are like good Friends i feel she is not that smart and she dont work and i know i leave her she got finacial trouble. Is not that she cant work she just dont want.

So ya here is the plan im waiting for the day she go out without me ( what happen 1 time a months if im lucky) then i will take my Computer my Few personal things and run. Just run to a Hotel i leave her some money on the table. I change my Mobile nr e-mail FB acount Buisness website, I will become a ghost. Untraceable. And prey she get a new BF in a week or 2 who pay her rent.

Its not i hate her I just dont love her and I want find somebody I can really love.

Sarah on February 10, 2012:

Hi people, this is my testimony to Dr. Dova! It took me a long time to think about this testimony! You helped me so much lately that I really wanted to express all the feelings I have since I met you. Of course, I am really happy that you reunited us. Yet, what I will remember from that fantastic experience you made me live with this spell, it’s that you have always been a very kind and sincere person. Now I consider you like a confident, and not only a simple spell caster. You remind me a lot of my grandmother who was counting me many stories about voodoo when I was young. You are a rare person and I’m glad that I met you. I can feel all your spiritual goodness in all the emails you wrote, from the first day until now! I’ll be forever thankful.” i was suffering from heart break, i have been dating my man for 3 year, thinking that we will get married very soon. Not knowing that my man has been with another girl. i can not loose him for another girl just like that. I heard about Dr. Dova, a spell caster, to my greatest believe, he did it and now i am with my man

Guest what every body, i am getting married next Month.... please if you have any problem do not hesitate to contact him.

Do not loose your love one, do not waste time because you are afraid, contact Dr. Dova so that he can help you, he is the greatest spell caster i have ever seen with time being email him now: or visit his website

DERP on February 06, 2012:

ive been best friends with this girl since 1st grade! up until this year we were just friends, but 4 months ago we decided to try taking it to the next step. now that were starting to plan for college i realize it was dumb, and that over the next four years we'll grow pretty distant (she's going to Boson, im going to Idaho..). any tips on how to tell her this in the nicest way possible? i dont want to ruin an 11 year friendship...

bird on February 06, 2012:


I'm in this situation but its completely turned round. I have been with my boyfriend for 7.5 years and we've lived together for 5. I am no longer happy in the relationship, but I can't pinpoint why, I just think there is more out there for me, and I no longer feel any physical attraction towards him. I have told him I'm not happy and I think its not going to work. He has made me feel so guilty that I have agreed to try and fix it for a couple of months, but I know deep down it won't work. He just keeps saying I'm destroying his life, i've been using him for money, somewhere to live etc, the debt we have is down to me, I've made him look like a cock, because everything he does is for us. He also thinks it is all down to the fact that I have been working towards a promotion and once work settles it'll be okay, but when I'm at work I don't want to rush home. because of the ties and debt, it is impossible for me to just turn my back and walk away. Any idea's???????

hatingLife on February 05, 2012:

Hey will, I was in the same situation before. I tried breaking up with my girl after dating for a year but she started crying everytime I brought up the subject of spending time apart. How I wish I had stood my ground. I took her back cuz I couldn't see her cry. Now she broke up with me after 3 years and destroyed me by dating my best friend. If you arent happy in the relationship just tell her that. Otherwise it can't end well.

DT1592796 on February 05, 2012:

Staying in a dead relationship will ruin your life and that of your partner. Either fix it or end it because life is too short to be spent with someone whom you do not like to be with.

Will on February 05, 2012:

Fail post before :/

I'm 16 and my gf is 15 we go to different schools and barely see each other, I also have interests in another women and idk what to do.Last time we broke up she kept crying and I felt like an asshole so we got back together :/

Will on February 05, 2012:

I'm 16 and my gf is 15 we go to different schools and barely see each other, I also have interests in another women do what to do.Last time we broke up she kept crying and I felt like an asshole so we got back together

Pete on February 03, 2012:

I just wanted to say thank you for the article, and I couldn't agree more that its awesome the comments are still rolling after 4 years.

I'm planning to break up with my Girlfriend, we've been together about as long as the article has been around. We graduated college and moved to different states afterwards, with plans to move closer together in the near future. Things have just gotten to the point that we've been grown very apathetic, and while I do love her tremendously, I'm really just not in love with her anymore.

Anyways, I thought the article was great, the practical nature of the advice was exactly what I needed. Still not looking forward to it though :/

DT1592796 on February 02, 2012:

Irion: if you both love each other and yet neither one of you are happy, it is time you two have a long talk especially if you plan on having children at one point.

Children deserve to be born into this world happy; if the parents secretely are miserable, how do you think it will affect the child?

If things cannot be fixed, then the two of you can perhaps discuss parting ways before wasting more of each other's time. Be prepared for difficult times ahead.

Irion on February 02, 2012:

That's awesome these comments are still rolling after four years!

I'm approaching my two year anniversary with my wife, in total we've been together something like five years. Living together for the past two years though has just killed everything for me somehow. She gets angry when I touch her so we don't sleep together any more or really have any closeness of any kind, which is one of the biggest problem for me. She works 20 hours a week to stay under my insurance (I work 50-60 hours a week) so has become abnormally lazy and falls asleep on the floor after dinner every night for a few hours, then is grumpy when she wakes up. She's always in her pajamas, has gained weight, and talks about random negative trivia all night that I get yelled at if I don't focus and respond to while acting interested, but has no interest in any of the subjects I like to talk about, or anything to say on them.

It's really just turned into leisure for her and stress for me. I'm not interested in cheating so I'm just basically sexless and pent up for no good reason.

Unfortunately her family is really nice and has helped me out on several occasions, and our marriage is part of the reason I was able to live and get a job in this country, so I feel indebted into suffering the relationship out for her dream of children (something I have no interest in). I have brought up my distraught 2-3 times over the past few months and she went straight to hyperventilation crying which is not at all fun to watch... I suppose in the near future I'll bring up the subject of children again, I didn't know it was assumed that I understood that was extremely important to her... I'm just afraid to get the snowball rolling because her family is not going to be happy, and with us living together it will take some time and frustration to separate her mountains of things from my two suit cases worth of clothes and a computer. That and she's not inherently a bad person, and I want to be a good person, and not hurt anyone if possible, but I'm hurting myself, a lot, in exchange =/

It will be harder living without her help in this foreign country but my body has been showing various signs of stress and bad health I'm so unhappy with our situation. I have to place not only my health, but my happiness above her long term goal of having kids with someone... she used to make me say that I love her, but never did herself as she commanded =o=

I make her sound worse than she is but I'm with her 24/7 and we have almost zero physical contact, it's exhausting with no rewards. any insight would be most welcome.

adil elouardi on February 01, 2012:

hey im adil just i want to say love in this world its jaust game in this life you must be lonely just like me just listel to music and forget the world

hatingLife on January 31, 2012:

Good to know I'm not the only one in this situation. Broke up with my girl of 3 years and now shes sending her new boyfriend after me. I dont blame her because I know shes hurt but I was hoping we could still be friends. Giving up on relationships.

DT1592796 on January 31, 2012:

To Jake and Jaimie: I hate to tell you that the both of you are like captains of sinking ships, the question is do you intend to save the ship you love? go down with it like a good captain would? or perhaps, place it in the care of someone who might have a better chance of saving it? I think that each of you may want to consider talking to your girlfriend's parents or trusted friend about the possible breakup in hope that you can have them prepare to take care of your ex in your absence, just be prepared too for a slap on the face or a punch on the nose. Love hurts-- this is no exception.

Frank: If you really want out, just tell her you've been cheating on her. Your girlfriend deserves better and you owe her the decency to the truth. I hope you will grow up and wise up (you're definitely NOT ready for marriage), you're giving a bad rep for all men.

Frank on January 29, 2012:

Im in a 11 month relationship and my girlfreid loves me to death and allways talking about our future and kids and house and stuff, im 18 and shes about to be 16. About three months ago i kissed two random chicks at a party and fingered one of them, ever since then i feel like ive been losing my love for her, i really used to love her alot and i still do, but i just dint know if i should stay with it or leave, ive been having lots of thoughts of my life bein better or more fun without her, and get a funner girlfreind that is older, but idk...

xyzpluszyx on January 28, 2012:

i got married recently .but my wife she is not letting anyone to know about this marriage except her parents and brothers and sister. she is hiding her relation with friend and with her near relatives . any one can suggest me whats colud be the reason .i am living in canada. she lives in north africa.

jamie on January 24, 2012:

Heyy. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 5 years and I'm only 19. When we got together it was the best day of my life and we have had some great times but since turning 17/18 I have obviously been going out drinking with friends and stuff I have attracted attention from other women/girls and my girlfriend is obviously becoming get possessive and jealous. She texts and rings me every hour of every day!! She turns up out of the blue at my house and I don't want to be with her anymore. I really do love her but our relationship has changed. We are both still so young and I think the time has come to split. I have tried to split Afew times but she gets so upset and it kills me. She screams and cries and says her life isn't worth living etc. what do I do?

Jake on January 23, 2012:

I am junior in college currently dating a girl that i have a history with and i need advice badly. we started dating last fall but it ended after 4 months because she cheated on me with her ex and stayed with him. I was crushed but eventually moved on. after not speaking for 2 months, we got back together and everything was great for 3 more months. then i left to study abroad and we decided to do long distance. After a month being gone she told me she "kissed" one of my good friends when she was drunk and that she felt terrible. I forgave her and since then everything has been perfect. I could live with a kiss.

when i returned to school everything seemed fine except for when i felt awkward being around the 2 of them at the same time (parties etc..) I settled things with my buddy for "kissing" her (he needed 14 stitches) but we were normal enough to the point where i was happy. BUT, after a few weeks being back at college, his roomates/my closest friends sat me down and told me the truth about what happened. She had had sex with my friend back while i was gone and lied to me about it for 4 months. I called her out for it and she admitted everything. I broke up with her on the spot and she is absolutely devistated. She doesnt understand why something that happened 4 months ago while i was gone should ruin something so special now. She says she loves me more now then ever and that she has never loved somebody more in her life than right now. I feel like the last 4 months shouldnt have even happened because i surely would have ended it back then if i knew the truth. But, now i am so happy and she is the most important person in my life. It has now been 3 days and we havent spoken. I said i needed some time to figure out if i can get over it but i hate not speaking to her.

Now she is absolutely a mess. She has always been insecure even though she is beautiful and has battled mental health issues dating back to middle school. But, she has not shown any signs of these since we got back together 7 months ago. Basically, neither of us have ever been happier. Now I am worried she might do something stupid and go back to her old ways if i keep this up and I feel terrible for breaking her heart. I still care about her very much.

After reading all of this (sorry for the length) is there any advice you can give me? I havent told anybody besides my close friends that we're even broken up because i am embarrassed to tell them why (they dont know the full story either). And i think if nobody knows then if i do take her back it will not be as difficult to get back to normal. My thought now is to end it. Cheat on me once shame on you, twice shame on me. But like all things, its not that simple.

Dumped and Needy ex on January 22, 2012:

I'll bet he's been reading this post then.

Me and my ex have been split up for 2 weeks now. I should be well on my way to recovery but am not even halfway there. I always tell myself that he won't be thinking anywhere as much of me as I do of him-certain charecteristics I have he couldnt handle so in the end I had to hear the dreaded words 'I love you but....' after months of 'perhaps if I move you closer when we have the money' and 'want to see you more'. I'd have to say this is the shortest of fully blown realtionships I have had but it is by no means the most hurtful in the way it ended. I still do want him back even though it will not be frutiful in the long run. One day I will look at this post and laugh, I really hope to anyway. We hear and see advice of 'No Contact' everywhere as a tactic to get them chasing us back but frankly speaking, that doesn't happen, not in his case anyway. It is very hurtful to see the truth in front of you, reading this article as the subject to let down, knowing that someone loves you but just not in that way any longer but it does help gain some perspective. It's alot more helpful than the 'wait for them to chase you' columns which demean the person to a Madam Butterfly and Pinkerton status. I don't intend to wait even though I will not forget.

thomas on January 22, 2012:

I am in a relationship that started out with lust but grew into love. we moved together because of necessity. she lost her job and had no place to go. Moving together was a huge mistake now I feel responsible for her. I don't want to see her in the streets but the living arrangments are becoming very strained. I can afford to move out but that will leave her in a bad way. I want this relationship to be done. We found that our fundamental goals just aren't compatible. In the beginning neither of us thought it through. now I feel unhappy and stuck and I just don't know how to just leave. I rationalize that she is an adult and should take responsibility for herself but in the back of my mind I still fell like I'd be a jerk to leave at this time. She says we can be friends and stay together as roommates but that line gets blurred so much with sex. its a big mess and all I want is out. I want her out and I don't think I'd miss her when she does go. I've given her time to find a job but nothing has come up for her. How do I get out.

Ralph on January 21, 2012:

Whenever a female wants to change me or just HAS to be so damn nosey about my business, its time to break up. I'm always honest by telling her I don't want to be changed/my business is none of yours, they are not secrets. If you had just butted out we could still be together. Trust me, if you stay in a relationship with the above-mentioned type of girlfriend, you will only be miserable. I made the mistake of staying with women like that in the past and it was pure hell. Women, don't try to change your man or always have to know everything about his business and maybe he'll put a ring on your finger. Prince Charming does not exist and that frog will not turn into a prince. Accept it or start collecting cats.

Jamescy on January 21, 2012:

I'm a girl and was "dumped" 6 months ago by my ex. Funny thing is she's transgender, so she dresses and acts like a man but is a woman. Anyways we hooked up fast due to our heat of the moment. We went through a lot together, she had a lot of family problems and I was always there for her on the other line since we live two states away from one another. During out 9 months relationship we had a few problems here and there. She couldn't show that she loved me enough and we had a lot of problems with that. I would tell her how much she means to me and etc but she rarely ever said a word about her feelings to me. I guess she just "assumed" that I know whic gets pretty hard to do so after a little while. We tried working it out 3-4 times and just when I thought we were getting better, I left for a trip with my club and came back to be dumped by her. She told me she didn't love me anymore and that she wanted to break up because she was having feelings for someone else online. I was hurt, I was angry because I honestly gave our relationship everything I got. I only begged her once to reconsider and afterwards I stopped and let her go. We never talked again. Honestly I was just really disappointed in her that she gave up when it got tough. But I'm glad we broke up because honestly I deserved someone way better than her and I'm glad she never came back and I never went back. We don't talk anymore mainly because I am still hurt by what she did, she honestly really betrayed my trust and I'm just shocked to have discovered that she was capable of replacing me with someone else who didn't even bother to care for her. I know it must have hurt her through our break up too but honestly I felt like I was more in pain. It took me 6 months to even consider being in a new relationship again, she hooked up with a random stranger barely a month after we broke up and claimed to be prior our break up that she wanted to be "alone". I am still very disapointed in her and I don't want to bother ever contacting her again and meetig each other on good terms. Some people don't deserve that at all. Sorry but I just had to put out the perspective of the person who is being broken up with...

George L on January 12, 2012:

I have a relationship 4 years and i am thinking to break up, since last may i think she cheated me as i saw few messages and emails from him and her. she still keeps texting the guy even if we are together and i am hurt cannot continue like that she doesnt admit it ofcourse she is saying he is just a friend but i cannot believe it.I will never say to a friend i miss you and stuff like that when she is with someone else, even after the new year she text him tell that she wishes he was there although i was with her for new year..i am really confused dont know what to do..please advice

RivieraBeluga on January 12, 2012:

I need some advice too, I'm on the otherside of a guy who doesn't dare to tell his ex (he calls her his ex) it's really over. He keeps postponing the inevitable because he says he is dead scared of what she might do to herself. She is in AA and frankly a misery to be around, ok his words not mine. There is no doubt between this man and me that we're meant to be, from the first moment we met we knew we wanted to be with each other for the rest of our lives. However even if this is true I'm concerned about him saying he thinks it will be best he just lets the other relationship fizzle out by avoiding her, which he is doing. It's like waiting on a ticking time bomb. I know she is going to find out about us the hard way if he can't find the courage, he can't even keep me his secret as I think he told nearly all of his friends and family. It's going to bomb really soon and I'll be right in the middle of it. We havnt slept with eachother yet out of respect for her feelings but it's kind of hypocritical to say we are really keeping a tab on things. I think I just really need to find a way for her to 'get it' because the longer he waits now the worse it will be for all of us. How can I make him understand that avoiding is going to be harder in the long run.

Andrew on January 11, 2012:

Its bloody tough no matter what you decide, whether you break up the relationship or she does. You still feel like crap. Surely if you break it up you would be relieved but your not........... far from it,, you start thinking back and regretting things and thinking of things you could have done to resolve it, Madness.

I have just come out of a 7 year relationship because of unhappiness and need some freedom etc, only 5 days ago and already wish I hadn't but soon as i go back (because ive done this 4 times now) I feel i want to get away again. can't bloody win...............

Connor on January 07, 2012:

Been dating my girlfriend now just under a year, with our anniversary next month. We have broken up once, due to me not having my heart in the relationship. I went back in, because I saw how upset she was, and knew I had to make it better. I'm right back to where I was before, but am afriad of the same outcome. I have developed feelings for another girl, but am worried that I'm breaking off something for a possibility. She has talked about the future and when she does, I get an uneasy feeling and just say what she wants to hear. I know, I know. Horrible. Can anyone help me decide what is best to do in my situation?

MARY on January 06, 2012:


jmick on January 04, 2012:

Ok i have an issue similiar to these but I still love this girl, except a girl who meant more to me that moved away and i lost contact with came back into my life. I dont know if i can do it just cause things havent been bad between us, if it wasnt for this other girl emerging in my life again i wouldnt leave her. i ahve become her everything we live together and do everything together, we've been together for 3 years now and i know that it is going to kill her. she is far from her family and honestly does not have alot of friends since she did away with them so she can spend more time with me, i dont know who she would go to to mourn.

becauseilive (author) from N.J. on January 03, 2012:

@B - I'm sure I don't have to tell you that this does not have the makings of a good relationship. You are obviously already feeling that way in your heart. Normal people don't force you into saying "yes" to a marriage proposal, or toss your feelings aside when you tell him something hurts you. Abuse doesn't just come in physical form. There are many variations and degrees of verbal and EMOTIONAL abuse.

Here is the link that helped me determine that I was indeed involved in a very twisted relationship with my ex:

Your b/f saying that he'll do something to himself is a manipulation. It's a ploy to make you stay. Another great source of strength for me was:

Good luck honey. You deserve better.

B on January 03, 2012:

I came across this article while looking up the topic of breakups. My boyfriend and I have been on-again/off-again for the last three years and what makes it so difficult is that I would have no problem staying if only he would make an effort to change some of his habits.

Its very hard to talk to him about things because he loses his temper quickly and I get scared, but I've finally flat out confronted him about those habits and he's not interested in changing them. Its hard to resolve things because either he'll play around and not take me seriously or flat out blow up at me, which makes me panic because he's a little unpredictable, especially when he's been drinking.

With our 20's quickly running out, he's taken it upon himself to decide that we should marry. He's forcing everything and seriously kept me in one spot and proposed over and over until I said okay, so I could finally get up.

I've kept trying to leave on good terms, but he says he will do something to himself. I'm sick and tired of being blackmailed and controlled, but my passive personality got me into this. :/

Mufftuff on January 01, 2012:

I am dating this girl who is crazy attached to me (uses a lot of "you're the only good thing in my life" kind of talk etc.) She is very pleasant but not the one for me. I want to end it but I am worried it will scar her as I am the first serious relationship she has ever had (I am 22 she is 21) I know that the odds are she will bounce back in time, but she is a very shy and mildly overweight which makes meeting men difficult for her. I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing by ending it... please and thanks.

George L on January 01, 2012:

I have a relationship 4 years and i am thinking to break up, since last may i think she cheated me as i saw few messages and emails from him and her. she still keeps texting the guy even if we are together and i am hurt cannot continue like that she doesnt admit it ofcourse she is saying he is just a friend but i cannot believe it.I will never say to a friend i miss you and stuff like that when she is with someone else, even after the new year she text him tell that she wishes he was there although i was with her for new year..i am really confused dont know what to do..please advice

Justin on December 29, 2011:

My girlfriend was cheating on me. I got tired of her bs, I saw this breakup video and I used it to dump her.

I'm tired of your issues

Cathy from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri on December 29, 2011:

I needed this hub and comments. Thank you.

Lost in Austin on December 28, 2011:

Hello All,

I am on the other side of this article. I'm the woman who was "let down easy". He said all the right things and worked with me through all the phases you mentioned.

I just wanted to get a woman's real perspective in here and see what you all thought. So here goes...

We've been together for over seven years. Best friends since the moment we met, business partners a week later, and lovers a couple years down the line. I cared for him a great deal, but he didn't feel that way at first, and I was fine being friends. Especially since during those first two years I was diagnosed with terminally ill cancer. That complicated stuff a bit. He wanted me to move in so he could take care of me. And we did that for a year while he nursed me into good health, refusing to let me die. I got better, despite what every doctor said, despite what the odds were. My best friend saved me.

Then a little down the line he made this grand romantic gesture at a friends wedding proclaiming his love from the rooftops.

Now four amazing and happy years later, he came to me and said that "his love just wasn't as strong as I deserved" that "he didn't feel the love he thought he was supposed to." This the day after he called me his beloved and said just how happy he was.

He said all the right things and held me while I wailed, and bargained and more... But in the end, HE wanted me to STAY. Stay living together, working together, like the last 4 years, of such amazing happiness never happened. Like I could just turn that part of me off. I (in the anger stage) said that I'm an all or nothing kind of deal. But sometimes the person breaking it off will try and bargain too. And its a hard place to be.

The main thing this article doesn't mention.. Is if you are living together, decide on an exit strategy BEFORE you make your big confessions. Because going in unprepared is like sex without protection, messy and could have some serious lifelong complications.

Sometimes the Peter Pan reference holds. Some men and women use loss of feelings or FIND small things about the person to give them a chance to run away. But ladies (and gents), regardless of how you feel or how much disbelief you have... You have to let them go. Sometimes the person whose heart is being broken is the one who has to be the mature adult. The one to figure it all out.

Because if they cant see you for who you are, and your place in their life... Its likely they never will.

As for my sad little tale;

We agreed to take the breakup/dividing of assets on a slow and gradual level in hopes that when it is all over, we can be friends on some small level. And because we have to, we own companies, vehicles and a house together.

The truth is I didn't see it coming, I didn't have family or friends to turn to. So I'm making the best of a bad situation, with the opposed sides' perspective. A Sad peace overwhelms my heart. And I owed him my life.

But I think perhaps a sixth stage is applicable, when dealing with long term relationships and being old enough to know yourself...

This stage being blind existence. Because you know from that moment of acceptance on, that a part of you will always be missing. Can you go on, absolutely... But it will be different. But perhaps that is simply my perspective, as someone who died twice and was saved by the very person who later broke my heart. While I'm glad he was honest... I'm not going to lie and say I don't wish we could have just gone to counseling or found a way to work it out but...

"If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was yours to begin with" -Richard Bach

Thanks for listening.

desilva0708 on December 28, 2011:

Totaly agree, they move on from one to the next breaking hearts along the way. Don't worry life has a way of catching up with your actions eventually. They may be young or they maybe older, but eventualy you would like to think they learn from there actions. I've been in a relationship for 10years I cheated and left, but stood by my actions to not go back. I was wrong, very wrong in what I did. Then my next relationship lasted 4 years, and she left me for another man along with our 2 children who I have not seen since, because I do not know where she is. This current relationship i have been in for 3 years,. No matter what happens, it will be the right choice and I will remain single for at least a year or maybe 2. I think those that move around more frequently, seek the desire to be loved or indeed search that love they may or may not of had as a child. I appreciate your response and wish you all the very best in your circumstances,. Culture plays a part on who we are, I discovered this in Psychology and Sociology. I am Portuguese and although she tries to be a part of that culture, it never lasts long and soon reverts to her English ways. This is not a bad thing, its just the way we are programmed. I'm not here to point fingers or say who is right and who is wrong, just needed to talk and get things off my mind. Its helped me move forward, no matter what everything will be ok in the end. Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, and I wish that you all have a wonderful New Year. Godspeed.

Kevin on December 27, 2011:

Kim... I didn't read your follow up post before I posted. Maybe bitterness wasn't the right word. It actually sounds like you are in a similar position I was, and that's a shitty place to be.

All I can say is that it's not normal or healthy to be so unhappy WEEKLY that you think about breaking up that much. I know because I was just there.

Don't accept that. Make a move to change that. By either telling your boyfriend that you can't do that any more and something needs to change(be specific) or by simply moving on.

Going through those emotions so frequently to drive you insane. It will change who you are at your core and it will make you lose yourself. Think back to the time before you met him. When you were the charming woman he feel for. Are you that person any more? Weren't you happier when you were?

Life is too short to spend hours of every week in pain.

Kevin on December 27, 2011:

Hey Kim. I hope you get over your bitterness. this isn't a male/female thing. This post is geared towards men and a lot of idiots have responded, so I can see where you are coming from.

This is about a partner being unhappy. When someone isn't happy they do try to tell there SO. In varying degrees of bluntness.

In my case, I tried to tell her when she hurt me, it was normally boomeranging back to me. I was being too sensitive, or I was taking the relationship too seriously, or I was being jealous.

Whatever, I wasn't happy with the way she treated me. I wish I would have read this post before I broke up with her. I did so in a mature way. I didn't blame her, I didn't point fingers. I told her I wasn't happy.

Here's where I wasn't prepared...

She came back with the very response warned in the original post... That a relationship is about compromise.... that my reasons were petty. anger, anger anger... Well, that made me second guess my CORRECT choice and I did a 180. I tried to make it work.

Long story short, It caused so much unneeded pain for both of us and now we're not even friends. It caused the relationship to end abruptly and painfully with no good bye and a lot of hurtful things said.

All relationships aren't meant out to be and breakups do happen. Everyone isn't compatible even though the love is there.

Kim. I hope you can get over your bitterness and forgive and move on with your life. I'm almost there!

chris on December 26, 2011:

dat wil definately be a bad xmas package,i suggest u wait plz.

wishididnthurther on December 25, 2011:

Have been with someone from the other side of the world while she lives here for 3 years and she's gone home for christmas. We've been breaking up for some time, shes been going through the roughest patch of her life and has told me she needs me, so I've found it hard to cut it off. And she means a lot to me too. Now, shes at home with friends and family who can give her support. Should I wait till she comes back, or break up over the phone while she has shoulders to cry on (and vent to) ?

And, for many reasons its definately over.

Soph on December 24, 2011:

my best friend just split up with his girlfriend but the other day he went round his mates house and was dared to kiss her so he did it. he then said he sorta liked her so his best mate asked her out for him and she said yes. Now he regrets it but doesnt know how to dump her...any ideas? URGENTLY NEED HELP.

Kim on December 21, 2011:

Hi Simon, I'm very sorry your relationship is on the rocks. At least, that is what I think you said. I know there are plenty of legitimate reasons to break up, I understand that. I almost break up with my boyfriend every week because he can be verbally abusive when he gets angry, which happens a lot over not much, and he is also extremely rigid and inflexible. He feels that I'm too emotional but he knew I was of Italian heritage when we met. I'm American, he's Swiss but I don't know if that has anything to do with anything though. BUT, he is a human being and I have made a committment to him so I stick it out and have for four years. All I'm saying is that it is really twisted behavior when guys just dump women and go from woman to woman just so they can have the new flavor of the month at the ice cream parlor. Yet, I know there are women out there who do the same kind of crap and I'd tell them too that they are wrong.

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desilva0708 on December 18, 2011:

Any comments or sound advice welcome

desilva0708 on December 18, 2011:

Kim your right, Im in a relationship with my partner female for 2years 4months. Every relationship is great at first, and yes there will be stumble blocks along the way. In April 2011 I left my job working as a bus driver, not really a job I wanted to do with my life. Long hours lates, early start and different times of starting every day. My partner is an LSA so off in school holidays and well my holidays at work had to be taken when they said so. SOOOOO the change we opened a catering trailer near the depot i worked. At first plenty money came our way, however my V reg 4x4 needed to be replaced and my partners 53plate clio £30 a year tax and nothing wrong with it well that had to be replaced because i was going to get a new car. SOOOOOOo two new cars a V reg Jaguar R type jag and w reg audi A3, what happens next well business drops. Dont blame them the bus drivers the way they see it etc. but hey that life we live and learn. .... Moving on The trailer was sold and I found it difficult to get work, Since then I have become a carrer as my mother suffered from a heart attack and her partner/boyfriend is 95% blind. My real Father passed away in 2002 with a sudden heart attack, yes I still miss him to this day... But what I am getting at here is that i have become very insecure. Why? I ask myself Yes I have called it a day I say I am leaving every time there is an issue BUT I don't... I am ruining our relationship because I feel worthless and taking it out on the one close to me. BUT in truth I have the problem. I read her Christmas cards to staff at work, and found To whoever love from N & S but then two males both of who she speaks found of in the past she writes as above but just from N. I dont get it... Raised this issue tonight she is on a works do, and done to the nines fully shaved fitted dress make-up hair straight. No sex is rare between us, she is in her bubble. AND when asked I should not be looking at these cards and there is nothing in it WHY are you the way you are so distant from me well still no work and little effort to find any for the past six months. Although I have re-applied for the busses three different companies, two jobs at sky and numerous cleaning jobs and a big fat 0. Developed a web sight as a builder did it for 10 years tried it for 6 months no go, pulled the sight down. advert in yell as mechanic mobile get the odd job here and there. Set up a counselling, welfare rights and litigation officer as I have experience and qulified well diploma, still no joy. I try so hard and look after my mother who since having the heart attack has been in hospital 3 times in the last 2 months. I feel bad enough with Christmas coming up, 55.55 a week and my partners wages paying the rent and all the bills £1000 a month. I get where she is coming from and feel i am losing her, but she does not agree we should split and above all that she would do nothing to cheat on me and nothing is going on.Sometimes the pressures of life, lie within ourselves. I am 35 years of age, we make mistakes but the most important thing of all is to learn from them and not go round in circles. No one is perfect and no relationship is without its problems. But hey hold up your hands when you are wrong listen, to what is being said. My name not being on the 2 cards is because she feels that is more personal and freindly so hence only her name. It feels wrong but it is what she says it is. Wish life was easy but it just aint, things are not what the always seem, just the way we see it and sometimes its good to see how other people see it from a different angle. Regards Simon

Kim on December 18, 2011:

You can really tell this article is for the male perspective. Apparently, for men, it's all about getting out of adult responsibilities all the while smelling like a rose. I find it nauseating. The article promotes 'honesty' but often the real truth is that the guy is just a low down dirty dog and player, a perpetual man-child who never wants to grow up and hear, "No little Johnny, you can't be a greedy, selfish pig and have every ice cream in the entire store, you really need to make up your mind and pick one." Now there's the real truth I'd like to hear men admit to! Men need to admit that it's really all about not wanting to grow up, hence, the Peter Pan Syndrome.

theboywithnoname on December 16, 2011:

I've been Googling for advice on this subject and have found this hub to be very useful indeed, but I suppose asking for a bit more help won't do any harm.

I've been in a relationship with this girl for just under 17 months now. We knew each other as "friends" for about 2-3 years before that through a band we both liked. I started talking to a lot more online and one thing led to another and we ended up together.

Only problem is, we live at the other end of the country to each other (me in NE England, her on the south coast of England). I only really get to see her when my job takes me down to her end of the country or she comes up to visit me. It's the only time I can afford to do it as the job is pretty poorly paid.

We speak most evenings either on the phone or online but I have to admit, my enthusiasm for the relationship has dampened a lot recently. I'm not the most go-getting, pro-active or enthusiastic person at the best of times, but I just don't feel the same way I did when we first started seeing each other.

The truth is, I don't have the urge to move down to her end of the country (very happy living up here) and even if she wants to move up here, I can't see me living with her.

I've got to the point where I do care about her, but I don't love her... certainly not in the way that she loves me. She's always talking about how much she misses me and how many days it is until we next see each other!

I've only really come to this conclusion recently as I received a bit of attention from a girl I work with on a works night out. While I suspect that was the drink doing the talking for her, I realised I was far more attracted to her than my girlfriend. I would never cheat on her though.

It's only recently that these feelings have come about... but that creates a problem. It's almost Christmas and she's due to come up here a few days after the 25th and stay for a week or so. I really don't know what to do. I've already got her presents and I know she's got mine. That doesn't concern me, but I just can't bring myself to do anything before Christmas.

I had a weird (and probably stupid) idea of trying to talk about the future (something we've never done!) over Christmas, and almost drop hints about how I'm feeling. Then to ring her a few days after she's gone back.

I don't know what it is, but this just seems in my head like a cowards way to do it but it's the only realistic idea I have. My birthday and her birthday are in the first few months of the year and I really don't want it dragging out until then.

I still want to be friends with her and we have a lot of mutual friends we still meet up with occasionally. I don't want to make it awkward with them either. I really am stuck what to do... I'm getting so much different advice from my friends too!

I know I need to be honest with her... it's not fair on her and it's not fair on me if I keep it going. She deserves better and someone who can give her the attention she wants and deserves.

Thank you for any advice received in advance.

Christian on December 13, 2011:

So I've been in this relationship for almost a year now and on our year anniversary (six days away :( ) we plan on telling everyone were engaged (although I have not given her a ring yet). Here's the thing, I have no clue what's wrong but when I'm with her I either feel really bad about us being together (I feel restricted, like I have less feeling for her, and like I'd rather be doing other things), I sometimes feel totally infatuated with her all over again (and I long to have those days everyday :'( ) or sometimes things just feel...mediocore for lack of a better word :/ I constantly find myself being totally unhappy but if I even think about breaking up with her it kills me. I break down and cry thinking of all the moments we've shared (bad and good) and thinking that sometimes we seem to be doing perfectly fine and that I would love to be with her forever :( I'm to the point where I just want to be happy but I don't know what it is that will make me happy :( its obvious it's getting rid of her right? But at the same time sometimes I think maybe it's not for whatever reason. I don't want to hurt her for she's so amazing and she's totally in love with me and thinks I'm absolutely perfect but I just don't think I'm ever going to be happy like I could without her :/ at the same time I just hate deciding what to do here :( another thing Is that I broke up with her in the past but only for a day because I felt so horrible and I felt I was making a horrible mistake and I promised her my continual love and presence I a bad person? I mean, Im not trying to toy with her I just want her to be happy and me to be happy too :( im going to miss her more than anything, what do I do? :'( ps sorry for all the emoticons, it's what I do :-P

The Troll on December 09, 2011:


I am not sure if it is mistake or not, I cannot have a say in that because I am not you and I do not know who you are and what she is like. However, that feeling in a break up is normal, and time will make it go away. It is because you still love her, but in a friendly kind way. That is normal. Think about it, you spent years with her, doesn't make sense to still have feelings after? I have been in your shoes before, and yes I did feel awful. However, overtime that feeling went away and I started dating again. You learn through trial and error, and eventually understand what it means to be in a relationship.

correct me if I am wrong.

Gselva on December 07, 2011:

iv been with this girl for a week now and im really into other girls, but i lost my virginity to this girl and she gives me sex, but she is very crazy, she blackmailed emotionally her last boyfriend, who broke up with her because i kissed her, and i don't know what to do...

Travis on December 06, 2011:

I dont know what to do I want to break up with her but I care about her so much I am not sure if its love anymore i just dont know. She is so inlove with me it scares me half to death to say its over. IDK her family loves me 2 but i want freedom, i want to go to the army. I want to be FREEEE but i feel confined... idk what to do but the last thing is ever hurt her.

james on December 05, 2011:

ive literally just broke up with my girlfriend ive been with for 3 years. the reason is i just generally don't want a girlfriend, but the same thing happens every time we brake up i miss her so so much, shes been so nice to me and were both close with each others parents, when i think of her being sad or upset it kills me inside and it makes me want to ask her back out which i shouldn't do because im just messing with her minds. i was just wondering does it sound like im making a big mistake i keep thinking about her, and it kills me to know shes this normal with break ups???

Tom on December 05, 2011:

My gf lol...X txt me this last nite what should i say in response with the goal to be friends still get me ur opinions plz ........ her txt----- I really hoped you would answer bc I don't want to do this through txt but I have to do this now. A break will not solve our problems and I'm not being fair to you or myself if we keep this up. You know how much I love you and how much I tried to make us work, but I can't do it anymore. Wer over tom and I really wish you the best and I can't wait until you meet that girl that Makes you realize that you have the potential to be an amazing man to her. You always have a friend in me.

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