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How to Stop Being Needy: The Lean Back

Stop The Clingy Behavior via Text Messages

  1. Do not reply to his texts so quickly, but don’t ignore him for days either. There is a clear difference between leaving some space between him and you and ignoring him until he gets a feeling you don’t like him anymore.
  2. Make sure you are not always initiating communication. Wait for him to text first most of the time.
  3. Don’t be available every time he calls, or asks what you are doing, and don’t accept any late night visits.
  4. When you text him, watch what you say and don’t seem so forward and needy. If you feel like you can’t help it, don’t text!
  5. If you are feeling you need attention from him, find something else to do and put down that phone. Watch some TV, or read a book. Spending time with friends is a great way to spend less time worrying about him trying to get in touch with you.

How To Stop Being Needy In Relationships

As women, most of us have been there. Being told we are “too needy”. There really isn’t anything wrong with needing some attention, especially from our boyfriends. I have been there myself, many times. I always wondered, why do men keep losing interest in me? I soon realized, that I am just being needy, trying to move to fast. This scares men away, quite often. Being forward is not a woman’s job, and makes her seem almost aggressive. The man loves the chase, and when we, the women are doing the chasing, it makes him want to run for the hills. This is especially true for men of the alpha male kind. More feminine men will likely let you take manly roles, and be ok with it because they are taking the woman role at times. However, if you want a man that’s manly, you have to give that feminine energy he needs to pull him to you. That means no constant messaging him, or calling him. That doesn’t mean that you have to just avoid him all the time. While ignoring a guy can work temporarily, it is not a solution to keep a man interested in you.

Clingy and Needy


Go Right To The Source

We are needy for a reason, usually something from our past or childhood has made us this way. Did you have abandonment issues as a child with your parents? Did an ex-boyfriend cheat on you, or leave you for someone else? When someone has hurt you like this in the past, it makes you very worried and anxious that everyone will, and therefore it can cause you to be needy. When we understand WHY we are needy, we can stop being that way and focus on ourselves. Talking to someone a lot, and being on their case would not stop that from happening, and they are less likely to move on from you if you are giving them space.

Keeping Him Into You

How do you keep a guy interested? He has to feel curious about you, you have to be mysterious. When he knows you are always all over him, he is going to get sick of you. He also knows what you spend your time doing, rather than having to wonder. I wish I could say that if a man really cares, he wouldn’t lose interest. However, the truth is even as women, we would get sick of men that did this too. Personally, whenever I met a man that was TOO clingy, and seemed almost obsessed he got old very fast. We have to show we don’t need a guy, and when we act clingy and too needy, it appears that we do. You may not actually be desperate, but when you act needy it can seem to that way to a man. This is a big turn off for guys, and a lot of women as well.

Have Guys Lost Interest Many Times Before?

Lean Back!

The lean back is pretty simple and once you get used to doing it, it will come as second nature to you. If we go charging at a man for attention, all he will do is run or start avoiding us eventually. In this day and age, the main ways of communicating have become texting and social networks. Many guys do not even use the phone anymore. This is why it is so important to not be texting him constantly, and expecting him to answer every minute afterwards. We want him to want us, not to be annoyed. When we lean back, we are giving him natural space. Not because he asked for it, but because we are showing that we aren’t dependent on him and leave him guessing why we aren’t always texting him. The key is to not always text him, once you start avoiding texting him constantly it starts becoming a habit. He will start texting you and the pace will be changed. You may hear from him less, but when you do hear from him he is very eager for you. The greatest part about this, is that you get more attention than you would be getting if you were being needy and you feel special because he is the one reaching out to you. He will be doing the man’s job, by courting YOU.


masoom82 on April 11, 2020:

I agree.. i left my husband thinking I would be happier with someone else- he was faithful but our parenting beliefs separated us —- he ended up divorcing me— then we decided to reconcile but I was too emotional and he slept with someone else—betrayed me- anyways I’m trying to trust again— I believe if he asked to work it out again— put a location sharing app and is somewhat trying — I will take the risk and try to trust him again

I love him—- and if he didn’t love me or want this to work then he wouldn’t be here asking me to stay

dashingscorpio from Chicago on March 15, 2019:

If you are "clingy/needy" find a mate who is the same as you!

If you can't be yourself then he's not "the one".

Back in the 1990s Gary Chapman wrote a book titled:

The Five Love Languages

You basically have two options and they are finding someone who (naturally) expresses love the way you want/need or find someone willing to make the effort to express love as you need.

If someone believes you're worth the effort they'll make the effort.

There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

The choice is up to you. Suffering is optional.

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

Mylife2018 on February 03, 2019:

I believe this...and have experienced it....I am a warm fuzzy...he is an enigma … feels like a game...but I play it..I am not interested in I feel its okay...

Anon on December 12, 2017:

Lost me at keeping him interested. I'm good at leaning back and creating curiosity, it's called buh-bye. Harder to care to come back.

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