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15 Ways to Stop Thinking About Someone You Love a Lot

I've been through too many failed relationships and finally found the one. I enjoy writing about relationships and spiritual connection.

When You Are Faced with a Rejection in a Relationship

My teenage stepson came back home absolutely crestfallen and remained this way for a couple of days. I did not want to enter into his personal space unless he wants me to so I asked him for permission to understand his situation. Eventually, he shared and I found out that he was rejected by a girl he liked so much that she is just going around his head nonstop. My heart reached out to him and I recalled the younger times I had such an experience.

To all Moms Out There

I know it is hard for us to connect with our teenagers and sometimes they simply shut us out. I find it is of utmost importance to share our experience with them as we went through this heart-wrenching phase as teenagers ourselves. While it's good to throw them at the deep end to learn quickly, it is also good to equip them with some skills so that they can apply them when they are at the deep end. Make an effort to do so and when your child understands the workings of building a relationship, they can be prepared to navigate it on their own.

To All Who Are Figuring Relationship Rejection Out

You are not alone. While I am speaking as a mother to my stepson, relationship rejection affects everyone, young, old, teenagers, adults, introverts, extroverts. Don't hold all the emotions to yourself. It is okay to share with people who are close to you. Of course, not to overshare (read #10) but it's good to release some of the pressure and have space to allow yourself to heal.

15 Ways to Stop Thinking About Someone You Love a Lot

I will mention that person as "them" or "that someone" and stop adding as "someone you love a lot". I know that person means the world to you now but hear me out in the next 15 ways as to why I cease the sentence.

I present 15 ways to stop thinking about that person in 3 aspects: Mental, Active, and Spiritually. Hope what I have learned from my life can help you step out of the vicious cycle of thinking about your lost love.


Mental Strategies

These are strategies to help you manage your mental state, especially at the earlier stage when your mind is overloaded with recurring thoughts of that person.


1. Accept What Happened

Denial will make things much worse. There’s no need to act as if they never existed or pretend like you don’t miss them. Instead, concentrate on moving forward by accepting what happened. When you accept what happened, you will be able to stop thinking about that someone and move on with your life.

2. Be Sad And You Will Let Go of Your Sadness

It is absolutely okay to be sad and to hang on to your sadness for a while. It's just how we process our sadness. Give yourself some time and a couple of weeks. There will be a point whereby your body will be able to process and recover from the sadness. However, if you repress your sadness by not expressing it, this sadness will lurk around the shadows. With no room to express itself, there is a high chance this sadness will keep ruining your day.

3. Remind Yourself That They Are Not Perfect

It's typical human behavior to desire the things we don't have. I'm sure you have experienced that even as a child? When your parents did not buy you that toy you eyed, you throw a tantrum, you cried, screamed, and at that moment, that was the BEST toy that's around, that was the ONLY toy you wanted in your entire life. What happens next? You moved on, saw another toy, and fell in love once again.

Relationships are similar. Lessen that desirability of the person by reminding yourself that they are not perfect. They are also human with flaws similar to you. Instead, appreciate the beauty of your surroundings and other supportive people around you.


4. Accept the Fact that They Didn’t Want You in Their Life

Help yourself to remember the fact that they didn't want you in their life, and that it's their misfortune! You deserve much better than to begin thinking about someone who doesn’t even care about you. Make it look like they were the ones who missed such an amazing person like you in their life.

5. Respect Yourself

Low confidence and an absence of respect for yourself are normal after facing any rejection. There will be failures at many points in our lives. It is important to not be embarrassed about failure or rejection. Embrace the experience and continue to strive toward a new path.

Active Strategies

These are strategies that you can act on to minimalize and expedite your healing process from a rejection. Some might be rather controversial but it has worked well in healing my rejection wounds. There's really no harm trying them out!


6. Stay Away from that Someone on Social Platform

This sounds petty but given the connectivity we have today, it is hard to avoid getting triggered by the social events of that person even when you are not physically around the person.

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For you to stop thinking about that someone, you need to deliberately stay away from them on social media. Social media can be a tempting spot that gets you to see what they are up to in their life. It serves no purpose except more pain and you just need to avoid it. Don’t read their status or view their pictures; temporarily block the person or quickly scroll down and see other things. If you think you cannot do without checking on them daily on social platforms, why not delete or block them from your profile? When you keep reading their posts, you will get tied to them and continue to think about them.

7. Dispose Stuff that Was Given by or Get Reminded of That Person

It will be difficult to get over somebody if you continue helping yourself to remember the experiences that you had with the person. For you to stop thinking about that someone, you need to dispose of the stuff given by or even reminds you of the person. Immediately after getting rid of these things, you will have that sense of renewal to move ahead.


8. Create a Distraction

In a situation where you can't stop thinking about that someone, what you can do is find someone else, like a pop group or a thing, like picking up on long manga series to obsess over. Divert your attention from them by thinking about the new person or thing and soon even, you will stop thinking about that person.

9. Stay Active Even When You Don't Want To

Do you realize that a person who sits there without doing anything will end up getting nothing? Don’t sit and think about that person all day. Take part in any activity, your new distraction, walk, cook, help your parents to do a new paint job.. you will have less time thinking about that person, and in the long run, you build better relationship or new skills!


10. Stop Discussing about Them

You can definitely share your woes with your close friends and family but not talk about your situation all day. Even if your friends were to bring the discussion up, hit it down by being firm on not participating in the conversation. Respectful friends will stop talking about the topic when they know you are serious about not talking about it. Walk away if you have to. The worst scenario is to spread rumors about that person. You will be filled with jealousy and anger that will not help in getting over the person.

11. Avoid Romantic Movies and Books

Watching romantic movies will only add to your sadness, especially when you still think about that someone. Watch funny movies, comedy shows.. anything else except romance. Oh yes, this includes books.

12. Have a Change in Your Environment

Why not put aside these recurring thoughts and visit new places with your friend or family? Build new and joyful experience to overwrite the old thoughts.


Spiritual Strategies

These are strategies that you can try out in the middle or towards the end of your healing process to strengthen your spiritual aspect.


13. Forgive

Forgiving is a very important aspect of learning how to stop thinking about that someone. Forgiving someone is a step to moving forward in your life. You will overlook the sad experiences that the individual brought into your life and in this way, you will welcome another happy life instead.

14. Focus

Another spiritual strategy is to focus. Concentrate on the present, the goodness that you already have and have been blessed with.

Focusing on the critical things that will enhance your life consistently. Set a new goal and realize that the future holds something good for you.

15. Meditate

If meditation is your thing, do it more often. If you are new to meditation, try it out. Meditation will help in calming your brain down and let you concentrate on the present. You will feel better and this will save you from those stressful thoughts.



Apply any of the above actions to stop thinking about that someone. There is no need to use all, just use the ones that connect well with you. Accept that this experience is set by the universe to make you grow and become wiser. When you look back, you will reflect that this somewhat unpleasant experience had a positive outcome after all. Meanwhile, stay strong and confident in yourself. It is a matter of time you will get out of this emotional roller coaster soon.

© 2021 Muriel B Tewes

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