Melanie has a BS in physical science and is in grad school for analytics and modeling. She also runs a YouTube channel: The Curious Coder.
There are a number of reasons why you might want to learn how to be single. If you were recently in a long relationship or have dated several people just to find yourself single again, you might want to learn how to be single. Whatever the reason, you are probably wondering how to be single and happy.
Being happy, while not being involved with someone is not an impossible task (even if you've just suffered heartbreak.) You might not want to be single, but maybe you're not yet ready to date or cannot find the right person. Learning ways to cope with not being in a relationship is vital, not only for your own happiness when you're single, but also leads to healthier relationships in the future!
Learning to love yourself will help you later in life if/when you choose to be in a relationship as it will have made you a stronger person. If you're going to be single, you should be able to enjoy your life.
Take Charge of Your Life
There is no such thing as the perfect relationship, so there's no reason to feel jealous or upset at those who have found love. Every day we see fake relationships that Hollywood writers have made for us, where people have no flaws and they meet their soul mates.
Remember that the people around you are real people and, therefore, not Hollywood perfect. No-one you know, no matter how happy they appear, has the perfect relationship. Enjoying being single is about enjoying life, even allowing yourself to have fun at a wedding without bringing a date, as lonely as that may sound.
Before you can be happy, you have to get rid of the green monster that rears its ugly head when you see a couple walking hand-in-hand. If you feel yourself becoming envious of a couple, you have to remember that there are times that they even have to work at being happy.
Kick the Negativity
One part of being single is having to hear other people ask, "have you found someone special?" or "so... are you seeing anyone?" We live in a couple-focused society, so it can be hard for people to understand being a singleton. That said, being single can feel lonely sometimes so hearing things like this can make you feel bad about yourself, but don't let it!
You own your feelings, NEVER let anyone make you feel bad about the person you are. Explain to the person how it makes you feel when they make comments about your lifestyle, but remember that even though they hurt your feelings, you should take care not to hurt theirs when talking to them. If they continue to make hurtful comments, it may be best to cut them out of your life.
You don't need anyone to make you feel bad about yourself. (By the way, that's one huge benefit to being single: no-one to nitpick!) Being single can be hard work, so you need to surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.
One great thing about being single is that you will be able to work on making more friends. Having good friends is important whether or not you are single, so you'll always benefit from having a good group of buddies.
If you end up in another relationship that doesn't work out, your friends will be there for you, so this is a huge reason to work on getting more friends. Also, hanging out with friends is a blast! Make it a top priority to make more friends. Having friends to rely on will help you curb any loneliness that comes with being single. That said, don't make friends just to have them! Make friends with the types of people you enjoy being around.
How to Remain Optimistic
When someone says, "be optimistic" it's easy to think, "well, how can anyone just be happy?" But being optimistic doesn't mean being happy when things are rough, it means to make the best out of a situation. It's like that cliché saying, "when life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make super lemons" (or however it goes...)
When a situation gets difficult, it's easy to throw in the towel and get upset, but it never feels good. What you can do instead, is think of things that make you feel good about yourself. This sounds like a really basic technique, but it really works.
Make a list of the good things about yourself and resist the temptation to start writing negative things about yourself. This activity is about feeling good and turning a bad situation into a good one. If things seem pretty dim, just know that things will change.
Freedom: A Singleton's Best Friend
You're single! Think about it! You can seriously do whatever you want. You can leave the toilet seat exactly how you like it. No-one is going to nitpick about what's on television or complain about your quirky habits. Plus, you don't have to deal with anyone else's quirky habit!
You can travel the globe on a fairly small amount of money and you can pick ALL the places you visit! That's right! Since you're single, you don't have to compromise on anything. It's all you, enjoy it! You may want to consider taking up new hobbies, even ones that you're unfamiliar with as long as it's something that you think may be enjoyable.
When you're single and free, you'll be able to find out everything you never knew you enjoyed doing. If you have relationships later, you'll have so much more to share and talk about! Pretty great perk, right?
Being single is about getting to know yourself, becoming self-sufficient, and learning to love yourself. By filling your life with activities, friends, and positive feelings, you will feel better than you ever have before. This is your life, live it the way you want!
Sarajane from Northern Ireland on May 06, 2018:
Your hub was wonderful to read with a lot of advice and tips for those who are living the single life.
Sai Chaitanya from INDIA on November 16, 2014:
Every one will think to be single, if they face any hard situations, during the past. Sometimes, a break up in a relationship, will make us, feeling something wrong to start a new one. But, Life has to go on.
Dan Lema from Tanzania on July 16, 2014:
Great hub, this is a dead on point......great work...
Rafaela Lima from US on May 12, 2013:
I had a time in my life that I was really happy being single. But then I found somebody to really complete me and now I can't see me single anymore!
Victoria Lynn from Arkansas, USA on October 31, 2012:
I just wrote a hub about best reasons to stay single. I love being single, and I love your hub!
fitcitymama on February 25, 2012:
Great Hub. Important reminders for everyone. Thanks.
Claudia Tello from Mexico on February 15, 2012:
As the video recommends, having a strong social network is crucial to be happy while being single, otherwise, chances are you will feel lonely and kind of down.
SJmorningsun25 on February 15, 2012:
Love it, love it, love it! Voted up and all the way across the board.
Victoria Lynn from Arkansas, USA on February 14, 2012:
I've always loved being single. I can't imagine being with someone all the time. I've been in a committed relationship for years, but we don't have to get married or live together for sure. Or talk or see each other every day. It's the best of both worlds for me! Great hub. Lots of votes, including up!
Cloverleaf from Calgary, AB, Canada on February 14, 2012:
Great article, Melbel!
Cathy from Louisiana, Idaho, Kauai, Nebraska, South Dakota, Missouri on February 13, 2012:
Really nicely stated. I sometimes wonder how many people are conditioned to believe they could never do anything alone. I used to say we come into the world alone and go out alone, so there's no reason why we can't handle our problems alone. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a person say, "I can't do that," I'd be one rich woman. I separated and went through a divorce in my late 30s, then went to college (because I could, so can you!) and then went to England without anyone holding my hand. Crossing boundaries is a great thing to do when you're single. And, you're right, you pretty much get to write your own laundry story when you're single. And even if you do your laundry, hey, if you want to sleep on top of the towels, you can. The value of the good of alone is learning how to love yourself, as you say. Get to know who you are, FIRST, before traveling into a relationship. Then you will learn quickly it's not fair to change somebody...sorry for the monologue. I really liked all the valid reasoning you shared because so much of it is very true. Some people, unfortunately, are afraid to be single and alone because then they would be alone with their thoughts. I don't see that as a bad thing at all. Thumbs up.
Angela Kane from Las Vegas, Nevada on February 13, 2012:
I am single and I couldn't be happier, very good hub.
Suzie from Carson City on February 13, 2012:
Excellent hub and I couldn't agree with you more on all points.
I've been married for years, single for years and now married again for the past 11 years. Have experienced the highs and lows of both as well as taken serious inventory of my life as to the Big picture. The reality is I actually like both single and married. I believe having taken my time and thought before being "either," by choice, I had no unrealistic expectations. I was ready and comfortable each transition.
You wrote such wonderful ideas and suggestions for singletons everywhere! Up & awesome. Peace
Simone Haruko Smith from San Francisco on February 13, 2012:
Melbel, you're just... you're just so fantastic. Your Hubs never cease to make my day!
I have always been a Singleton, and I have always felt awesome about it. Really, really awesome.
You bring up so many good points here- the freedom, the friendship, the control... all of it means so much to me! And I'm so glad you mentioned the importance of not thinking all couples have it perfect. One of the most important lessons I've learned in life is to not compare one's insides with someone else's outsides.
Jessica Rangel from Lancaster, CA on February 13, 2012:
This is amazing!! I've never learned the art of being single. Ever since I can remember I've been in a relationship. Just until recently, that changed, and now I find myself having A LOT of free time, and raising my son. This is a GREAT HUB! I'm bookmarking it! VOTED UP!
Thank you for writing it.
Audrey Howitt from California on February 13, 2012:
This is a great hub Melbel! I am one of those people who believe that you can't be happy in a relationship unless you can be happy outside of one as well--
Richard Bivins from Charleston, SC on February 13, 2012:
I can say with all honesty, being single sucks!!! When I became single this past summer my first inclination was to try to fix whatever was wrong with me that ended my LTR. But after a few miserable months I came to realize that there was nothing wrong with me to 'fix.' I'm healthy, have a great career, great hobbies, great network of friends and family but now I find myself being too picky. I joined Match.com and go on dates at least once a week with someone new but I always find a reason not to go to the next level. I mean, a few of the women I've gone out with on a 2nd or 3rd date but then I start thinking long term and none of them have the qualities I want in a LTR. I want what I had but not with the woman I had it with so in some respects I have moved on. I'm far from perfect and I'm not looking for perfection but I think that I'm at a point where I shouldn't have to settle for less than what I'm willing to give. It may sound silly but all those great things you posted about being single were great, before, when I was single, but then you get a taste of what its like to be in a couple-hood and you would give anything to have that back. I would anyway.
daisynicolas from Alaska on February 13, 2012:
Being single can be enriching. Nobody is telling you what you cannot do and take on. There are so many groups like meetup groups that one can socialize with people and not think about looking for a partner, just have a good time chatting up and enjoying the moment,and come up in your own sanctuary that is peaceful and quiet.
Barry Rutherford from Queensland Australia on February 13, 2012:
I am single of course Great article voted ^
Tammy from North Carolina on February 13, 2012:
Great hub Melbel. I got divorced after a difficult 15 year marriage. I am in relationship now, but I struggle in it after being alone for the last 7 years. I like doing my own thing, going to bed when I want, not worrying about every calorie I eat, watching what I want to on tv, cleaning up after ME. I am a person who was perfectly happy being single and I understand your point of view. Great hub and well written!
Sooner28 on February 13, 2012:
Great article Melbel. I've been single for almost five years now, so this is just what I needed.
Raymond D Choiniere from USA on January 13, 2012:
Hey Melanie, I've been in a few relationships over the course of my life and I'll agree with you, no matter what relationship there's bound to be problems, stresses and arguments. Anyone who claims their relationship has been perfect throughout is a bold face liar or hiding something. At this present point I am single and I prefer to be single. It was heartbreaking my last relationship and didn't start off in the manner in which I prefer my relationships to start out. But that was a good many years ago and I've moved on since. Voted up! Useful and awesome. :)
Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on January 13, 2012:
Melanie Shebel (author) from Midwest, USA on January 24, 2011:
I'm glad you all enjoyed the article. Thank you for such wonderful comments!
amybradley77 on January 20, 2011:
Great advise here for us single people, I absolutely agree with it all too. Being single isn't all gloom, doom, and loneliness. No matter what some so called Happily married couples may think or say. You know, they may just say these things because they are envious secretly of the single lifestyle that they themselves no longer have. Very good page here!!! A.B.
tysanders from Atlanta, Ga on January 19, 2011:
ChilliWilly from Kaunas, Lithuania on January 18, 2011:
Very interesting hub :)
Hello, hello, from London, UK on January 17, 2011:
Great hub. It certainly is a better life.