Philosophical writer and YouTube creator covering the topics of simplicity, homemaking, and the romantic vintage lifestyle.
When couples are first married, they are motivated to stay fit, well groomed and be kind toward one another. After the first couple of years however, the responsibilities that go into running a household can wear on the spirit, unless mindful action takes place. For women this may manifest into ways that effect not only their outer beauty, but inner spirit as well. Learn how to stay attractive for your husband and add spark, while developing your inner lasting beauty and safeguarding your marriage.
Dress and Grooming in Marriage
I remember the first time I saw women out in public wearing patterned pajama pants. It was the year 2010 and I had recently moved to the mid-west. I was in shock to see women in slovenly disarray as they walked their children to school or shopped at the grocery store. Later I discovered this cultural phenomenon has moved across the states, lowering the bar for society.
"The first time I saw a young woman wearing PJs in public, I assumed she was mentally ill or homeless, or both. The flimsy cotton bottoms looked like they’d been lifted from the local hospital and were held up by a tattered drawstring. But she had enough money to order a venti Frappuccino at Starbucks and sit sipping it in her T-shirt and pajama bottoms at a suburban mall." -Wearing Pajamas in Public Tells the World, ‘I’m Lazy
We should take a tip from the women of the 1950s who at the very least would be dressed completely from head to toe. Presentable not only for their neighbors but put together nicely for their husbands. If women and men dressed in flourishing adornment during the Victorian era, we can at the very least, wear a sensible ensemble for the day. Pay attention to his tastes, yet keep true to your identity. This will keep you from placing him as an idol in your life, while making you appear more attractive. Dressing attractively will have the side benefit of increasing your self confidence. Being presentable on the outside with a beautiful spirit will make others enjoy your company and boost your professional reputation (including the career homemaker).
Quick Ways a Woman Can Protect Her Marriage
- Guard your heart, think only of your husband romantically
- Avoid viewing a film, TV show, or webpage image with the sole purpose of romantically admiring the appearance or personality of someone other than your spouse
- Make it a habit to eat lunch with female co-workers or alone (in the work place)
- Keep electronic devices with internet connection, out in the open for accountability
- Use discretion with social media and Facebook. Save chatting and relationship building for your family and female friends. Emotional intimacy is a dangerous road when shared with friends of the opposite sex
- Say "yes" to your husbands advances
- Follow your husbands lead
- Have a joyful spirit
- Show your husband respect
- Speak well of your husband to others
"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.........Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land." (excerpt from Proverbs 31, A Wife of Nobel Character)
Daydream About Your Husband and Guard Your Heart
Today many women validate the right to fantasize about other men while reading inappropriate romance novels or watching a film. If one lusts in their mind, they are cheating in their heart. This also reinforces a dissatisfaction with your spouse. Instead focus on those attributes which you find attractive in him and let them grow within your mind. Set an example by abstaining from chatter regarding male celebrities, which sadly has become culturally accepted within the church. Use wisdom when using social media sites such as Facebook. Reserve chatting and messaging for family and female friends. In the workplace try to have lunch with female peers. Protect your marriage by guarding your heart from crushes. Think only of "him". Create a haven that your husband will enjoy by minimizing conflict, following his lead and being his helpmate.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:27-28)
Direct your sexuality throughout the day into an emotional reservoir for your husband. Create romantic scenes about your spouse in your mind that you can reflect on periodically. Doing this very habit will naturally increase your desire to stay attractive for your husband and your responsiveness to his advances. If he needs to work on a few grooming or style habits to ignite your passion, gently make your requests known. Pray and wait on the Lord.
Quick Tips for Demonstrating Your Inner Beauty to Your Husband
- Smile and enjoy life. A negative spirit prematurely ages and poisons the body.
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)
- Serve as his helpmeet with enthusiasm!
"Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit forhim.” (Genesis 2:18)
- Be easy going
- Avoid nagging
"A foolish son is ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain." (Proverbs 19:13)
- See the good in others
- Refrain from gossip
"But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness" (2 Timothy 2:16)
Be Mysterious-Avoid Nagging and Have Your Own Interests
An air of mystery has allured husbands to their wives throughout the ages. Marriage poses the challenges that come in a shared domestic sphere and familiarity. So how does one stay mysterious, yet honest and transparent? Guarding your tongue, respecting your husband, busily working for the Lord and being serenely content are all part of a biblical lifestyle and work in creating a mysterious countenance.
This is challenging for many married women, because as women we are trying to get things squared away. Often a paper may be needed or project completed that specifically requires the husbands input or action. In this case it may be wise to write down the request in a loving tone. As a help-mate to husbands we can work as an executive administrative assistant to a respected CEO. We may also pray that God nudge them to act in his perfecting timing, if it be the Lords will.
"It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman." (Proverbs 25:24)
Note that having a "gentle and quiet" spirit makes a woman appear more attractive to her husband. You can't help but have an air of mystery if you live this out! Something is left to the imagination. This character trait has mistakenly been interpreted as being sheepish and wallflower-like.
"Your adornment must not be merely external-- braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:3-4)
Have Your Own Interests and Passion
You will not require as much attention when you are engrossed in your own interests and life purpose. Working toward a life goal will naturally make you glow with a joyful and vibrant spirit. When we are happier, well rested and content we have the reserves to serve those around us. Having a passionate goal puts spring in our step.
Always Be Available for Your Husband
You may be tired, have a headache, or feel distant because of a recent conflict, yet to protect your marriage it is wise to always be available. With a willing heart and mood setting preparation, once intimacy has begun, you may discover that your being has shifted responsively.
"Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1 Corinthians 7:5)
A romantic marriage is not dependent on a husband bringing flowers or fancy weekly dates. It is in the day to day interactions. A woman may be surprised by how much she can add to this by dressing beautifully, grooming, being respectful, enjoying life, thinking of him, and being responsive to his advances.
© 2015 Rain San Martin
Rain San Martin (author) from Fort Wayne on May 12, 2016:
Keeping up our own interests solves many challenges. It keeps us productive, sharp and not overly preoccupied with our spouse.
Nicole K on May 11, 2016:
I really like your advice in this hub. I especially agree with the parts about keeping an element of mystery about oneself, and maintaining one's own interests. I think when a woman just quietly pursues the Lord in all she does, while also keeping up with what excites and interests her, that is very desirable for a man. A woman who just insecurely looks to him for her happiness constantly and does not cultivate her own interests, appears boring and is also not acting wisely. I'm a very independent person, even though I do love to spend time with my husband as well. That's why I still pursue my interests in other areas such as making crafts, painting, blogging, writing short stories, and going out with friends. When my husband and I met, I was serving in the children's ministry at our church, and I'd like to get involved in serving in some capacity again soon, since I think that's really important, too. Seeing a wife engaged in other things makes a husband value her more, as she is showing that she is her own person.
adele bonge on April 30, 2015:
Firstly, I believe that we train those around us how to perceive us through non-verbal cues and we must be happy and confident in ourselves before we can expect acceptance or love from a mate. Confidence causes us to radiate inner joy and this is what truly is attractive to all people, friends, spouses, everyone we meet in life we attract to ourselves by our energy. Have you ever noticed that it's really a downer to be around someone who complains/manipulates you and is an energy leech? A confident woman will attract her man just by being her positive, non-judgemental, supportive, enthusiastic self.