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How Do You Identify Selfish Person Who Comes to You Only When He/She Needs You?

I am writing this article as a registered medical practitioner who is a fellow in the study of human behavior and psychology

Who Is a Selfish Person?

Selfish people are encountered on every day basis, some are well known & some are used to being exposed when their selfish motives are fulfilled by you. Then we in day-to-day life used to tag such people -as "Cheaters, Liars, Frauds, Cunning, Narcissist, Toxic Individual and so and so on, in general terms.

But matter of the fact that they are "selfish people" who lack emotional intelligence and thence lack -ability to perceive pain and agony of other caused by them. So, to be victim of such selfish people, if one learns how to identify selfish person in their vicinity, then one can easily avoid such person or save oneself from their well-planned traps and conspiracies. Otherwise, dealing consistently with "Selfish Person" can make your life miserable traumatic.

Some common traits of Selfish people, which can be seen in Selfish People ,

1-They just assume they’re nice people who care about their own happiness more than anything else.

2- They leave you any time, when you needed them most carelessly and intentionally walk over your life.

3- “Being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; Having no regard for the needs or feelings of others.”

5-Most of the time, they are "please-ers" and hide their dark side of personality & thinking very well.

6-They poke fun at you, even if it hurts you. Offensive talks of them are “just jokes”, and you’re a drama queen or “overreacting” and being “too emotional” if you took objection on their objectionable behavior.

7- They’ll guilt trip you when you don’t do what they want.

8-They never apologize. and even play to be "Victim" to cover up their wrong doings.

9-They never have long friendships that last or lounge with such friends who are same in nature /character/behavior patterns of "Selfishness".

10. They lack moral values.

11. They will never talk about themselves in detail when you ask

What Causes Someone To Be Selfish?

Clinical psychologists have revealed that there can be several reasons why someone may behave in a selfish manner.

Mainly those reasons are -

  1. Low IQ level
  2. Childhood problems
  3. refusal to take responsibility
  4. Hypercompetitive mindset
  5. Emotionally neglectful/Lack necessary emotional Intelligence
  6. Can't take criticism

It is seen that, People who are 'selfish' tend to have been raised in environments in which their feelings, thoughts, and needs weren't recognized or valued."1

Let's learn typical behavior patterns of selfish people step by step:-

Most Common Behavior Patterns of Selfish Person

1. Selfish People Are Very Good Manipulators

For a selfish person, all situations and relationships are about them. A manipulative person refers to someone who seeks to control people and circumstances just to achieve what they want. They might use emotional blackmail. Selfish people are skilled manipulators by instinct and continuously keep manipulating facts, figures and circumstances to favor their ulterior motive till no end

Manipulation is a scary thing because it is not something that people are born with. It’s developed over time and is practiced. If there are selfish people in your life who are trying to manipulate you, then you simply have to learn to save yourself from all evils of selfish person existing around you and ready to sting you to fulfill his/her selfish motives.

Selfish People Do Not Show Weakness Or Vulnerability

Selfish People Lot To Hide As They Have Lot To Conspire & Scheme Against You

Selfish People Lot To Hide As They Have Lot To Conspire & Scheme Against You

2. Selfish people are uncaring towards others

Selfish people are uncaring and neglectful to other people’s needs and emotions.If you open up your emotions to them, they may try to manipulate you to get what they want or make you feel guilty. According to Timothy J. Legg, Ph.D., CRNP in Health Line, if you’re upset, an emotionally manipulative person may try to make you feel guilty for your feelings.2

If you are caught with such type of person ,then you should not rely on them. Rather, you must put yourself & your needs for first & deal the matter very judiciously with such -selfish person.

3. Selfish person plot and scheme against you

This is particularly the case of selfish person carrying narcissists traits.As,selfish people are manipulative and they’re looking to get something out of you for their own benefit. So scheming and conspiring are their inherit nature , which allows and facilitate selfish person to manipulate others to ensure fulfillment of their selfish motives.

So when all this unexpected start happening around you due to presence of -selfish person ,don’t be surprised and do what you can to get back control of the situation & circumstances by exposing truth and presenting right fact and figures , rather than keep --running counter allegations on others, without loosing your patience.

How Selfish Person Manipulates & Conspire To Save One's Ulterior Motives ,Here A Selfish Woman Is Shown, Forcing Illegitimate Lover To Kill Husband

4. Selfish person is conceited and self-centered

The way selfish people think is that they want to be put first. However, they are not satisfied with being the priority. They also want to put you down.Ever met someone who insists that everything they say is of relevance and everything that you say is not? That is a classic example of a selfish person.If someone is both totally self-involved and uncaring about anyone else, they are not likely to be very responsive to you in any way other than evaluating how you meet their needs.2

The way in which to deal with this, is to simply start ignoring selfish person to let him/her be known that you know all tricks of his/her selfish nature already.

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Selfish People Believe They Deserve Everything

Entire Universe is existing only for myself

Entire Universe is existing only for myself

5. Selfish person finds sharing, caring and giving difficult

Caring, sharing, and giving are not easy things for them to do and those actions will show through in this situation. If they offer you something. then they will want something in exchange. Hey will also want to let their "grand Gesture of Sharing & Caring " be known to everyone so that they are praised for its & later they can start En-chasing their - Good Deeds.
For example - Black Money Holders, to evade taxes, are used to run - lot of show off of charity to own trusts and institutions, which they have opened by themselves to evade the taxes - this happens every corner of world.

If you are caught in -fake sharing & caring trap of selfish person, then, just turn off your attention from so called gesture of goodwill of selfish person and don’t praise selfish person for it. This will help to let selfish people know that you are already aware about his/her selfish nature and not going to fall in his/her trap in any future.

6. Selfish person put own's goals ahead of other people

Selfish people need other people, and that’s why they’re always violating boundaries.” Because of their way of thinking, they expect other people to do things for them. When you see that this is happening, do not let such person have what they want.

It’s all about control & deniability , so do not provide free opportunity to selfish person to let you use for his/her own purpose So in short learn to say "No" to selfish person without any leniency & mercy.

7. Selfish people do not show weakness or vulnerability

Selfish people do not do anything for free. They have the fear of trying something and feeling that the action doesn’t actually help or serve much of a purpose.Selfish people are scared to show weakness. They think that by helping other people, he or she is demonstrating weakness or internal insecurity.

Selfish person due to lack of emotional intelligence , do not realize that everyone has weaknesses, including him/her. These weaknesses are what make all of us human but for selfish person ,he or she thinks that ,he or she is above all else and next example of perfection.

Facing Sure Death Selfish & Lunatic Sergant Obidah Is Not Ready To Accept One's Fate And Human Weakness

8. Selfish person don’t accept constructive criticism

People who are selfish cannot and will not accept constructive criticism. Their huge egos just can’t process that constructive criticism is for their own good. And reason behind present of -Huge Ego in selfish person is - lack of Emotional Intelligence & Abstract Intelligence.When criticized, selfish person show woefully incapable of retaining any emotional poise, or receptivity.3

Any constructive criticism , only force selfish person to think that you are attempting to devalue their (low quality) work and their (unfounded )potential. This situation will always end up with the selfish person defending themselves.

But to get rid of selfish evil plans of selfish person , there is need to slap truth on the face of selfish person ,on each and every time to kick out all selfish evil plans of Selfish person on immediate basis.

9. Selfish person believe they deserve everything

Being selfish is not only characterized with Egocentrism but also with False sense of entitlement for oneself. -this happens with selfish person due to lack of -Emotional & Abstract Intelligence

A selfish person has a firm belief that he or she is perfect & you must offer them perfection too. Selfish Person believe that they will always be successful because they are who they are.

This type of selfish behavior is practiced by selfish person against those people/innocent victim who are working under him/her.

So, it is always better to get rid of such Selfish Person, and his unimaginable perception of Perfection in each and every thing. If one is ready to quit the job against such selfish boss at workplace, then one must not hesitate to do so to protect one's mental health and over all wellbeing.

10. Selfish people do not listen to those who do not agree with them

Selfish person is always to busy talking about oneself & won’t stop talking about oneself only & won’t engage in conversation about you.4

When you say something to a selfish person, even if it’s constructive, will be taken against you by selfish person for no reason. Selfish person thinks that you are his/her enemy and you do not deserve respect or attention.- This happens due to basically - Low IQ level and Low Emotional Intelligence of selfish person.

Otherwise ,for sane and normal person ,criticism is good because it lets you learn from the opinions of others. But a selfish person has no time to broaden one’s horizons and grow.

Selfish People Criticize Others Behind Their Backs, & Run Self Suitable Conspiracies

Conspiring women

Conspiring women

11. Selfish person criticize and defame others behind their backs and used to gang up against their targets/victims

Selfish person due to sense of insecurity, prefer to pass easy judgments for their victims/targets behind their backs. Deep down, selfish person fear that they are not right and will pass this judgment to others, from a distance. To do this, selfish people are used to ganging up and running unimaginable levels of conspiracies against their innocent victims.

Selfish person do so , believing that he or she is better than other people, and it is also be done by selfish person to enhance show off of one's unfounded “power and status.”

When such -gang up Selfish people be encountered then there is need to take stand against such criminally motivated gang , otherwise such gang of selfish people can literally create havoc at work place or in your surrounding & daily life.

12. Selfish person is used to boasting of his/her unfounded achievements

One of the most objectionable personality trait is - selfish people is their lack of humility.

Humility, considered as a precious human virtue, is needed for us to grow as a mature and competent person and turn oneself into most valuable person of society.

But selfish person with his/her Low IQ level & High ego will always look for ways to stand out and exaggerate their achievements, so that selfish person can influence others and can seek fulfillment of his evil selfish motives.

So one must be always alerted for such -- boastful personal -around oneself, who are used to claim unfounded achievements for oneself to not to be victim of such selfish person.

13. Selfish person is scared of public failure

Selfish person cannot think of his/her failure. When selfish person fails, then he/she will either run away from the situation or blame others for own in-competencies and in-capabilities.

However, when such selfish person get opportunity to witness failure of others then he/she don’t think twice about giving out severe criticism to others.

Most of the time, they are the first ones to tell you that you “should’ve seen that coming or you must be enough competent to do this or you must be knowing your limits.”

14. Selfish person dominates others

According to Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., MFT, “Many narcissists pursue a win-at-all-costs, anything-goes approach.”5

This is one characteristic of a selfish person – they wrap you around their fingers and it’s pretty hard to break loose as selfish people are blind to your pains and sufferings. Thence, victims of selfish people end up losing confidence, one's mental health and overall wellbeing.

If you are trapped with such a selfish person or gang of selfish people then, turn the table around and do not lose your personality. If they can’t take your assertiveness and truthfulness then, they will walk out of your life on their own.

It is always better having no friends than having friendship of crooked minded, selfish people

Selfish People Are Blind For Pains & Sufferings Of Other

No Empathy

No Empathy

The Hidden Mystery Behind Your Radio Silence Can Speak Volumes.

While a full-on ghosting is generally bad relationship practice, Bobby says it's possible to "assist" a selfish person in examining their own behavior by reigning in the time and energy you spend on them. But don't expect overnight results, and change will only happen if they want it to.

"It's normal and natural to not want to spend as much time with someone who is self-centered and a poor listener," she says. "Over time, they may notice that they don't have that many friends, or have short-lived relationships, aren't advancing in their careers, or often feel lonely and disconnected. They may start to feel bad about that, and wonder why." A lot of self-reflection and a good therapist can work wonders, but it has to be their choice.

How To Handle Selfish People, When Encountered

Help such selfish people, but while helping them, always keep them remembering that they have approached you only for seeking your help in their bad times or for their ulterior motives, and You are doing “charity on them” by helping them, even after knowing their all-true colors of selfishness.

This helps you in 3 ways to win over such -opportunistic, selfish people/friends/relatives

1st — You get the opportunity to punish such selfish person, by introducing the idea of guilt in his/her minds

2nd - Such selfish person will come to know that other people are not fools who are helping them and already know well about them & their true selfish nature

3rd -It will protect you from getting blamed that, you didn't help a person, who was running & dependent for your help

(Selfish people, for not helping them are always used to -defame others in society to bring bad name on other's social image as per their personality traits.

This further helps Selfish -Person, to justify his/her -selfish nature and behavior -to others in day-to-day life & to seek new victim & new target)

So while helping such person who is coming towards you only for seeking help in his/her bad times, but make him/her to remember that —you are knowing all of his/her selfish mindset from outside to inside, in details before helping them.


Selfish people cause pain to the people around them. They shatter hearts and cause problems for anyone. Selfishness comes with immaturity. Most you can do, is to let them stop controlling you to give them silent lesson that selfish person is committing wrong.

Selfish people need to know that he or she cannot control you. Hopefully, selfish person will get the hint and go away Or at least will realize his foolish mindset of selfishness.

Details on how to deal with selfish person , will be discussed in next article: -




This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2021 Dr Nilesh Jaybhaye

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