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5 Secrets From Nietzsche to Make a Relationship Last

Ravi loves writing within the cusp of relationships, intimacy, and well-being, where boundaries are blurred and possibilities are immense.

According to the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, friendship is the highest form of love and is an essential ingredient to succeed in love. This article talks about some secrets advocated by the philosopher to make any relationship last,

According to the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, friendship is the highest form of love and is an essential ingredient to succeed in love. This article talks about some secrets advocated by the philosopher to make any relationship last,

The Madness of the Gods

The ancient Greeks were bang on target when they described love as “the madness of the Gods.”

And this quest for romantic love is one of the most primitive and powerful urges we have had since time immemorial. But in this quest for love, we often end up mixing the emotions of “falling in love” with actually “loving someone”.

For someone who has fallen in love, you know the feeling, fluttering heart, excitement at seeing the person, and non-stop thoughts about being together. Love is like a high — thrilling and exhilarating, making everything else in life seem irrationally wonderful. Love brings color to your life and everything seems so heavenly and bliss.

“Loving someone” actually is a different ball game altogether.

Loving someone, on the other hand, goes beyond physical presence. You desire to see them grow, you see past their flaws, you see opportunities of building with each other and together; you motivate, encourage, and inspire one another. You do not have to second-guess or ask before you step in to do so. Loving someone requires 100 percent commitment on your part.

And this selfless, giving-without-expecting relationship is the key to being successful in love. Now the pertinent question comes, how to achieve this true selfless love?

According to the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, Friendship is the highest form of love because great friends inspire each other and can even push each other to achieve their peak potential.

Nietzsche saw friendship as the essential ingredient to succeed in love. Relationships based on “love at first sight” stemming from sex or lust creates complications and the romantic feelings originating from such relationships are unlikely to last a lifetime. Nietzsche teaches us the following secrets to make your relationship last a lifetime.

1. Don’t fall in love for physical thingies
2. Never promise everlasting love
3. Make it work
4. Let him/her suffer
5. Be his/her best friend

Don’t Fall in Love for Physical Thingies

Don’t Fall in Love for Physical Thingies

1. Don't Fall in Love for Physical Thingies

Before walking down, the aisle, Nietzsche advises the lovers to ask themselves this question,

“Do you believe you are going to enjoy talking with this woman up into your old age? Everything else (perfect looks,6 packs, perfect pout, Smokey eyes) is transitory, as most of the time you are together will be devoted to conversation”.

For Nietzsche, a relationship based only on physical attraction is on shaky ground because it is fleeting. As he says,

“Sensuality often makes love grow too quickly so that the root remains weak and is easy to pull out”

Thus "being interested" in each other is more important than "being attracted" to each other to sustain any relationship. This interest is the only sustainable factor that survives till old age.

2. Never Promise Everlasting Love

This s a blatant lie that stems from “falling in love” blindly.

Love, like any other feeling, is not within the individual’s power. Nietzsche argues that,

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"Love is a feeling; feelings are involuntary, and a promise cannot be made based on something that one has no control over."

Instead, Nietzsche advocates promising actions. In a loving relationship, actions are the consequences of love. Nietzsche recommends saying something along these lines,

“For as long as I love you, I shall render to you the actions of love; if I cease to love you, you will continue to receive the same actions from me, without any motive or intention”

Thus, in a nutshell, don’t promise a feeling (love) that you cannot control leading to disappointments and heartburn. Instead, promise an action (for example, I will take care of your health, I will involve you in every decision, etc) which you can show and do and prove your commitment. This commitment puts your love on a strong and sure footing.

3. Make It Work

Only time can make your relationship stronger. Rushing amorously is always a disaster.

Nietzsche argues that people rush amorously into relationships and, when it goes wrong, it causes the couple as well as everyone around them a great deal of aggravation. Just be honest, urges Nietzsche as he says,

“We love each other: let us see to it that we stay in love! Or shall our promise be a mistake?”

Starting with low expectations and building on the temp not only makes the root strong but also amalgamates the multiple facets of the couple (behavior, likes, dislikes, peeves, etc.) into a common whole which needs some time and effort from both sides. As the years go by, your relationship can withstand a lot more and can absorb any number of upheavals successfully without breaking.

4. Let Him/Her Suffer

One of the biggest mistakes made in any relationship is the removal of obstacles.

You don't want to see him or her suffer and try to make life easier by removing obstacles. This creates frustration and robs the sense of individuality. Constantly overcoming obstacles and challenges in life, proves the strength of character and could bring the greatest rewards and creativity. Nietzsche says,

“You must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame: how could you become new, if you had not first become ashes?”

Don't let your relationship invade the creative spirit of the individual. Because when that happens, the relationship enters into resistance mode and starts to drift away. Advise by all means but let him/her fight their own battle.

5. Be His/Her Best Friend

One of the biggest mistakes made in any relationship is the removal of obstacles.

For Nietzsche, friendship is the ultimate ideal of love. He admires the ancient Greek ideal of friendship and agreed with Aristotle that great friends could inspire each other.

This kind of friendship is neither about mutual benefit nor based on pleasure and enjoyment. While a great friendship may include all these elements, the key difference is that great friends help one another to become better people through a shared higher thirst for an ideal above them.

Yet being a great friend is not an easy task. The best teachers are the harshest critics and should be wary of being too sympathetic toward their friends. Nietzsche says,

“Let your pity for your friend conceal itself under a hard shell”

Friends do not unquestioningly uphold, reinforce and echo our attitudes but provide new perspectives and interrogate our presuppositions. Indeed, sometimes great friends must be so ruthless in exposing the truth that they are also the biggest enemies.

The best kind of love propels us to be the best kind of person we can be. This love needs selfless friendship to bring out the best in the couple.

Love is much more than chemistry exchanged between two people in a bar. Love is deep. Love is commitment. Love is selfless. Love is costly. Love is a choice.

Love is much more than chemistry exchanged between two people in a bar. Love is deep. Love is commitment. Love is selfless. Love is costly. Love is a choice.

Concluding Thoughts

Love is much more than chemistry exchanged between two people in a bar. Love is deep. Love is commitment. Love is selfless. Love is costly. Love is a choice.

Love is a game of chess that needs to be played keeping the long-term perspective. Anybody can fall in love, but more meaningful is when we choose to stay in love.

As Friedrich Nietzsche has rightly said.

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”

Sources

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2022 Ravi Rajan

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